Why not replace Charlie Sheen... with a woman?

Charlie-HarperImage Credit: Keadrick D. Washington/PR Photos; Greg Gayne/CBS; Keadrick D. Washington/PR PhotosYes, yes, I know the show is called Two and a Half Men. But with all this speculation about the show’s future after this week’s crazytalk press tour — and many mentioning John Stamos (though sources say no such thing is imminent) — just for kicks, I’d like to throw out a different idea: How about we make it 1.5 men plus a lady? I won’t insist on the awkward title change — the thing’s a huge hit, let’s keep the name recognition! — but putting a woman in top billing on TV’s No. 1 comedy would provide at least the tiniest bit of karmic payback for Sheen and his alleged bad behavior. As The New York Times‘ David Carr pointed out, until this week, “the business interests — hundreds of millions in broadcast and syndication revenue will be lost if the show is gone for good — continued to prevail even as he terrorized the women in his life,” and he only got himself fired now by insulting his (male) boss.

So. Why not bring a woman in to play the new cad roommate to Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones? If only Jane Lynch were available for full-time work — she played Charlie’s shrink on the show, and could move in with the boys after committing Charlie! And I dream of Helen Mirren suddenly moving in, maybe as a quick-witted, chain-smoking, foul-mouthed aunt from England. But more realistically, what about Kathy Griffin? Or Roseanne Barr? Or the criminally-underused-on-Drop Dead Diva Margaret Cho? Or Wanda Sykes, whom I miss dearly since The New Adventures of Old Christine departed? For that matter, why not Julia Louis-Dreyfus, whom I can see as a roommate-turned-love-interest for Jon Cryer? Or Sarah Silverman? (Though she’d have to tone it down a bit for broadcast, even considering how raunchy as Two and a Half Men can get.)

Your turn, PopWatchers. Which lady would you love to see as the second man?

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Comments (89 total) Add your comment
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  • Henry Plantagenet

    If you really want to savor the irony, replace Sheen with Michael J. Fox.

    • Cody

      If you really want to savor the irony (a second time), replace Sheen with Denise Richards.

    • LOL

      Get this crap off the air.

  • Chris Miller

    Jenny McCarthy is better than Sheen.

    • Jeremy

      Love this idea!!!!

      • will

        yes, love it too!

    • Kerri

      Um, no. Ick. Ew.

    • Mike O

      Jenny McCarthy, the anti-vaccine crusader, shouldn’t be allowed on any TV show. Having said that, the idea of a woman replacing Charlie is a good idea. Would bring some new life to a show that just seems to be repeating itself.

  • Chad

    How bout replace him with NO ONE. Cancel the show. It’s a waste

  • Brian K

    They already have the very funny and talented Ryan Stiles in the cast, just increase his role a lot.

    • Rick

      Love this idea!

    • Kerri

      At last, a good idea. Second.

  • Dave Keller

    Replace him with a woman? Yeah, right. Women are not competent enough to carry a show in the lead role. Sure, they’re fine as supporting cast members, such as playing a submissive wife or girlfriend or the old-school ding-a-ling mom. But not a lead character. Give me a break.

    • Drew

      The women from Friends were lead characters.
      Debra Messing was a lead character.
      Roseanne was a lead character.
      Julia Louis Dreyfus was a lead character.
      You are an idiot.

      • Joe

        And all the women from Sex and the City which is one of the most successful series ever. Oh- and the Golden Girls while were at it.

    • Susan

      I Love Lucy; Sex in the City; Mary Tyler Moore; The Good Wife; Harry’s Law; Golden Girls; Maude; Desparate Housewives; Cagney and Lacey; Policewoman; Rhoda; Lavern and Shirley; The Donna Reid Show;

      face it you had a tiny part of the brain power of Oprah or Barbara Walters you might not make such an idiotic statement

    • Briony

      Wow Dave you sound like a total idiot!! Did you forget a woman brought you into this world?

      • Johnny

        ok I’m sick of this, I’m dropping a pearl on society. Yes, women bring us into this world…but wrap your brains around this…we come through you. It’s the man who has life created within his body, billions of little lives per load. Sperm are alive! but not quite human yet. You need a live sperm with a plan, and an egg, to go on to the next step of creating a human life… thats right, sperm are alive, eggs are not… inside men, and not the women…. Show me an egg with life.?? those eggs you girls create have no life in them what so ever, and never will. You are incubators, nothing more when it comes to life. Now say again you create life and bring it into this world… you are wrong.
        Where is life happening first? sperm or egg?

        Now go make all of us some sammiches pls kthbye.

      • K

        LOL. Time for remedial biology, Johnny. A sperm is a male gamete (sex cell), an egg is a woman’s gamete (sex cell). They are both simply cells. Neither is more alive than the other. A gamete of each kind is needed to create a fertilized egg, or zygote, which then divides repeatedly until you end up with a fetus. That fetus lives inside a woman for months, wreaking havoc on her body in most cases, changing her pelvic bone structure, her foot bones, making her nauseated at formerly pleasant smells and foods, giving her hormone swings that, however unpleasant they might be for bystanders, are infinitely more unpleasant for the woman experiencing them and unable to control them…let’s see, what else? For the last month or so, there’s a giant baby squeezing your insides upward so that you feel like you can’t breathe right, lying down to sleep is uncomfortable, you have to be supremely careful in your vitamins and general nutrient intake, you can’t drink some of your favorite beverages like you used to, you can’t do some of your previously beloved activities like bike riding because of the danger of falling and injuring the baby…pregnancy raises your blood pressure, you gain weight that can be VERY difficult to lose, your boobs get saggier and they leak milk unexpectedly, often in public where it’s super embarrassing…good lord, the list of unpleasantness that pregnant women have to deal with is interminable. And I’m not even including the actual childbirth. So sure, sperm are totally necessary to make a baby. But if you ever call a woman who has experienced pregnancy “nothing more than an incubator” to her face, I hope she slaps you a few times and then gives you a knee to your ‘nads, just to make sure your sperm are “alive”.

    • Amber

      Don’t feed the troll.

      • lloyd cross

        This is almost if not better than facebook.LOL

    • patril

      Get professional help Dave. You need it for your misogyny personality disorder.

    • DJ

      Dave Keller aka Charlie Sheen?

    • babs

      Hmmm.. maybe Dave was just mimicing Sheen’s outlook on women…I thought it was kinda funny.

    • Kat

      Trollin’ with my homies…

    • Matt

      Dave, I get the feeling you’re a misogynistic douchebag whose only contribution to the planet is the bullsh!t you spew by opening your pushole of a mouth…am I right? Here’s a tip — stop breathing. The women of the world will thank you.

  • Some random guy

    Cancel it and give Berta her own show.

    • Kerri

      Or just have Berta move in… maybe with a daughter or 2 of hers, whom she’ll have to keep away from Alan and Jake. THERE’S good tv.

      • jury’s out

        Great idea. I’d watch that.

    • mile

      this ^
      Berta is the best part of the show.

  • Kenneth

    If they replace Sheen with a woman, the show will not be 2 and a half men.

    I agree, give Berta her own show.

  • efrain

    It can be Jane Lynch so she could me a multi-millionaire!

  • HM

    While we’re at it, we may as well give dominant (non-support, non-background, but central) roles to a couple of men in Sex and the City, too. It couldn’t possibly make the show (or the movie) worse, either.

  • reel_deal

    Just replace him with Emilio Estevez…makes perfect sense. sure he was on before, but that didn’t stop MASH from casting Harry Morgan when Mclean Stevenson left

  • Ellen

    Oh please, nothing fits into this role but Charlie Sheen, the show will be a waste without him. they should do something to work it out cause it is totally unfair to the fans.

    • Suntrap

      I would argue that the show is a waste with him

  • rere

    I know this won’t happen, but wouldn’t it be GREAT (!!!)if George Clooney could take Sheen’s place (also as a playboy). I say that because Clooney’s movies haven’t been doing well and we all know how great he was on television. Ok, if that’s waaaay out there, then Josh Duhamel (Fergie’s husband). He is GORGEOUS and he is a great comedic actor as well. I am not a fan of the show, but I sure don’t want the other actors to lose their jobs because of Sheen!!!

  • David

    Judy Greer. It’d be enough to make ne start watching the show again.

  • Kerri

    I love the show and replacing Charlie would be do-able for awhile, but let’s face it, without Charlie, the loveable rakish slob, it’s just not the show we love. I’d give it a shot, but it will never be the same.

  • Hunter

    I feel sorry for the man and hope, or should I say beg the media leaves him alone. Cripes, we all have issues but not on the news daily.

    • patril

      He’s a major loser. The sooner he gets locked up the better.

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