Image Credit: Tim Calver/Discovery ChannelCraig Ferguson’s Shark Bites: Adventures in Shark Week, which aired last night, was a love letter to loyal viewers who also consider the annual Discovery event their favorite holiday. Yes, the professional divers told him everything would be fine when he swam with Caribbean reef sharks in the Bahamas, but Ferguson explained that’s not what he’s learned watching decades of Shark Week: “I realize these people are completely full of s—.”
Cue two of Ferguson’s favorite sequences, the stories of surfer Todd Endris and swimmer Heather Boswell. Then a visit with the doctor who would be stitching him up if he was attacked. Then his first dive with sharks (“I’m America’s third favorite middle of the night entertainer, and I’m about to throw all of that away,” he said). His first words when he surfaced: “F—in’ hell.” That’s a real reaction. “I used to think Oprah was the most powerful thing on the planet, apparently, I’m wrong,” he added. Ferguson admitted there was a moment when he wanted to come up early (probably when a shark buzzed his face), and looked genuinely nervous for his next dive, which was to feed the sharks. His fear, however, produced the best line of the hour: “I have to ask you a question: What happens if the shark smells pee pee? Just hypothetically. I’m just askin’ hypothetically.” But in the safety of his chain mail pants, Ferguson manned up, and fed the sharks first on the ocean floor, then aboard a wreck. He smiled at the camera. Eventually, he actually pet a shark who’d been put into a peaceful tonic immobility, and you wanted to cheer when he gently fist-bumped two divers afterward. This time when he exited the water, he said, “That was fantastic. They are so beautiful. They are fantastic. Oh, they are so nice. They’re like really big dogs, aren’t they?”
The moral of the story: Sharks aren’t out to eat you, and they need protection. Craig told the dive master he’d take that message to his 10 viewers and the Discovery Channel’s five — it all adds up. Then, Craig sat and talked to the camera and offered these final words: “When you have 25 or 30 sharks all swimmin’ around you, all nudgin’ and bumpin’ and movin’ and smackin’ into you and stuff, can I tell you… it’s hilarious. Isn’t that weird?” Weird. And awesome.
Other good lines:
• “Don’t get my back fat caught in my zip.” — Craig, suiting up for a test scuba dive
• “I’d even watch Twister over this.” — Craig, realizing he’d have zero chance of getting bitten by a shark by staying on land and watching a movie
• “Think I don’t know when someone’s [bleepin'] their pants? I can see some of these people [bleepin'] their pants.” — Craig, on the changing mood onboard as they get closer to the dive location
• “‘Cause some of these sharks ain’t Methodists, you do know that right? There are some of them who are Methodists, I am sure you’re aware. But not all of them. Some of them may be Catholics, so be careful. I’m just sayin’. I’m just sayin’.” — Craig, cautioning a Methodist church group waiting to leave the dock
• “We’ll watch out for that.” — a Methodist kid, responding to Craig’s warning
This is the first week I’ve tuned in for some of the programming, but I managed to catch Craig’s dive. It was exactly what I expected – fun.
Awesome. I missed this but I’m sure I can pick it up in reruns. I’ve loved Shark Week since it started and Ferguson is just what it needed.
A perfect hour of TV. How cool was it to see them feed sharks on a wreck?
I think it was the same wreck that Rob Dyrdek & Chris “Drama” were on last season of the Fantasy Factory.
Craig Ferguson always puts a fun spin on things, if you’re a late night viewer and not a shark week enthusiast, you still go the message that animals need protection, and they are just doing what they were born to do.
Craig Ferguson and Shark Week was a perfect mix. So much of the hour made me laugh, but his disbelief when he came up from actually feeding the sharks was so genuine. I loved how he kept calling them beautiful.
Watched this with my son and I loved it! It was so funny! Shark Week is AWESOME!
I watch Shark Week RELIGIOUSLY, and I absolutely LOVED last nights show! Mr. Ferguson was sooooo funny! Through his humor, he allowed the viewer to feel as though sharks were simply misunderstood beautiful creatures whom we are still learning from. I applaud Discovery for choosing such a capable and refreshing host. I only hope he will perhaps find a future with the Discovery Channel!!
Wasn’t that fun? And terrifying? And isn’t he just too damn good looking for his own safety? I loved his parting comment about the hilariousness of the moment. I totally get that. Great show.
Mr. Ferguson never dissapoints. Evevnts like this will bring out one’s inner child, and his is always ready to come out to play & discover! I’ve DVR’d this one for my son at band camp!
My girlfriend’s TV boyfriend is Craig Ferguson and after seeing that show, I know why. He’s a mensch.