Eminem has now dissed all celebrities; nation yawns


Image Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Eminem’s at it again with the celebrity disses in “A Kiss,” a track off his forthcoming album Hell: The Sequel. But are they even that bad, compared to some of the more ridiculous s— he’s doled out? Below, I’ve listed some of the Chrysler enthusiast’s more egregious celeb disses. And it’s not even all of ‘em! (I know you guys have been on the edges of your seats waiting for my opinions on Eminem.)

Lady Gaga (“A Kiss”)
Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office
She’s already a male lady
Wouldn’t f— her with her d—
The verdict’s in.

She must be heartbroken about that!

Justin Bieber (“A Kiss”)
Him don’t give a damn about Bieber, do him?
Evil just seems to be seeping through him.

There are so many “hims” here.

Christopher Reeve (“Christopher Reeve” and other songs)
Cause I ain’t got no legs
or no brain
nice to meet you
hi my name is…
I forgot my name
my name was not to become what i became with this level of fame
my soul is possessed by this devil
my new name is…
Rain Man

I will never understand their beef.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (“Bagpipes From Baghdad”)
I mean I really want ya bad, you c—
Nick, you had your fun, I’ve come to kick you in your sack of junk
Man, I could use a fresh batch of blood
So prepare your vernacular for Dracula acupuncture

And this is him sober!

To retaliate, Mariah dressed in drag as Eminem to play her own stalker in her video for “Obsessed.” And then…..

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (“The Warning”)
I don’t even think I can paste any of this s— here.. Read the lyrics here. My God. The language on this young man!

Michael Jackson (“Just Lose It”)
I done touched on everything, but little boys
That’s not a stab at Michael
That’s just a metaphor, I’m just psycho

That’s not a metaphor.

Christina Aguilera and kind of Britney Spears (”The Real Slim Shady”)
Half of you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone stand me
“But Slim, what if you win, wouldn’t it be weird?”
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear ‘em argue over who she gave h— to first


Chris Kirkpatrick/Limp Bizkit (“Without Me”)
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked
worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards

Hard to say which party comes across worse here.

Moby (“Without Me”)
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You 36-year-old baldheaded f–, blow me
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listen to techno

Oh look! You’re older than that now.

Elvis (“Without Me”)
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
to do black music so selfishly
and used it to get myself wealthy
(Hey!!) There’s a concept that works

Hey!! I think Elvis can handle it.

Pussycat Dolls/Nicole Scherzinger (“Medicine Ball”)
I won’t rape all the Pussycat Dolls
Nicole, you kiddin’?

Are YOU kidding????

Rihanna (“Medicine Ball”)
I’ll pee on Rihanna, see man
I’ll do what I wanna
Spray perfume in a sauna
Run Crazy Glue and Madonna
To the La-Z-Boy sofa
Fold her in two then sit on her


Madonna (“Medicine Ball”)
Imagine the visual for that, man
Who woulda thought I
Could ever be such a relentless
Prick unleashing his angers(?)
But the chick’s so old
She looks like she out-lived a life sentence

So will you one day, dude.

Kim Kardashian (“We Made You”)
Damn, I think Kim Kardashian’s a man
She stomped him just cause he asked to put his hands
On her massive Gluteus maximus again
Squeeze it, then Squish it, then pass it to her friend

Someone needs to write a rap song about Squeezeits.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson (“We Made You”)
He does not mean to lesbian offend
But Lindsay please come back to seeing men
Samantha’s a 2, You’re practically a 10
I know you want me girl,
In fact I see your grin

(Not really a dis, I guess, aside from the numbers.) She’s probably looking into a mirror!

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia di Rossi (“We Made You”)
Sorry Portia, but what’s Ellen DeGeneres
Have that I don’t, are you telling me tenderness?
Well I can be as gentle and as smooth as a gentleman
Give me my ventolin inhaler and 2 Xenadrine

You have a penis. It’s a problem!

Sarah Palin (“We Made You”)
And I’ll invite Sarah Palin out to dinner then
Nail her, ‘Baby say hello to my little friend’


Jessica Alba (“We Made You”)
Why should I wash my filthy mouth out
You think that’s bad you should hear the rest of my album
Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia
Man Cash, I don’t mean to mess up your gal but
Jessica Alba put a breast in my mouth (brrp)
Wowzers, I just made a mess of my trousers

Eminem: This generation’s Ogden Nash?

Read More at EW.com:
Eminem adds Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber to his diss list
Eminem, Foo Fighters, Coldplay top Lollapalooza’s 20th anniversary lineup
Lady Gaga honored at fashion awards. What on Earth can she do next?

Comments (168 total) Add your comment
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  • Kim

    He really needs to get over himself…loser.

    • Chris

      See? This is why he left you!

      • Jackie


      • Blackout


      • M.M.


      • Eljay


  • Wil

    These lyrics are awful. Eminem is an overrated tool.
    If you’re gonna dis somebody, at least attempt to be coherent…

    • Papi

      I think you’re missing an “L” . . . and a decent opinion

      • Kt

        Not according to Wil Wheaton! (And I have to agree with the Wil here…these lyrics ARE awful. Some of his stuff is great, but it just gets stupid when he b*tches about other people.)

    • the boss

      Wow man, he’s only trying to be funny, if you don’t like it, don’t listen THATS ALL. I LIKE IT, it makes me laugh!

    • Mike


  • Ed

    Em’s act got tired years ago. He’s just trying to show that he is relevant by starting fake feuds with current celebrities–the same thing Stephen Colbert does from time to time, but at least Colbert is funny. Give it up, Em–rap is a young person’s game, and you turn 40 next year (and I am 44).

    • John

      You’re right; Jay-Z (42) should just stop now. He’s too old.

      • Brett

        Actually, John, you’re right. He’s washed up as a rapper. So’s Eminem. They ceased to be relevant about five years ago.

    • sean

      eminem sold the more albums then any artist in the world last year hows he not relevent

    • mike

      Yea rap really is a young person’s game when the two top selling albums in 2010 were from Eminem (37 at the time) and Jay-Z (41)…are you really that stupid?

    • Justin

      Actually, Recovery was the best selling album of 2010. So no, his act is not “tired”.

      • Chris

        Actually fellas, Eminem and Jay-z is still “liked” in the game. Just because you don’t like em, doesn’t mean they should stop; means you should just accept it and move on to the “young” artist

    • Ronan

      Anyone can admit the young “rapper’s” such as Drake, Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj are just pethetic compared to the old rappers such as Eminem, Jay-Z and Dr Dre!

  • harry

    damn! thats funny!

    • Lore

      What an aoewsme way to explain this—now I know everything!

  • Butterscotch

    I guess he’s back on drugs again.

    • Miss Talk

      Seriously, how old is Eminem? Isn’t Justin Bieber around Bonnie’s age?
      I never liked this fool. He gave a hard time to my 2000’s idols : Britney, Justin Timberlake, Xtina Aguilera (Yes, let me come clean, like Weiner). Plus he openly mocked The King of Pop. I don’t even get the hype. “Stan”, “Cleaning up my closet” and “Lose yourself” stand out but other than that…*blank stare*
      I know he felt like an idiot when Justin Timberlake went on to collaborate with all the coolest brothas (T.I, Timbaland, Pharell, 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg, Nelly and Jay Z).
      Rihanna is such a puppet sometimes. Eminem dissed her and ended up pick her for a duet glorifying domestic violence. And she jumped into it.
      Eminem needs an empty arena. And to have all the seats in there. Real talk.

      • SH

        U guys dont know waht rap is, its about making fun of others, u guys dont even have to listen ot rap if u dont wanna. U CANT TAKE IT

      • mak

        i agree with u man
        every 1 has his own style of entertaining, n u need ball to dis so of dem.its his style of entertaining n he aint forcing u to listen.n he’s funny as hell

      • Josh

        @MissTalk Is *blank stare* code for “The Way I Am,” “Sing For The Moment,” “Mosh,” “Like Toy Soldiers,” “Beautiful,” “We As Americans,” “Talkin’ 2 Myself,” “Marshall Mathers,” “Mockingbird,” “Nail In The Coffin,” “Yellow Brick Road,” “Rock Bottom,” “Square Dance,” “White America,” etc. etc. etc. etc. ???? Eminem’s catalog is ridiculous. The man’s mastery of music must not be misunderstood.

      • mike

        hahaha “he openly mocked the king of pop”…does it feel good to defend a child molestor? i think eminem actually comes off more moral than you with a comment like that…how quickly we forget

      • Justin

        He probably doesn’t feel like that much of an idiot, seeing as though he is the top selling rap artist of all time.

      • Justin

        You’ve obviously never heard more than 5 Eminem songs.

      • the boss

        You seem so depressed, why not kill yourself

  • marshall

    haha this author messes up half of the lyrics, do you know how to use google? and i guess singing about living in an octopus’s garden or yellow submarine is so much more coherent? f’n losers eminem sells more records than any artist, if you dont think there is something to that you need to get looked at.

    • SH

      GOD effing dammit! does no one here get that the real slim shady is about his alter ego, not about eminem himself! slim shady is his criminal side!

      • Kipper

        I was waiting for someone to bring this up…it’s not really germane, but it is important to remember that Slim Shady is his *alter ego*, that he isn’t really out there “ripping Pamela Lee’s tits off” or killing people with a chainsaw (“Almost Famous”, or, hell, a serial killer (“3 a.m.”). I’m a writer, and in college I did that exact same thing; I invented an alter ego to write columns for several ezines. They were whacked-out Hunter S. Thompson ripoffs. Of course I didn’t live my life that way, but people didn’t want to hear me write about how I’m normal. So I took the parts of my personality relevant to being an off-the-wall character and applied them to my work. Eminem does the same thing. Slim Shady is NOT Marshall Mathers, okay, folks? Get it through your heads. And he’s currently the best rapper out there, whether you like him or not. Period. End paragraph.

      • richardklaste

        hi how are you doing.

  • Trey

    LMAO get out of here with this sh**, em is the best rapper out right now. Like it matters what popwatch.com says about him, hes a damn rapper not a pop “singer”.

  • ns

    I thought he was going to be finished with these dumb celeb references after the failure of “We Made You.” Guess not.

  • mike

    failure of ‘we made you’? you do know that album won a grammy right? haha this will probably the most comments this loser author has ever received.

    • Jackie

      Unfortunately a Grammy for a song no longer means it’s great; the Grammy’s have been out of touch with good music for quite a while.

    • angela

      Milli Vanilli also won a Grammy. Point?

      • mike

        ok so YOU dont like him…i bet i dont like your favorite artist but you dont see me telling everyone what a “failure” they are on message boards. anyone who can get in front of a mic and make a living for themselves is not a failure. you dont have to like it, but to refer to a grammy-winning album as a “failure” is ridiculous, especially when it sold more than any other album in 2009.

  • jay

    We will see how much the nation is yawning when this album is number one. If you don’t like his music or don’t understand it, that is fine. But don’t comment or write and article. Bottom line is that this man is a genius. The most significant names in hip hop agree as well.

    • Amaal Mustafa

      agreed! I love him some hate him and some are like “oh u don’t listen to rap biggie that was classic” actually I do and I like them both

    • Kt

      I’m pretty sure everyone is allowed their opinions about Eminem, and totally allowed to express them in comments or by writing articles. This article has a point; most of the disses mentioned above are REALLY stupid. I really like some of Eminem’s songs, but come on. Let’s be real.

  • Chris

    When you take the lyrics and put them in text form, rather then the context of the song, you lose it. Part of Eminem’s gift is his ability to shape the sound of words and make it flow. BUT, Annie, poor poor, boring and slightly overweight Annie knows that and just wanted to diss someone for dissing others. Ironic?

  • gaz

    my god you seem up your own beeep. its the wordplay that comes across as genious, in a genre of music where all we hear about is money and girls eminem continues to be different, sharp and relevent.if you listen to the wordplay of the warning its actually an amazing song and as for disses its one of the best i’ve ever heard. if you think em’s acts getting tired how long do you think lady gaga’s ACT is going to last because as far as i’m concerned that fires already burned out. you seriously need a sense of humour. you’ll b saying south park isn’t genious comedy next!!

    • jay

      well said

    • Noah Webster

      You “seriously need” to go back to school.

      • gaz


      • gaz

        uh oh i forgot a full stop!!! :O

  • jjt

    Title should read:
    “Em and Royce release EP; nation bumps it all summer”

    • gaz

      where’s the thumbs up button??

    • SaraS

      Not so sure.. seeing how fast Eminem’s last album faded away, and he only got ONE hit out out it (largely thanks to Rihanna’s fame and domestic violence case) I’d say Eminem sells a lot, but might be losing reverence.

      • Patrick

        How fast his album faded away? Are you serious? It was number 1 on the charts for close to 2 months, and is still selling copies. One hit? Are you completely insane? Not Afraid was a ‘Hit’. LTWYL was a ‘Hit’. No Love was a ‘Hit’.

        Some of you people need to actually look up facts before you make asinine claims. “Em has to have pop stars on his album to sell!” You realize this is the dude who sold over 80 Million records without pop stars, right?

        Taking lyrics out of context is stupid. Hey, here’s an example, “I have a Dream”. OH COOL STORY MLK!!! YEAH REALLY CLEVER. Eminem’s gift is his ability to flow, drop complex syllabic lines AND weave in icons and take little jabs at them. He jabs at himself too. Nobody’s making a stir about his line “Above The Law” where he makes fun of his ‘screaming’ because that’s not a fun story.

        Stop feeding drama, grow up. Peace.

      • Justin

        Faded away? You’re kidding right? It was the top selling album of 2010 and was the fastest selling digital album of all time, dumbass.

      • Morgan Harman

        um Not Afraid was number 1 and it didnt have a collaboration

  • eric

    seriously? eminem is just kidding, all of this stuff is funny as hell. your seriously gonna not like him after 5 rap album grammys and 85 million records sold? get out of here

    • eyeovine

      It’s not “funny as hell”, it’s just dumb and unimaginative. But people like a lot of dumb sh!t so that’s why it sells.

  • beca

    How can you even say that eminem is over rated or boring when the was the best selling artist of the decade, 2010, and set records for most digital albums sold. and that is considering that the majority of people that listen to his music download music illegally. to top that he has two diamond albums. as for dissing celebrities, get over it, its just a song and he does a phenomenal job at entertaining listener with his lyrics while keep an amazing beat. he has said over and over again no to take it offensively its just music. plus many of the songs listed were from pre-relapse when everyone was obsessed with him so don’t even try to diss him with that.

    • Noa*

      AMEN. That is all!

      • Grizzly

        Okay I’m coinvnced. Let’s put it to action.

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