Bret Michaels' new VH1 reality show: Cursing, flatulence, and tears (all from his 4-year-old)

bret_michaelsImage Credit: Carrie Reiser/VH1VH1′s sneak peek at its fall reality series Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It featured footage shot before his emergency appendectomy and brain hemorrhage and showed the rocker as we’ve never seen him before: as a father. It’s only natural to want to compare it to The Osbournes – after all, the sight of Bret sitting in his 4-year-old daughter Jorja’s magic castle or driving his 9-year-old daughter Raine to the bus stop in a golf cart is about as surreal as seeing Ozzy Osbourne handling trash bags. But the storylines are definitely different: Bret has been together with the mother of his two children, Kristi Gibson, on-and-off since 1993. After the Rock of Love years, he acknowledges that his life is out of control, and he wants more of a balance. Kristi is tired of being alone and wants him to be as committed to her and he is to his girls. “I’ve got lots of boyfriends… in my closet,” she confessed to a friend, who’d asked what she does when Bret’s on the road. (“There’s different sizes, different colors, but I find myself going through a lot of batteries,” she elaborated to the camera.)

The thing is, as interesting as that turning point in Michaels’ life is, the footage in this special didn’t feel 100 percent real. We’re supposed to believe that Bret hadn’t made up his mind that he was going to try to be a real boyfriend to Kristi before they decided to do this series about him being “Poppa Rocka”? That Raine just happened to have a homework assignment that involved answering questions about her dad’s job during his surprise visit? The cynic in me wasn’t sure whether to feel sad that a camera was on Jorja when she was sobbing into Bret’s shoulder and begging him to stay another day, or to feel foolish for feeling that sad when she’d looked at the camera first. Don’t get me wrong: I believe that Kristi and Bret’s relationship and the love that he and the girls have for one other is 100 percent genuine; I just hope when the series begins this fall — filming will resume when cleared by Michaels’ doctors — that it does them justice by feeling truly unscripted. The only way a show about his life after what he’s just been through wouldn’t be moving television is if the audience feels manipulated. It didn’t matter if we believed in Rock of Love, that was just for fun. This is — or should be — for real. We’ve met his family. We know what they’ve just been through. If they’re going to film their lives, we’re going to get invested.

The show is obviously about Bret, but I’m prepared to say that Jorja will be the star. She’s already been bleeped (Bret said she learned to curse when daddy was assembling that castle), she has a problem with flatulence, and she isn’t afraid to call Bret “boring” to his face. (Bret referred to himself as “the second most exciting man in the world.” Who’s the first?) Raine, according to Bret, is more mature than him. She certainly looked mature acting as photographer for fans who wanted to pose with her dad when he took the girls to CrackerJax, a “family fun and sports park.” That homework assignment of hers proved she also knows how to press his buttons. See: The question about his worst day at work. He suggested the answer was when he passed out from insulin shock at Madison Square Garden or broke his hand hitting a bus instead of a roadie. She wanted to go with him getting flattened at the Tonys — and reenacted it for him. (I’d love to see footage of the teacher reading the job description Bret insisted upon: “Musician/rock star extraordinaire/partay king — and it must be spelled par-tay.”)

What do you think? Will you tune in for Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It this fall?

Comments (129 total) Add your comment
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  • littlebird

    Bret’s relationship with Kristy has always been a thorn he never wanted or could get rid of. A curse of sorts.

    • Em

      Wishful thinking! He is with her because he wants to be. (And ya know what? If he wasn’t with her, he still wouldn’t be with you, so this misplaced bitterness and fantasy grudge you have against Kristy is a non-starter for you.)

      • :)

        Hi Em. Hilarious. Didn’t watch brett whoring and won’t watch but these folks need to get ovet their delusions.

    • Jody

      I don’t think littlebird’s comment has anything to do with “wanting to be with him”. It is quite clear that up until now he couldn’t commit. We will see what happens.

      • Ashley

        Bret can devote himself if he chooses to. He has made a choice to do both his music and his family he is only human and no one is perfect he does the best he can and he loves his kids and Kristi He is a rock star and a survivor do not underestimate him he does not do anything half ass so when he chooses to fully devote and put Kristi first that’s what he will do and Kristi and his girls will only be rewarded with his love

    • intheknow

      You are only there for those lonely nights when his real family isn’t available. Don’t think it is anything more sweetheart.

    • Ashley

      Kristi has never been a Thorn get real. She is the mother of his girls and she has stuck with Bret for many years so do not refer to her as a Thorn you do not even know the meaning of the song or how he sees Kristi so keep your hurtful thoughts to yourself she is the mother of his kids

  • karri

    I will absolutely be watching it. I think he is an awesome dad and person and his kids are great! Don’t think it was fake at all when his daughter cried, she loves her dad! Or when Raine was doing her hw. I think it is really nice for ppl to see another side of him and his family. It’s awesome

    • :)

      Awesome dads actually raise their kids.

      • karri

        he is raising his children it would be the same as someone working out of town or someone that works long shifts. People all over America have very demanding jobs and still RAISE and love their children

      • @ karri

        Calm down. Not true. Other people do it because they need to make a living. He needs it like a drug. If my husband had health issues he would not leave the doctors out of the loop and fly cross country for a buck. That’s how he would raise his children. Guess I’m lucky, and apparently wierd. Hubby tries to make time for family too.

      • Aly

        How many people’s jobs involve cavorting with young women on national television?

      • Nc

        How many “awesome dads” are in divorces? They would actually spend less time than Bret –at least he is out there working and getting paid some nice cash (for Kristi who obviously has never had to work since they hooked up -)and his kids….
        Like he said – Kristi knew his career when she got with him. Would she rather he quit and be a plumber? I think not.
        As to the kids – like Tony Randall said – it’s quality, not quantity. They’ll understand someday when they realize what they have inherited. It’s not like he has a job where he can sit at home….
        Hypocrites annoy me and there sure are a lot on this site. Bret probably spends more time with his kids (and listening to them) than most parents do.

      • Ashley

        are you even a dad? If you are then you know what an important job working is and supporting your kids Bret does a great job

    • Tim

      Kristy get a grip….he is show boating and he dont need to work….he should stay home and actually walk the walk…he is the most FAKE person i have ever seen.

  • Kathy

    I think he should marry Kristi. I’m certainly going to keep watching him..he still has that sexy body and great voice. I will be watching in the fall.

    • Marj

      I do think that there is some haters out there. He does see & takes care of his girls.More than some dads do. I do hope that he does marry Kristi I think that she would keep him grounded

      • Tim

        MArJ…comparing him to a dead beat to make him seem better is crazy….

  • Gene

    What is this media obsession with Bret Michaels?

    • JJ

      I do nothave a clue I just can not get passed the hair. He needs a better wig or some good plugin or call Men’s Hair Club of America. He was not that big of a rock star somewhat B list

      • Clue

        JJ,
        First things first, learn to proofread before you post. What exactly is “some good plugin”? Also, did you watch the show last night or are you just idly commenting? I watched, and WILL watch this fall. Yahhh, Bret!

  • gloria

    yep we love brett, but what is not to love anyway he is sweet and fine and yes we will watch the show xoxo brett

  • gloria

    dont get married brett!

    • JJ

      Why Gloria is he going to marry you?

  • liway

    wish i could watch the series as well (but i’m from the philippines) because i’m a huge fan of BRET MICHAELS since POISON
    …i believe in spite of his “rock & roll” lifestyle, inside of him is still a good person.. i can sense it with his interviews & other public exposure…GOD BLESS YOU BRET..

    • crystal

      go go go BRET! You r so very blessed don’t forget that!

  • Ellen

    You kind of can’t not watch Bret. He is a hoot. He makes cheesy TV but I love cheese. I am not a fan of Poison but I enjoy watching Bret.

  • mike

    with his recent health problems i hope he settles down with Kristi and the kids. She looks great! Also why do people complain about his media coverage yet open an article about him then take the time to comment on it?

    • Deb

      Because it vildates their sense of self-importance, Mike, and helps them feel better about their own less than stellar lives in their mom’s basement.

      • @ Deb

        Love that rapier wit. Maybe because we are literate and like to give our opinions on different subject matter. You can’t avoid Brett on the TV, magazines, news. So we all know a little something about him, in most cases more that we care to know. BTW, I haven’t been in moy mom’s basement in years and have a great job that affords me the time to banter with twits like you. Arse.

      • myra Spears

        Deb……Very funny. I Wish I would have said that!

      • @ Myra

        Visit any board. I see it many times a day. Deb just plagarizes.

      • Clue

        I think Deb touched a nerve, @Deb! I find your name calling a bit below the waist for someone who claims to be “literate” with a “great job”…get back to that “great job,” dear, and stop spouting your inane opinions.

      • @ clue

        Oooh that’s two people so far you tried to top. Fail. A Deb, Mike and I are 3 separate people. Deba nd you apparently need to insult other posters to make yourself feel better. Mike insulted an unreality star.

  • Laura J Langston

    I grew up on Brett’s music. One song in particular is Something to Believe in. The first time I heard it was two days after my brother died in a motel room. The song hit to close to home. Now my husband and two younger daughters are Diabetic. We are learning how to deal. There is nothing that I would not watch with Brett on it just so I can LEARN……..

  • Laura J Langston

    One more thing as far as the flatulence, my ten year old, who is the baby, can do it on command. It is crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • marie Ventura

    Bret don’t let your health issues BLURRRR your thoughts! You have done the right thing with the girls being close by BUT , either REALLY MOVE ON or do the right thing – what example are you teaching your GIRLS !!!!!!!!!!!!

    • god

      You’d think he would take the hint. Can I be any more obvious? Please go home and be a dad. Made for TV won’t cut it.

      • karri

        you are not God! lol, leave the man alone he is a grown man and knows how to make decisions for himself!

      • god

        Seriously. How more clear do I have to make myself? I am trying to help him make decisions for those 2 little girls.

      • Um

        “How more clear”???

        Does G-d have grammar problems??? LMAO.

      • karri

        News flash ppl he is not reading any of this stuff so you are not helping him to make a decision about anything! You are just voicing your opinions about someones life that you know NOTHING about except what you are told. They do not tell everything about him. He is a grown man and yes maybe he is not making the best decision but it is his decision just like the rest of us in the world make decisions. I think he is awesome and courage and he is showing his children that despite what is against them in life they can overcome it and to me that makes me a WONDERFUL das. Leave him alone and back off!

    • @ um

      “More clear” is proper. God said so.

      • Jesus

        Yes “more clear” is proper as daddy told me so.

  • Laura J Langston

    I do want to clarify that I grew up on Poison, with Brett. Would give anything to meet face to face, have a lot of questions. His girls are gorgeous and Kristi is a knock out. Time for someone to knock him out and keep him still.

  • Anna Britt

    I am so happy for you Bret and I’m gald that you get to see your kids grow up and be with them and I love your music is great & you are one sweet young lady.

  • ronda pettit

    yes i will definately b watching brets new show just saw him on may 30 in columbus ohio he still rocks

    • ronda

      of course if he took off that piece I might not think so.

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