Last night we were treated to not one, but two all-new episodes of 30 Rock. Hooray! In lieu of your traditional 3o Rock recap, I’ve opted to present you with the top 10 lines from both “People Are Idiots Three” and “The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell.” Try not to be too upset, and just focus on the gems that the 30 Rock writers give us each week.
“People Are Idiots Three” was a continuation of last week’s “People Are Idiots Two.” Tracy was leading the idiot movement with Denise Richards, and Liz was tasked with cleaning up the mess. Lemon was still worried about Jack’s disapproval of Criss — Jack will always be in her head. But in the end, Mr. Donaghy gave Criss a three-month probationary approval after he saw how happy the pair was together. Meanwhile, Will Arnett’s Devon Banks returned and blackmailed Jack into getting his triplet gaybies into the most prestigious preschool. Jack pulled all his strings, which means Liddy will probably have to attend public school. The horror!! But she’s still the smartest toddler around, and is going to be way cooler than Banks’ gaybies. Over in crazy town, Jenna, Kenneth, and Kelsey Grammer were busy making sure they weren’t blamed for Pete getting mercury poisoning. Thankfully, Grammer’s one-man Abraham Lincoln production distracted the rest of studio 6H. Nothing like a fake Honest Abe to save the day. And now for the top 10 lines, because we’re all idiots three!
“They’re still mad? We sent Elton and David a honey-baked ham. What more do they want?” —Jack surprised that the gay community is still mad after Tracy’s homophobic comments
“How fresh is that dog? Yesterday it was the face, feet, and colon of a pig!” —Criss on his perfected hot dog recipe
“If you think those are doing anything to seal in freshness, you are living in a fantasy world, pal!” —Liz explaining to Criss why she doesn’t use the tab closures on cereal boxes
Devon: “That little Tracy Jordan gem I leaked last night was just the tip of the iceberg, Jack, and NBC is the Titanic.”
Jack: “The highest grossing movie of all time?”
Devon: “The boat. Not the movie! The boat!”
“The National Association for Zero Intolerance, or NAZI…we should change that…we are outraged that the American bigot Liz Lemon has made no effort to reach out to us.” —Tracy speaking on behalf of NAZI
“My ringtone is the chicken dance! If I answer it I can’t hear the whole song.” —Tracy on why he hasn’t answered any of Liz’s phone calls
“You can’t tear up my checks, Criss. They’re printed on Nixon’s old bed sheets.” —Jack, whose checks just keep getting better
“And that’s why I’m so thrilled to introduce NBC’s new mascot, Magellica the Unicorn.” —Jack, announcing NBC’s new mascot to please Kathy Geiss
“Idiots aren’t just strippers or stay at home moms. Idiots are all around us!” —Tracy
This speech courtesy of Liz and the idiots: “Wazzup. Yeah baby. I’m here today to apologize for my earlier comments. I used an offensive term to describe a group of people who made America the great continent that it is today. These kickass people have given the world countless bodacious things like the birther movement, intelligent design, water parks…No. I will not endorse water parks. They are a cesspool of disease, and people boo you when you walk back down the stairs!”
NEXT PAGE: The best of “The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell”