'30 Rock' recap: Come on, Bible, help a lady out

30_rockImage Credit: Ali Goldstein/NBCIt’s wedding season PopWatchers, and just as the tradition goes, we got a heavy dose of “something old” on last night’s 30 Rock. Tracy revisited painful childhood memories, while Liz spent time with boyfriends past, hoping to find she had somehow been wrong about one of these duds all along.

So Liz gave her Gentlemen Rolodex a spin (or as Jenna likes to call it, “sexual time travel”) in order to prevent being dateless at Floyd’s wedding. While the fear of looking like a loser in the eyes of your ex can be paralyzing, is it really worth revisiting a frustrating relationship that failed for a reason? (Even if it happened to be with the dapper Jon Hamm, so handsome!). Yes, I have my judgment face on, but only because I know that astronaut Mike Dexter is out there for you Liz Lemon! And for me too, and for all of us…he better be, because I don’t want to end up a Plushie, mascot costumes aren’t my thing.

Here are the 10 best lines from “Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land”:

“You do not want to miss this wedding, it’s going to be New York royalty: the Astors, the Rockefellers, the Sbarros.” — Jack, who just wants to keep a date asexual

“Well, if you must know I’m on Dodecaysil, the pill where you only get your period once a year.”
“Ugh, we’re so close to beating that thing completely.” — Avery and Jack

“God, three weddings in one day, I’m going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.” —  Liz ,who almost got a 1200 on her SAT

“I’ll have you know Liz that I’m in line for a hand transplant. There’s this strangler who’s about to be executed, and uh, I got my hooks crossed!” — Drew, who now has one less ungashed painting in his apartment

“And it’s real Oscar bait sir. You say things like ‘You don’t know my pain!’ ‘You watch your mouth, Tyrese!,’ and in a less dramatic scene: ‘I’ll have hash browns.'” — Kenneth, who once got kidnapped by the Hill People, only to wake up in time for back-to-school shopping

“I’ve prepared a very unromantic evening. First we’re going to see a documentary about female circumcision, and then we’re going to eat too much Indian food.” — Jack, who likes a warm glass of milk and some John Phillip Sousa marches after too much curry

“Hey Dummy, yeah as soon as my beeper went off I knew it was you. I’ve got a personalized vibration for each chick I used to put it to” — Dennis, who met Jose through a program that places troubled adults with child mentors

“I don’t want to go back to England. I can’t suffer through the London Olympics — we’re not prepared, Liz. Did you see the Beijing Opening Ceremonies? We don’t have control over our people like that!” — Wesley, a huge fan of Chums, apparently the British version of Friends

“Well I’m sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can’t remember. You haven’t walked in my shoes! All my life I’ve tried to forget the things I’ve seen: a crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal!” — Tracy, who also struggled with growing up in projects named after Zachary Taylor

“Nothing like being in church having spent the night doing a bunch of bad crap, am I right?” — Nancy, a frequent customer of the authentic O’Doyles Indian restaurant

Spring cleaning in England brought the return of Wesley Snipes, who was  a wee bit enthusiastic this time… and dare I say genuine? That is, until we discovered that his main reason for wanting to be with Liz (aside from settling) was his tiny rrresidence issue. Is his fear of living through an underwhelming Olympics larger than his fear of being alone? Maybe, but only because the Chinese set the bar so high. He debuted his excellent pantomime skills, and his rendition of the Chums theme song was so cute. Can’t Liz find it in her heart to like him just a little bit? Now that Tracy has realized he has more acting chops than are required for Garfield 3: Feline Groovy, will he fully commit to going after his EGOT? And which of Tracy’s childhood memories should be included in his eventual Oscar reel? (“Oh lord, some guy with dreds electrocuted my fish!”).

What did I miss, PopWatchers? Until next week — gasp, our last one! — and Matt Damon’s guest appearance…sound off below!

Comments (93 total) Add your comment
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  • LOL

    When will they dump Tracy Morgan? He’s killing this show.

    • che

      WHAT. He is the third heat!

      • pastafarian

        he even saw a pack of wild dogs take over and successfully run a Wendy’s.

      • LOL

        I think a pack of wild dogs actually does run my local Wendy’s.

      • Ambient Lite

        He saw a crackhead breastfeed a rat!

      • Ceballos

        He saw a baby give another baby a tattoo!

      • Madd

        They were both VERY drunk!

      • TMB

        All this has nothing on Bill Brasky, who ran every Wendy’s location while drunk and breastfeeding a giant rat on crack. TO BILL BRASKEEEY!!!!

    • JLC

      Give him a break. His basketball hoop was a ribcage! A RIBCAGE!

      • Dave

        He watched a prostitue stab a clown!

    • Sara (other one)

      You just have to admire a man who’s made it this far despite a crippling inability to act convincingly.

      • LOL

        I give that credit to the people who write his lines. Imagine how much funnier the show would be if those lines could be delivered better.

      • Nicole

        @LOL I don’t know…the fact that they had so many alternates for that scene makes me pretty sure that most, if not all, of the lines were improvised. I thought TM was on fire in this episode. C’mon! A puppy committed suicide after seeing the guy’s bathroom – give him a break!

    • Nia

      Get over it! I love TM and it is him, Liz and Jack that runs the show. Throw in a Kenneth, Jenna, Dallas and the writers – that is what makes 30 Rock so great!

      • flogs

        He’s only good in small doses. Anything more gets old fast.

    • ichorwhip

      Don’t look at me in the eyes!

    • Dave

      “Imagine how much funnier the show would be if those lines could be delivered better.”

      You just don’t get it, do you?

      And I’m pretty sure most, if not all of Tracy’s one-liners in this ep were ad-libbed. The guy is the heart and soul of ’30 Rock’…if you took him away the show would fall apart.

  • che

    I wish Liz didn’t hate Wesley! Who knew Michael Sheen was this great at comedy? Wesley could have been an incredibly annoying character to watch but somehow Michael made him one of the brightest things about this season. His pantomime and british-FRIENDS song really killed.

    Great episode. The Tracy plot was absolutely hilarious. ‘I saw a baby tattoo another baby. They were very drunk!’

    • Karen

      I love Wesley, too!! Is that weird???

      • pop

        no. i love him too.

      • Sophie

        if it is, I don’t want to be normal.

      • G.R.

        How could anybody not like this guy? :D

    • Ceballos

      Yeah, it should really come as no surprise that Michael Sheen can do comedy (he’s been great in everything I’ve seen him in), so I don’t know why I was surprised.

      I wonder if in the “Chums” opening credits, Ross, Rebecca and the rest of the cast gleefully dance around waving parasols and splashing each other.

      • Sadie

        Considering it’s in Britain, the parasols were likely being put to use by Russ, Rebecca and the rest of the gang.

      • msw

        I would love to see a clip somehow of “Chums” hilarious! Wesley is all kinds of awesome…as is this show!

      • Harry

        The coffee house would be a tea parlour.

    • ash.

      I love Wesley as well! I was so excited to see him on the show last night. I really hope Liz changes her opinion about him soon so that they can develop a real relationship.

  • pastafarian

    and who doesn’t want to know what (who?) Pizzarena Sbarro is going to wear?

    • JenR

      I couldn’t figure out how she said that line without laughing.

    • AIan

      So funny. I can’t believe Emily put the Sbarro quote in without mentioning that Avery wants to check out who Pizzerina Sbarro will be wearing.

      • Runnerbean

        Pizzerina Sbarro has been stuck in my head all week. My co-workers think I am losing it because everytime I think of that name, I laugh out loud.

  • Sophie

    I’M A MONSTEEEEEEEEEER! Sorry, wrong show.

    • Vonda

      I said the same exact thing to my roommate last night!! Haha!!

    • Tom

      Ha, ah yes, I’ve been perusing the boards waiting for someone to comment on the original hook hand: Buster Bluth!

      Now, if only someone could catch that dang seal…

    • Maddy

      I yelled the same thing at my TV after he destroyed everything in his apartment! Never gets old :)

      • Nicole

        For real – AD has a quote for all occasions. I was so waiting for Jon Hamm to bust that one out.

  • Xtine

    More Wesley please! Michael Sheen is such the scene stealer.

    • Melissa

      I Love Wesley too. I was so happy to see him back on the show.

  • Elizabeth

    Dodecaysil – I remembered the SNL skit. Good crossover, Lemon!

    I almost thought the guy doing a reading at Floyd’s wedding was going to be Mike Dexter, but I am crossing my fingers that Matt Damon in Mike Dexter.

    • pop

      me too! i laughed when the reading guy was the lady porn/liz’s mom’s flashback buzz aldrin.

      • Elizabeth

        Didn’t catch that… thanks!

      • matt

        he’s also Astronaut Mike Dexter

  • CP41

    A puppy committed suicide after it saw our bathroom!

  • Semaphore

    It was funny though if Jack doesn’t choose Avery I’ll be unhappy. Tracy was on fire this episode. Great stuff.

    • ypc

      Agreed! Avery is great!

  • arnold

    “I saw a baby tattoo another baby. They were very drunk!” Awesome.

    • AIan

      “I saw a prostitute breastfeeding a rat”

      • Johnification

        “I watched a hooker eat a tire!”

  • nt

    the number of guest stars on this show seems to have no limit, jon hamm, michael sheen, julianne moore and elizabeth banks in the same episode.

  • TorontoTom

    “Meet me in the handicapped stall in 10 seconds…”

  • TorontoTom

    Liz: There are no men left – I’ve gone through them all
    Jenna: Sounds like me in the Olympic village

  • Elizabeth

    Yeah..unfortunately..they need to limit the time Tracy Morgan is on..or, give him a better story line..I LOVE Grizz and Dot.com…MORE OF THEM!!! I think Liz should settle…most women do…she should settle with Dr Drew…or Wesley..or Dennis..and just make them come back with 3-5 episodes a year…all those actors seem to enjoy being on the show…so, I think that would be good…

  • mjwilstein

    Here’s the clip of Tracy Jordan trying to win the “O” in his “EGOT” by playing Garfield in a motion-capture suit: http://bit.ly/bV3W6w

  • Boop

    I thought this was one of the best episodes ever.

    • AIan

      Me too. 30 Rock and the Office really really picked up this week and last week, vs. earlier in the season. This was a classic 30 Rock as funny as in earlier seasons.

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