'Dancing With the Stars': Let's brainstorm a dream cast for season 11!

In a stunning marriage of the skanky and the sparkly, ABC will announce the season 11 cast of Dancing With the Stars during Aug. 30’s episode of Bachelor Pad. (Skanky and sparkly are not mutually exclusive, of course.) It’ll be a creepy mass wedding co-sponsored in part by Macy’s and Valtrex. What a fun, sexy time for trashy reality TV!

As usual, ABC will not leak anything before the announcement, even if I lovingly prod the DWTS publicists through the Internet with my fringed magic wand. But here are some rumored season 11 hoofers anyway: Newly engaged Bachelorette “stars” Ali and Roberto (they deny it), Jersey Shore‘s The Situation, former NFL quarterback Kurt Warner. Troy Aikman said he would appear on the show but he was just joking; who would do such a thing? Capt. Sig Hansen from Deadliest Catch would totally do it, but he’s supposed to be at sea. Meanwhile, Real Housewife/recent pauper Teresa Giudice Tweeted that she was “thinking about” doing the show, but that’s almost as meaningless as me announcing that I’m back into Hawaiian Punch. Compare and contrast. We all have crazy thoughts sometimes!

People I’d like to see on ‘DWTS': They might be long shots, but let me have my fantasies! Elizabeth Berkley because she’s a natural showgirl and every season needs a “ringer.” Brian Austin Green unless he’s too busy guesting on Desperate Housewives. Lindsay Lohan fulfilling some sort of court-appointed disco fever requirement. Leonard Nimoy as the token old guy. And Charles Barkley because he’s funny and seems to think he was perhaps miscast in the universe as primarily an athlete instead of a TV star.

Danielle Staub reportedly just got sacked from Bravo, so I’d rather see her than RHONJ castmate Teresa. I know Danielle is totally heinous in every way under the sun/chandelier, but as a person who recaps the show, it’s actually more fun when the cast includes a nationally detested attention s’more a la Kate Gosselin. Tila Tequila: same reason. Kara DioGuardi because she likes to rip off her clothes. Betty White as long as she’s allowed a limited range of motion and a 10-point handicap. But not really. I want her to live, damnit!

Finally, I understand that Sig Hansen is too busy to bother with this unless DWTS ever does a summer season (nooooooo!), but I do wish he would drop everything this fall and piss away his crew’s seasonal livelihood for his own chance to win a hardened knob of glitter. As EW’s Deadliest Catch recapper Mandi Bierly just said, “He pushes his crew to the brink on the Bering Sea, so it would be awesome to watch him push himself on the ballroom floor.”

Who’s in your Dancing With the Stars dream cast? Do you agree with EW readers Veronica and Lola that “if there is any representation of NJ (either show), I won’t be watching”?

Related: ‘DWTS’ to announce next round of dancers in live press conference

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

Comments (431 total) Add your comment
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  • Jennifer

    BILLY ZANE!!!!

    • Madd

      Maybe then I wouldn’t have to hide my crush on him…

      • PIMB

        ME please. And Pasha!!! I mean since when is being a professional dancer not allowed.

      • Al

        Oooh what a fantasy. You could dance with Pasha, I could dance with Maks. YUM!!

      • PIMB

        Oh Al, those group dances would be mind blowing :)

      • Madd

        No way! Maks is mine! :)

      • Mellissa

        If Dmitry, Pasha, and Maks were the professionals, I might just have a heart attack every Monday night. That kind of beauty on one show is…wow.

      • IAA Evan

        I’ve missed you Pasha Is My Boyfriend!

    • LOL

      Jersey Jeff would be great

    • Elena

      How about real stars for a change? Not has-beens, or reality show personalities or famewhores…just 100 % ole-fashioned STARS: Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Michael Douglas,Jerry Seinfeld, Jimmy Smits,Sydney Poitier,Vanessa Williams, Anna Kournikova

      • el

        because they have better things to do with their lives.

      • Marlene

        It would be fun to see Gerard Butler (I KNOW he’s busy),and Patrick Wilson. Add in Shepherd Smith.

      • forrest

        Elana: because real stars have real careers and lives, reality tv is not a step up for them.

    • Jethro

      Here is the best dream cast ever!

      -Tori Spelling (because I have to follow the 90210 trend); Nicole Bobek (Olympian on Probation); Danielle Staub (reality star in need of a reality show); Russell Hantz (I want to win a reality show because I messed up back to back Survivors); Mylie Cyrus (singer) I can’t act so let me try to dance; Jon Gosselin (reality star); My ex thought she would win this show, but I will;
      Pink (Singer); Because my diva gals, Li’l Kim and Mya from our video did it, so now I can; Danny Bonaduce (defunct child star); and Samantha Harris, I want to come back and do co-hosting the right way!!!

      • Kim

        DANNY BONADUCE! I would have never thought of him, but I LOVE IT!!!! Could not agree more!

      • Stormy

        Jon Bon Jovi
        Anderson Cooper
        Neil Patrick Harris
        Tony Danza
        Heather Locklear
        Taylor Swift
        Jessica Alba
        Faith Hill

      • Lori

        Actually I would LOVE Samantha Harris to try as a participant rather than a co-host (she meets the entertainment correspondent criteria); love the idea of Tony Danza (he would go far with his Broadway experience); prefer the delusional housewife from Atlanta who thinks she can sing, but if Jon Gosselin came on, I would vote for him just to ensure he last longer than Kate.

      • Jackie

        AMEN to the comment about Samantha Harris and doing the cohosting the right way!!!!!! She needs to come back.

    • Jethro

      Since each new cast member replaces one from the previous season, and always from the same mold:

      Tori Spelling, Peter Reckel, Jason Sehorn, Danielle Staub, Danny Bonaduce, Pink, Mylie Cyrus, Joe Jonas, Nicole Bobek, Howie Mandel, Bill O’Rielly, and Brooke Hogan.

      Think about these choices, what an ideal group!! Your feelings!

      • judy

        Howie Mandel would never do it because he does not like to touch people’s hands

      • Marlene

        Very true about Howie. He’s got obsessive compulsive disease and can’t even shake hands.

      • Mea

        OCD is not a disease, it’s a disorder. You can’t catch it.

  • Melissa

    I would love to see Jet or Cord from the Amazing Race on Dancing with the Stars.

    • Saracen Riggins

      YES!!!!

      • me

        Excuse the dumb question but does your name mean something?

      • Lor Lor

        Me- I am guessing Friday Night Lights. Which is totally awesome. Tim Riggins for Dancing with the Stars!!!

      • Saracen Riggins

        It means your an idiot.

      • cameobrooch

        Saracen, dear, when you call someone an idiot, make sure that your post does not contain any misspellings.

      • Jenn

        Get a life, people. (Not you Saracen)

    • Andrew

      Christy Carlson Romano

      • Dominic

        Yes!! Love christy Carlson roman!! She’s would be great!!

  • alan of montreal

    how about Shaq? He’d probably just be carrying whomever he’s dancing with for the whole season anyway.

  • Kylie

    Katie Cassidy

    • Diva

      Her career is just starting. This show is meant for those whose careers are going down the tube and wants everyone to know that they’re still alive

      • Brett

        Not that your statement is even remotely true, but assuming for the sake of argument it is, then the show MUST include Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Jennifer Aniston.

      • Diana

        Not necessarily. Gilles Marini started his career with it. Otherwise, he’d still be known as hot naked guy from the first sex and the city movie.

    • Dominic

      Kaite Cassidy!!

  • HRFE

    Jill Zarin. She desperately wants to win back the hearts of America, we all saw what went down on the last season of RHONY, and that would be hilarious. Not to mention heartwarming if she triumphs (although…..)

  • E Roc

    Richard Simmons!

    • Molly

      Oh my god. Yes. Magic would happen

      • econruth

        Annie, wave that wand and make it happen! Dancing fringe and Richard Simmons – a match made in heaven!

      • Potato Bug

        And then Jennie Garth could make a cameo appearance when HE is having a breakdown :-)

    • Helen

      Richard Simmons on DWTS would bring so much glitter and joy to the world.

      • j

        yes! richard simmons – PERFECT!

    • Josie

      my first thought was Richard Simmons too! and a Saved by the Bell alumni…one of the ladies.

      • Brooke

        Lisa Turtle!

      • IAA Evan

        GET OUT!
        I would have a heart attack. I would be IAA Turtle.

      • Lyla

        ZACK MORRIS. Er, I mean Mark-Paul Gosselaar. It has to happen.

    • jared4ever

      Holy crap, that’s an inspired choice. HILARIOUS!

    • Veggiegirl

      YES YES YES RICHARD SIMMONS

    • LOL

      He would be quite exciting in his little shorts!

      • Vici Elliott

        Sequens on those shorts, of course. Yes, I can see it. Sequens for days!!!!

    • epz

      Best casting suggestions EVER!

    • Sue1

      Not an idea I would have had, however it is a Great one.

    • CoolWhipLite

      I would LOVE that!!!

  • Jeannette

    Oksana Baiul would be awesome!
    Nicholas Brendon from BtVS ( what else is he doing?)
    as the Soap Opera entry Michael Easton

    • carolyn

      I agree with Jeannette. Nicholas Brendon was the first person who came to my mind. And on the Soap front…how about Genie Francis?

    • Fatima

      Nicholas Brendon has been in some legal trouble these days…

      • Brett

        Maybe DWTS could be part of his parole.

    • cg

      Or maybe Nicole Bobeck after she gets out of jail.

    • Kelly

      Aside from legal issues and going back into rehab, Brendon’s been a recurring character on Criminal Minds for a while, and I believe he’s back this season.

      • Vici Elliott

        And speaking of Criminal Minds – I would be thrilled to see any of the CM cast on DWTS. It would be so far from the charactors they play on the series. Could be a real surprize.

      • Mea

        Would love to see Shemar Moore on DWTS, but don’t want to see Garcia on there.

  • Helen

    Jane Lynch would be amazing! Maybe if there’s a summer season….

    • Garry

      Jane Lynch is getting too overexposed already.

  • phredd!

    LESLIE JORDAN!!!!

    • grindy

      YES! Leslie Jordan. There’s a huge push on Facebook to get him on. He would be awesome!

  • alannaj

    I have been waiting waiting waiting for MIchael Jordan…come ABC you know you can! too many athletes to not have one of the greatest of all time…David Beckham would be good too!

    • luvmichaeljohns

      Good Luck on both those!!

  • scout

    Funny how in the past few seasons, I care less about the celebs, and more about the pros that are on. If I could get Julianne, Derek, Maks, Mark, Chelsie, Tony, Louie, Anna, Cheryl and Lacey – I’d be happy with anyone they put them with.

    • Amy

      I totally agree! :-)

    • nuffsaid

      and PASHA!!!

    • epz

      Agreed as well. Although I could do without Lacey.

    • kim

      Agree 100%

    • AuntHollyKnits

      no pole dancer Lacey, please.

  • Madd

    Annie, I love you, but NO TILA TEQUILA.

    • DVR

      actually…I would not watch if Tia Tequila was on…as a matter of fact any of the trashy reality show ‘personalities’ The Situation or any House Wife or Bachelor-ette

      • cg

        Agreed. I usually don’t make it through a season anyway. The more reality “stars” the less interest I have.

      • MelindaB65

        Ditto. Despite wanting to see Evan Lysacek dance last season, I didn’t want to suffer through Kate Gosselin and didn’t watch any of it.

  • Charice

    Charisma Carpenter would be INCREDIBLE. Plus, it’s time we see someone from the Buffyverse represent. :)

    • Pisces228

      I went to high school with Charisma, and she would be “incredible” because she was a dance major in our performing arts program. She’d be the season’s ringer! (P.S. CVHS Spartans Class of ’88 rocks! Hehehe . . .)

    • Diva

      I second this

    • michael

      YES. Cordelia would be amazing. but she will never get picked. JULIE BENZ would be good! No Ordinary family will surely get canceled and she has been on ABC alot with Housewives and family promos. JULIE BENZ!

      • Steve

        I’d like to see Charisma get more exposure (gotta support a Buffyverse member) – plus after her appearance in The Expendables, I’m sure more people would like to see her!

      • Snsetblaze

        Well if we are going into Buffyverse, how about Eliza Dushku since Dollhouse was cancelled, Juliet Landau or James Marsters just because. Or if you want to add Angelverse, how about Alex Denisoff or Amy Acker.

      • IAA Evan

        Charima Carpenter and Maks would be great together.

    • michael

      Okay, wait. I was inclined to write Sarah Michelle, but then i thought she is too good for the show. But her BFF and my other idol Shannen did for two weeks, so YES, SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR as the headliner. She can be in the middle of the lineup, where Pamela was last year

  • Molly

    Rob thomas from matchbox twenty would be awesome!!!!!!!! I’d also love to see andy samberg or ed helms or maybe one of the olsen twins.

  • Molly

    Or Jack White. Or Conan O’brian!!!!

    • The Chin

      …or Jay Leno. Just to see him fail miserably…again.

      • cg

        We should all fail so miserably……

    • LoveVioletFlame

      Jack White? How about Jack BLACK?
      And Gordon Ramsey…heh!

      • LoveVioletFlame

        Actually, top of my wish list is Taylor Lautner. And before you “howl” it’s because he was an extreme martial arts champion as a junior. (And has no problem with his shirt off)

      • Jan

        How about the girl who co-hosts “Wipeout” with the two Johns?

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