'Hawaii Five-0' Bingo: Week 1

alex-oloughlin-hawaiiImage Credit: Neil Jacobs/CBSSteve McGarrett started off last night’s episode of Hawaii Five-0 sleeping next to the most perfect woman ever. She’s a Navy lieutenant who catches bad guys, is a great cook, likes her steak bloody, doesn’t seem to mind if you disappear for 36 hours at a time, and is played by Michelle Borth, last seen in flagrante on Tell Me You Love Me. Steve and his dream girl were all set to skip breakfast. They rubbed noses. They kissed. “I think I’m vibrating,” says Ms. Perfect. CBS, I know it’s 10 p.m., but behave yourself! Oh, wait, no, hahaha, it was just the iPhone. The Caller ID proclaimed: “Governor Jameson.” Thanks, Uncle iPhone!

Shenanigans ensued. The first bad guys of the evening were girl-enslaving gangsters, but then the real bad guys were Filipino terrorists. Meanwhile, the Steve/Danno flirtation reached a new high level of low geekery: Steve asked Danno if he ever made it to the Double-Pretzel level of Ms. Pac-Man. Danno: “Triple-Banana, bitch.” God, these guys are awesome. In the end, the evil Coach Tanaka was captured, the diplomat’s daughter was saved, and Steve treated his ladyfriend to a roast dinner on the beach. Except, uh-oh, they got too distracted by each other’s ridonk hotness to finish dinner! So, to recap the narrative arc of the latest episode of Hawaii Five-0:

1. Steve McGarrett had hot glamorous sex with the perfect woman.

2. Steve McGarrett solved a mystery and defeated terrorism in the Philippines forever.

3. Steve McGarrett had hot glamorous sex with the perfect woman on a beach.

Click forward for this week’s Bingo Board!

HAWAII-FIVE-0-BingoImage Credit: CBS

PopWatchers, did you catch this week’s special appearance by a Wire alumnus? Does forcing a sketchball to drink his own roofie colada count as breaking a police brutality law? And did you feel dissatisfied by the lack of a car chase? Sound off below!


Comments (103 total) Add your comment
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  • Dee

    I think this might be the most fun recap ever! Plain good mindless entertainment, just like the show.

    • nikkido

      I love it. Hope they keep the bingo board.

      • Lorie

        Ditto!

  • Jeff

    “Alex O’Loughlin violently tackles suspect after chase” needs to be added to this card.

    • tigersmurfette

      or gets his butt kicked(albeit briefly) by a fat guy who normally wouldnt even be able to run too far without losing his breath.

    • Brandi

      That was a violent tackle. But awesome. I winced when they slammed and then bounced off that dumpster.

  • Mole

    If we do this every week, I may have to start watching the show tr night it actually airs.

    • Anna L

      Me, too! I’m so disappointed I can’t play along. I always watch it Tuesday nights.

    • TQB

      Me too! It’s on so late! Argh.

  • Tarc

    Or Steve McGarret has to ‘chase, tackle, and have some improbable hand-to-hand with a baddie’ when he could have just shot the guy.

  • Robin

    If loving this show is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Even if it does make CSI: Miami look like Tolstoy.

    • Tarc

      OK, that’s just *wrong*. 5-0 might be merely ridululous, escapist fun, but CSI Miami is just junk on every level. Fans of Russian lit cringe at the comparison.

      • Robin

        You’re right, Tarc. 5-0 is WAY more fun that CSI: M. My apologies to Tolstoy fans everywhere!

      • Alice

        Agreed. CSI and its brethren take themselves way to seriously. This show seems to revel in its own ridiculousness.

    • JB

      OMG, this made me laugh. The writing is so horribly bad and Alex O’Loughlin so so unbelievably bad that the combination somehow produces hilarious tv. Caveat, I actually love Scot Caan and what he does with the horrible dialogue is impressive.

      Alex O’Laughlin “clenches jaw in place of acting” should be added to the bingo board.

      There also has to be an appearance by Jean Smart square.

      This week’s episode so so ridiculous. An ambassador’s daughter is kidnapped and no federal governmental agency would be involved? Really?

      • Topanga

        @JB I so agree with everything you say! Scott Caan is the only reason I semi-watch the show.

      • TLH

        I agree with you–Alex O’Loughlin is hot, but not a good actor. The writing has been terrible since the pilot. But Scott Caan steals the show every week.

      • @JB

        Totally agree. No wonder the ratings go down EVERY SINGLE WEEK without fail.

  • Tarc

    Amusingly, you mention Steve’s lady friend several times, but honestly, I don’t recall ther being a woman in any of those scenes. Ah, thus is the power of O’Laughlin!

  • Kay

    I must say I was just “a little” jealous of homegirl. Whew, S-E-X-Y!

    • ERIKA

      So was I….I may have even called her a Lucky Bitch!!

  • ncmacasl

    Hiro as Max!! Awesome add. I hope to see him more in the future. What was with Gov. Sugarbaker crying at the end??

    • Kara

      Heh. The future. I see what you probably didn’t mean to do there. ;)

      • chattypatra

        @Kara: LOL. Great catch there. :D

    • kaydevo

      Maybe because an innocent teenage girl that she knew was brutally murdered?

  • daisychain

    Loved the bingo! I missed last week’s episode, so I’m wondering how McGarret’s new ladyfriend Catherine entered the picture? Or was that storyline introduced this week?

    • rebecca

      she was in a small scene in last weeks episode. he must know her from his former job.

      • daisychain

        Excellent, thanks!

    • Jennifer

      She was how Steve was able to use the satellite to track down tourist chopper that bad guy hijacked with family inside on last weeks episode.

  • Ali

    Evil Coach Tanaka FTW!!

    • Kara

      Agreed! Glad he’s still getting work.

    • Cindy

      Ashamed of myself for not noticing last night that it was Coach Tanaka. AARGH!!

    • Callin the Five-O

      So that’s where coach Tanaka went after dumping Emma. It was hard to take him seriously as a bad-ass terrorist. Love me some Alex O though and Sean C. cracks me up big time.

      • Callin the Five-O

        Oops it’s Scott Caan…. Sean must be his brother:)

  • rebecca

    next week you need to add Chevy product placement to your card

    • ks

      And self cleaning cars with spotless windows!!

  • Lynne

    My favorite quote was Dano saying “drink this drink or I will kick out your teeth and ram it down your throat” or something similar – his delivery was priceless and made me laugh out loud. Scott Caan is a live wire, some good genes there!

    • rebecca

      Danno is the best!! Scott Caan is the best actor on this show!! he delivers his lines perfectly!!!

      • Jennifer

        He’s been getting “Hurley” lines! I love it!

    • deeannek

      I agree, Scott Caan is the best! I love this show and I normally don’t watch procedurals.
      I can’t believe the reviewer didn’t mention Hiro as the medical examiner. That was a highlight for me.

  • Sadie

    I tuned in for the hotness that is O’Loughlin and stayed for… oh, who am I kidding? He’s the reason I’m watching, even if the show is a lot of fun. He’s so hot, I have to avert my eyes every so often. Season Pass on the DVR!

    • Big Dave

      Yes, but they squandered all of his shirtless hotness in the first two minutes of the episode. Surely they could have found an excuse for him to take his shirt off again!

  • Erin

    Another for the card is Daniel Dae Kim wears a Henley.

  • Sage

    Just amazing!! I hope you do this recap every week! :)

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