It would be funny if I approached this blog post about Kim Kardashian’s “new single” as if it were a genuine music critique. Like if we pondered the poetic implications of her lyrical command to “Turn it up so I can rock the night away.” Or talked about the quality of her “vocals.” But let’s not kid ourselves. Her new song, “Turn it Up,” which she debuted over the weekend in Las Vegas, is a club track. Nothing more, maybe less.
Much like when I get sucked into a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon, I don’t feel bad about accepting this at face value. She’s not coming into her “music career” hoping to play Carnegie Hall or hoping to match the creative achievements of Lady Gaga’s pinky toe. The reality star is producing club music, something that can be played during her many costly appearances at Tao, Pure, Muggle, Slytherin, or whatever the cool clubs are calling themselves these days. I can’t blame the woman for wanting to produce her own soundtrack. Who wouldn’t do the same? (EW refuses to play my Celtic vocal recordings when I enter the building every morning. Call me jealous.)
So while my innate reaction is to stick lit matches in my ears before pressing play on the video below, I won’t — and you shouldn’t either. 1) I’ve warned you. 2) Sticking lit matches in your ears if never a good idea. And 3) You’ve probably listened to worse.
What do you think, PopWatchers? Will you dance to this while intoxicated? Of course you will. But will you listen to it voluntarily? Answer honestly. I promise not to judge.
On Twitter: @EWSandraG