Today's lacrosse star, tomorrow's CW character

gossip-girlImage Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CWIt may not be as big as the Oscar nominations (or even the Razzies), but today’s unveiling of Inside Lacrosse Magazine‘s 2011 All-Name Team (which playfully compiles the most blue-blooded names of real-life college lacrosse players) will be closely analyzed by any TV writer who wants to get his pet project on The CW. After all, you can’t just stuff your hip new teen pilot with the same ol’ Liams, Clays, and Stefans. For mentally blocked writers, then, this list of the preppiest lacrosse-ey sounding names is a welcome cheat-sheet: You could fill up the network’s entire fall slate with the likes of Caldwell, Baxter, and oooooo … Brogan! That is the name of a Vampire Diaries recurring character if there ever was one. Check out the entire first-team after the jump:

FIRST TEAM
Caldwell Rohrbach Jr., Attack, St. Lawrence
Westy Hopkins Fr., Attack, Notre Dame
Harrison Archer Fr., Attack, Denver
Carleton Knisely Fr., Attack, Bucknell
Rustin Bryant Fr., Midfield, Maryland
Nils Thompson So., Midfield, Bryant
Braxton Deaver Fr., Midfield, Duke
Cullen Cassidy So., F/O, Hofstra
Draper Donley Fr., Defense, Dickinson
Baxter Lanius IV So., Defense, Lehigh
Brogan O’Connor Jr., Defense, Conn College
Trevel Tally Fr., Defense, Mercer
Brewster Knowlton Jr., Goalie, WNEC

There’s a women’s list as well, folks. Watch your back, Blair Waldorf.


Comments (21 total) Add your comment
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  • Jim

    [sigh]

    • Joe

      I believe that I’m sighing in sympathy with you. How the h-e-double lacrosse sticks is this “entertainment”? It’s okay to not fill a slow week with boring minutae like this.

      • Catlin

        boo bird for you!

  • mscisluv

    There is a “Fielding Kidd” on the women’s list. Amazing.

  • Liz

    “Draper Donley”? Bet he’s the brunt of a lot of Mad Men jokes.

  • tracy bluth

    I personally prefer “Draper Donley”

  • Dan

    Some of those names are sure to show up. This is my favorite post in a long time. Thanks for calling attention to the preposterous names that occur in some tv shows and are given by ridiculous upper-class parents.

  • Katja

    This is hilarious. I like that there’s a “Broghan Cully” on the women’s list. And one of the other men’s lists (I think maybe the 3rd team?) has an actual Remington Steele.

  • PN

    There’s a “Princess Livingston” in the women’s second team! Where do they come up with these names? Also these gender neutral names are confusing. Are Beasley, Miller and Kearney boys or girls?

  • Ally

    I played lax with a girl on the second team and My brother went to the same highschool as harrison Archer. I can tell you that we have many names of the same calibre at both schools

  • banana

    this. is. HILARIOUS! “Baxter! Baxter dear!…..”

    • tracy bluth

      Poor kid, I can’t imagine all the Anchorman jokes…

  • banana

    There’s a PRINCESS LIVINGSTON on one of the girls’ teams. Wha…..? Why? Why? Why?

  • K

    No. This is made-up. It has to be. I can’t live in a world where this is real.

  • mela

    I hope white folks stop giving blacks grief over giving their kids stupid names. This list is proof that this phenomenon of stupid naming is not exclusive to blacks, or celebrities, but blue-blood whites.

    • Unnamed Writer

      Best comment.

  • Briana

    I can’t stop laughing. This is brilliant.

  • Merry Bear

    This is hilarious. Come to think of it, though, our local LAX league has some good pickins for ridiculous blue-blood-wannabe-sounding names.

  • FernLaPlante

    How long before they are busted for date rapes?

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