How do you like your breakfast, boys and girls? Because that’s essentially what Day 1 of our Big Shill bracket game’s Sweet 16 round is all about. If you respond to a military bearing, maybe the Cap’n is your man. If you prefer the sweet, sappy taste of grandma’s home cooking, Mrs. Butterworth is the clear option. If you have a soft spot for rabbits, your inner-Lennie will insist on Trix, and if you like to converse with your cereal, Rice Krispies will have something to say in the matter. So start our day off right and vote for your favorite sultans of shill.
Snap, Crackle, and Pop vs. The Trix rabbit
Mrs. Butterworth vs. Cap’n Crunch
Check out our contender bios and TV commercial clips, then vote in the polls below.
SNAP, CRACKLE, AND POP
Product: Rice Krispies
Debut year: 1928
Catchphrase: Their names ARE their catchphrase. Would that we all could say the same.
Claim to fame: More than 80 years after their introduction, the elves still appear young (and perpetually in the midst of an incredible sugar high.) And in all that time, they’ve barely changed their fashion.
Strength: International men of mystery, the elves hold several foreign passports with different names. (In Finland, they’re called Riks, Raks, and Poks. In Germany, they’re called Knisper, Knasper, and Knusper.) That could come in handy if espionage is required.
Weakness: Weak link Crackle is known to fold under pressure.
THE TRIX RABBIT
Product: Trix Cereal
Debut year: 1961
Catchphrase: The rabbit himself has no catchphrase, but the awful children who torment him do: “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!” Oh really, kids? Is that a law? Was it voted on by Congress? Was it signed into law by the President? And who nominated you kids the Cereal Gestapo, anyways? Who watches the watchmen, children?Â WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?!
Claim to fame: After fifty years, the Trix rabbit remains utterly incapable of successfully eating any Trix. Which, when you think about it, is a little bit inspiring. Have you ever loved something enough to chase after it for five decades?
Strength: Has conceived literally thousands of schemes to get his hands on some Trix.
Weakness: Has never conceived a successful scheme in his entire miserable life.
Product: Cap’n Crunch cereal
Debut year: 1963
Catchphrase: Crunchatize Me, Cap’n!
Claim to fame: Battling soggies, of course. Well, that and making sure kids loved the entire line of Cap’n cereals.
Strength: Sugar highs.
Weakness: Well, that apostrophe isn’t doing anyone any favors… and neither is the crummy nutrition…
Product: Mrs. Butterworth’s syrups and pancake mixes
Debut year: 1961
Catchphrase: “Mrs. Butterworth’s is twice as thick as the other syrups.”
Claim to fame: Mrs. Butterworth (first name: Joy) is just like your sweet old grandmother — that is, if granny was a talking syrup bottle that you kept locked in the cupboard and only spoke to when you ate pancakes.
Strength: When Mrs. Butterworth tells you that her syrup is thicker and richer, you believe her. She’s so Betty-White convincing that she could just as easily sell car insurance, which she did.
Weakness: She seems a little insecure for an old lady. Why does she always have to compare her syrup to other peoples’? Thick and rich is good enough, Mrs. B.