Whole Foods Rap: This one goes out to all my quinoa-loving b#$@$*s

If a disproportionate amount of your salary goes to shopping at Whole Foods, and an uncool portion of your Sunday is spent looking for a parking spot there, and if somehow these two activities make you feel equal parts righteous and annoyed, then you’ve probably already uploaded this video to your Facebook page. The rap spoof, written and performed by 37-year-old David Wittman with the help of L.A. and S.F.-based creative collective Fog and Smog, is a delightfully sharp send-up of the Whole Foods experience. Some girl in yoga pants is lookin’ at me funny/I’m just trying to find a decent Pinot Noir for under twenty! Watch the video after the jump.

In an email interview, Wittman told EW that the song was meant to spoof his own lifestyle. That’s his Prius in the video, his typical shopping list (organic chicken, kale salad and a lemon twist), and his local Whole Foods where he regularly jockeys for a parking space. “On one particular day I was extra frustrated and just had to start laughing at myself arguing over a parking spot,” Wittman said of the video’s inspiration. “I mean, really… what if all Whole Foods were walking around with this gangster moniker, being all tough. C’mon. Tough guy needs to get his kale salad and quinoa? Please. You have to laugh at yourself, and that’s all this is!!” He reports that an amused Whole Foods has already reached out, requesting to feature the video on their website.

What do you think healthy PopWatchers? Are you a reusable bag-carrying, Bobble-toting Kombucha-drinking badass when a parking space is on the line? Or do you just hate those people? And does Wittman bear a startling resemblance to George Bush? (Nay, he insists. “Maybe somewhere between Channing Tatum and John Malkovich.”)

Comments (18 total) Add your comment
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  • Ms. Chanandler Bong

    My Albuquerque WF has ample parking but it took over a tiny Wild Oats so the trade off is an extremely limited hot food bar…say what?!

  • kel


  • 24yanks

    The guy looks a little like Ty Burell.

  • labgirl

    OMG a little like ty burell!!!awesome!

  • The Perfect Storm

    If you’ve ever been to any of the Whole Food in L.A. Westside or not…even the ones in the Valley it is do or die for a space.

  • vanella

    That’s real……………….funny!

  • @Mrs Beck

    this is a really annoying song..

  • Mr. Holloway

    Of course I click on this as I prepare to make quinoa and pork chops for dinner! Good stuff.

    • Katja

      Mmmmmmm quinoa!

  • tg

    Whole Foods is a total racket, but unfortunately for me a necessary evil because I am a vegan, and some things you can only get there. Luckily, the one I shop at has ample parking and the people are friendly. It is however, a total rip off price wise. Just. Plain. Crazy.

    • chicki

      I am vegan too….I never shop there it’s too expensive! I would if I could though

  • Sally

    Love Whole Foods and love this video!

  • PN

    He had to have influenced by Eminem by how he made the video and a couple of other rap videos. The camera shots and angles are good here! His rap swagger is similar to either Eminem or Lil’Wayne. His raps are tight with the music and his flow is good. And how he is able to do a whole rap song about his shopping at Whole Foods is impressive. It’s funny at parts with the lyrics and some of the 16 bar sections, but he’s that good. He’s got clean nails (at 1:32 in the video)–must have gotten a good manicurist to make the nails clean.

  • pedro vizcaino

    buy the song help the guy out if only he sold a million songs people dont be cheap if you like the song buy it its on itunes you cheap bastards.

  • Alisa

    Too funny! Why the small shopping carts? so you have to go back the next day for more stuff? I love the video!

  • Susan

    well done. this is so funny.

  • Linda

    I have never been to Whole Foods but would if there was one near me. We are gluten free, soy free, dairy free, and more and could relate to his experience paying,, 6 items for $80!

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