'Parks and Rec': Ron Swanson's 'turkey burger' is now a reality, proves he needs to write a (very unhealthy) cookbook.

Offerman-Swanson-Parks

Image Credit: Justin Lubin/NBC

Every gross-yet-delicious-sounding food item Ron Swanson has mentioned on Parks and Recreation has made my mouth water in fatty shame. Last week’s turkey burger (a fried turkey leg inside of a grilled hamburger) was no exception.

Today, I learned food dreams come true: The people at eater.com (via HuffPo) have created such a concoction! They simply took a fried, 1 lb+ turkey leg and smashed it the middle of 5 lbs of ground beef, stuck it in the oven, and, once cooked and grilled, placed it between a round loaf of bread. That’s right: over six pounds of food. Take that, bacon-wrapped turkey leg! You would fall below this “turkey burger” on the Pyramid of Greatness. But on that note, I’d like to see you both in a recipe book, penned by Ron Swanson.

It wouldn’t be the first book written by a fictional character, but it would certainly be the first book by a fictional character I would actually read (…and possibly say oaths upon). So let’s make that happen, Parks Gods. I can already envision the entry for the perfect Swanson breakfast:

5 eggs
5 strips of bacon
1 steak
Cook it. Eat it.

Plus, how could you not trust a man who has a gunshot as his ringtone to cook you a quality meal? In my motherland (Texas) that’s the first man you’d want to call “chef.”

Your turn, PopWatchers. Which recipes would you like to see in this Ron Swanson cookbook that I’ve decided must happen? (Bonus points if you create it in detail as I did above.) And what would you title the cookbook? (In my mind, I’m calling it You Had Me at Meat Tornado.)



Follow Sandra on Twitter for more on breakfast foods
 @EWSandraG

Comments (46 total) Add your comment
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  • Margaret

    Bacon wrapped shrimp. Not as crazy, but definitely delicious.

    • t.t

      shrimp is for sissies thats what swanson say. in his pyramid under fish it says sport yes food no.

      • Margaret

        He apparently doesn’t count shrimp as fish because bacon wrapped shrimp are his number one favorite food wrapped around his number three favorite food.

      • t.t

        he’s a very complicated man that swanson

      • Samantha

        Only 5 strips of bacon? CLUELESS.

      • Eva

        @Samantha, that was my thought too. I feel like Ron would be a half pack of bacon kind of guy.

      • Alex

        Plus, there was the episode where he asked the diner waitress for all of their bacon. Then had to clarify that he didn’t mean a lot of their bacon, but ALL of their bacon.

  • A

    EW.com has become overrun with typos and grammatical errors lately. It’s getting to the point where nearly every article I read has at least a couple errors. Come on, get it together. This time it’s in the headline (proves he needs *TO* write a cookbook).

    • Butters

      You sound like you’re a load of fun to be around. When you were in school, did you write down the names of kids who misbehaved when the teacher stepped out? Were you the hall monitor?

      • Luis Silva

        ‘like’

    • pitt

      Totally agree, A! This isn’t someone’s personal blog or some amateur site, this is the website of a national, professional publication. While the grammatical errors and typos generally may not make-or-break the articles, it is still a shame how many occur on this website. A whole generation is growing up seeing typos, misspellings, etc. on publication/professional websites and learning that it is no big deal. Well, sorry to sound all “hall monitor”-ish (and no, I most certainly was not one!), but it IS a big deal! It isn’t just EW either–CNN and other news sites are just as bad.

      • Barry Dillon

        Maybe you should have them refund your subscription to the site.

      • pitt

        Good one, Barry Dillon. I am actually a paying customer for their magazine, can you say the same?

  • Jamie

    I think I would name it, Fish is a Vegetable
    (to paraphrase Ron Swanson whilst discussing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness)

  • Elmo

    A British guy I knew from a local bar used to make this food.I can’t remember what its called.
    coat a hard boiled egg in ground sausage, roll it in bread crumbs then deep fry it.
    MMMMMM…DELICIOUS!
    BTW, he died from a massive heart attack at 46 but I’m sure it was worth it.

    • 4R

      That sounds like a scotch egg. Revolting.

    • Q

      46 years of deep fried awesome or 80 years of okra. It’s really not a hard choice.

      • Sassyfras

        How about deep-fried okra? Food of the gods.

    • katie

      That’s Scottish Eggs.

  • Josh

    Does anyone really believe 5 strips of bacon is enough for Ron Swanson?

    • Trixie

      What, you think he eats only one of those burgers?? Ron’s a multiple burger kinda guy!

    • Ari

      Exactly, what you heard is a lot of bacon. I want all that you have. Got it?

  • Ray

    Meat.

    That’s it.

  • Jason C.

    Wait, this would be the only book by a fictional character you’d read? How could you not want to read The Bro Code by Barney Stinson?!

  • pitt

    Pancakes:
    Dozen eggs, some flour, some milk, some sugar, some baking soda and some salt.
    Throw out the flour, milk sugar and baking soda. Fry the eggs. Salt optional. Eat.
    Best when paired with a large steak or pound of bacon.

  • Harrison

    Hopefully Leslie Knope will get to include at least 1 recipe. I bet it will involve waffles!

    • Just Me

      That would be awesome!

    • CMS

      Waffles and whipped cream

    • Mr. Holloway

      …and defintiely not a calzone.

  • jw

    Obviously the answer is a bacon wrapped turkey leg in a burger.

  • KT

    The title of the cookbook? “Where Fun Meats Awesome..Meats Agriculture, and Cholesterol.”

    • KT

      …Or “Where Fun Meats Awesome, Meats Angioplasty.”

  • JLC

    And don’t forget, all meat must be purchased at a local convenience store, the scuzzier the better. No Whole Foods nonsense.

    • orville

      Or killed and butchered yourself, of course.

  • Chris Traeger

    Stop….pooping.

  • RK

    The unsung hero of this show, ever since he had his woodworking shop.

  • Monty

    There should be a section on Salads. When you turn to that page, all you see is one word: No.

    • Mel

      Monty – thanks for the laugh!

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