While no one was looking, weekly procedural duty has been exported to Canada and Basic Cable. TNT provides cheap, low-calorie content with tasty sprinkles of quirk – you won’t see the cast of Criminal Minds running the Boston marathon, and Detective Stabler won’t ever keep a secret stash of candy in his desk. Meanwhile, our neighbors to the north have conquered choice tele-landscape on broadcast TV. Flashpoint carries the high-gloss aesthetic of CBS’ regular-season procedurals into the seedy corners of Toronto, while Rookie Blue is a cop version of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy (which, turns out, is better than the doctor version of Grey’s Anatomy.) One imagines the out-of-work cops from the Law & Order-verse waving their fists at the Cable/Canada axis of evil: They took our jobs!
Thank Washington there’s still one red-blooded American solving crimes on a red-blooded broadcast network. Admittedly, he’s British…but what’s more American than being from Britain?
Winner of the Week: Lie To Me
The very first line of dialogue in this week’s Lie To Me was Dr. Cal Lightman’s sullen appraisal of a lavish-looking egg dish: “What d’ya call that? Stupid on a plate?” There are plenty of grouchy detectives on TV now, like House and The Mentalist‘s Patrick Jane. But both of those characters have a barely-veiled heart of gold, not to mention douchebaggery-negating backstories (drug addiction, murdered family, etc.) Lightman is just an adorable douche cadet, a genius who rubs his genius in the fat face of humanity.
The plot of Lie To Me this week centered on Foster’s DEA boyfriend, who was taken hostage by some vengeful gangsters. Lightman hates the boyfriend, since he not-so-secretly has the hots for Foster, but he willingly gave himself up as a hostage to the gangsters. Then, in a double-reverse blind, he convinced the head hoodlum that he wanted the DEA boyfriend dead…because he has the hots for Foster. Lie To Me isn’t perfect, but without much fanfare, Roth is turning Lightman into one of the most enjoyable crime-solving cads since Jim Rockford.
Surprisingly good character, considering her whole purpose is to be a plot contrivance
Emily Lightman seems to exist solely to make Cal seem like less of a jerk, but Hayley McFarland shades her essentially useless character with just the right amount of curiosity, annoyance, and child-of-divorce wisdom.
Surprisingly bad character, considering her dramatic importance to the series
Gillian Foster is Cal’s partner, his best friend, his love interest, the Jerry to his Elaine, Kramer, and George. This week, she was even at the center of the love triangle. And yet, like most of the supporting character on Lie To Me, she’s mostly just a walking Pseudo-Science delivery system.
This Week’s Flashpoint in a haiku
Evil teenagers?
Washed-up basketball player?
Nope, abusive coach!
Best Tense Standoff of the Week
The Closer had a bank robbery, Rizzoli & Isles had a murderer loose in a marathon, but nobody can beat Flashpoint. Enrico Colatani spent the episode talking a suicidal high school basketball player away from the rooftop of his school. Meanwhile, inside the school, the player’s best friend was holding the abusive basketball coach hostage. Explosions ensued.
Better Name for Flashpoint
Tense Standoff: The Series
Further Proof that Rizzoli & Isles wants to do for Boston what The Wire did for Baltimore
In just the seven episodes, Rizzoli has already done episodes about the Boston Strangler, Massachusetts’ gay marriage law, and now the Boston Marathon.
Biggest Waste of Balthazar Getty
On Rizzoli & Isles, Getty played a marathon official who did not flirt with anyone.
Is Rizzoli & Isles becoming an allegory for the War on Terror?
Rizzoli: “We don’t give in to fear.”
Oh my god, it is!
Rizzoli: “Murder never brings any peace, to the living or the dead.”
Never mind.
Rizzoli: “The suspect is shooting from a fanny pack!”
Reason to love J.K. Simmons, Number Five Million
Pope: “Where’d I go to college?”
Howard: “Back East.”
Pope: “Stanford. What’d I get my Master’s in?”
Howard: “Umm.”
Pope: “Never mind. How old are my kids?”
Howard: “…”
Pope: “Yeah right, they picked you ’cause we’re so tight.”
A Single Deep Thought
On every single cop show this week, a significant chunk of time was detectives looking at screens: watching security camera footage, or trying to figure out if a suspect was lying, or typing on computers reconstructing statistics. On Rizzoli & Isles, Korsak and Frost literally spent the episode just talking to Rizzoli on the phone and watching the marathon on TV, trying to find something suspicious. The whole process of detection now feels incredibly far removed from the essential thrill of the genre: watching someone walk into a crime scene and slowly undress the clues, right in front of your very eye. (Except for the profanity, this famous Wire scene is basically just Holmes and Watson chatting their way through a murder.)
That’s part of the reason why I prefer a show like The Closer – which centers on Brenda slowly breaking through a suspect’s resolve – to Flashpoint, which is basically people running around, screaming into their radio, while Scarlatti solves the mystery from the squad car.
Out-of-context Line of the Week
“I’m just reading my grandmother’s diary that I found in my missing father’s safe.”
—Lie To Me
What procedurals were you loving this week, PopWatchers?
I may be in the minority, but any time EW covers my procedurals (and I do watch a lot of them), I do a happy dance. Thanks Darren! I hope this becomes a regular column and continues through the fall season
Darren…you’re hilarious. I’m going to miss your Heroes recaps. Of the shows listed, I only watch The Closer. Does anyone love/recommend any of these other shows?
Lie to me – has it’s moments but episodes are very hit or miss. Sometimes a great episode and sometimes a boring episode.
Rizzoli & Isles – Don’t bother, very “light”, requires viewers to put aside their sense of logic or believability (apparently Boston is completely overrun by serial killers every week…). On top of that, it’s not even funny most of the time.
The only thing it has going for itself is the whole “lesbian attraction” between the 2 leads.
Flashpoint – watch the first season, it was great. It has been going steadily downhill since.
Rookie Blue – surprisingly fun. The only beef I really have with it, is how they often tie all the various cases in one episode together in an unrealistic fashion.
But really, if you want a good and fun procedural during the summer: watch White Collar.
I love Rizzoli and Isles, I’d recommend it, especially since you won’t have to change the channel after The Closer is done.
No Memphis Beat?
What about The Glades over on A&E? That show is quickly becoming a favorite of mine.
I love The Closer and Flashpoint.
Sometimes Lie to Me is just too far fetched for me. Rizzoli & Isles is okay. It’s not Hill Street Blues but it’s worth the space on the DVR. Rookie Blue… meh. Don’t hate it but don’t get upset if I miss it.
Memphis Beat is a very well done show. I was worried that I would spend the entire time trying to get used to “Earl” without his ‘stache. Never came to mind. Good show. Great acting.
I usually have no interest in procedurals but I’ve found myself to be pretty loyal to Memphis Beat. Now if only someone would find a character for Abraham Ben-Rubi that wasn’t a glorified background character, my t.v. watching life would be complete.
Please tell me Cops Rock is going to be a reggular feature this Fall.
Rizzoli & Isles is basically Women’s Murder Club minus two. Doesn’t matter; I like it. I also love The Closer and like Flashpoint. Lie to Me just doesn’t appeal to me.
Hey – I am really enjoying Rookie Blue (filmed in Canada)!!!
But I do agree about THE GLADES, the most pleasant surprise this summer!!
The Glades is really good. Rookie Blue is OK. Missy Peregrym is goregous.
I really like Lie to Me. Tim Roth is a lot of fun to watch.
I loved Lie to Me and Rookie Blue
I’m late, but I love Lie to Me and The Closer. Rookie Blue is light on the procedure, lighter on character development and devoid of a star. Very blah.
Love the column. “What’s more American than being from Britain?” LOL!! Agree with Jackie, should be a regular feature. Goes on my list of things that are awesome.