Kim Kardashian's new single: Who doesn't like club beats?

Kim-KardashianImage Credit: Denise Truscello/WireImage.comIt would be funny if I approached this blog post about Kim Kardashian’s “new single” as if it were a genuine music critique. Like if we pondered the poetic implications of her lyrical command to “Turn it up so I can rock the night away.” Or talked about the quality of her “vocals.” But let’s not kid ourselves. Her new song, “Turn it Up,” which she debuted over the weekend in Las Vegas, is a club track. Nothing more, maybe less.

Much like when I get sucked into a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon, I don’t feel bad about accepting this at face value. She’s not coming into her “music career” hoping to play Carnegie Hall or hoping to match the creative achievements of Lady Gaga’s pinky toe. The reality star is producing club music, something that can be played during her many costly appearances at Tao, Pure, Muggle, Slytherin, or whatever the cool clubs are calling themselves these days. I can’t blame the woman for wanting to produce her own soundtrack. Who wouldn’t do the same? (EW refuses to play my Celtic vocal recordings when I enter the building every morning. Call me jealous.)

So while my innate reaction is to stick lit matches in my ears before pressing play on the video below, I won’t — and you shouldn’t either. 1) I’ve warned you. 2) Sticking lit matches in your ears if never a good idea. And 3) You’ve probably listened to worse.

What do you think, PopWatchers? Will you dance to this while intoxicated? Of course you will. But will you listen to it voluntarily? Answer honestly. I promise not to judge.

On Twitter: @EWSandraG

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Comments (28 total) Add your comment
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  • Jim

    “Worse” does not exist.

    • Lisa Simpson

      You said it, brother.

  • DEAR SANDRA GONZALES

    What is the point of doing a “review” of this song when listeners can’t even hear what the song sounds like from the terrible youtube video you posted? Is that how you reviewed the song? By listening to this low-quality, club recording? Where you at the club when she premiered it? Did you actually hear a quality version of it? Nice job on this article, not! Now I’m not here to defend Kim, I’m not really a fan, but what the hell is this nonsense you put up? Is this really something you expect people to be able to hear and discuss? Riiiiight…

    • PopWatcher

      Um, it’s not a review. It’s a blog post.

      • DEAR SANDRA GONZALES

        Why even post this and ask for opinions on it though? Can you honestly say you can hear what her voice or the music sounds like? The whole thing sounds like a song being played under water. The only reason this is up is so people can say judgmental things about Kim herself, because let’s face it, no one can really say much about the single unless they have some kind of super, under water, filtered, high tech hearing. So why was this posted again? To talk about a song no one can actually hear? Stop the bs. It’s so sad that EW writers are now turning into cheap Perez Hilton knock-offs just to get some clicks on their articles. How about waiting for the song to actually come out next time so people can actually hear it first?

      • PopWatcher

        Do you think that a real reviewer is going to take this song any more seriously? It’s an auto-tuned joke, and a silly PopWatch blog is all the attention it really deserves.

      • DEAR SANDRA GONZALES

        “Do you think that a real reviewer is going to take this song any more seriously? It’s an auto-tuned joke, and a silly PopWatch blog is all the attention it really deserves”

        The fact that you said that pretty much proves that this blog was only created to trash talk Kim. This blog is not even about her song at all, so why not title it something like “I hate Kim Kardashian because I think she has no talent and should go die in a corner so let’s talk about how much we want her to fail at anything she does because she’s not a person like we are, yay!”? If this article exists just to be a stupid article about hating on Kim then you might as well own up to it instead of misleading people, no? At this rate, EW is going to be losing a lot of visitors if the only thing their “writers” seem to be able to post lately are judgmental, useless, uninformed, nonsense with misleading titles.

      • PopWatcher

        Once again, it is not a review (and this blog post will not affect in any way the review attention this song will get). Blog posts are meant to be light, funny, and, yes, a bit snarky. Lots of blog posts trash talk the Kardashians. Otherwise, no one would be talking about them at all. To be honest, I think Sandra Gonzales was being kind in her post. She treated the song exactly as it should be treated, as another attention-grab by a talentless fame-wh*re, though her opinion is that it’s better than some. I couldn’t even make it through the song, and it wasn’t because of the ‘sound quality.’ It’s a piece of crap.

      • Mr. Holloway

        @ Popwatcher and Dear Sandra Gonzales.

        Just want to say that I’ve rarely enjoyed a disagreement with so little at stake. (You’re arguing about a Kim Kardashian song, after all.)

        Seriously though. You both bring up good points, and you’re doing thoughtfully and (mostly) without namecalling.

      • DEAR SANDRA GONZALES

        LOL you are basically going around in a circle at this point and so am I now. I don’t agree with you at all, I think your arguments are weak and only serve to further prove my point of how useless this article really is. It’s clearly written from judgemental point of view and it is meant to promote hate, period. I mean, no one on here can actually hear what the song really sounds like yet look at all the stupid comments all over the place where people are miraculously judging it with their bionic ears. The writer knew exactly what she was doing when she posted this garbage and she is now getting what she wanted, congratulations! Whatever, I’m done with this “blog”.

      • DEAR SANDRA GONZALES

        DAMN YOU MR. HOLLOWAY! Just when I thought I was done you had to come on here and make me smile! In all honesty, I really only clicked on this article so I could hear the song and see if I liked it or not, but instead, I found myself listening to (and reading) this nonsense so I couldn’t not comment. As for the name calling, I tried to stay away from that because I wanted to get my point across clearly. It was hard though, trust me.

  • Mr. Holloway

    Maybe it’s just my headphones at work, but I could barely hear her vocals over the beat.

    In other words, I think it’s brilliant!

  • HoneyB

    Ugh, this walking STD needs to go away.

  • Rayne

    You can hardly hear the vocals, but it doesn’t sound bad for a club music. It’s something you can dance too. I would have liked the sound quality to be better. It’s sound a little better than the Paris Hilton song or the Atlanta House wife Kim Z. song or Willow wip my hair song.

  • JoeC

    It is terrible, but she sings as well as Justin Timberlake…

  • mscisluv

    Your Harry Potter club names sound like something Stefan on SNL would come up with: “The city’s hottest new club is…MUGGLE.”

    • Nic

      I was thinking the same thing!

      • Cris

        Same here!

    • Mr. Holloway

      “Club owner Gayco Malfoy has thought of everything…”

      • Kat

        “…Time-Turners, brains in tanks, human Golden Snitches…you know, it’s that thing where chubby people are spray-painted gold and turn their back fat into wings…”

  • Mikka

    Wow, my head hurts. I never want to be as drunk as I’d need to be to enjoy that.

  • tim

    It sounds exactly the same as Lady Gaga or Katy Perry or whatever autotuned mess Ryan Seacreast will play next.

  • mom7801

    I think she should duet with Jessica Simpson

    • JessicaSimpson

      Seriously? What did I do to you?

  • help!

    is this the same “turn it up” previously recorded by paris hilton?

  • steffany

    There should totally be a club called Slytherin.

  • hailey

    hey kim you are the most famous person i love you new songs well i thank that you are the most preetyiest person i have ever met i love to lison to your voice well i love to fowllow you on tweeter well got to go have a lot to do love hailey aka kim you rock keep on jammen lol

  • hailey

    kim love the new song going to buy the single well got to go you keep on jammen love hailey

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