The grand fellowship of Academy Award hosts is a small and storied one indeed — Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Rock, Jon Stewart, Wolverine, Catwoman, etc. Whenever someone new enters its ranks, I’m certain there’s some kind of inauguration ceremony, probably involving doing a trust fall into a high kicking chorus line while exorcising demons of bad ceremonies past by screaming “OPRAH! UMA!” until your throat bleeds. Or maybe just a nice luncheon at Spago.
Anyhoots, my “point” is, advice is likely given, passed down from veteran hosts to newbies — and, usually, it’s in private. But thankfully, multiple Oscar host Steve Martin just put his advice to upcoming rookie host, and former Bowfinger co-star, Eddie Murphy on his website for all to see. They are wise words indeed, and you can read them in full below:
Hi Eddie,
I heard you’re hosting this year’s Oscars. First of all, CONGRATS. Even though you didn’t ask for my advice and specifically said, “please, no advice,” here are a few tips!
Whatever you do, don’t have a co-host. They’re a big pain and they just end up breaking your SNL hosting record.
Start slimming down now. You Looked kinda paunchy in Norbit.
People always say it’s a disgrace that neither you nor I have ever won an Oscar, but they’re just being correct.
The losers can feel very sad, so when you’re backstage with them, pat their backs, then shake your head sadly. It’s a blast!
Fortunately, only you and I can get away with smuggling out an Oscar in our pants.
Remember to relax and have a good time while 12,000 livebloggers rip you to shreds.
The accountants that certify the voting? Same chad counters from Florida.
If you feel the show is running long, you’re probably thinking of 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, or any of the shows in the ’90s.
If you feel tired midway through, give Neil Patrick Harris a Red Bull and throw some sheet music at him.
Eddie, since you and I are old friends, and I sincerely thought you deserved an Oscar nomination for Bowfinger, the movie we did together that stands alone in comedy history, from which we got no credit or acknowledgement except large paychecks and drivers and any type of food we wanted delivered to us every day in our really nice trailers, I wish you all the best on your Oscar hosting gig.
Steve Martin
Are you happy with Martin’s advice? What would you suggest Eddie Murphy do, or not do, when he takes to the Kodak this February?
Follow Adam on Twitter @adambvary
Read more:
Oscar producers on new host Eddie Murphy: ‘You cannot twist anybody’s arm to do it.’
Why Eddie Murphy should be raw during the Oscars
Award Shows: The Best and Worst Hosts of the Past 20 Years
FIRST!!!
You obviously have so little in your life. We’re all pleased for you. Do you have your initial on your forehead?
THIRD!!!!!
Laurel, I see that you are still acting like a child. From your pompous friend, Ollie Hardy.
Wow, you guys should pay Steven Martin for putting a crappy link to your website in his letter!
The main reason EM should not be doing the Oscars is because the evening is not about him at all. He’s too ‘old school’.
That’s reight it is about the director of Best Foreign Language Short Subject Animated Documentry filmed with an 8mm camera in Black and White. So Eddie better not get in the way of that 30 minute acceptance speech.
Does anybody else out there LOVE Bowfinger? All my friends I recommend it to just don’t dig it as much as I do and I need verification that I’m not crazy and this movie is indeed hilarious.
@shawshank-i honestly didn’t get it. maybe i’ll give it another try.
I love Bowfinger!!!!
I think Bowfinger is underrated. Not the best movie ever made but definitely not as bad as everyone likes to say it is.
I loved it. Eddie Murphy was good in it, too.
Bowfinger is hilarious. I think the first time I saw it I didn’t really like it too much but all the subsequent times I’ve watched it…great stuff!
It’s because it makes a bad first impression, its shot to ook cheap so it feels that way the first time, but it only gets funnier the more times you watch it, its not my favorite Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin film, thank GOD I gave it another chance!!
Bowfinger is absolutely brilliant and highly underrated. The way Eddie Murphy plays 2 polar opposite characters flawlessly, without extra make-up, latex, or fat suit is truly amazing.
There is just TOO much stuff on EW.com – takes forever to load, too much stuff popping up that I have to close, hard find posts etc! Please dial it down a notch. I like it here but find myself not visiting as often due to all the stuff. I know it is off topic but not sure where else to comment on that.
There are many bookstores in your area that anxiously await your patronage. Libraries, too. Or sit in a park, what the hey.
Steve Martin is hilarious. I honestly want him to be in more movies… he’s just enjoyable!!
However he co-hosted some award show with Alec Baldwin (wasn’t it the Oscars? Or the Golden Globes?) and they did a great job. Anne Hatheway and James Franco? Yes he’s right.
Guess it went over your head…but the joke is referring to Alec Baldwin (not Franco & Hathaway) That’s what the bit about breaking his SNL hosting record is about.
Ahhhh…I <3 Steve Martin!!!
Me too. I did his play “Picasso at the Lapin Agile” once…. it is such a good script. Very funny.
Yeah, but when was the last time Eddie hosted SNL?
Steve Martin is hilarious! This is some great, witty writing.
Please don’t do that obnoxious snort laugh a Mr. T impression.
Uma. Oprah. May have been a horrible joke at the time, but at least people still remember it.
Steve Martin writes some good stuff on his website for sure
The NPH burn made me giggle.
Sounds like Steve Martin should be hosting again. He’s still funny!
Steve Martin is just too brilliant!