Letterman, Fallon, and Conan react to bin Laden's death: 'I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head!'

letterman-tiger-woods

Image Credit: CBS

To nobody’s surprise, every talk show that aired Monday night kept returning to the same topic: Beardpocalypse. Oh, and also the death of Osama bin Laden. That momentous event dominated David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, and Jimmy Fallon’s monologues; the bulk of Letterman’s show was also dedicated to a lengthy interview with NBC newsman/stealth comedian Brian Williams, who discussed bin Laden’s killing with the host. Additionally, Letterman used his Top Ten list to imagine what the world’s most famous terrorist’s last words may have been. Here’s the list in full:

10. “My horoscope says big surprises are in store.”

9. “See, this is why I normally don’t answer the door.”

8. “The one time I give my bodyguards a day off to go to the zoo…”

7. “What on Earth could be interrupting Celebrity Apprentice?”

6. “I hear Brian Williams is on Dave to discuss my imminent demise.”

5. “At least I’ll be reunited with my dear, departed friend Jack LaLanne.” (Letterman, in an aside: “Did you know they knew each other?”)

4. “I’m not sure I want to live in a world where Fast Five is the #1 movie.”

3. “Any man with multiple wives welcomes death. Am I right, fellas?”

2. “I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head.”

1. “Oh, crap!”

Predictably, Conan and Fallon targeted Donald Trump and his reality show’s preemption as well. The former brought up the fact that President Obama’s speech interrupted last night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice, then quipped. “Which begs the question, how do we kill bin Laden again next Sunday?” Fallon was no kinder to his network-mate; at the beginning of Late Night, the host appeared as Trump, giving a somber address in a space that looked a lot like the White House’s East Room. “To me, the message is clear,” said Fallon’s Trump: “President Obama is so scared of me and so desperate for attention that he felt the need to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden right in the middle of my show. Classic Obama move.”

Which host do you think handled this enormous story best, PopWatchers? And whose remarks do you think are the funniest?

Comments (65 total) Add your comment
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  • steve

    Besides being first-aid i would’ve like to saya, im glad he is dead, was it worth the price we paid. I hope so, but i am bit convinced.

    • Jean Guy Levesque

      Donald Trump the orange haired CLOWN. Run for President and make me laugh. Vive la Quebec!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Joe

        You say Donald is an orange haired clown but completely ignore his orange colored face. WTF?

      • Not even close

        brian williams sucks, david gregory was doing a great job covering the events, until the attention hog that is Williams came in….to read the teleprompter with appropriate emotion

    • Razor

      Drink much?

    • Biata

      I saw Conan on tour the other night and it was very eninrtateing. I can’t wait for his new show to come on TBS. It will be the beginning of a new chapter in late night television.

  • Sarah

    I was hoping for, “Oh, look! A May-day basket!”

  • Sam

    Ferguson was the best

    • thomas

      agreed!

    • Auntie D

      Totally Craig!!

      • Squishmar

        I’ll have to check out what Craig had to say… I’ve liked his take on things in the past.

  • Frank Tocco

    Very interesting post!Thanks for sharing this excellent idea.

  • Craig

    Where are the jokes from Craig Ferguson?? He had some pretty funny one too!

    • I’m sorry but

      I can’t stand watching Craigy Ferg for more than 10 minutes. He just comes across as so aggravatingly annoying (and boring), and this is coming from a girl who loves Conan O’Brien and his string dancing (not to mention strange humor that people don’t seem to understand) ways.

      • Mike

        conan annoys me with audience forced laughter and unbearable interviews

      • JackieB

        I agree, Craig Ferguson is just all over the place. I used to like Conan, but now I am 100% Letterman & Jimmy Fallon.

    • Tom

      Craig doesn’t seem pretentious and fake though, like most of late night tv shows. He’s funny, and very sincere and not boring or routine. That makes me believe what I am watching, and makes it that much more funny when it is funny.

    • Auntie D

      Craig was defnitely the best!! I watched last night on TV, then again on CBS.com and sent the link to some of my friends who had missed the show, I liked it that much.

  • Johna

    Ferguson trumps them all.

    • not funny but

      PUNNY!

  • Kar

    Dave. Once again he shows why he’s the elder statesman of late night.

    • June

      * why he’s the elder bore of late night.

      • BLAMO

        Exactly. I think, like Leno, Letterman’s target audience is 50 and up. I don’t know how anyone can stand watching his show without falling asleep.

    • Kilmer

      Agree. Dave is still the best. And I’m well under 50.

      • Sunny

        Me too =)

  • Bri

    Craig Ferguson

  • Jenn

    Craig all the way.

  • deedeedragons

    I agree with number 4.

  • Ron P

    Ferguson is awsome but @ Johna I think over the last few weeks the expression So and so “Trumps” them all meaning changed. It now refers to which bag of douche is in fact bigger. Thanks Donald for ruining a perfectly good expression

  • Fedor

    It’s a great day for America, everybody!

  • John

    I thought they were selling girl scout cookies.

    • Samantha

      EPIC FAIL, John.
      Awful.
      Don’t try again for at least a month.

      • Kat

        LOL Samantha is always such a raging b—- every time I see her commenting. I don’t get people like that. And I thought John’s line was funny.

      • EDIT

        Samantha: Epic jerk. Don’t comment again for at least… never.

  • Classy

    That Navy Seals joke was perfect!

    • Mary Anne

      Well, that is kinda what happened.

      • @mary Anne

        Thank you captain obvious! I think we know that silly!~ ergo the joke

      • @ @Mary Anne

        You are welcome “captain not so bright”. Sometimes people on the internet are a bit dense. Of course that is what made the joke funny, it being what actually happened.

  • ser

    Conan. He had a great show last night. With the beardpocalypse, Will Ferrell as a guest, and a clean shaven Conan, it felt like he was back in his prime days at Late Night.

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