Holiday double entendres: Which song is the greatest offender?

ELVIS-AND-SANTAImage Credit: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty ImagesI still think Elvis Presley’s “Santa Claus is Back in Town” is hands down the sexiest Christmas song out there. But after searching iTunes for more bluesy holiday fare, my appreciation for the art of the holiday double entendre has increased. Have a listen to Amos Milburn’s “Let’s Make Christmas Merry, Baby” and Jimmy Butler’s “Trim Your Tree.” And before you judge me, experience the following lyrics:

• “Hang up your pretty stockings/ turn off your light/ Santa Claus is comin’ down your chimney tonight” — “Santa Claus is Back in Town”

• “I’ll come ’round about midnight/ fill your stockings full of toys/ I’ll let you ride in my reindeer/ you won’t need a hobby horse” –“Let’s Make Christmas Merry, Baby”

• “I’m gonna bring along my hatchet/ my beautiful Christmas balls/ I’ll sprinkle my snow up on your tree/ and hang my mistletoe on your wall/ Baby, I’ll make you cheery/ Baby, you’ll call me ‘dearie’/ Baby, I want to trim you/ a beautiful Christmas tree” — “Trim Your Tree”

I vote “Trim Your Tree” the greatest offender. At the end of the song, when he speak-pleads, “Now come on, girl. I want to trim your tree,” he’s not even trying to hide it.

Think you’ve got a song that’s better/worse? Let’s hear it.


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  • elaine

    the creepy rod stewart duet “Baby its Cold Outside” where the girl sounds like 13 and goes “hey what’s in this drink”….cracks me and my husband up every time

    • JoeC

      Wasn’t Dolly Parton the lady in this duet? Not so creepy then!

      • Ashtrash

        I like to refer to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” as “The Christmas Date-Rape Song.” It really captures the spirit of it all, don’t you think?

  • Len Barry

    Hands down. “Santa Claus Got Stuck In My Chimney”

    “Santa Claus got stuck in my chimney, stuck in my chimney, stuck in the chimney. Santa Claus got stuck in my chimney, when he came last year.

  • harpier

    “Back Door Santa”. Appropriately enough, this one’s been around the block a few times since Clarence Carter in 1968, though I’m fond of the JET version. Some sample lyrics: “I ain’t like Old Saint Nick, he don’t come but once a year./I come runnin’ with my presents, every time they call me ‘dear’.”

    • Laura

      The JET version was going to be my suggestion too! Sooooo double entendre-y.

    • Becca

      I was JUST about to suggest that one:)
      You beat me to the punch!!
      So depraved,you just HAVE to love it!!

  • B

    This is going back a bit but: “Under My Tree” by NSYNC. Even as a 15 year old I thought it was pretty bad. When I hear it now I still giggle.

    • JoeC

      A late 90’s song is going back a bit????? Kids!!!!!!Lol!

      • Kevin

        Hahahaha! “Why, back in my day, we didn’t even HAVE Facebook… we used Friendster and we liked it!”

      • Kevin

        “Now get me a Zima!”

    • Erika

      “Under My Tree” is what I first thougth of..

      • Ashtrash

        Oh geez, I just read the lyrics. Um, awkward! Yes, that one wins!

  • Katja

    Aaaaand DOWNLOADING. Those songs sound hilarious. Up to now, my only real experience with the Christmas double entendre (insert the Todd: “I’d like to double HER entendre”) is John Legend’s nutmeg song on the Colbert Christmas special: “I’ll sprinkle your Christmas cream with my spice supreme” and “The only residue I want you wiping off your face is my nutmeg”. Ooh baby!

  • JoeC

    How about ‘Baby It’s cold outside’? Not REALLY a Christmas song, but it always gets played this time of year. The guy(Bobbie Caldwell) is trying to get the lady(Vanessa Williams) to stay overnight because it’s snowing and they’ve had a lot to drink. She agrees at the end. He sings’ I’ll make it worth your while’ at the end. Even Prince might be more subtle,lol!

    • Me

      I’d just like to point out that “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has been around since the ’50s or so, long before this version of it.

  • Garrett Solomon

    Even though D**k in a Box is a dead giveaway, it’s still pretty damn good.

    • P

      Yes!!! Can’t believe I forgot about that one, lol

  • Karikata

    Santa Baby: “Hurry down my chimmey tonight”.

  • Peter

    “North Pole Man” by Over The Rhine

    • Peter

    • Peter

      North Pole man
      Come in from the cold
      North Pole man
      It’s gettin’ old
      Cold hands cold feet
      Darn snow darn sleet
      It takes good friction
      To make good heat

      North Pole man
      Come out of the storm
      North Pole man
      Gotta get you warm
      Hot rum steam heat
      My lips taste sweet
      I got warm cookin’
      Spread the table take a seat

      Northpole man
      Can you afford to
      You outta come here
      Come south of the border
      Come down real slow
      It’s warm down below
      It takes perspiration
      To melt the snow

  • Maria

    Clearly you never heard Lady Gaga’s Christmas Tree:

    • Jen in Tenn

      Yup. That’s the first one that sprang to mind for me! Dirty. (but fun!)

    • Heather

      i was also gonna say this one!

  • MJ

    Lady Gaga’s ode to Christmas doesn’t even hide out she’s getting at. Seriously, you can’t read through the lyrics without giggling/groaning.
    “The only place you wanna be is underneath my christmas tree.”

  • Buffy

    How about the Carpenters’ “logs on the fire fill me with desire”

    • Zo

      LMAO… I never thought of it that way! Now I’ll never be able to hear that song again without giggling like I’m 7!!

  • ericalina

    Well these are traditional songs with lyrics that make me think twice:

    “logs on the fire fill me with desire” ALWAYS gets me (the carpenters/”merry christmas darling”)

    and “giving the tree the trim” (sinatra/”mistletoe and holly”) is good for a laugh sometimes. i worked in retail for a long time. you had to laugh during the holidays.

  • ericalina

    YES buffy! great minds!!!

  • christmascarol

    Santa Clause Got Stuck in My CHimney. Hands down. Google it. For an extra bit.of humor, this song.used to play in the toy store I worked at.

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