Who is the coolest 'DuckTales' character?

ducktales

Image Credit: Disney

Did Scrooge McDuck cause the financial crisis? The answer to that question depends on how you choose to read the subtext of DuckTales, a frothy Reagan-era cartoon based loosely on the work of comics maestro Carl Barks. You could argue that Scrooge McDuck is the very image of insatiable capitalism unbound. He owns every company in Duckburg, an unthinkable monopoly that could only exist in a world with a financial system managed by Ayn Rand zealots. (There is something of Fountainhead protagonist Howard Roarke in Scrooge’s recurrent mantra: “I made my money by being tougher than the toughies, and smarter than the smarties! And I made it square!”) Most episodes of DuckTales essentially come down to one recurring plotline: Scrooge defending his hard-earned money from economic parasites like the Beagle Boys and Magica deSpell. Replace “The Beagle Boys” with “Welfare Queens” and “Magica deSpell” with “income tax,” and DuckTales sounds like a conservative fairy tale that Sean Hannity recites every evening as he tucks his children into bed.

But you could just as easily argue that DuckTales was quite the opposite: a progressive fable. Although Scrooge often attempts to rob other countries of their great riches — treasure, gold, lost lamps, magical minerals — he is invariably punished for overreaching. Most episodes of DuckTales end with lovable underdogs coming out on top, while Scrooge is forced to learn the value of human companionship. His nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie are positive visions of liberal elitism — forever quoting from their cross-cultural textbook, the Junior Woodchucks’ Guidebook — and they often encourage Scrooge to take pity on less fortunate folk (like Bubba the Caveduck). And Scrooge is hardly a good capitalist: Instead of circulating his money through the system, he dives around in it like a porpoise and burrows through it like a gopher. He’s like some kind of gazillionaire capitalist hippie.

But anyways, who’s the coolest character on DuckTales? Let’s run down the list:

Scrooge McDuck
Hobbies: Making money, swimming through money, going on adventures, rescuing various nephews, learning various lessons from said nephews
Favorite Book: The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Quackzgerald
Why He Is Cool: Because he is a vision of the hardscrabble American Dreamer. Also, he’s a snappy dresser.

Huebert “Huey” Duck
Hobbies: Wearing red, hanging out with his brothers, being a Junior Woodchuck
Favorite Book: Where the Red Fern Grows, by Duckson Rawls
Why He Is Cool: Because he’s BFF with Dewey

Deuteronomy “Dewey” Duck
Hobbies: Wearing blue, hanging out with his brothers, being a Junior Woodchuck
Favorite Book: Island of the Blue Dolphins, by Scott O’Duck
Why He Is Cool: Because he’s BFF with Louie

Louis “Louie” Duck
Hobbies: Wearing green, hanging out with his brothers, being a Junior Woodchuck
Favorite Book: How Green Was My Valley, by Richard Llewellduck
Why He Is Cool: Because he’s BFF with Huey

Launchpad McQuack
Hobbies: Flying planes, crashing planes
Favorite Book: Catch-22, by Joseph Hellerduck
Why He Is Cool: Has survived an untold number of plane crashes, which means he is either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky.

Webigail “Webby” Vanderquack
Hobbies: Horseback riding, being adorable, trying to play with the Duck nephews
Favorite Book: Animal Farm, by George Quackwell
Why She Is Cool: A stealth tomboy in pretty little princess attire, Webby’s the girl you thought was annoying in second grade who wound up being the coolest girl in your college dorm.

Mrs. Beakley
Hobbies: Cooking, cleaning, underground rap battles
Favorite Book: The Help, by Kathryn Stockettduckpun
Why She Is Cool: Come on, didn’t you ever see Upstairs, Downstairs?

Duckworth the Butler
Hobbies: Offering smarmy exit lines, turning up his nose
Favorite Book: The Remains of the Day, by Kazuo Ishigurquack
Why He Is Cool: He’s basically P.G. Wodehouse’s Jeeves crossed with Alfred from Batman. Also, even though “Duck” is in his last name, he is not actually a duck, so you know there’s some weird story there. Maybe he has to pass as a duck in order to find work. Hey, the name of the freaking city is “Duckburg”: How easy do you think it is for a non-waterfowl to get a job?

Fenton Crackshell, a.k.a. Gizmoduck
Hobbies: Totally ruining TV shows
Favorite Book: I Am Lamest Duck in the World: A Memoir, by Fenton Crackshell
Why He Is Cool: N/A

So, duck fans, who would you put on the cover of Entertainment Beakly?


Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

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Comments (62 total) Add your comment
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  • Mr. Holloway

    Since this “Who is the coolest character?” appears to be a thing in these summer months, I hope posts about “Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers”, “Tale Spin” and “Darkwing Duck” are in the works.

    • tracy bluth

      I wouldn’t be surprised if we see “Who is the coolest…” for Alvin and the Chipmunks, Smurfs, GI Joe, Jem and the Hollowgrams (hopefully), Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite…

      • Kat

        And David the Gnome! Very few other people seem to care about that show, but it used to be my absolute FAVORITE.

      • Jessica

        I recently watched the opening credits for “David the Gnome” on youtube and the music ALONE made me cry! (Did you know that in the last episode David and his wife DIED? And Swift the fox WATCHED? Thank God I didn’t see that at 7 years old; I’d still be upset about it!)

      • Jennifer

        Please do Jem! Please, please, please!!!

    • Lindsay

      I think they need a “coolest theme song” post. Just watched the theme for Duck Tales and Darkwing Duck. “Let’s get dangerous.”

      • Mr. Holloway

        “Spin it, let’s begin it, grin and bear it when you’re in it/ you can win it in a minute when you spin it, spin it, spin it!”

        (The best/worst part…I did NOT have to look up the lyrics to the “Tale Spin” theme just now.)

      • laylagalise

        “Daring duck of mystery, champion of right,
        Swoops out of the shadows, Darkwing owns the night,
        Somewhere some villain schemes, but his number’s up..
        Three, two, one… Darkwing Duck! (lookout),
        When there’s trouble you call DW! Darkwing Duck!
        Let’s get dangerous.
        Darkwing Duck! Darkwing, Darkwing Duck!…”
        I loved Darkwing Duck! I think I like “The Animaniacs” theme a little more though.

    • O’Brien

      Yes please on “Chip and Dale.” The first time I ever supported a TV couple was Gadget and Chip, so adoring of their shot at love that I ignored the species difference in the belief that love would conquer all. Also, Chip’s Indian Jones gear was awesome, and Dale was great in those Hawaiian shirts. And Gadget was a fine example for young girls who wants to do as well as their male peers. Like a cartoon Hermione Granger.

  • Ap

    Easy…Launchpad McQuack.

    He’s so cool they added him to Darkwing Duck

    • Andy

      I agree. Although a little part of me always loved Dewey too. My gut reaction was Launchpad but I think it could be a tie between those two.

      • jank

        NO WAY, how can you possibly pick those, it has to be Gizmoduck!!!!!!!!!!

  • Amy

    I love the episode or movie? where they go to Scotland with the druids.

  • Court

    Launchpad FTW! lol

  • Chris

    Launchpad and Duckworth, because they wore pants. Ducks who don’t wear pants creep me out. That was my biggest problem with Kingdom Hearts: watching Donald run around with no pants on. And Sora’s freakishly big feet.

  • Eshia

    Didn’t Donald come around town every now and then?? No mention of Uncle Donald?!? Booo! He may not be cool, but he does deserve a shout out.

  • Alfie

    No love for Bubba the prehistoric caveduck?

  • tracy bluth

    Webby!

  • Lily

    What about Gyro Gearloose? He’s pretty cool!

  • John

    Where is Amelia the witch!!

    • John

      Magica?

      • Ally

        FWIW, Amelia was Magica’s name overseas (at least in Italy).

  • Erin

    Scrooge McDuck. No question.

  • goose

    OMG I LOVE DuckTales! i was always late to school cuz i had to finish my ducktales. they need to bring back these cartoons

    • Annette

      Kids of today are missing out! I used to have a ball when these would come on!

  • Child of the 80’s

    Hmmm…going with Launch Pad. And thanks EW…Now I have the theme song stuck in my head! Sing it with me: “Life is like a hurricane..here in Duckburg. Racecars, lasers, air-o-planes, it’s a duck blur. Lights on mystery or re-write history. Ducktales…ooh oh!”

    • TRUE Child of the 80s

      MIGHT SOLVE a mystery!!!

      • Child of the 80’s

        lol!! I stand corrected. Thanks.

    • Ronan

      OMG, getting goosebumps singing the ducktails theme sone, and for the record can sing gummi bears, chip and dale, and tail spin also without looking up the lyrics…does that make me sad. Bring back the disney afternoon!

  • chrlyr

    What about Gyro Gearloose? I’m shocked and appalled by this glaring omission.

  • cam

    Launchpad was hilarious. I have three Duck Tales box set DVD’s. One of the best cartoons ever made.

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