Charlie Sheen For President? Ten reasons why it's not the worst idea ever


Image Credit: Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Charlie Sheen is an incredibly wealthy narcissist with a rapacious sexual appetite and a gift for saying incredibly memorable things that actually mean nothing at all. In short, he is the very model of the modern American politician. Which explains why, in a study undertaken by Public Policy Polling, independent voters say that they would support Charlie Sheen for President over ex-Governor Sarah Palin by a margin of 41 to 36. Sheen also tests well as everyone’s favorite anti-candidate, with Republicans favoring him 37-28 over President Obama and Democrats giving him a 44-24 edge over Palin. (So basically, the American political system has failed. Or maybe we just live in the most sarcastic nation in the world.) It’s a good bet that Sheen’s candidacy won’t make it past the Iowa caucus, but since there are currently no other candidates from the Tiger Blood party, let’s run down a list of ten reasons why Sheen could actually do a good job as president. (Hey, he can’t be worse than Herbert Hoover…or can he? No.)

1. Proud poly-amourous lifestyle sets a good example, leading fellow politicians to come clean about their mistresses and misters.

2. He’s a staunch supporter of the working man.

3. As his current lawsuit proves, he’s remarkably willing to stand up to big-business fatcats.

4. He has a keen understanding of Wall Street.

5. His pro-Martian stance means that NASA could finally get  a much-needed injection of funding.

6. He’s the son of a president, and seriously, when has that ever worked out badly? Oh, take your John Quincy Adams and stuff it.

7. He’s a strong military candidate, having fought in both the Vietnam War and World War III, not to mention leading a daring mission in Iraq.

8. He wouldn’t be the first president with a history of drug abuse. Who can forget Grover Cleveland’s Oval Office opium parties?

9. If Sheen runs for president, the Equal-Time rule will be in effect, meaning that all reruns of Two and a Half Men will be pulled from the airwaves for over a year. Hurray! (Either that, or all networks rerunning Two and a Half Men will have to present an equal number of episodes of the current president’s little-remembered ’90s comedy workplace sitcom: Obama? Oh, Drama!)

10. Listen, we all know that Vice President Estevez will be the real power behind the throne, anyways.

PopWatchers, would you really prefer Charlie Sheen to your party’s opposition candidate? Are you just saying that because it’s Friday Friday Friday?

Comments (58 total) Add your comment
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  • juliet

    I love Charlie but i vote for Bartlet !

  • EW

    Must be having Sheen-withdrawal, only explanation for this.

  • Tom

    You guys have a lot of spare time over there, huh

    • tsmithmpls

      My thoughts exactly!

      • Ion

        Er, don’t get jealous, but this is their job

  • Eddiehaskell

    I don’t want to have to vote for Charlie, but I would vote for him over Sarah any day, drugs, hookers, porn stars & all!

    • Terry

      I have a hard time thinking of anyone that I would pick Palin over. Shoot, I’d vote for Nixon’s corpse before Sarah.

    • allie


      • Janiska

        So true, he is WINNING.

    • Janiska

      This includes drinking Charlie’s Tigerblood and winning whoaaaaa.

    • yadayada

      So, you are supporting an arrested wife beater who also threathend to cut off his latest wife head.

      • Justin


    • Sam

      What a libtard

      • Zira

        What a contard.

  • DRG

    Further proof that EW will use ANY excuse to post something about Charlie Sheen. Just like Lady Ca Ca.

    • DR

      Ca Ca… Haw! How very (un)original of you. FAIL for you and FAIL for EW for still talking about this cracked-out mess…

  • Amelia

    Didn’t he beat up his wife & threaten to kill her? Sarah Palin (or pretty much anyone) would be less harmful on the President’s seat.

    • etm

      I’ll take Sheen over Palin.

      • Dave

        Hmm, Sheen or Palin? Sheen or Palin? I’d choose…a one-way ticket out of this country.

      • ew-bot

        hmmm, I’m a straight woman, and politically repulsed by Palin, and yet I’d rather “take” Palin than Sheen. I’m deeply confused as to how anyone can find him attractive. That said, I’d much rather vote for him. She’s just crazy.

      • Janiska

        Ill vote Charlie Sheen over Palin, at least this guy is not a liar.

  • kcusick

    With all of the crazy Charlie Sheen truth out there, isn’t it time for some Charlie Sheen fiction? It’s “A Day in the Life of Charlie Sheen” on The Loop Now.

  • true

    OMG! A study taken by Public Policy Polling? Just as fake as Charlie Sheen.

    • Gen

      The Washington Post sponsers the poll.

      • cheryl


  • theresa

    Yeah, if you like a drug addict and boozer, who beats the mother of his children, and then has his two barely legal-aged brainless young women watch his children while they’re with him. He’s a train wreck and he’s caused a lot of damage in other people’s lives, so if that’s cause to suggest he’s remotely worthy of being president, it only tells me people do no vote for their beliefs, they vote out of ignorance especially in this case scenario.

    • K

      Or the entire thing is a massive joke and nobody took the poll seriously…

  • JPX

    Now that’s just silly.

  • yadayada

    Sure, why not have an arrested wife beater as President, one who also threathened to cut off his latest wifes head too.

  • Ben

    Dear Darren: Writing 101 teaches us not to repeat words, e.g., incredibly and remarkably.

  • bokchoy

    I bet Obamer would like to pick him up as another “morals” czar to match the rest of them.

  • stan weekleyt

    Boy you people of the Media are propaganda idiots.Yes let’s stick with political hacks that are controlled by the globalist.What a bunch of mind numb robots you guys have shown yourselves to be.

    • Janiska

      Dont insult others if they like charlie sheen okay? each to his own peeps.

    • ellis

      Globalist?? Better get that tin-foil hat checked for leaks, Stan. Maybe get that Zoloft ‘script refilled, too.

  • Slim Pickens

    Because he is appearing in TORONTO !

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