Gordon Ramsay had a dream. He wanted to push the boundary of Possible. He wanted to turn myth and history into Mystery. “Representatives of the media,” he proclaimed, “I officially guarantee that we will complete the opening night dinner service at Hell’s Kitchen.” Commence teeth-chattering and eyebrow-cocking, new contestants! “It’s never been done before,” said Autumn. “Has he lost his damn mind?” asked Jason. “Roar!” said the tiger shark that lives on Mikey’s head.
And just like that, season seven of Hell’s Kitchen was off and running. The new chefs had forty-five minutes to create their signature dish. We learned a little bit about some of the chefs:
Stacey: A celebrity chef, she namechecked several people who will probably never call her again: “I’ve cooked for Nathan Lane, Martha Stewart, Martin Short, Don Rickles, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, and they’ve all loved my food.” Pause to visualize a dinner party with only those people in attendance. Now pause to imagine that they’re all locked in a mansion, and every hour, another dinner guest dies. Who’s the murderer? I’m going with Rickles.
Holli: “I’ll play that cute factor. Let’s put it this way: I’ll work just as hard as everyone, but I’ll look better doing it.” Holli proceeded to trip over her high heels.
Salvatore: A pizza chef, Sal has maintained an impressive Italian twang despite having lived in America for 21 years. Why? “For woman. Girls like [my ridiculous accent] in America.” Sal, meet Holli. Holli, meet Sal. Sal and Holli, meet Hot Tub. Hot Tub, meet Airsick Bag.
Andrew: “When I win this competition, I’m gonna buy two walk-in coolers. That’s all I really want. Two. Walk-in. Coolers.” Christened by Gordo as “the Hell’s Kitchen Hannibal Lecter.” (Personally, I get more of an adorable, wannabe-sociopath Dwight Schrute vibe.) Farmer Andrew noted several times that his number one hobby is butchering animals. Viewers, I’m calling Andrew the (very) dark horse.
To kick off the first challenge, Gordo called up a bookish stay-at-home cookbook author with zero kitchen experience. She made a veal scallopini that looked like baby vomit, but earned her a “delicious.” “Relax! Relax!” Gordo said cheerily, massaging her shoulders with his brutish fingers before forcing himself upon her. Bookish Cookbook Mom pulled her face off, Tom Cruise-style, and revealed herself to be Mrs. Ramsay. “Job well done,” he told the Missus, hopefully referring to the scallopini.
The teams split up by gender. Holli’s “North Indian” food couldn’t impress Gordo, even with high heels thrown in. Jamie mixed a toothpick into her meal. Mikey and Siobhan had an awesome-hair faceoff: Mega-Hawk vs. Ginger Dreads. (GRimsy gave them both a point. I’m betting these two go far. Since Mikey’s Hell’s Kitchen tattoo indicates a zealot-level devotion to the show, I’m going to make a ridiculous wager that he wins it all.)
The boys beat the girls in a nail-biter. While the females licked their wounds and the males gave each other friendly backslaps, Gordo sweetened the deal by announcing the stakes: the winner of this season gets to be the Head Chef at the Gordon Ramsay restaurant at the Savoy Hotel in London. Everyone acted like this was incredible news. Jason: “In rap terms, that’s like Jay-Z!” (Which means the Savoy Hotel used to be cool, but it’s been super lame and corporate ever since it got married to a former member of Destiny’s Child.)
Now, a quick internet search informs me that the Savoy is currently closed. It’s supposed to reopen this year, but I like to imagine that Gordo is setting up these contestants for a horrifically depressing finale, where he drops off the winner in their new kitchen…and it’s a barren construction zone. Twist! Shyamalan!
The culinary gang retreated to the dorms for a night of studying. The Red Team (Ladies) studied good. The Blue Team (Guys) studied bad. A fire alarm went off. The cooks went into the lobby, and were assaulted by a video of Gordon Ramsay cooking Lobster Risotto. “Praise be to you, Chef Ramsay,” the chefs exclaimed, as they retreated to their bedrooms for quiet meditation. Cue the fire alarm, which went off again, and again, and again, throughout the night.
You have to love the gusto the HK narrator injects into lines like this: “After an exhausting night of lessons, the Red Team’s Sous-Chef Andi wakes her team earlier to inform them of their punishment for losing the signature dish challenge.” The punishment in question: serving the boys breakfast in bed. “Thanks, ladies!” said Salvatore. “Is this every morning thing?”
Finally, the anointed night arrived, and the cooking started. Some highlights:
-Stacey’s scallops did not pass muster. “I asked you to season them with curry powder, and you macerated them. You’re gonna blow someone’s mind off!” exclaimed Gordo.
-Benjamin accidentally dipped his tasting spoon back into the food. “You can’t stand there and eat the food, and dip all your BLEEPing slobber in there! I’m not serving that!”
-Fran, a 44-year-old with 30 years of experience, mixed crab in the lobster risotto. “Can someone explain to Fran what the BLEEP a lobster looks like!”
-Maria had a sudden giggle-attack. Gordo re-enacted the Goodfellas “How Am I Funny?” speech, and promptly kicked Jamie, Maria, and Fran out of the kitchen. Up in the dorm, Maria and Fran tried to one-up each other’s crazy confessional faces. Jamie demurely sipped some red wine. (Seems to me that she just got caught in the line of fire.)
-Mikey didn’t let the halibut cook, which led to the Gordo Nuclear Implosion of the night: “Raw f—ing halibut! Raw! RAAWWWW! RAW! F—! RAW!” Mikey was ultimately kicked out of the kitchen. “And get your f—ing hair done!”
-Salvatore and Benjamin were thrown out of the kitchen, one for cooking with a cold plate, one for making risotto without rice. Salvatore played the “He doesn’t like my accent” card, followed quickly by the “He doesn’t like Italians” card.
-Scott and Autumn both made moves to seize the leadership of their respective teams. The plan seemed to backfire: Mikey and Fran both seemed a bit miffed by their teammates’ attempt to assume control. When Gordo pulled a reverse-Solomon and mashed the two teams together, Ed instantly swooped in and assumed control of the chefs. He even earned a stamp of approval from Coach Ramsay: “Bring it together, Ed!” Ed’s leadership guided the team through the rest of the night. After it was all over, when everyone else was ready to faint, Ed simply said, “That was awesome.” Clear Frontrunner Alert!
Gordon Ramsay’s beautiful dream became a terrible reality. Dinner service was served. (Admittedly, considering that the Beef Wellington took about two hours, Gordo basically had to shackle them to their table.) The ladies lost, setting a bad track record early in the competition. I might have been wrong about Autumn: her nominations to go home were Fran and Stacey, and they were the team’s ultimate picks. It seems to me that Autumn is playing a dangerous game here: trying to seize political power makes sense in most gameshows, but it’s not that helpful when the competition is presided over by a roaring elephant-dragon with a thick Scot-Brit accent.
Fran couldn’t say how many legs a Lobster has: “I was a kosher chef.” But Fran’s not boring. (When Gordo asked, “Do you have any EXPLETIVE?!?!” she fired back at him, “I’ve got EXPLETIVE, Chef! I’ll show ‘em to you!” Graphic.) That meant Stacey, aka Nathan Lane’s favorite chef, was the first contestant sent home.
What’d you think of the premiere, viewers? Are there any other contestants who you thought showed a lot of promise? Are you excited to see how many more crazy faces Maria can make in the confessional booth? Can we all agree that every reality show would be better if there were more people in Mission Impossible-style disguises? Sound off below!
Best. Show. Opener. Ever.
Jim, my husband, and I actually met Mikey and his wife, Tobi, last night at Life’s a Beach. He was there along with a lot of his friends for the premiere (which they had on every TV there!) The tatoo’s definitely real – I even took a picture of it! They were super cool; a really nice couple. I hope he wins!
I wonder if Mikey’s tatoo is real and if Salvatore’s accent is real. Also, I am sure it is for the show, but I think it’s gross how the chefs hang out in their uniforms and aprons after a sweaty, smelly dinner service. I worked in a pizza place for years, and the first thing I wanted to do after work was change out of those clothes!
I like a few of the guys this year, which surprised me. Autumn is a b-itch and many of the women are just cannon fodder. The farmer guy is beyond creepy.
What did Autumn do except say the kitchen ran better after those 3 were kicked out, and answer when asked who should be put for elmination. We’ll see if she has any skills.
Yeah. He’s a total Schrute. More like Mose than Dwight, even.
I kept wondering if Salvatore’s accent was real too. Everytime he speaks he sounds like the intentionally stereotypical Italian characters in the Simpsons.
Totally phony, been here 21 years, how old was he, 5? Too funny.
I think he was 14 or 15 when he came over here…I thought I saw he was 36, he looks great for 36! But yeah I think it’s fake-ish,
I was shocked Fran wasn’t the one who was sent home. But at the same time I like that she will stir up trouble! Salvatore MUST be faking that accent, that thick after coming to America at 14!? And even if you ignore the super thick accent, after 21 years of living here he still speaks in broken English!?
I totally agree! Every time that he spoke I felt like rushing for the mute button. There is NO excuse to having lived in America for 20+ years and still speak that way! Granted, I’ll give you a discernible accent if you continually speak it at home with the family and such, but there’s no way in hell your grammar and syntax would be that f—ed up speaking English for so long. He probably grew up in Lincoln, Nebraska and the whole thing is a facade.
I know. It’s like he just wandered in from an episode of The Golden Girls, where they always had these super cheesy italian accents.
Co-sign! Did you hear someone said “this is a trip” and Salvatore says, “you trip already” – whatever. I don’t believe that fake-ass accent either..knock it off..
Well, Ricardo Montalban came to the US from Mexico when he was 11, I believe, and kept his accent (“fine Cor-eeen-thian leather”) because it was profitable for him to do so. Five years old, though, I dunno……
I don’t know … my sister-in-law moved to US 30 years ago and she still has a very noticeable accent. Henry Kissinger went to high school in NYC and he still has a very thick accent (I think it is deliberate). Not everybody works at losing their accents or wants to.
What’s the deal with chef Scott? He’s been there every season while the other sous chefs keeps getting replaced every season. There’s a story here, people! Also, he’s clearly better than every chef who wins each year yet he never gets to move up. Brutal career path.
I noticed that too. There is always a different female sous chef, but Scott is always there.
It’s because a couple of the female sous chefs got pregnant and left. I looked it up once after my mum mentioned it.
I know, right? I was thinking that last night, so either he is Ramsey’s top go to guy, or he gets a boat load of money for this show. I saw him once judging a cooking challenge show on Food TV. Hey, E Online, you listening, we want to know…..
Asian lady sous chef was there for several seasons, but it’s rotated since she moved on.
Ramsey won Scott in a poker game. Indentured servitude.
I was shocked to realize I had actually missed HK. And there’s literally nothing else on, so…
Chef Scott is GR’s right hand man. I believe he runs at least one of GR’s restaurants possibly more. He’s also appeared in an episode of Kitchen Nightmares (US version) helping GR to bailout a kitchen where the entire kitchen staff walked out and then agreed to remain on as a consultant for a month or so after GR left.
I love Scott. He was the voice/host on some of those early challenges on the Food Network. I’m glad he’s still there.
Scott actually has a halfway decent career. He’s hosted a number of specials on Food Network, and he has a business of his own. It’s been a while since I last read up about him, and I can’t remember his last name right now or I’d look him up again, but he’s doing just fine. I think he just likes doing “Hell’s Kitchen” or something
If you watch Kitchen Nightmares (can catch past episodes at Fox.com) you will see Scott from time to time.
Gordon called in him once if not twice to take over a kitchen for a month or longer in order to run the kitchen and teach the chef who had been winging it with no training.
Somehow I think he and his feminine opposite have been incorrectly labeled Sous Chefs. They act more like team captains, in a sense Gordan’s right hand people who GR can depend upon. I really don’t see Gordan running through the dorm at O’Dark Thirty banging a pan to wake them up, nor can I see him leading the troops outside to unload fresh fish etc.
Who watches this crap?
Never miss it. It is staged, and ridiculouse, and my family LOVES it!
Why are u commenting on a show if you don’t watch it? Idiot!
Gordon Ramsey fans. That guy is crazier, funnier and more interesting than most written sitcom characters. His line “Where’s the F—ing Smurf” last night when he was looking for blue haired Jay had me almost rolling off my couch. No one does insult comedy better than Chef Ramsey.
YOU!
I do!!! One of my favorite show. Haven’t missed a single season.
I thought fran should have went home because she messed up on the risotto and plus she had an nasty attitude towards everybody.
…should have GONE home….
She didn’t go home because her personality is good for the ratings. She and Autumn’s conflicts will flare controversy in the coming weeks.
Co-sign..but how do you get a “butcher” on the show?
Bingo. These people are seen as characters in the early episodes. The woman that was sent home was just too boring.
I love watchin Hells Kitchen, I love the way Gordon yells and kicks the barrels and just about belittles the contestants– keep on keepin on Gordon
Micheal TX, that’s a great description. Staged and ridiculous! And yes I do love it!
It is my favorite guilty pleasure. We all know that a boss cannot act that way and get away with it, but it sure is fun to watch!
lots of exec chefs act that way and totally get away with it. My bro used to see how many kitchen & serving staff he could make cry in one service. It’s a right of passage.
I know. I absolutely love how he says “Donkey” lol
Awesome summer entertainment. Love seeing chef Scott again. He is still on the show because when he does have the occassional line or two, he’s a hard a$$. The female sous chefs haven’t really had any standouts. Its a fun summer reality show. If your looking for Proust, look elsewhere.
Also, if you’re looking for Probst, look elsewhere…
And if you’re looking for Pabst, well, you’re probably not too far off…
Proust was a french novelist who wrote about sophisticated themes involving time, space, and memory. The word “philistine” springs to mind.
Pabst is a blue-ribbon beer, about unsophisticated themes of imbibing time, spaciness and lack of memory. The word “grandiloquent” springs, no leaps to mind.
Touche’
Scott has also been on Kitchen Nightmares, so I’m thinking that Gordo pays him well.
Excellent word play, Carl, Alan and (love the name!) Squirella!1
I found it amusing that as Salvatore came back into the dorm he had a couple of lines without accent.
Just as fake as Mikey’s hair.
FOX just signed Mikey’s hair for a new reality show!
Does it have something to do with the Jersey Shore? – It fits right in
I look forward to watching the developement of the chefs each season, but in the early episodes we love to watch the weak ones explode! My husband and I both have kitchen experience so we also do a lot of yelling at the screen!
Already hating Autumn. It was like Fran said when they had to nominate 2 of the girls….Autumn stood in the kitchen cool and collected and did VERY LITTLE to help. She is definitely a nasty little back-stabber!
Agreed! Autumn stood around drinking water while her teammates floundered. Definitely a snake in the grass.
When your opponent is melting down, you step back and watch Doesnt make her a bitch, just smart.
You don’t know what Autumn did or did not do because they did not even really show her or half of the people at there stations cooking. Besides as far as we know she could have been drinking water at the start of the service. But We do know that Autumn was on garnish and had to plate everything going out… btw you would be doing nothing too if you had nothing to plate cause your teammates weren’t doing there job! And just by looking at Fran you could tell she would have been pissed if Autumn tried to get all up in her business and help her out when someone was already helping her.
“Which means the Savoy Hotel used to be cool, but it’s been super lame and corporate ever since it got married to a former member of Destiny’s Child.” Hahahahaha!
I am going to start saying Shyamalan! all the time.
“Viewers, I’m calling Andrew the (very) dark horse.”
Actually, Andrew ate the dark horse. Raw.
It was bland.
LOL!
Horsemeat is very lean…needs to be larded when cooked. And if Andrew gets anywhere near my horse with eating in mind, he dies.