One of my favorite holiday movies is the 1990 home security comedy Home Alone. Does anyone better embody the spirit of Christmas than Polka King of the Midwest John Candy as he offers Catherine O’Hara a ride in the back of a van from Scranton to Chicago? You gotta love the Kenosha Kickers! (I never appreciated them at the time; now I think they’re one of the most brilliant parts of the whole movie.) Also, sometimes when I see “Merry Christmas” emblazoned on something, I hear those words as spoken softly by Old Man Marley in the sad church scene. You’d think I’d imagine them as spoken by Santa, or my parents or something — but nope, it’s the scary snow-shoveling neighbor from Home Alone. Whatever works!
I’ve recently been wondering what Kevin McCallister might have made of himself. Crafty little freak, that one. He’d be a thriving, well-fed, hopefully non-vampiric 29-year-old today. On which of his many talents — interior design, trickery, sabotage, coupon-clipping — would Kevin choose to capitalize? Would he get his own OWN program following the cancellation of The Nate Berkus Show? Would he and his monogrammed backpack resurface on TLC’s Extreme Couponers? Would he become an all-grown-up spokesperson for aftershave? The founder of an institute for infectious “you’re such a” disease research? The possibilities are as endless as Kevin’s quest to reach Buzz’s tarantula on the stairs to the third floor.
I’ve listed some career options below — vote or suggest your own!
Does anyone else think “I’m totally pulling a Kevin McCallister” when they order an entire pizza or three to eat at home by themselves? Get out of my head, Macaulay Culkin!