Image Credit: Greg Gayne/Fox
So far, the first season of New Girl has ruined Dirty Dancing, “Bust a Move,” bangs, and my faith in human beings. And last night, the hit Fox sitcom added something else I love on that list: Weddings. You can read about last night’s episode in Lanford Beard’s regular recap of New Girl here, but based on EW’s comments sections, there’s a large portion of readers not being served every Wednesday morning by a traditional recap. I’m talking about those of you who have declared a loud “I Don’t (Get It)” to Zooey Deschanel’s quirky new series. Well, dear friends who find yourselves watching the series despite your absolute hatred for it, welcome to the Contrarian Corner. Like a disgusting and dangerous Long Island Ice Tea made more attractive with a perky pink umbrella, New Girl is a show we cannot help but return to from week to week, despite the fact that it only leaves us with a headache and immediate regret. So let’s convene, air our grievances, and slap our foreheads while groaning under our breath, “It’s (sigh) Jess.”
As I’ve already mentioned on PopWatch, despite my unabashed love for the terrible The Happening, I’m predisposed to disliking Zooey Deschanel, since I generally like to stay far away from people who regularly wear bows and don’t blink. And since Deschanel is indistinguishable from her TV alter-ego, I’m thus predisposed to disliking Jess. She’s like a human version of one of those bedazzled bunny iPhones: She’s flashy, adorable, and every so often, makes annoying noises. So I suppose I should understand her roommates’ utter disgust with the new girl. But their disgust is just so incredibly misdirected. Sure, they too find Jess annoying, but her cloyingly quirky personality isn’t what necessarily bothers them. It’s the fact that she has a personality at all. And that is the worst thing about New Girl. And, yes, I’m counting the theme song’s assault on my ears.
In the first few minutes of last night’s episode, Jess instantly became a passive character, pushed around by virtually everyone around her. Nick needed to bring a date to a friend’s wedding in order to make his ex-girlfriend, The Waitress, jealous. But he can’t possibly bring his absolutely drop-dead gorgeous new roommate along! She has glasses! And a ponytail! And a personality to boot! “We’re not trying to be mean. We just don’t want you to be yourself in any way,” said Schmidt, who I liked much better when his name was Dennis and he was on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. So Jess agreed to play generic hot girl, and in a mere eight seconds by my count, managed to get dressed in a cute, sexy number. That Jess — she’s so unbelievable, she actually does things that are unbelievable! Also: Goofy teeth (pictured)!
Then we’re off to the wedding, where dude who’s not Damon Wayans, Jr., finds himself competing with another usher: A precocious, cocksure mini ladies’ man who I liked much better when his name was Manny and he was on Modern Family. Schmidt, on the other hand, is such a ladies’ man — despite the fact that he’s terrible — he’s forced to reject the advances of Natasha Lyonne’s Gretchen, who is so unattractive she wears pantsuits. Pantsuits! Oh, clichés! How can a woman who wears anything other than a tight-fitting mini be desirable? Thank god for Brooke (Katie Cassidy), a woman who tempts Schmidt with her good looks and utter lack of any defining characteristics.
Meanwhile, Jess finds herself in the spotlight after the newly wedded couple is introduced, and instead of gracefully backing out of the way, she loudly and irrationally announces her presence by announcing their presence. And I continue to not understand how someone with so little social grace and care for one’s self can have the energy to style her hair so perfectly. Still, she’s deemed pretty enough to succeed in making The Waitress jealous, before scaring her off by erroneously claiming she’s carrying Nick’s baby. Then, after unsuccessfully playing wingwoman to Schmidt, Schmidt unloads on our heroine and calls her a “ruiner.” This is a horrible thing to say about someone in public, mostly because it’s not a word. But it’s also horrible in the context of New Girl, since it was directed at a hapless woman attempting to simply aid her new friends. So would Jess finally fight back? Would she give a piece of her mind to these dudes that have done nothing since her arrival but force her to do their bidding and label her a pathetic mess incapable of doing anything for herself? She would! She would call them out on their sexism and horribleness! Take it away, Jess! Show us your pent-up frustration with these dudes! You are woman! Tell them they can’t suppress your unique, feminine ways, no matter how irritating they may be! “Tough tator tots, tooter,” she told them. [Face Desk.]
So what happens next? Not-Damon Wayans Jr., bonds with Jess by sharing he likes bubbles, Schmidt and Nick learn they’ve done wrong, and Jess decides to forgive these guys who have never been genuine to her in any way ever. Then, suddenly, everyone’s doing a slow-jam version of the chicken dance. And, I have to admit, it was kind of adorable. Like one of those bedazzled bunny iPhones. Wait, no, I hate those. And I hate this show. What’s wrong with me? Resist, Kate, resist! Okay, I just remembered that Jess sings her own theme song. Phew. That was close.
So, PopWatchers, on the scale of 1 to Ugh-really?-a-Cotton-commercial?, where did this episode of New Girl rank? (I’d vote somewhere between 7 and HelloGiggles?-More-Like-HelloGaggles.) Who — besides a healthy dose of self-confidence — will you bring to your next wedding? Aren’t pantsuits comfortable and awesome? And can we start a petition to bring back My Boys?
Follow Kate on Twitter @KateWardEW
Read more:
All of EW.com’s ‘New Girl’ recaps
‘New Girl’ gets full season order
‘New Girl’: Zooey Deschanel’s new show only makes me miss ‘My Boys’
Contrarian Corner, ‘Glee’: ’I Am Unicorn’ and I am vomiting rainbows
Yes. I don’t like the show, but I watch it because I’m too lazy to turn the channel from Glee to Raising Hope. Jess is a good character, but she’s too eccentric to the point where everything she does is somewhat slapstick–case in point: the fake teeth; turned a good moment into ridiculosity. What was the whole point of the fake teeth anyway?
I briefly read the original recap of this show…..and it was pretty much the same as this article, the writer stating how bad it was or how he didnt like it.
So if the original recapper talked about how bad the show is, and supposedly legions of viewers dislike it….what is this post being “contrarian” to?
Clearly she does not like the show, and I have to agree. Jess comes across as phony
I agree Contrarion? After reading the re-cap I decided to read this… had to check the title just to make sure I wasn’t reading the re-cap again.
My best friend has just announced her wedding with a great man who is a cele+brity!
They met-via { millionaireluv_С’σм }
It is nice club for rich men or pretty girls mate.
You do not need to be wealthy or famous, but you can meet your true love, it’s worthy a try.
I really dislike this show, but am also too lazy to change the channel between Glee & Raising Hope.
What’s sad about this comment is that it implies that Glee is a decent show… which it isn’t. I’ll take New Girl over Glee every day of the week!
Really?? You cant hit the button on the remote??
I don’t think it’s a matter of being too lazy to hit the button on the remote, but rather a matter of being too lazy to find something to watch in the interim.
haaaave you met liz lemon or leslie knope?
Oh God, don’t. I have never gotten into 30 Rock but I love me some Leslie Knope and Jess isn’t comparable. Leslie may be crazy and weird but she has a personality, Jess just doesn’t. Being quirky does not make an entire personality and to top it off she isn’t funny quirky or good at physical comedy quirk she is over the top, too unrealistic for her surroundings let alone real life quirky.
i’ll add to the list of l.l. and les: jules cobb (hell–the entire cougar town repertoire of funny femmes)? claire dunphy? and those are just the quirky and eccentric characters from GOOD tv. i will say though, that i enjoy new girl, and i enjoy zooey/jess.
I can think of handful off the top of my head who are quirky, original, and likes themselves. Lily and Robin from HIMYM came to mind immediately. Being quirky or eccentric is only endearing if it is natural- meaning that is who you actually are. Zooey Deschanel tries SO hard to be this person (both on TV and in real life) that she comes across as phony and annoying.
What kind of antique relic of a TV do you have that requires you to “turn the channel”?
Can i just add Tempe Brennan (btw Zooey’s sister) and Angela from Bones. Even What’s Her Name (the psychiatrist’s girlfriend on Bones) meets the criteria – even if she is annoying most of the time, she owns it and doesn’t apologize.
That picture of Zooey is awesome.
Really?
That says everything that’s wrong with this show.
Try to find the energy to change the channel to Hope! It’s got the funnies AND a lot of heart, and treads the line between sweet and totally inappropriate so well.
I agree the fake teeth were silly and so not necessary. I felt it ruined the genuineness of the rest of the story line. They are building the chemistry between Zooey and Nick but it’s confusing whether or not she likes him or he really like her considering he’s not over Caroline. Jess doesn’t seem drunk but she is acting weird at the wedding and then the “dance off?” Nothing beats watching my DVR recording in HD though because I have a big TV and I need the best quality. My DISH Network employee HD receiver gives me the best quality possible and the programming is totally free thanks to DISH. I had qualified programming as a qualified customer and the HD is free for life.
I also think the show is bad but have watched most of the three. I watched the first one, only made it through half of the second and about 2/3 of this one. I didn’t want to watch it but needed to fill about 20 minutes and doing something productive was out of the question.
This show is not funny. I think I chuckled once last night but otherwise I just wonder how they manage to eff up a show that could probably be good.
Jess is ridiculous and this show is stupid.
Whew, glad I got that off my chest.
oh! a positive! Her hair was great in this episode!
If nothing else, she got great hair.
Something blew alright and not in a good way….
THE PICTURE ABOVE BASICALLY SPELLS OUT HOW BAD THIS SHOW IS!
Agree, agree,agree
Stop complaining if you don’t get the humor. There are plenty of shows people don’t like, don’t hate on this one. Wow, do I dare say Seinfeld isn’t hilarious? Commence ensuing uproar.
You must be easily entertained.
I can’t believe this show got picked up for a full season. Maybe there’s better work that’s being done on the latter half of the season?
It’s not surprising at all. I highly doubt you have good taste.. let me guess, your new favorite show is TERRA NOVA isn’t it? Great selection. You only roll in the highest of classes.
Terra Nova is AWFUL.
Agreed. I like this show, but hate Seinfeld
Ugh, you must be fun at parties.
I am.
Haha well played.
Seinfeld was like junk food tv and not very memorable. That’s not to say it wasn’t funny, or entertaining. It is better than more of these reality shows on right now though. I will give you that much.
I’m not even that big of a Seinfeld fan, but I can tell you at least 15 quotes from it just off the top of my head. I would say it’s a pretty memorable show.
Seinfeld only ended 13 years ago and people still quote it and reference it all the time. Yeah, not memorable at all.
Yup, why so cranky, Kate? Nothing else EW wants you to write about? Nobody loves a Debbie Downer. To paraphrase Thumper Rabbit’s mom in “Bambi”: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Words to heed from a wise bunny mommy!
Exactly! Couldn’t have said it better myself, great response!
That’s a lousy response. This is a site full of entertainment reviews. If the people who work for EW can’t say anything if they don’t like something then what’s the point? Maybe you should look elsewhere if all you want is someone to agree with you.
I do resist. This show is obnoxious and mystifying in its success. Thank you for this recap which just confirmed what I realized 10 minutes into the pilot. I had the strength to delete it from my DVR, and you should too. Just reading this recap started my morning off wrong, and I make that mistake again!
Ditto. Life is too short to keep watching crappy TV.
Could not agree more. This article only confirmed why I dislike this show and deleted it from my DVR. Yet I still read this article and now I feel like I DID in fact watch the episode and regret it! No offense to Kate Ward (love her!) but I won’t be reading ANY articles on New Girl going forward. Infuriating.
I don’t really like the show, and even thought the commercials were a little annoying. But it’s getting such great reviews I gave it a shot. I thought I was being curmudgeonly to not like Jess, but she’s just a caricature.
*won’t make that mistake again.
Everyone loves to tear apart shows in 2-3 episodes. How can you judge someone by meeting them 2-3 times? Is that even fair? No. Look at The Office. It wasn’t funny for the first 2-3 episodes. Now going on for over 7 seasons, it’s one of the hilarious shows on television. Give it some time people before you tear shows apart in such short time.
I don’t watch “The Office”, and never have.
The whole cast and tone of humor isn’t anything I’m interested in.
Seven seasons or not, I made my decision about that show based on similar viewing, and have never regretted it. (3 episodes)
People disappear in the Finger Lakes, you know.
Hahahaha. They do indeed. I loved that ending with Jim Carrey. And @Fingerlakes Dave, while I respect your opinion and understand if the humor isnt for you, truthfully, the show didnt really hit its stride til season 2. id encourage you to start at season 2 and go from there, see if you like it more.
The Office may not have been at its best by episode 3, but there was at least potential! This show is so bizarre, so unrealistic, and so unfunny. And Jess makes Michael Scott look like a genius.
Better example: Look at Parks and Rec. The first season was awful so awful I don’t know how they got a second season.. Now it’s the best comedy on tv. I think New Girl has a lot of potential. I really liked the episode last week.
I agree. It is getting better each week. It is a cute and funny show. If you don’t like then don’t watch. No big deal.
But like Parks and Rec before it, New Girl shows potential in it’s early episodes… unlike, say, Whitney which has NOTHING going for it. I think New Girl will figure itself out sooner rather than later.
I actually kind of like the show, but they need to get away from their “formula” immediately. So far, all three episodes have had the exact same plot. Guys are jerks. Jess does something adorable. Guys hate Jess for being adorable. Guys realize they were jerks. Group hug. If episode 4 has the same plot, I’m out.
I only met German soldiers 2-3 times and I feel that my judgment of them is fair.
EXACTLY
^ this ^
Really??? You’re relating opinions about a tv show to the Holocaust? I’d call you the first word that comes to mind, but it would be censored for sure.
Why would they censor “diarist”??
Good point – some shows don’t really get going until the second season. “Character development”…
I beg to differ on The Office. Diversity Day had me rolling, and that was episode 2, season 1. That episode hooked me.
It’s hard to not diss a show when the main character makes you want to commit simultaneous suicide and homicide.
all great shows need some time to develop. Give it a whole season atleast
It’s not worth the investment. All great shows at least show a GLIMMER of greatness in the first few episodes.
This show has consistently failed to preform.
Big Bang Theory was pretty good right out of the gate.
No it wasn’t. It’s still not good. It’s one of the worst “comedies” on TV.
And all credibility is gone.
eh its getting better. Its filler TV.
This was on my “pending cancellation” list for new shows with a season pass on my Tivo.
After last nights show, I gave up. Neither my wife or my daughter get it. How it can already be renewed for a full season is beyond any of us.
Canceled the season pass, and won’t miss the show. There are other shows to watch. And with this season so far, I may start reading again!
Blah, blah, blah.Personally, I love the show but I’m not going on about my DVR settings.
Bottom line: You don’t like it, you don’t watch it. It’s really that simple Dave – and all you other haters!
YOUR RIGHT! We’re “voting with our feet”, and in this case, ad dollars follow us! (Even with the Tivo I watch a decent number of commercials)
So my family, the THREE (3) who watch, three potential people to advertize to, are history.
Just because the Nielsen Families think this “stuff” is wonderful. doesn’t mean we have to follow the herd!
Oh! And point two: Why are you even reading, AND POSTING, on the column?
It’s and anti-column, or didn’t you get that?
True, this may be an anti-column, but Squirella’s comment is still the best advice on this entire page. If you don’t like a show, don’t watch it, end of story…go live your life.
Dave, I think our outrage and confusion should focus more on why so many people are watching shows like Two and a Half Men (30 million people. I repeat, 30 million!!!!!!!!!!!!), or Rules of Engagement or Whitney or Big Bang Theory. Those shows deserve far fewer viewers than New Girl. Oh but let me guess, your families loves those shows?
Hey, hands off of the Big Bang Theory!
So true, Alan. New Girl isn’t very good, but the other shows you mention (thank you for including the dreadful Big Bang Theory) are far worse and much less deserving of viewers than New Girl.
Yeah, it’s not really an alternative, contrary opinion if the regular recap hates the show too.
this! i really enjoy this show. it’s one of the few shows this season that has made me laugh out loud (the other being parks and rec).
Y’all have very high expectations for a sticom. Yeah, some do come through, but they are few. My main thing is does it make me laugh? Last night’s ep made me and my 10 year old guffaw a few times. Was it trite and sexist? Yeah, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t. It’s okay. Why the hate?
I agree with Ryan. Reviewer needs to get over the cancellation of My Boys.
My husband and I love the show so far. I can’t believe that so many people don’t get it. I think that Zooey’s quirkiness is great!
I’m sure the laughs bounce off the trailer walls like they do on Monday nights during Two and A Half Men.
Quirky = unfunny.
I like how everybody feels the need to make assumptions about the preferences of any commenter who dares disagree with them. While I can appreciate many of Ward’s criticisms, I think the show is freaking hilarious. My parents, however, hate it. You either get the humor or you don’t. And, for the record, watching Two and a Half Men would be my own personal hell.
I am rooting for Zooey, because I have really enjoyed her other acting work, but this sitcom is really, really bad. Not trying to hate on it, because I do want it to succeed. I like quirky, and it can be really a funny personality trait. The writers are using it all wrong in this sitcom though. They are making her think and act really dumb. Quirky is not dumb, it is a little social awkwardness, but still smart (ie. The Big Bang Theory). I am wishing for the best, but this show has been really horrible. Please save it writers. You can do so much better!
I didn’t realize that feeling third party embarrassment equals quirky
I don’t get why everyone is whinging, don’t like it, don’t watch it. Simple. Personally, I think it’s the best show to come out of the new season!
That’s sad.
Whinging?
Isn’t that Hawaiian for people who are smarter than others when it comes to comedy?
It’s Brit-speak slang for complaining (frequently used in the Harry Potter series). It sounds Anglo-Chinese more than Hawaiian!
This is great Kate! I don’t watch this show (because it looks lame) but will look forward to this recap.