'Jersey Shore' going to Italy for season 4. Where should they invade next?

jersey-shore-in-italyImage Credit: MTVMTV announced earlier today that Jersey Shore — the highest-rated TV show to ever feature a four-foot-nine tanning addict sticking her overheated rump into a mini-fridge — will fly to Italy for its upcoming fourth season. According to the press release, the cast is “excited to trade gorillas for Italian stallions,” which is really offensive, unless you actually picture a society where gorillas and stallions are an important part of the economy. Kids, this is crazy, crazy, crazy! I can’t contain myself. This is the best news I’ve heard since I stopped caring about the future of humanity. Jersey Shore is traveling to the country of Julius Caesar, of Leonardo da Vinci, of Federico Fellini. Most importantly, Italy is the country of Silvio Berlusconi, allegedly the only prime minister with a more smush-tastic personal life than the entire Jersey Shore cast put together. This news begs two questions:

1) How will Italy react to Jersey Shore?

2) Where should Jersey Shore invade next?

Answers(?):

1) There’s a reason MTV is sending the cast to Italy, instead of more obvious party locales like Cancun, Ibiza, or wherever Skins is set. Jersey Shore is nominally about Italian-American culture, and according to EW’s crack team of underpaid scientists, you can’t have Italian-American culture without Italy. So it’s sort of like they’re returning to their homeland. (Every Italian-American show travels to Italy eventually — Everybody Loves Raymond, The Sopranos, The Real Housewives of New Jersey.) Of course, only about half the Shore cast is actually Italian. Also, since Jersey Shore‘s portrayal of Italian-American culture is basically “Drink, fight, eat, hug, and maybe go to Church,” we can suppose that the cast might actually have a hard time fitting in. Although who’s excited for the trip to Vatican City? Maybe the cast will be like goodwill diplomats. Remember when Benjamin Franklin was the U.S. Ambassador to France? This could be like that, except the Jersey Shore cast is prettier and less sexually active.

Let’s be honest: These people might actually be the worst tourists on the face of the earth. As far as we’ve seen on the show, only Vinny actually speaks any Italian. We can theorize that you might need at least a little Italian to get around in Italy. (Since some of the cast members can barely communicate in English, we could be looking at a whole season of hilarious miscommunication.) The cast will apparently visit Vinny’s Old World relatives, so look forward to an awkward night where the Situation and Pauly both try to smush Vinny’s second cousin, but they both end up striking out, because Pauly doesn’t hook up with his boys’ relatives and because the second cousin doesn’t get drunk enough to think Sitch is younger than 45. Then Vinny will hook up with his own second cousin, Snooki will vomit in a hot tub, and Sammi will stare in a mirror. Twist! Shyamalan!

As for 2) now that the show has left America, it’s possible to see an endless array of seasons spent traveling to faraway places. Wouldn’t you like to see what sort of trouble the Jersey Shore people could get up to in Scandinavia, where everyone is taller, blonder, and smarter than them? Or what about Jersey Shore in Tokyo? It would be just like Lost in Translation, except something would happen! Still, my personal favorite choice for a future season of the show: Jersey Shore Searches For El Dorado, in which the cast would travel down the Amazon in search of the Lost City of Gold. Just imagine the hilarity!

PopWatchers, are you excited/scared/overjoyed/driven to madness by the news that Jersey Shore will move to Italy? Where do you think their new beach house will be? Sicilia? Napoli? What will be their fake summer job? I’m hoping they’ll be stomping grapes in a winery. (We know they’re qualified, because they seem supremely capable of moving their feet.) And seriously, Berlusconi has to make an appearance on the show, right? I kid you not, if he hooked up with one of the cast members, it would be the 15th craziest thing he has been accused of doing as prime minister. (What, did you think America was the only ridiculous country on the face of the earth? Well, let this be your wake-up call: The whole world is insane.)

Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

Read more:
‘Jersey Shore’ goes to Italy for season 4
‘Jersey Shore’ recap: Roger That, Tom!

Comments (151 total) Add your comment
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  • Mr. Holloway

    Next up…space!

    (A lot of horror franchises wind up there anyway, so why not?)

    • Karate Pants

      “Are you wearin’ astronaut pants?”

      • Mr. Holloway

        I was thinking more along the lines of, “In space, no one care you smush.”

    • USA

      Dear Italy,

      We are so sorry. Only about 40% of us are this annoying and shallow. Please feel free to dispatch these morons with extreme prejudice, in whatever manner you feel appropriate. Perhaps reenacting/reinstating crucifixions along the Appian Way would be justified in this case.

      Sincerely,
      America

      P.S. – Keep sending that Tuaca over.

      • Bleu Lorax

        Great post.

      • billy

        Do you not like this if you ask me it is amazing show..

  • Yo Yo

    Whatever cave in Pakistan Osama is hiding in.

    • Kim

      He’s dead and it wasnt a cave.

  • Mike

    Hell.

    • GeeMoney

      I knew someone woould have this response.

  • Seth Finck

    Dear America,

    Please don’t do this to us.

    Love, Italy

    • America

      Sorry, man. We really needed a breather.

  • DAT

    Atlanta- the CDC is there.

    • Micah

      Hahahahaha!!! That’s the perfect answer right there.

  • Zoey

    Really, it should be canceled.

    • Liz Lemon

      Lol. That ain’t happening. This is the most successful show MTV has had since…who knows?

  • amalthea

    italy,

    i am so sorry.

    emphatically yours,
    american expat in bari

    • Allison

      I posted something similar on Facebook earlier.

  • Dan

    Hahahahaha this is a really good call on their part. In Jersey and Miami they are to well-known to actually go around and party without all the attention of being the Jersey Shore people, in Italy it will just be insanity..I can’t wait.
    And enough with people saying this show is an insult to humanity or trash, yes we are all aware, so are they, when people watch Jersey Shore they are not looking for Mad Men quality television they are looking for mindless fun and laughs.

    • papasee

      unfortunately for the large demographic of their audience (10 – 20 year olds), it’s not just about fun and laughs.

      it’s shaping them as human beings.

      • Adam

        I would like to see some researched evidence supporting your statement … It’s just a show, if you don’t like it then don’t watch it.

    • J

      I don’t really think that would be true. I was in Prague and Berlin and I saw Jersey Shore on tv. They actually might get more attention over there.

    • Nico

      The carbonieri are going to love them ! My prediction. One arrest per episode? Maybe deportation after 3…

  • Niner

    I think we should supply the entire cast with a case of Four Loko to show our appreciation for their mind boggling and educating entertainment…

  • MCB

    I cant remember the last time I laughed this hard! This is the best news of the week. LOL

  • RK

    Paris…they would anger them so quickly…

    • Karate Pants

      I DO like the idea of sending them to another country…but I was thinking North Korea.

      • Erica G

        LOL! That would be something crazy sending them to North Korea…

  • Innocent Bystander

    On behalf of America, let me extend my sincerest condolences to the country of Italy. We’re so sorry. I wish I could say we won’t do it again but that’s a promise we can’t make. But in any case, we’re so sorry…

  • Stephanie T.

    Send them to Iran.

  • kay

    italy,

    i’m so sorry for this happening to you please be strong for us americans k? love you guys

    keisha from u.s.a

  • Alice

    You know what, I’ve been to Italy. A beautiful country full of lovely people and astounding culture, but I’ve seen their television. America, I wouldn’t worry too much about this.

    • Sara

      I’m italian, and u r right! Italian television sucks!

    • olivier

      That’s the truth; italian national tv is filled with women with breasts showing, jersey shore is like a g rated movie for them !

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