Image Credit: Vienna: Islandpaps/Splash NewsYou thought they were the second coming of Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson (okay, actually you didn’t), but Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi, the “winners” of the most recent season of ABC’s The Bachelor franchise, have grabbed Cupid’s arrow, snapped it in half, and tossed it cruelly back in the little cherub’s face. “Jake and Vienna have split. They appreciate the respect for their privacy at this time,” a publicist for the couple said via email this morning.
I know, I know…you need a second to go listen to Fantasia’s “Bittersweet” on repeat loop and risk dehydration by shedding a half-gallon of salty tears. Do what you’ve gotta do on this sweltering Tuesday morning. Then pull yourself together. Because I’ve got a foolproof plan for Jake and Vienna:
Go to ABC’s Bachelor Pad. Go directly to Bachelor Pad. Do not pass ‘Go,’ but do be sure to collect whatever “appearance fees” (i.e. free booze, fat-free energy bars, penicillin) the network is offering up to cast members of this Bachelor/Bachelorette spinoff, in which former contestants will live in a house together and get a second chance at love and other prizes.
Jake and Vienna are both uniquely qualified for the gig, as far as I’m concerned. On both his season of The Bachelor as well as Jillian Harris’ season of The Bachelorette, Jake proved his excellence at leaning against a balcony and “crying.” He is also adept at taking long, dramatic showers while the cameras roll (no small task, although I am not speaking from experience). And he has no qualms about making out with more than one woman in a 24-hour period. Crucial. I think this show wants him.
Vienna, meanwhile, is second-to-none when it comes to stirring up s*** in a house full of she-beasts. Does she really need any additional qualifications to make her a go-to Bachelor Pad fameosexual? Survey says “Heck, no!”
Now all we need to do is get ABC to make this happen. Seriously, if we’re all going to hell anyway, we might as well prepare by slathering ourselves in gasoline. Burn, baby, burn! Agree?
More ‘Bachelor’:
Vienna denies cheating on ‘Bachelor’ Jake
‘Bachelor’ Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi break up
Chris Harrison’s blog: Why Jake chose Vienna
‘The Bachelor’ finale recap: The dumber of two evils
Jake learns ‘what love language’ Vienna speaks
Wow…never saw that coming! Haha!!
I saw it coming! Only Trista and Ryan succeed in the show. The rest are pathetic!!! ABC should stop the show…seriously!
Which one was Vienna? Honestly I can’t tell these plastic Barbies apart, they all look the same and the guys are wankers.
Molly and Jason – succeed too.
Molly wasn’t the final one…. they don’t count.
jillian and ed too. even though they didn’t get married yet.
this is terrible news and marriagefriendfinder
Absolutely didn’t like Molly either. Waiting for that split up!
It never lasts! I knew they were going to break up.
NEVER SAW IT COMING, PLEASE, it is the norm for this ridiculous show to continue year after year. Producer, Mike Fleis needs to take this show in a different direction and concept, it’s just not working after 17 installments.
Even the average TV Watcher would roll their eyes with disgust and for ABC to continue this hog wash makes them foolish and dumb to continue to waste 2 hours every Monday for nonsense!
This show went South the second Chad W. refused to pick one from the final 2, and then Jason doing a swap the last minute, proves this show is not in it for love and romance, only for sensationalistic journalism!!!
Um, duh? Most people (or at least many, I hope) know this show is in it for what you dub “sensationalistic journalism” (though it isn’t journalism at all, just reality TV). And yet, ratings are still through the roof. I, for one, watch it for the pure soap opera of it all. Honestly, I think 2 out of 17 (and 3 if Jill and Ed stick it out) is kind of a fantastic record when you look at the circumstances. And again, ABC is far from “wasting every Monday,” this show is a ratings magnet!
Honestly, I’m kind of surprised they broke up so soon – I figured they would have milked this out for at least another year for publicity. Jake was never on the show for anything other than advancing his career. I’m glad Jillian saw through him as soon as she did.
Conspiracy Theory: They broke up in order to be able to appear on Bachelor Pad! That way, they are able to get more airtime. So, if true, are they really still together and only want to be on BP for the airtime but will reunite after OR did they plan this from the get go and were never truly together?
But they’ve already begun filming some time ago for Pad.
I would be willing to bet my next paycheck that this “split” has been orchaestrated for the sole purpose of them getting onto the Bachelor Pad. I mean, what else do either of them have going?
Vienna has a career in the porn industry to look forward to. Jake is auditioning for a role as an oompa-loompa in the next Chocolate Factory remake.
Thanks – I laughed right out loud at this one – spot on!!
My thoughts exactly – these two have shown up wherever there is a camera – “Dancing with the Stars” “The Soup” just to name the two shows I’ve seen them on – I’m sure, as soon as they found out about “Bachelor Pad” they couldn’t get away from each other fast enough!
I’m embarrassed that I know this, but Jake actually already has a job as a recurring guest star on that Lifetime show Drop Dead Diva – maybe as one of her suitors? Just saying, the career is happening, whether you want it or not.
Say it isn’t so
i believe filiming on Bachelor Pad ends today, so while I agree this would be a great idea, it appears it happened too late. Maybe they announced their breakup after the show when into production to avoid this.
I for one like Jake a lot… and I don’t think Vienna is such a bi***.
If Jake gets in the Bachelor pad he should pursue Gia again, they were great together!
Gia evidently must not have been great “in the sack” or he would not have booted her out after the fantasy date. I doubt they will hook up again.
AMAZING RACE producers – do not, DO NOT stunt cast either or both of these tools. That piece of junk beauty contestant last season nearly did me in
oh, that would be aweful! Hopefully it won’t/can’t happen, since TAR is on CBS.
Of course they wouldn’t cross networks. Silly me. Contestant (whose name I’ve happily forgotten)scarred me.
“and get a second chance at love and other prizes” – that cracked me up!
I’m tired of Fake Jake & Vienna Sausage. I don’t want to see them even on The Bachelor Pad. Enough already.
Motion seconded.
and thirded too–now we have to sit through weeks of stupid dumb acts with losers now on the “PAD.”
Here’s what I think will happen: Jake will show up at Ali’s After The Final Rose and ask for a second chance with Ali. She’ll blow him off, and Jake will be the first bachelor to get another season as the Bachelor (hey, no one wanted Ali cast as the Bachelorette, so ABC clearly doesn’t care if the audience like the Bachelor[ette]). Then, during the taping, Ali will break up with her selection, and she will enter into his show, and they will end up together. For a short period of time until they need press and attention, and will break up to become relevant again.
Vienna, I hear Charlie Sheen’s a heckuva catch.
Jake, Jessica Simpson seems to be ideal for an intellectual heavyweight like you.
And I hear Charlie pays well, so it’s a win-win for me.
What? Jake didnt?
Oh dear Lord in Heaven…I spit the sip of Sprite I had just taken almost across my office!
Anonymous…you must use letters or something to distinguish yourself! Your comment was flippin hah-larious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOO FUNNY CHICA!
I think that unfortunatly the whole Jake season was a joke. He is truely tired of being a pilot & truely in love with himself too much to be in love with 1 women. 1 women will never be enough for him, and the victim that believes she is better be ready to soothe the burn.
I find it quite hilarious that this relationship lasted this long, when he was on the boat w/ Gia he even stated that the reason he has not found the “one” was due to his decisions to pick women according to his physical attractions vs. an emotional connection.
Rhonda… It’s ” 1 woman”, “women” is plural (more than 1).
I’m heartbroken about this. Did you see the size of her breasts in that picture???
Thats about how big his nuts are going to swell if he doesn’t get some antibiotics for the STD’s he caught from her.
Don’t worry, Joe Baby, they are soon coming to a Playboy magazine near you.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !
Just saw this “celebrity” on DWTS. Don’t watch this crap. EW there are so many shows you ignore for this dreck.
First off whose bright idea was it to put a bunch of ex-couples in one house together? thats a powder keg waiting to explode.
You must be new around here – pull up a chair and we’ll explain the concept of reality television to you.
LOL Sharon
I am shocked, SHOCKED, that these two crazy kids couldn’t make a go of it. If they can’t make love work, is there any hope whatsoever for the rest of us?
Wow, real original.
LMAO!
Apparently, Ben doesn’t get sarcasm.
That puts him right up there with Jake in the brains department.