'Modern Family' season 2 wraps up tonight: We look back at this year's best one-liners


Image Credit: Colleen Hayes/ABC

The idea of the next few months being Modern Family-less is more frustrating than receiving a box of Baby Jesuses instead of baby cheeses. While the second season of the Emmy-winning comedy had some misfires (episodes like “Dance Dance Revelation” and “Our Children, Ourselves” likely won’t wind up in the pantheon of all-time greats), it was still an overwhelmingly hilarious and touching year with the Pritchett, Delgado and Dunphy clans. Moreover, this season provided so many stand-out lines that made us thankful we have DVR so we could go back to re-watch all the gems we laughed right over.

Before we count down to the season finale and spend our summers at Family Camp (we’d go with you, Phil!), we wanted to look back at our favorite zingers from each character. Trust us, it was no easy feat. Don’t forget (who am I kidding — you guys never do!) to tell us which lines we missed or let us know which ones that were your favorite in the comments section. 

Cameron: “If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don’t think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.”

Mitchell: “Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.”

Jay: “That was my Vietnam — and I was in Vietnam”

Gloria: “That doesn’t make any sense! Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? Doggy-dog world is a beautiful world filled with little puppies.”

Manny: “Don’t skimp on linens. Don’t compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don’t want the answers to.”

Phil: “You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me: my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises, but don’t insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s ’cause I just sold it.”

Claire: “Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now they’re driving, and soon we’ll all be dead.”

Haley: “Don’t feel. Just go splash water on your face and man up. We’re your mother now.”

Luke: “I brought you some soda, but I couldn’t find any straws, so you’ll have to drink it like cats.”

Alex: “I guess what I’m trying to say is, ‘Don’t stop believing. Get this party started.'”

Tell us PopWatchers, which ‘Modern Family’ character had the best lines in season two?

Comments (63 total) Add your comment
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  • Gata

    They all had gems…I am not one for remembering, but I think Haley had quite a few, as did Luke, and Gloria that I recall that made me actually chuckle out loud.

    • jank

      Luke has the best one liners

      I love this show – mostly for Luke, Phil, and Jay – the rest of the cast is meh. Manny was cute in the beginning but annoying now with his little adult routine. Alex is just there. Haley reminds me of Justine Bateman

    • WTF

      I can’t remember the lines but I remember ROTFLMAO every Wednesday night. I will miss this show and Raising Hope. What will make me laugh this summer?

  • Eve

    That’s the best you could come up with for Claire and Alex? Pretty pathetic!

    • jank

      alex is pretty boring

    • steve

      am i the only one who thinks the show has really fallen off? i rarely laugh out loud anymore. this show used to be on par with parks and rec and archer, but now i see it as well below those as the best comedies on tv.

      • Jason

        You’re the only one. It’s the best sitcom on TV, hands down.

      • Dash

        You aren’t the only one. I think that TV has an exceptional crop of comedies out there this year and Modern Family tended toward the meh side of things this year. They took what was funny about the characters and amplified it to like 1000 times what it was last year. Not so funny.

      • Jane

        Uh yep, you are solo on this one.

      • operator

        Sir, Please tell your wife to calm down

      • Michael

        Steve & Dash – Two better candidates for suicide have never existed. Please, do us a favor and eat a bullet.



    • WTF

      Claire is NOT funny (I don’t think her character is supposed to be funny anyway) but the others are hilarious.

    • FLGRL

      To me, that WAS Claire’s best line.

  • Emilio

    I’m team Manny (and Team Cameron sometimes).

    • jank

      ugh, really? Manny has become so annoying with his little adult schtick “skinless chicken breast” – the kid is 11 and he drinks coffee? It was cute in small doses, but now is over done. Luke is far more funny

  • MIke

    Luke: “Well whatever they were doing, it looks like dad was winning.”

    • Jeremy

      i was almost hoping that nobody else was going to post this one so i could have the honor – aside from ron swanson’s “that’s from friction” line on parks and rec, this line from luke was the best on tv this past year…

    • Kellee

      The best oneliner ever on T.V…I almost died laughing and watch that episode every week.

  • Justin

    I actually loved every episode of Modern Family this season. I can’t think of one misfire.

  • acr65

    Cue Gasp!

  • amy

    Is this show not great?? I’m not good at remembering one liners but I think the script on this show is top notch.

  • Jesse

    Cam – “We don’t all love pink.”
    Mitch – “You love pink.”
    Cam – “Actually pink loves me.” (closes his eyes and looks away in contentment)
    That one and Gloria talking about “the Obama steak” and the e-mail that accidentally got “sended”.

    • Amy

      LOVE that one!

  • Captain

    The Baby Jesus scene was by far my favourite of the season.

  • Scott

    Something along the lines of…

    Phil: “But if we don’t use them, all our money will just go to charity.”

  • Jane

    How about anything uttered by Clive Bixby or Julianna (AKA Phil and Claire). I’m going to go with Clive: “I have exactly 10 million dollars. Minus the cost of your next drink.”

    • Adam

      Phil as Clive Bixby has the best lines. Hands down.

  • Tiffany

    Aly, you failed to mention Tucker as part of the clan.

    Luke- “I didn’t want a milkshake, but after what Mom said the Manny, I didn’t want to chance it.”

  • MiaS

    Mitchell- They have reservations at 4:30pm
    Cam-What are we 80?
    Mitchell-How about 10:30pm?
    Cam-What are we 20?

    • Mr. Holloway

      That WAS awesome!

    • tvgirl48

      LOVED that moment! It was so quick and perfect.

  • Jeff from Jersey; yes New Jersey

    My favorite line was one that was brought back from Season One retirement. That was when “Bad Dad” Phil going after his ditching bathroom cleaning daughters and tripping over that unfix stair; saying “I*ve got to fix that one of these days” Not until I brought the season 1 dvd did I realize that it was being used as a running gag that was under the radar.

    • Emilie

      Haha! I love that gag too! The best part was that he DID fix it but then the earthquake knocked it loose again!

  • Radzinsky

    Wow, you couldn’t be more wrong. “Dance Dance Revelation” and “Our Children Ourselves” were excellent episodes. The only minor duds this season were “Mother Tucker” and “Good Cop Bad Dog.”

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