Ugh, I have so much to say about how Skating With the Stars is the low-rent-verging-on-homeless version of Dancing With the Stars. But with host Vernon Kay’s tinny version of Tom Bergeron’s hearty “Liiiiiiiiiiive!” echoing in my rotting brain, I can’t even get into it. What’s the use? What is the point of anything? I have no words. Here are some screengrabs.
‘Skating With the Stars’: Top 10 Episode 2 Trainwrecks
10. The sad flames on the edges of the sad ice patch inside the sad ice cave.
9. Brandon’s failed attempt to hug Sean Young. Denied!
8. Johnny Weir’s hair
7. Bethenny Frankel’s hair
6. Judge Dick Button announcing an ’8′
(OMG, those snowflake paddles.)
5. Vince Neil’s graceful dump of his partner during their “sexy hot tango”
*Their music was a butchered version of “Roxanne” sung by a local cave troll on his deathbed — I didn’t even recognize the song until the final bars. Good thing Sting wasn’t there to murder everyone in the sad ice cave (sic)!
4. Ethan’s look of disgust immediately following his “swing” routine with Minnie Mouse
3. Sean Young’s dramatic flourish upon exiting the flying simulator
2. Sean Young Wipeout #2
1. WHO ARE YOU???
Hidden Gems of the Week:
Cozy blanket at Tribal Council
Bethenny’s sheer delight that Sean ate the ice
Once more, with feeling! Sean Young’s final shining moment, post-elimination. Helloooooooo, new desktop pattern. Tile that s—!
SCORES (“THE JUDGES’ LEADERBOARD!”)
Rebecca Budig & Fred Palascak (tango): 8/7/8 technical + 8/6/7 artistic = 44/60 (total from weeks 1 and 2: 89/120)
Brandon Mychal Smith & Keauna McLaughlin (tango) 8/8/8 + 9/8/8 = 49/60 (85/120)
Jonny Moseley & Brooke Castile (swing): 8/8/8 + 7/6/7 = 44/60 (84/120)
Sean Young & Denis Petukhov (swing) 5/3/4 + 5/7/6 = 30/60 (64/120)
Bethenny Frankel & Ethan Burgess (swing): 6/5/6, 6/5/6 = 33/60 (62/120)
Vince Neil & Jennifer Wester (tango): 6/3/4 + 6/6/5 = 30/60 (58/120)
Eliminated: Sean Young. (Vince Neil joined her in the bottom two.)
You’ve gotta read Karen Valby’s fascinating EW profile of Sean Young from 2008!
Final thoughts: These plaid pants on pro Ethan appear to be SWTS‘ best attempt to mimic the most compelling feature of DWTS: The Fresh-Baked Buns of Our Pros.
Anyone else make it through episode 2? Should I continue the Skating With the Stars self-torture for the sake of “Internet art”?
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett
I watched about 5 mins of it towards the end b/c I was waiting for the CMA Country Christmas Special. Could barely make it through the 5 min I did watch…. Gag me please.
i tried to watch it as well and failed. i hope they cancel this crap. do we know how its doing in ratings?
Please get rid of the host…. I thought English accents were supposed to be sexy and smart sounding…his is just ‘orrible..just puts me to sleep
This show is not entertaining in the slightest. they need to come up with something way more exciting to keep this faithful DTWS fan entertained between seasons…
@ann – agreed. Granted, I forgot it was on last night, but I did watch last week, and this guy is…gaahhh. I mean, really. Who IS this guy? I don’t care enough to google, so am hoping someone will enlighten me. He’s married to…? Or his parents are…? Or he slept with…? SOMEthing???
This has to be one of the worst attempts at a competition show in a while. Nevertheless, Vernon absolutely cracks me up. And for those like me in dwts withdrawal, its nice to at least have something to watch on Monday nights (although the whole voting and then tallying the results the next week is a little confusing).
Of all the reality shows…the worst which is why they could only get mostly older “stars” to try and skate…I hope they have a good insurance policy for broken hips
Please and thank you Annie… need something to tide me over between DWTS and the reboot of AI.
I did watch this show and I will probably continue…so Annie if you could please continue to blog about it that will make it so much more enjoyable!!!
Annie, what you do for us. But I say we let you go free. No one should have to watch this drivel.
Yep. I enjoy the screencaps but NEVER plan on watching the show (no matter how much I love Bethenney. Sorry, girl). I hate to think of Annie sitting, watching and contemplating using her pen to stab out her eyes rather than take notes on this, um….show. Her time is not worth the couple minutes it takes me to look through the pics.
I watched last night to see Bethenny, but I can’t do it again. I watch a lot of crappy TV but even I won’t sink this low.
Please don’t waste your time with this. Go back to recapping Biggest Loser. I miss that so much.
harsh
It might be worth it if there were some halfway recognizable celebrities on there. But of the two just about everyone could name, one already has been voted off. Plus the judges have zero charisma. No Bruno, no Len? What’s the point?
I watched this last week hoping for a total wipe out, the same way you watch America’s Funniest Videos hoping to see some dad nailed in the crotch by his 5 year old wiffle bat wielding son. This show is a beautiful trainwreck, and features my favorite person on earth, Johnny Weir. I’m just sorry I missed last night, because from the recap, I would have been laughing off my couch.
it’s like watching bizarro dancing with the stars- “um. nice. try.” is right (for the buns and the show in general!) for the sheer fun of reading your recaps i say yes continue the self-torture! but i will not be watching- it is seriously painful!!!
This might be the worst show on TV. No surprise that Sean Young is the first to be eliminated. She had just completed a stint on The Young and the Restless as a serial killer before starting this show. I don’t think she could have won the popular vote even if she could skate well.
Keep it up, Annie! Your entertaining recaps make me want to watch shows I’d never usually give the time of day. Thanks to you, I actually got hooked on DWTS this past season, and after seeing Bristol “The Pistol Who Makes Me Want To Shoot Myself In The Head” Palin make it to the finals over Brandy, the ONLY thing making me want to stick with that show when it returns next year is your weekly collection of witty remarks. That’s saying something.
Who are any of these people? This is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. If you want to see this done right, try to get a hold of copies of Battle of the Blades. Actual top professional skaters paired with actual professional hockey players – strength, beauty, and skill. It’s exciting to watch – not sad – and it’s Canadian….
This isn’t professional skaters against professional skaters. That’s what is good about this show.
There’s nothing good about this show.
Loved Battle of the Blades…
I love skating but Skating with the “stars” is awful!
please please keep writing the recap! that way i don’t have to watch it and feel sad, in an ice cave kind of way.
I think “Roxanne” was from Moulin Rouge and that’s the soundtrack version. I actually think the music for the show has been much better than the choices for DWTS and I don’t miss the off-tune band and singers from DWTS at all.
I wish Bristol Palin had done SWTS…comedy gold.
Two episodes is all I can take. Terrible skating. The judges are terrible, especially Johnny Weir. At least we did not have to endure watching Johnny Weir skate..(I mean move a few steps and pose while wearing a redic costume) this week.