Image Credit: Mitchell Haaseth/BravoOh Danielle, you crazy bitch.
I was tempted to let that one sentence stand alone as the recap for last night’s premiere. During the hiatus, the woman’s face got tighter, her arms got more ropey, her daughters grew taller and ever more chagrined, and she hung a rosary from her rear view. Danielle claims she is a woman who been done “grave wrong,” and that she will pray for her attackers because they need all the prayers they can get. In other words, she will maniacally shove their faces in the mud but she will also offer them a nice sudsy washcloth.
Apparently “Garbage” is the new “Countless” when it comes to grievous insults. Danielle had worked herself up into a fever pitch over Caroline’s slight during the reunion show, leaving her in a ravaged state that only God can mend. Poor Father Richards, a gentle man perhaps unused to getting hollered at in his rectory. “I’m not a whore or a prostitute or a cokehead!” Danielle hissed. The good man suggested perhaps she try to move on with her life and Danielle’s face tried its best to make a quizzical expression. But Father, if she moves on, she’ll lose her reality TV story line. Surely that is not a part of God’s plan.
Cut to Dina and her Buddha statue and her terrifying cats. I should say that Dina is quickly moving up to No. 1 in my ranking of Housewives. I love this woman and her calm haughtiness. I love that she will off a vase that looks at her with negativity. Although I do worry that the woman is lonely. All those solo shots of her puttering around her house turning off lights made me kinda sad. If Dina is taking the high road by slowly backing away from Danielle’s tornado of doom, saying she’ll send the woman a make-nice blurp of a text massage every now and then just to keep the crazy at bay, Danielle refuses to let go of the great rift. When she went for a pedicure, she couldn’t resist sneering that this humble nail salon is where she met Dina all those years ago. “She stocked shelves and was doing nails,” sneered Danielle. “But I’m not here to judge!” Throughout the episode Danielle repeated this idea that she’s not here to judge, and “Just sayin’!” and “Not that I could care less!”
It’s strange to me that Danielle took such a nasty dig at the fact that Dina used to have to work for a living, as Danielle said that she herself is having a hard time paying the bills. “I know how to make things stretch,” said Danielle, before we cut to a shopping trip, and she asked the equally crazy boutique owner Kim to put everything on her tab. Kim, who appears to share a plastic surgeon with Danielle, seemed to be auditioning for Bravo for a sixth slot on the cast. At first, she seemed to be Danielle’s new best friend. ”We’re Sicilian bitches,” she said, her First Wives Club lips trying to push out the words. “We don’t have to worry about it. You don’t worry about me. Don’t. I’ll worry about you. Don’t worry about it.” Well said, Kim.
So what a surprise when we get to Caroline’s fund-raising party for the Franklin Lakes Sheriff — $1,000 a plate, not that Jacqueline gives a fig where the money is going. Kim got her drink on at the party, as did her ruddy-faced, slurring, “clear-headed” boyfriend. The soused couple scooted over to the Manzo table and proceeded to trash Danielle. “I’m not her friend,” said the Sicilian bitch. “I’m not going to say she doesn’t come into the store…” Teresa very cleverly deduced that Danielle put the “cont” in “contradiction,” if you know what she means. I have an idea of what she means, and I’ll blame this one on poor spelling skills. Stick to the red sauce, dear.
Kudos to Dina for her stone-faced silence, as she sat there expressionless, castigating Kim’s hypocrisy with her enormous eyes and her hands clasped under her stoic chin. Meanwhile, Danielle announced to her sad girls that Mama is just going to take them on “a little ride.” Oh for the love of … So she took those tragic innocents on a loopity-loop tour of New Jersey’s highways, muttering to herself about how much she could care less that she wasn’t invited to Caroline’s party. On this manic tour of Crazy Town, where her daughters sat tragically in the backseat, begging their mother to turn around and go home for God’s sake, Danielle decided that her mortal enemy was not in fact Dina, but Caroline. Eventually, after enough timid pleading, Danielle cut her stalking short. “My kids’ instincts and intuitions are always spot-on,” she gloated to the camera. “The old Danielle definitely would have stopped in. But the new Danielle? Not a chance!” There is probably medication available that could help both the old Danielle and the new Danielle.
In other news, Caroline’s daughter Lauren is in love with a nice-enough seeming meatball named Vito. Jacqueline has a new baby boy named Nicholas. Teresa’s daughters still feel fabulous.
Do I lose all credibility if I admit to watching the preview for Season 2 four times, and that each time I got chills. Someone brings a 9mm to a party! Someone read Danielle’s court documents! Is bitch better?!
What did you all think? Are you sad for Danielle’s girls? Can you forgive Dina for Ladybug’s haircut? Could you look directly at Kim’s face?
Best RHW!! better then all the others!
Not the Holland Tunnel, Not the Lincoln Tunnel…
Classic!
Heard that too and I was confused—I think Teresa was trying to go for a tunnel with the greatest “width,” but seemed stuck trying to remember the ‘longest’ tunnel fact she read in “Ranger Rick” magazine at the pediatrician’s office.
Okay, I’ve never seen an episode of this show, but I was in the recap section, and I have an observation to contribute: The woman wearing the red dress in the above picture is possibly the most unfortunate looking woman I have ever seen. My heart goes out to her and whatever schmuck married her.
If you haven’t seen the show and are just commenting on looks, you are an idiot!
Mary, she’s really precious. Stupidly precious. At least in my humble opinion.
She is pretty in her own way. But what is sad, is that she actually has a college degree and should be representing herself and her immigrant mother and father in a more positive way. God Bless you have $$$ but to be putting bills out like that in this economy, that does not teach the children responsiblities. The statement about marrying a jewish man… 1. her husband was correct why are u discussing this at their age, next really at such a young age children are taught about such differences. They are all innocent until taught these differences.
Well I think she would look better with less makeup. I think she plays dumb real well. Her husband is a complete d-bag. The episode when Teresa is in labor and that jackass is more concerned about his coffee than his wife that is in labor… I just wanted to punch him in the balls. He couldn’t help with the girls? WTF then he said he didn’t care what she named the baby???!?!! WOW is all I can say.
Train wreck but I can’t stop watching. Danielle is one looney, plastic bitch! Teresa is as illiterate as ever, Jacqueline is useless, Dina is classly and lonely and Caroline is the tough mama. Hang on for a wild ride!
I started watching the Real Housewives series because of the New Jersey girls- I loved last season. I could have watched them all year- except Danielle who creeps me out and is so strange. I agree that Teresa comes across as loony and illiterate- but I read her blogs on bravotv and she comes across as totally sane. She always has good stuff to say.
Could I just please be adopted by the Manzo’s? I think that these women seem like the best moms to their kids.
I love the Jersey girls. This is the only housewives show where the housewives are all about their families. I have always loved Dina, Caroline and Jacqueline. Their lives all revolve around their husbands and children. Theresa may come accross as ditsy, but I think she is hilarious, and just tries to have fun. She is a very dedicated mother to her children. Danielle’s children should be taken away from her. She is very ill!
You know, at first I felt bad for her. Even after this episode I did. But then I read her blog, and realized that I feel sorry for a crazy person. Seriously, she went off on everyone, including Jacklyn and Dina, who were sticking up for her in this episode. She is out of her mind.
LORD! Danielle is super psycho! She is so plastic and mannish I can’t stand her! She needs a bodyguard to go to the Brownstone?? REALLY I think she needs to check herself. Caroline and her husband are not about to put their business in jeopardy to start crap with Danielle.
I agree Dina has quickly become my favorite! Danielle is still crazy as always!
Dina has always been my favorite. I was disappointed to see her by herself. I LOVED her last year. She always had her friends around and use to live it up. I hope that Dina is still here. Teresa is smart and bilingual. She brillant!
For real…..she’s all alone…where’s Lexi?? Is her absence related to the reason Danielle’s trash????
I could not stand Dina last year and I liked Teresa. However, after last night Teresa seemed just as crazy as Danielle and Dina seems a lot more sane. My favorite is still Jacqueline because she seems the most down-to-earth and authentic, but Dina is cool too.
I used to feel sorry for Danielle, but after seeing her kids practically begging her to turn around and not start the mess by crashing the party, I have to say that felt ill for them. I do not like Danielle and while I don’t think she should be treated ignorantly, I do think she is ignorant and tasteless.
Jacqueline and her husband have shown to be the most realistic and caring. Caroline to seems true, more so in episode 1. The Caroline that brought up Danielle’s kids was not the same LADY from the 1st episode. I hope this show does not change her.
Danielle is one crazy, psychotic bitch! I feel so very sorry for those daughters of hers. How they seem the least bit normal now is way beyond me. I’m ready for someone to have Danielle whacked!
I feel the same way. Every other “Real Housewife” is crazy in her own way, but Danielle is certifiable. I don’t know how she passed the psych tests to qualify for the show. I know she brings the drama, but I think the other women are entertaining enough without Danielle meddling in their lives. She will never change and is clearly a master manipulator. Her beautiful girls must get all of their genes from their father. I love watching the family interaction with the other ladies, though; we see more kids in Jersey and they seem like smart, good kids (except for Jacqueline’s daughter…can’t wait to see her punch Danielle in the face!).
uh..have u watched the show? i am pretty sure NONE of them would be able to pass a psych exam and it is for that exact reason that they were all cast for this show. as for the kids, the only normal ones are danielle’s (go figure), dina’s and carolyn’s (somewhat). jacqueline’s daughter is disgusting and treats her mother with so much disrespect, someone needs to slap her. and teresa’s are going to be ignorant and superficial, just like their mom.
and danielle is no master manipulator. she is not nearly clever or smooth enough to be able to manipulate ANYONE. i just feel bad for her.
Danielle isn’t psycho or manipulating. The woman is immature and extremely selfish. Just listen to her, she makes everything about her, even her own daughter’s modeling career! She says she modeled? She was a stripper, not a model. And, I agree with whoever said the show would be just fine without her. I don’t want to see or here ANYTHING about that woman. She turns my stomach.
Just can’t get enthused about this show. I don’t like any of these women. They all seem like garbage to me.
I agree. I feel not substance with these ladies. They have no life but to rip each other apart. At least NYC and OC housewives do things for others and have careers. The jersey housewives are just that, housewives. And not very attactive or interesting. I may not be able to handle 16 episodes of them. Back to NYC on Thursday.
imagine a show called REAL HOUSEWIVES actually featuring REAL HOUSEWIVES…sacrilege!
You watch a show called “Real Housewives” and you are disappointed when you get women who are real housewives?
love this show
surely not all housewives are like this?? yikes.
They don’t rip each other. You must not be watching the same show. The 4 of them really seem to, ultimately, stick together. Danielle’s just looking for her 16th minute.
I agree with Joy, the NJ group of women come across as “boring”. Just from last night’s premire and future previews that aired, already have some idea of the the finale. Next….
tHEY ALL HAVE PROBLEMS. THEY NEED SOMETHING TO DO. SPEND MONEY AND PLOT TO KEEP THE FAMILY INTACT AS THOUGH THEY ARE THE KENNEDY’S. AS FAR AS DANIELLE. SHE NEEDS A LOT OF THERAPY. SHE IS JUST AN EX ROUND THE WAY GIRL, LOTS OF INSECURITIES AND IN OUTSIDE OF HER ELEMENT EVEN WITH THE MAFIA.
Thank God this show is back. My self esteem and confidence in my own sanity needed a boost. I am also on Team Dina.
All relative isn’t it — but for the grace of God…
I have to admit that I LOVE Dina’s cats, they are slightly terrifying but I love them! I am so sad for Danielle’s kids…their father needs to get them out of Danielle’s house. Sad to see that two kids under 16 have more sense and sanity than a 40-something year old woman.
The white cat is cute!!! I can’t believe Children’s Services hasn’t swarmed Danielle’s house to rescue her daughters. Do they not have access to BravoTV?
I agree… She talks about her sexual escapades nonstop and is clearly crazy. Her daughters are absolutely mortified by her. I’m sure they would like to be rescued by CPS.
As a single dad with custody of a teen girl, I can’t believe what a tool Danielle’s ex must be to allow his daughters be with that ‘mother.’
So wrong on so many levels!!!
Excellent recap!!!
I have long since given up on all “Real Housewives” EXCEPT for NJ – and last night didn’t disappoint.
Not sure if I like Dina or Caroline more, but I’m while I’m enjoying Dina’s renewed, calm sense-of-self and peaceful demeanor…I totally look forward to seeing her snap!
I had my share of laughs over Grandma Wrinkles last season, but Ladybug takes the cake. Every time that monster looked at the camera, I screamed.
Oh, and Danielle’s kids begging her not to stalk the party…priceless.
Cheers, bitches – to another season of NJ Housewives!
I must say say that i really like Dina and Caroline. Watching Caroline with her family, specifically with her husband was sweet, it was a nice change of pace compared to how we see some of the other married couples interact on the other housewives shows. Dina seems better this season, last year she was ready for a fight with Danielle, but she has taken the high road. LOL at her cats. Teresa is entertaining and is sweet, but she can also pull out the knife in a moments notice when it comes to Danielle.
Of all the Real Housewives shows I like this cast the most, I feel that they are the most “real” they are authentic, not polished, and I think people appreciate that. And, yes, they have bring the crazy…
OK, Best. Recap. Ever. Thank you!!! I too am addicted to this train wreck of a “reality” show — and will admit here that I watch the NY crazies, as well…but the difference between the two is what gives NJ weight…the NJ women, perhaps with the exception of DanHELL…have an actual connection in real life that spans years…unlike the NY ladies (and I use the term loosely), who’s “friendships” do a disservice to real women everywhere who are true and loyal friends. p.s…I don’t know who was scarier to look at, Posche Kim or Dina’s cats!!
LMAO
Why don’t we see Dina’s daughter this season?
I noticed that also…hmmm?
Last year, on the reunion, Dina said that Lexie was mortified to see herself on TV at an awkward stage. So she probably didn’t want to be on this season because of that.
Isn’t Dina married? It’s just that her husband doesn’t want to be on the show, right?
I remember hearing something about the thing that Danielle did that was so horrible had something to do with getting Dina’s daughter taken away. But it seems like Dina wouldn’t be so willing to move past it if that were the case, so just a thought.
I heard Danielle contacted Lexie’s father to help get her way from Dina, so I assume she is trying to protect Lexie and/or prevent the father from using the show to get custody. Lexie is no longer in the opening credit. Then again, Lexie may just not want to be in the show.
what “thing”? Taken away by whom? That doesn’t even sound remotely possible…the only glimmer of truth that could possibly be there is that the father rescinded permission (like Keith Sweat did with Lisa Wu in Atlanta) or more likely the girl herself just didn’t want to be on this season
Anna – I also read that Danielle contacted Lexie’s father and offered to testify on his behalf so that he could get more custody. But the reason Lexie is not on the show is that she going to a new school and wants to have a “normal” experience. In an interview somewhere, Dina said that Lexie looks more grown up now and likes that she isn’t getting recognized anymore.
Actually, this explains why Dina is so nice to Danielle now. She’s trying to stay on her good side so she doesn’t threaten her custody of her daughter.
Dina never got her x’s permission to have Lexie on the show. Supposedly, she forged his name on Bravo paperwork (thus the big scandal). Bravo and Dina don’t want a lawsuit so Lexie is not there this season. It is hard to pretend to be the perfect mother when your kid can’t help propel you in front of the camera.
While it’s clear that Danielle is on the crazy train I think it has to be said that she didn’t get there by herself. She seems mostly desperate for understanding. Caroline’s family with the exception of Dina, come across as bullies.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I really thought some of Theresa’s remarks were down right nasty. She appears so unclassy.
I’m sure they egg each other on. What I can’t figure out is why Danielle is so desperate to get the Manzo / Laurita family attention? (aside from the Bravo paycheck). Isn’t Franklin Lakes big enough to sustain two social circles?
I think just alike. I guess the show must go on, otherwise, why bother ?
Perhaps there’s only one crazy-ethnic group and the rest of the town is comprised of ‘normal’ people who go to work, and/or are involved in community service.
I could not agree more with you, I mean here you have four bullies taking shots at one poor Danielle, I personally cannot stand Dina, she has no sense of responsibility for her own actions and always ran to hide under her big sister, who is so family chore orientes and is all about “family is thicker than water”, well, what a good example she is setting for her children by protecting her sister even when she knows her sister is the one that started all this chaos. As for Teresa.. no comment.. brainless!
Al, you obviously must be Danielle’s current boyfriend, because noone else would defend her…she’s an idiot!
I gotta say Dina impressed me. Caroline still seems like a dude in drag bullying Jacqueline. Teresa is annoying as ever and Danielle is still crazy
you and richard lawson on Gawker.com should collaborate on a “Real Housewives” book…you both make this dysfunctional show worth watching
That would be awesome. I love Richard Lawson.
Danielle is beyond pathetic. I don’t know if I can watch another season of her complaining about how the other 4 ladies are evil and out to get her, but the sad thing is, without Danielle, there is no show! The other ladies get along so well, that the amount of drama between the four of them is very minimal, and if it wasn’t for Danielle, the show would be boring.
Even so, maybe they need to bring someone else in to be friends with Danielle… I know she’s a whack job and all, but even crazy people need allies. Glad to see that her kids are at least level headed. Maybe they get that from their dad…
The show doesn’t NEED Danielle’s drama. She belongs on an immature (teen-age) reality show. The other four women are interesting and entertaining on their own. If nothing else, heck, they are all rich! We should all watch and take notes, lol. Danielle who?