Harold Camping schedules Rapture for today. Ten reasons it might still happen.

Harold_Camping

Image Credit: Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP Images

Remember back in May when Harold Camping predicted the world would end… but it didn’t and God cruelly made us stick around long enough to see this? Well, Camping admitted he was wrong and rescheduled the Rapture for today, Oct. 21. I’ve been stuck in my windowless office all day, so I can’t tell whether or not lava is flowing, lightning is striking, and monkeys with wings are flying in the skies. (Isn’t that what happens during the Rapture? No? That’s just Wizard of Oz?) But, still, I believe. Mostly because I want to hang out with a cute terrier. (That’s still Wizard of Oz? God, I should have gone to church more often.) But here, I give you, 10 reasons I think the Rapture might actually happen today. Hold tight:

1. Kim Kardashian’s birthday. Duh.

2. Brought to you by the gospel of T-shirt Time: Jersey Shore‘s season finale ratings down for the first time ever?! Perhaps Situation devotees were simply the first beamed up? Now, that’s a situation. (And that’s a joke brought to you by 2009.)

3. I just got my iPhone 4S, and God has enough of a sense of humor to only allow me to play with it for one day. (For the record, I asked Siri if the rapture would happen today. She responded, “I don’t know what you mean by ‘Will the rapture happen today.’” That’s a suspiciously shifty response, Siri. She’s in on it, guys.)

4. Herman Cain has been preparing heathens with his 9-9-9 plan… which spells 6-6-6 upside-down! Twist!

5. Easy one: Earthquake.

6. Cruelest fate for those of us left behind? Having to listen to quirky New Girl Zooey Deschanel quirkily warble through a quirky rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” during the quirky World Series Sunday. Did I say quirky? I meant boring. Come on, God, can’t you make this last World Series a good one?

7. Charlie’s Angels have been freed from their former post in time to report to another omniscient being.

8. And, also, Joey Lawrence prepared to be one of God’s warriors.

9. God simply doesn’t have it in his heart to subject us to Jack and Jill. (Or very much disapproves of my plan to watch it opening night with more libations that Heaven could hold.)

10. Surely, something godly had to be responsible for this.

Follow Kate on Twitter @KateWardEW

Read more:
It’s the end of the world as we know it (again) and we feel fine (again): Sorry, Harold Camping!
Preacher Harold Camping apologizes for lack of apocalypse, reschedules Rapture for Kim Kardashian’s birthday
Judgment Day: Hunker down for the looming apocalypse with these ‘instructional’ movies

Comments (137 total) Add your comment
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  • Laura W

    It didn’t happen, its already the 22nd in the NZ. First by the way!!

    • Go…

      die.

      • Go…

        Not YOU Laura—this Camping moron.

      • freddy

        I think this moron is trying to predict his OWN death

      • abadstroller

        Dude looks rough….

      • Asma

        The very crux of your writing while aparneipg agreeable at first, did not sit perfectly with me after some time. Somewhere throughout the paragraphs you actually were able to create us a believer unfortunately only for the short while. I nevertheless have a problem with your leaps in assumptions and you would do well to fill in those breaks. In the event you actually can accomplish this, I will certainly end up being amazed.

    • Brett

      Someone godly IS responsible for the end to the Iraq war. George W. Bush. Troops are being withdrawn on his timeline.

      • g

        I suppose Bush can be thought of as godly, after all, because of him, over the last decade, heaven has been stocked with fresh souls that it normally wouldn’t have, so uh, yay for him I guess.

      • ger

        g, that was awesome. And sad.

      • Shawn

        I’ve never had much belief or faith in either.

    • abadstroller

      All bow down to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. May the Pasta be with you….

      • hf

        Ah, a fellow Pastafarian, I too have been touched by his noodly appendage. Remember, His noodly goodness is everywhere…and He is watching.

  • The Hypnotoad

    This is (well one of) the reason the rest of the world laughs at you.

  • GaysWithOpinions

    I think someone should punch this guy in the face.

  • scott

    The agenda of The Great Deceiver, Satan, has always been to discredit The Almighty in the eyes of man, by twisting Scripture.

    The end time prophecies are not hidden from anyone who cares to know. Harold Camping, if he actually READ his Bible, would never have three times falsely predicted The End!

    Matthew 24:35-36
    New American Standard Bible (NASB)
    35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.
    36 “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.

    If this knowledge is hidden even from The Son of God, why were so many deceived by this false prophet, Harold Camping? Because that has been Satan’s plan from the beginning, now hasn’t it?

    Jeremiah 23:16
    New American Standard Bible (NASB)

    16 Thus says the LORD of hosts,
    “Do not listen to the words of the prophets who are prophesying to you. They are leading you into futility;
    They speak a vision of their own imagination,
    Not from the mouth of the LORD.

    The Messiah will return, regardless of what lies may be told to keep people from believing in Jesus. If you want to know about God, don’t listen to self-righteous idiots, read about who Jesus was in the words of the people that actually KNEW him, as found in The New Testament accounts of His disciples. The only people that have anything to be concerned with come Rapture Day, will be everyone who has rejected the gift of Salvation offered by Jesus Christ.

    • Dalen Kinnings

      Crazy Christians all …

      • Kamren

        It’s a pleasure to find such raintoality in an answer. Welcome to the debate.

    • Satan

      Hi Scott. You figured me out. I’ll be by to collect you shortly.

      • ZARF

        LOL

    • abadstroller

      Ooooookayyyyyyyyy….

    • Pandaren

      People who live their life waiting for the end should just do the world a favor and get it over with. I hate my life, been stuck in a rut for too damn long and some days feel like Thelma and Louise-ing on the way home, and I still don’t live waiting anxiously each moment for Jesus to snatch me up.

      If He comes, great. If He doesn’t, I’ll hitch a ride with the aliens. Recently had a colonoscopy so I’m ready for the probe.

      • Evangelist Dana Herron

        My comment to you is I am sorry about what your going through but if you had the opportunity to pray and read his word starting in the new testament, and accept him according to romans 10;9 you would feel a whole lot better. I didn’t believe in the jesus hype either until when I was on my way to commit suicide by jumping of the Golden Gate bridge, some how instead I ended up inside of a church on the altar with my hands praising God. He turned my life around, gave me peace not as the world giveth but the peace of the Lord, he gave me unspeakable joy, and everytime I read his word, I get energy, my days goes beautifully, and I now know that their is a true God! I dare you to try him for yourself. I am not going to get a million dollars for telling you this, I am just not selfish and I will share with all that Jesus is the answer to sickness, unhappiness, proverty, misery, etc…he got the whole world in his hands

      • Zeus

        Seriously, my life got 1000 times better once I realized that this ridiculous fairy-tail was a myth (Thank the gods that happened at an early age for me)

        prayer is not the answer for any of what you just suggested other than your own manifested state of mind. If you need do believe if illogical fallacies than I don’t want you in my life or my country literally shoving nonsense in the faces of susceptible young people. I know you think you are doing only “good,” but its a slippery slope that only leaves millions of people not able to think for themselves when converted to this crap. We need more free thinkers, creative minded people driven by logic and reason. I am atheist and I’m probably 10 times more moral than the average nut job preaching the word of god/crap. Look what this crazy a-hole did to the people that followed him. Some people quit their jobs and spent all their money campaigning this ridiculous message and for what? And don’t tell me they are stupid people they got the date wrong. If you even believe for a second that there is a god that will blow up this planet at some date in the future you’re just as dump as Camping. Culture evolution is occurring and religion is on its way out! Each and every day there are less of you crazies and more of me, and I’m proud to be part of a revolution diverging from nonsense.

      • ibjonnyc

        Well Zeus, not many of us were meant to enter the gates of Heaven and I guess you’re one of the many who won’t.I’ve seen to many like you who profess disbelief only to call on Him when the chips are down hoping against hope that it is not to late to make amends.

      • Rie

        As we all know, vogue developments avirre and go. What’s in these days, subsequent week, or even subsequent 12 months will alter. Maybe it’s just me, but it would seem as although the trends ultimately make full circle. It may well get really a bit of time, but what’s in these days may go out of style, and then be back again in model and all the rage five or 10 years afterwards.

    • d

      oh jesus…

    • Z

      Cue the Twilight Zone music…

    • Tygor1

      How is it that a “religious” person is reading EW and commenting in the comments section? Isn’t that like, I dunno, a sin? Or something like that?

      • Emily

        No.

    • Evangelist Dana Herron

      Very Very well said. I stand alone on the scripture that no man no the hour not even the angels when the son of man shall appear. That scripture alone is all i need for when a false prophet comes and say the world is about to end. He said he is also coming like a theif in the night! God warns us in his word about the false predictions.

    • I See…

      Someone doesn’t Know how to properly capitalize Words again.

    • Squishmar

      Yeah Scott except the REAL words of Jesus are kept hidden and denounced… Read the Gospel of Thomas found in the Nag Hammadi library. The guy was like a reporter taking down Jesus’ words. THAT Jesus… the REAL Jesus is someone I agree with… not the BS that most “Christians” spout.

    • Alan

      The jebus myth was made up by idiots just like you. You are as bad as this Camping fool. Go away all of you…

  • @gayswithopinions

    Leviticus 20: 13
    “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a
    woman, both of them have done what is
    detestable. They must be put to death; their
    blood will be on their own heads.”

    • Beepela

      So you’re saying that if I put my penis in a man’s vagina, I should die? Got it!

    • Dohrayme

      LOL An all loving god that wants his followers to put gays to death and their “blood” will be on their own heads. Sounds like a psycho war-god to me. Definitely will keep away from that one, He’s as fcked up as Zeus and it least Zeus was a pimp lol

    • Mo

      Riiiiiiiight… the same Leviticus that says that you shalt not wear clothes made of two different materials or cut the hair at your temples? (How gay are all those style tips?) Or that slaves are A-OK as long as they come from neighboring countries? People, google “letter to Dr. Laura” for a good laugh and a look at just how conveniently those who quote Leviticus for their anti-gay views overlook all the other crazy stuff in there. Did you know a woman is unclean and must stay away from holy places for seven days if she gives birth to a boy, but if it’s a girl she is unclean for two weeks? Whee! Or hey, if you’re blind or have a flat nose, don’t you dare go near an altar! Don’t plant two crops together! And don’t you dare let two kinds of cattle graze together, either! And… ugh.

      • Michelle

        All right Mo. Nice refutation

    • Fingerlakes Dave

      And this has what bearing on the end of the world?

      • Buff Foon

        God! God! God! Look at me, over here. Don’t look over there at those two guys having butt sex. I’m NOT with them. OK! OK? ok …. o …. k …. (crickets chirping).

  • @scott

    U r stupid.

  • Lola

    I’m just gonna take issue with the whole “the world series is boring” bit. Have you even watched the first two games? Two very close games with a great rally in the last one. I’m so tired of the whole ew hating on baseball thing.

    • Skip182

      23 runs scored in game 3. how is that boring?

  • fiveagainstone

    You just HAD to remind us about this nutjob’s predictions, didn’t you? I was hoping to forget he even existed.

  • Z

    Camping is evidence that there is a really fine line between religious fanaticism and mental illness…

    • Hiro Kitty

      Religion = mental illness

      • Zeus

        +1

      • suzoo

        Well put, hiro kitty.

      • Fingerlakes Dave

        Opinion

  • Saviour

    i saved the world all, you can thank me when the time comes, I saw zombie jesus creeping out of his grave and proceeded to behead him, rape him, and pleasure myself with his severed head in that order, we are safe for another Thousand years, oh yeah he told me (while I stuck my finger in his butt so he could sniff it) that he dislikes jews and thinks of Obama as his brudda.

    • wuteven

      WOW LAWL
      ‘dislikes Jews’ I’m pretty sure Jesus was a jew if I’m not mistaken….

      • Evangelist Dana Herron

        why do you dis like them? I always try to understand what have a jew done to you personally? Why do you hate a race of pepole you don’t know personally?

      • Lucifer

        I believe jesus was a self hating jew, though both god and I personally dont have an opinion on them, we do rather dislike the amish though not because of their religion but because of those bad ass beards they sport, down here in hell you cant grow one and gods beard is grey hes jelly

      • Hali

        @Lucifer: +1

  • Martyn

    its still 7pm in LA, the world can still end

    • Saviour

      I dont think LA counts as the whole world there moron, hell Jesus didnt even know America existed, thats like me saying in the year 504392 at exactly 12:00 AM Miglorkian time (in case your dumbass doesnt know thats not a planet… Yet) Im gonna teabag martyn’s mother.

  • lanie

    Deuteronomy 18:22 (NIV)

    If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the LORD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously. Do not be afraid of him.

    • irda

      ianie ok precz z zeusem my gora

      • SpeakInTonguesTranslator

        Lanie…Okay, presumptuosly, is Zeus then my God?

  • Mara

    Harold Camping is old stupid satan … GO TO HELL Harold !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • irda

    u bic crazy go mentel hospital after demon see u

    • SpeakInTonguesTranslator

      You are (big) crazy and must go to the mental hosptial after you see demons.

  • irda

    u verry bic sick meaby u finish laif way u speak pepol finish laif u bick mistake fack you

    • Javadude54

      I’m not sure speaking in tongues translates well to forums on the Internet. What would you call that, anyway? Spelling in tongues?

      • SpeakInTonguesTranslator

        Spelling in tongues? Why yes, that is what it appears to be. I have an App for that.

    • SpeakInTonguesTranslator

      You are very (big) sick. Maybe you finish half way so when you speak, people finish half. You have big mistakes that face you.

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