I once spent an unpleasant month trying to lose 25 pounds so I could box German director Uwe Boll. The infamously craptastic filmmaker — and onetime amateur pugilist — had challenged critics to, literally, get in the ring with him, but insisted that his opponents weigh less than 200 pounds. (Yes, yes, I’m a big fat bastard — please feel free to tell me something I don’t know.) Eventually, my superiors at EW banned me from battling Boll, on the grounds that having one of their staffers sweatily duke it out with The World’s Worst Director, and probably suffer a massive coronary in the process, was “beneath the dignity” of this fine organ. I guess they had a point. As a result, Boll sent an email calling me a “p—y,” which I though was a bit rich coming from someone who didn’t want to fight an overly lardy entertainment journalist, but there you go.
Anyhoo, while Boll may insist on a weight requirement for real-life opponents, it appears he has no problem depicting hefty superheroes on the big screen. The news broke today that one of the director’s upcoming movies is called Blubberella, which stars Lindsay Hollister as “The first female fat superhero….She will kick major a— with her major a–.” Ah, isn’t the language of Shakespeare a wonderful thing?
To be honest, I first assumed this was all some kind of Internet hoax. Surely even Mr. Boll, the man responsible for such previous cinematic atrocities as House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Postal, wouldn’t make a movie with that premise. But a spokesperson for Hollister confirmed that the actress is indeed starring as “Blubberella,” in an Uwe Boll film — “un film d’Uwe Boll,” if you will — although he was under the impression that said movie was as yet untitled.
What do you think of Mr. Boll’s latest cinematic idea? Is he attacking society’s culture body fascism? Finally going to topple Citizen Kane from pole position as The Best Film of All-Time? Absolutely nuts? Let us know!
More on Uwe Boll:
Uwe Boll: Cinema’s worst director?
Boil, you need to get over it because next time don’t show your face into American soil.
NOW TRY AND COMPARE HER TO THE DAM EASTER BUNNY AND IT WILL NOT EVER HOLD WATER. BOLL HAS A CHANCE TO BE WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE .
eh, what?
The Easter Bunny hates you. The internet told me so.
Blubberella? Are you serious? I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I think that large people all over the world need to pay this Boll a visit and set him straight with a forty pound twinky upside his head.
strange, rotten tomatoes and aint it cool both reported his next film would be auschwitz and they already had a trailer for what looked like a complete disgrace to humanity
dude, we call know EW didn’t ban you from fighting the guy. you’re a pussball, it’s fine. uwe boll’s obviously insane. on top of that: german. you don’t have to make up silly excuses for not having the Man-Guts to fight a psychotic german.
Man-guts? Pussball? Really? And you’re calling him names? I find this quite funny.
If I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Uwe Boll, I would shoot Uwe Boll twice.
This.
Baaahhh!
Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives star Willam Belli is in this too. He’s my facebook friend and i remember his postings. I wonder if it’s a concious choice to star in crap. LOL
man I’d love to beat the hell outta that nazi. . .
I coordinated a radio publicity tour for him to promote Postal. We had two radio stations lined up, but they cancelled at the last minute. When he called in and I told him, he just said “Oh sh*t. Oh, well.” in the most awesome German accent. Seemed like a nice guy. And his first name is pronounced “oof-uh.”
LOL this entire article cracked me up. What a bizarre story…but I believe you’re not a p—y, Herr Collis! However, I take issue with the description of the oh-my-god-is-that-really-her-name Blubberella as the first fat female superhero. Didn’t the man see Fat Momma on Who Wants To Be A Superhero??
Fat Momma, Fat Momma, I’m here to save the day. Fat Momma, Fat Momma, I’ll take your food away!
Why even waste space talking about this prick or his awful movies?
Just don’t download it on bit torrent or the guy’ll sue your ass! True story!
Uwe Boll, Human Centipede yourself.
I think somebody’s pulling somebody’s leg and having a good laugh.