Image Credit: TVLandBetty White launched the season 2 premiere of TV Land’s Hot in Cleveland last night very fittingly—in an orange jumpsuit, singing quite the entertaining rendition of “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” from her jail cell. White just turned 89, and, as evidenced by her singing here, she has more panache than people one quarter of her age. As you might remember, her character Elka was arrested and booked at the end of the season 1 finale for possessing a cellar full of stolen goods that her husband had acquired while working for the mob. Later, we witnessed Betty doing Betty very well, reminding Wendie Malick’s pompous and out-of-touch soap actress character Victoria Chase, “I’m in freaking jail!” Indeed she was.
And what do you know? In the slammer, Betty ran into none other than her old Mary Tyler Moore castmate, star Mary Tyler Moore, who was playing a fellow cellmate in a hilarious nod to the pair’s storied history together. While Betty’s Elka was there for possession of stolen goods, Moore was there for “drunk and disorderly,” she explained. “Or, as I like to call it: Tuesday.” Of course, the show’s writers couldn’t help but have a little fun with the two: “So, let’s not wait another 33 years to do this again, OK, stretch?” White said to Moore as she was carted out of the jail cell. Consider this reunion a success.
Elka’s jail set the tone for the rest of the episode (and, yes, the rest of the season), with her three pals Melanie (Valerie Bertinelli), Joy (Jane Leeves), and Victoria (Wendie Malick) trying their best to come up with ways to bail her out. The best idea that they could come up with was a garage sale, which led Joy—who spent most of the episode trying to talk her out of marrying Rick (Wayne Knight) for a green card so she could stay in the country, but failing—to sell Victoria’s “chill pills” to the mailman. That, of course, just happened to be overheard by Melanie’s (totally hottt) police officer boyfriend Pete (David Starzyk), who sent Joy to prison with Elka. Victoria bellyached after she found out that all of her money had been involved in a Ponzi-esque scheme. “I’ve been Madoff-ed!” she yelled. And Melanie spent most of the episode mad at police officer Pete for sending both Elka and Joy to prison. As you might have guessed, it all came together nicely in the end—with the cast gingerly sitting around their favorite booth in their favorite bar together. Awww, sweet. Life is fun in a sitcom. Are things ever not eventually happy in Cleveland? I seriously hope it’s never otherwise.
Of course, one of the best parts of Hot in Cleveland is the show’s genius one-liners. Shall I share my favorites? Well, don’t mind if I do. If you’ve got any I’m missing, leave ‘em in the comments below.
“Oh, you’re right, they do look like hookers.” —Mary Tyler Moore, to Elka, she she meets Elka’s three, younger pals in jail
“That’s not how you punish a man—you talk more!” —Elka, after Melanie says she’s punishing Pete by not talking to him
“I am Victoria Chase. I’m rich—and famous!…Half my identity is gone!” —Victoria, after she realizes she’s got no money anymore
“People are shaping their own brows? Do we live in a third-world country?” —Victoria, after Joy says that people aren’t getting as many eyebrow shapings with the economy the way it is
“Oh, I’ve got bars—no offense.” —Victoria, to the jail-bound Elka, about her cell phone
“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God! My business manager has been indicted on tax fraud. All of my assets are frozen. I’ve been Madoff-ed!” —Victoria, after she realizes she’s got no money anymore
“I can’t be poor. I’m flying private on Thursday for botox.” —Victoria, wining about having no money anymore
“You’re got to front up and bug down, b—-! It’s prison slang.” —Elka, telling the girls to toughen up
“The joint changes you. I also know how to kill somebody with a toothbrush.” —Elka, about her time in prison
“That’s what makes it so chic. It screams ‘I have people to carry my things!’” —Victoria, trying to sell a tiny purse she thinks is work $4,000
“Hi, I’m Rick, and this is Joy, my fiancé. I notice your expression just changed. You were surprised to hear we were a couple. I don’t want to put words into your mouth, but several explanations must have popped into your head. He must have money. Or he’s extraordinarily gifted in bed. Or he’s so incredibly wonderful that she was able to overlook his non-conformist body type. Did any of these thoughts occur to you?” —Rick, while talking to a stranger at the gals’ garage sale to try to prove to her that people will see right through their sham marriage, if it happens
“Your mouth is saying, ‘Hell no,’ but you eyes are saying merely, ‘no.’” —Rick, after Joy refuses his marriage proposal
“Don’t call a woman ‘ma’am’—we hate it. Call us ‘Miss’ until the day we die.” —Melanie, to Pete’s officer-in-training, who calls her “ma’am”
“Well, we know who the bitch is going to be.” —Elka, to Joy, when she joins her in jail
“Two of my pals just got out of prison. God, I sound like white trash already. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be listening to Skynard and wearing a tube top.” —Victoria, in the continued fallout from her cash being gone
“Who do you have to shag to get a drink around here?” —Elka, at bar after being sprung from jail
“Blame it on Coolio.” —Elka, referencing the great summer she had with Rick back in 1997
What’d you think of the season premiere, folks? Is Betty and Co. still making you laugh? Do you remember some great lines that I forgot here? Are you as stoked about this new season of Hot in Cleveland as you were about the first? Who’s your favorite character (besides Betty, of course)? Lemme know all your thoughts below.
Tanner on Twitter: @EWTanStransky
More from EW.com:
‘Hot in Cleveland’ scoop: About tonight’s premiere and the upcoming 10 episodes
‘Hot in Cleveland’ scoop: Valerie Bertinelli to reteam with ‘One Day at a Time’ costar Bonnie Franklin. Plus: Tons more guest stars!
‘Hot in Cleveland,’ ‘All My Children’ crossover coming
‘Hot in Cleveland’ season finale: 5 reasons this show rules
‘Hot in Cleveland’: I can feel your interest in this show evaporating
‘Hot in Cleveland’ gets second season. Betty White fever continues!
‘Hot in Cleveland’ attracts record ratings for TV Land
Wouldn’t have known that was Mary Tyler Moore if there hadn’t been tons of press about her being on the show. She should sue her plastic surgeon. She looked terrifying!
Send us a picture of yourself when you’ve lived 75 years and with diabetes and we’ll see how good you look.
@me – a comment regarding not recognizing MMT because of the many bad plastic surgeries she has had is a valid comment. I barely recognized her either, in fact, all I could think of was Skeltor – scary – and I love MMT. It’s too bad actresses have to go under the knife to keep working. Hollywood sucks. What happened to aging gracefully? I am certainly glad I am not an acress.
reply sorry MTM….
I agree with Bored, it was obvious she’s had too much plastic surgery and she didn’t look good at all. I know plenty of peopole her age with diabetes and they don’t look anything like that. I don’t think I would have recognized her if I hadn’t known in advance who she was. The only reason I watched this episode was to see their reunion.
And I’m sure the 2 of you are dead-ringers for Angelina. Gimme a break and look in the mirror.
I love all the characters on the show, they fit well into the show. Hot in Cleveland makes me laugh.
With this show ? Poor ratings, tepid reviews, run of the mill humor. It’s on TV Land for Petes sake – isn’t that obvious enough ? There are recaps for this but not community ???
Love this show..
What are you doing on EW? w/ your poor knowledge of TV. “Hot in Cleveland” has been a ratings Bonanza for TV Land averaging 4.7 million viewers a week which is GIANT for a cable show that airs at 10pm and doesn’t feature drunk young people with deep tans. It matches Community ratings for new episodes at 8pm during new runs last December. Making HIC a big fish on cable and Community an average fish in the murky NBC pond ratings wise.
Its on TV Land because it is their show. It is the perfect tribute to 70′s style sitcoms.
All the women on this show are great and Betty White is a comic genius.
@ESH – I agree with you on all counts. When I finished watching it I felt like I had been transported back to my childhood. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but there are enough of us out there who can appreciate the great actresses, funny jokes, and 20th century writing. Boo to all who think there is no room for this kind of show on TV.
Did like the tidbits from the old MTM show — the big M on the jail wall — MTM saying “I hate spunk”
I can’t believe Tanner didn’t mention “I hate spunk.” My mother used that line to her dying day.
I seriously doubt Tanner ever watched the MTM show. Otherwise he would have mentioned it.
I loved that too! Mr. Grant said the same thing to Mary Richards when she started working at the news room. Then to hear MTM say it to a different character many years later was hilarious!
And one question – wouldn’t the statute of limitations have run out on the possession of stolen goods by now?
Its a sitcom not Law and Order!!!
Except that she still owns them, so “possession” would not have expired past the statute of limitations. Probably the actually robbery itself could not have been prosecuted this many years hence, due to statute of limitations. BTW, I’m not a lawyer – I just play one on the message boards.
I think Elka said, “Who do you have to shank to get a drink around here.” (at least that’s what my close-captioning said)
Hee hee! It’s funny either way, “shag” or “shank.”
I have to say that I don’t think Mary Tyler Moore did a very good job. I did not know she was going to be on the show, so it came as a pleasant surprise to see her (although she hasn’t looked well in many years). But she recited her lines very stiffly. You’d never know she has had a lifetime of experience reciting sitcom dialogue. Very disappointing. But the rest of the show was good.
MTM has lost over 70% of her sight, so I imagine that has something to do with her acting style these days.
It was a funny episode. Glad to see MTM on it although her part was a lot smaller than expected and mid way through the dialog really stunk. Betty White still had the best lines with Wendy right behind her. The ‘balls’ jokes got old fast. They need to move on from those.
I don’t find most of those one-liners funny. “The joint changes you. I also know how to kill somebody with a toothbrush.” …that’s funny?
I agree. Betty White deserves better writing than that.
I love Valerie Bertinelli, always have, since One Day at a Time!
It’s a shame Bertinelli is given so little to do on this one. They may as well call it “The Betty White Show.”
I am confused. I technically should hate this show, but I love it! Very funny at times and the ladies work wonderfully together. At first I thought it would be a guilty-pleasure but I genuinely like it!
Agreed. And congrats that they were nominated for a SAG for Outstanding Ensemble in a Comedy Series.
The show was hysterical. Glad they didn’t lose any of the momentum from Season 1. And thanks for recapping the one-liners because that’s truly what puts this show in front!
Betty and Wendy can deliver a so-so line and get a laugh. Valerie and Jane cannot. The Joy character could be axed without any problem
No, I’d miss Jane Leeves’ incredible legs.
Victoria Chase has to be my favorite character on the show and in fact on most of Television. Wendi Malick us a gifted comedienne, pairing her with Betty White is inspired.
Check Out GenerationGossip.com