'Dating in the Dark' photo recap: Coming together

Even if you stuck it out for two more hours of ABC’s Bachelor Pad, chances are you immediately changed the channel during the promo for 10 p.m.’s dazzler, Dating in the Dark. It’s okay! I would have done the same thing in an alternate life in which I was not self-punishing and insane. You know the drill. New cast each episode; three guys and three girls feel around in the darkness and occasionally converse to see if they like each other’s “personalities.” Dating in the Dark is a total crapfest that can best be recapped via pictures. Ironic, don’t you think? Because they’re in the dark.

01.jpgKarolina, 28, wins this week’s Best Euphemism for ‘Unemployed’ award. Olé!

They’re dating in the dark! The group-meet always sets the tone, and plants a seed of what soon may blossom into vomit in viewers’ stomachs. “That was a dude’s hand.” Michael, left, shudders. He can’t believe it. They can’t see!

Karolina and Christian enjoy their first one-on-one date. Christian, a radio host, demonstrates his talents for Karolina. “That was John Mayer….Coming up next, we’ve got music from Sheryl Crow and Daughtry.” AND SHE LOVES THIS. “That’s hot,” says Karolina. I am telling the truth.

Here is Christian in the non-dark.

The laugh parade continues as Christian presents more examples of things he could offer Karolina. He starts tracing her hand. “Right over here is your butler, and this” — [HE IS LICKING HER HAND!] — “is your swimming pool.”

Maybe she can’t swim.

This is Michael, 25, right after he announces to his one-on-one date, Becky, “I love life.”

Joshua, a 28-year-old paralegal, tries to “teach Becky the power of communication through dance” as they relax on a sofa.

Thank God. Here are some mannequins! The contestants must dress their mannequins as they would like their ideal man or woman to dress. Karolina prefers unbuttoned shirts on men. Might they think this is trashy? “No, no, it’s European hotness,” she insists. Lady, you’re in America. It’s Jersey Shore. But Michael would wear Karolina’s outfit in a heartbeat. “If that’s the way she likes it, ima give it to her,” he coos.

Convinced that Karolina is a hungry skank because she likes men who wear button-down shirts, Joshua brings strawberries and a heavy hand. “I liked your very classy choice,” he woos her. “You like a man sexy. Let me show you a little bit of my chest.”

Oh, yeah, now you do your thing. Do it. Yeah. Grope my chest.

Shockingly, Karolina’s not into it.

Michael and Becky get closer during their second one-on-one date. In her confessional, Becky’s voiceover sounds full of hope: “There’s so much going on here that I’m not seeing.” Particularly the prominent veins on his forehead.

Summer, an “international supermodel” who has been on the cover of Maxim and probably a bunch of cars, is not pleased when Becky announces that Michael has kissed her.

Summer: “I think my looks might throw a wrench in things for Becky.”

16.jpgThe scheming begins.

During their next one-on-one date, Summer guides Michael’s terrified hands over the contours of her high cheekbones. So what if the show is called Dating in the Dark? If this moron can’t figure out by NOW that Summer has model-face, he will surely die at dusk.

Obligatory shot of everyone’s favorite orange container/pineapple behind host Rossi Morreale.

A sketch artist arrives! Michael decides to have Becky drawn. “I kissed Becky, so I kind of had a distinct image of what her lips looked like.” (Duck lips.) “So I kind of started with that and then…just filled in the rest.” (With collagen.)

“If that was on the news, you’d go to jail!”

Happy nightmares, everyone!

On the day of the big reveals, Michael falls to the floor to endorse No Ordinary Family and pump up his jam.

Big reveal time! Karolina and Christian really liked each other in the dark and I am rooting for them/hating myself. After a relatively calm first few moments in the spotlight, she threw in this unfortunate double wave at the last second. So close!

No cigar? Seriously is there a cigar in your mouth? Then don’t make this face.

Christian is revealed to Karolina.

AND SHE’S INTO IT! “Adorable, adorable!” she gushes to the other “ladies.”

Here’s Becky.

Compare and contrast: Michael’s reaction to 23-year-old “entrepreneur” Becky….

…and Michael’s reaction to 30-year-old “supermodel” Summer.

Oh honey don’t.

That’s a shame.

None of the “ladies” wanted to see Joshua bathed in light, but for some reason he’s still there, egging Michael on. “You got a choice to make, sir!” Everyone in the room and America wants him to leave.

Christian and Karolina meet on the balcony! They’re dating in the light!

Karolina thinks Christian is “definitely doable,” but that’s not all. “I wanna put him in my pocket, carry him around, put him on my keychain, hold him up, and say you’re so cute!” PopWatch recommends that Karolina either go buy a wacky Pez dispenser or have a baby.

Before Michael can reject her outright by declining to meet her in the piano room, Summer flounces. “Michael looks too young, so I’m gonna walk away right now. A lot of girls would say Michael was attractive, but I’m not attracted to him at all. I think a lot of people would say that physically, I’m out of his league.”

I’m so glad I can rest easy about that last part!

Michael meets Becky on the balcony, and they escape the house, laughing and skipping like a real couple. Becky: “It felt completely right, like two puzzle pieces coming together.”

May they come together for many years.

The end.

Read more: ‘Dating in the Dark’ season premiere: A photo recap

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

Comments (57 total) Add your comment
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  • tina

    Oh man the Summer screencaps are epic!

    • Scooter

      i so wanted Summer to stay so she would be further humiliated by not being chosen. then i hoped we’d see Michael/Becky pass her by in the limo while she dragged her luggage down the hill. that would have been awesome.

      • Kathy

        I was hoping they would hit her as they drove down the driveway!!! LOL

    • Karate Pants

      The one with the wonky is perfect. And pretty much how I see all supermodels. Derrrr….

    • Tajah

      Hilarious recaps!

  • Jacob

    You must do these from now on. Hilarious.

  • KST

    These photo recaps are genius!

  • marc

    surprised you diss this show but liked the crap that was true Beauty. This is a smart concept for those of us still single and is a dating show that actually makes sense. That guy Michael ackowledged that he was more physically attracted to the model but realized he had more with Becky. Kind of refreshing.

    • Jenn

      right… in a weird way, the daters are actually learning a lesson. even better would be to see who’s still together after a month or so. probably none, but the end of each episode shows some promise.

  • Johnification

    Annie, I’m going to warn you right now that if this is gonna be a weekly thing, I may have to start watching this show along with you. You’d be responsible for the show’s ratings going up (though not really, since I don’t have one of those damn boxes). But seriously, this was hilarious.

    • MCS

      I think it is better without watching the show. I still havent, but have read both recaps, they are hilarious. “Lady, you’re in America. It’s Jersey Shore.”

    • Marci

      She’s right, Annie…don’t make us watch this show!

  • Sam

    …all I kept thinking was “Sure, Becky may be happy now, but what is she going to think when she watches this later and hear Michael talking about how, upon seeing them, Michael thought Summer was so hot and Becky was probably not the girl he’d try to pick up if he saw her in a bar.”

  • the world

    Summer was indeed hot and waaay out of his league!

  • Ceballos

    Good for Wentworth Miller for picking the girl he likes, and not going for the supermodel, who I’m guessing rolled her luggage all the way to the hospital so the doctors could treat her bruised ego.

    LOVE the photo recap. I’m assuming that you’re going to be watching next week: pat attention to when the black car drives away from the house at the end of the episode – there’s a moment where there are a bunch of crew guys and a ladder reflected in the car door.

    (It’s possible that I’m watching this show too closely.)

    • noelbelle

      LOL, the whole time I was watching this, I thought he looked like the missing brother from Prison Break.

      • noelbelle

        PS, I only started watching the show on Hulu after I read the first recap. Even funnier when you’ve watched it.

  • Fluffer

    Yikes, what a schnozz! Why is she so arrogant? Woof!

  • Shamus N.

    If they have room to put this on, why won’t they show the last episodes of Better Off Ted?

    • @Shamus N.

      Duh, because people watch this.

      • Shamus N.

        I don’t.

      • @Shamus N.

        Sure, you just pull up articles about it and make unrelated comments on said articles, I get it.
        Anyhoo, the point is not necessarily whether Shamus N. watches it or not, it’s that more people watch this than watchED Better Off Ted. That’s why it’s gone but this is on.
        I feel like I’m holding your hand and gently walking you through the Land of Obvious. But I hope it helped all the same.

      • thin

        Dear @Shamus, apparently you’ve missed the fact that the majority of the comments for this show’s recaps have said that they don’t/haven’t watched it and that they’re here because the recaps for it are a riot.

  • Skip Anderson

    This is the same house used in the OCD project. Kinda weird!!!!!

    • Aurora

      I hate to admit that I ever watched this, but I think it’s also the same house they used on A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila.

      • René De Beaumarchais

        Bwahaha! You watched A Shot of Love????? Hahaha! Hey guys, this person watched that damn show!!!

  • Laura

    Loved IT! Way more entertaining then watching the show.

  • Nan

    “Happy nightmares, everyone!” and the screen-cap of Christian with his sketch…best part of the article.

  • Antonio

    Hilarious the “supermodel” who is used to getting her way with her looks was not picked by anyone because she relied on them so much her personality sucks. Too bad she didn’t wait around to get her ego a reality check some more…

    • LR

      she kept saying she was an “international supermodel” which is even funnier

      • Jenn

        Maybe she was in a Canadian magazine?

  • Allison

    I never realized how much Tuesday sucked before these recaps started. Now, Tuesday afternoons are a shining beacon of joy. Thanks, Annie.

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