'Gossip Girl' recap: Chuck and Blair save each other... and the episode

Gossip-Girl-Dad-WorldImage Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CWHope is on the horizon, Gossip gang! We learned one half of our least favorite pair is headed for Haiti, Chuck and Blair were possibly on the mend, and little Jenny Humphrey got a taste of her own bitter medicine (not literally, because her stuff gives you yeast infections apparently). Allow me to explain by dipping into my (faux) mailbox. Spoilers for last night’s Gossip Girl, right ahead!

Would Dan and Vanessa’s relationship be more interesting to watch if all they were allowed to talk about was politics, Jersey Shore and what they want to eat? — Stop the Horror
Easy; yes. On a serious note, if Dan barred me from talking about my triumphs because he’s insecure, he’d spend many a nights back in the House of Waffles in Manhattan with his family. But part of me thinks the conversation rules Dan imposed on Haiti-bound Vanessa were just his subtle way of finally giving everyone what they’ve been wanting, which is less talking between Dan and Vanessa. Let’s hope “the most trusted name in news” takes her far, far away, never to return. On a related note, I hope the dirty letters exchanged by these two are never read by another soul, lest their eyes be burned out of their skulls.

My sister’s ability to read my father’s bad intentions is lacking, unlike the supply of plunging necklines in her closet. How can I help her? — Wise Gay Teen
Don’t get sucked into the ruse yourself, even if your dad sends decent-looking socially available males to your doorstep. It’s difficult to resist, I know. But keep your head on straight. You are the Wise Gay Teen, after all.

What happened with Chuck and Blair? — Chair Fan #1 XOXO
First, calm down. Good? Okay. Now, get excited again because last night was sooo good. In fact, their storylines were the best part of an otherwise snore-worthy episode. Blair helped Chuck come to terms with his fears about Lily’s cancer diagnosis (he didn’t want to lose another person in his life), which led to a tear-inducing moment between Chuck and step-mom at the gala honoring Serena’s dad. “I’m not going to lose you. I’m here for you every step of the way,” he said. And then I died. Meanwhile, Blair was accepted into Columbia after not applying. Chuck did it for her months ago, telling Nate that she was too proud to admit NYU wasn’t good enough. During most of the episode she pretended to be a Columbia student to impress a duo of headband-clad soon-to-be underlings. They later learned she was lying about being a student and told Gossip Girl, embarrassing Blair. But after Blair learned her student status was a reality, the B stung. “You wanted to see a Blair Waldorf take down. Well, cross me again and you’ll experience one first-hand.”

My step-daughter keeps bringing her dad over to my house, and I hate the smarmy bastard. I already stopped him from moving in to our apartment building, but how can I stop this madness for good? — The Waffle Master
Well, Rufus, you could start by growing a pair. Blocking his move-in was a good first step, but instead of whining about the situation to your wife (who is too dense to notice her ex-hubby is hot for her), you should do some research. Talk to the dapper gentleman snorting cocaine or your daughter for more info. They both know how to sleuth and have learned something interesting about your wife’s medications. Learn how to do a little investigating on your own, or become accustomed to losing all the time. Also, your daughter was once a drug dealer. Oh, wait, you just learned that (not to mention TMI about one of the people she sold to). Good luck with that. And while you’re lecturing her, can you tell her to buy a comb?

I think Sandra is avoiding talking directly about the Serena/Daddy plot because she might break out into a litany of obscenities in frustration. — I Know All
Well… you are somewhat correct. Serena has never been the freshest falafel of the bunch, but she really deserves any double-crossing coming her way for being such a tool since her dad arrived. She’s being awfully ungrateful and cold to the guy who has helped bring her family together. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m kind of defending Rufus of all people. Gross. Although, that is not as revolting as Serena clinging to her dad at the at the gala like a trophy wife instead of a daughter (creepy…).

So, those are the basics, PopWatchers. Now answer my questions: Were you as bored as I was by the back and forth between Dan and Vanessa during this ultra-predictable blunder of a plot? Who did Serena think she was kidding by lying to her dad about her rebellious past (We know he already knew about the horse incident)? And wouldn’t that speech given by Daddy van der Woodsen at the gala cause all sorts of awkward turtle in real life? And most importantly, what did you think of the episode?

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  • Rebecca

    Totally agree with everything in that recap. So glad Vanessa is leaving, just wish it was a permanent move

    • Adam

      I actually like Vanessa, but hate Dan & Vanessa. I much prefer her as a hot mess sleeping with Chuck.

    • mary q contrary

      I’m glad Vanessa is at least going on a hiatus, and here’s hoping Jessica Sz-whore realizes how many people are making fun of her appearance at the Met Gala and throws her career towel in all together. Also: If I have to listen to Serena open her mouth one more time, I will actually throw my shoe at the television, instead of just threatening, like I usually do. I have literally never been so annoyed by someone’s speaking voice in all my life. I would rather listen to Fran Drescher recite Shakespeare. All of it.

      • BP

        Well since Blake Lively is incapable of acting with her mouth closed, you will be out one shoe and one television.

  • Kim

    I really don’t admire how you recap Gossip Girl episodes. Why the questions? Who are these people? Their usernames are not funny.

    • Liz

      I like it! I think it’s funny maybe it’s because I love advice columns.

    • Bella

      Aww come on! This recap is the best I have found so far! It made me laugh out aloud so many times “waffle master” is an alias for Rufus if you haven’t gathered that! Maybe too witty for your liking or intelligence…

      As for the questions, they fit!
      I did like this episode most since the too much teary mother of chuck episoded…it was back to good old season 1 and 2 and gives us all hope that the draught is over and season 4 will bring us bitchy-eventful college life and gossip girl!

      You go Sandra!

    • allie

      Love the Q&A recap format. Ignore Kim…. she probably doesn’t like GLEE either. :)

    • Virginia

      THESE RECAPS ROCK. You’re prob a lil J fan too.

      • Ally

        Ha yea lil J is HOT MESS. The dark makeup needs to go and she does need to invest in a comb or better yet get a whole new hairdo bc those bangs are hideous.

    • Lisa

      I LOVE this recap, it’s more entertaining than the actual show and I get to keep up with the characters I actually like.

      • seattleellen

        I agree as I found it tough to watch last night-since Lilly is apparently a complete Dim Bulb – so I was switching back & forth. Thank God Vanessa is leaving – now maybe Little J will find out what is going on with Lilly & then we can be rid of her skanky self. And yes, poor Rufus looked like a doofus. Hope next week is better.

      • mary q contrary

        heh heh. Rufus looked like a doofus. heh heh.

    • mary q contrary

      You’re an idiot for not getting the joke, and for not appreciating clever humor when you come across it. I mean, really, look what the woman has to work with. Until they re-title the show “The Chuck and Blair Power Hour”, this recap is the only thing keeping me watching.

  • teendramawhore

    Kim, the people (and therefore the usernames) are made up by Sandra. It’s supposed to be humorous.

    • Kim

      I am very well aware that they’re made up. I just think the style she chooses to recap is very gimmicky and a sad attempt at being funny.

      • E.

        I find it way more interesting than your average recap. It gets old after awhile when someone just goes straight through, telling you what happened in an episode rather than doing something more your own style, like Sandra.

        I was actually not really paying attention to last night’s episode too much, and that doesn’t happen often. I loved the Chuck/Blair bit, and Chuck talking to Lily. And I hate the thought of Rufus having an affair…always thought he was above that sorta thing.

      • mary q contrary

        If you were as well aware as you claim, then you would appreciate the joke. As it is, your lame attempt at damage control is earning its fair share of yuks. Go away and never come back, Kim-who-is-really-Jessica-Szwhore.

      • jennrae

        Yeah, she’s just mixing it up a little bit. I mean, come on, this isn’t the NY Times, and we’re talking about Gossip Girl for goodness sakes!

  • Katie

    I love your recaps. I loathe Serena and the whole father storyline. Boring, annoying, frustrating and it just makes me want to smack her. Not to mention she’s being such a B to Rufus. Jenny, also, makes me want to vomit. The only people worth watching on the show now are Blair and Chuck, and I suppose Nate because he’s so gorgeous. But really, Blair and Chuck are the only two I care about and their storyline is the only one even remotely interesting. This season has just been so, blah, otherwise. And for the love of god, please let Vanessa and Dan’s relationship end soon, it’s making me nauseous.

  • Via

    I just hope Vanessa’s 3 month trip doesn’t take place during the summer hiatus. I really don’t want to see her next season. I know everyone likes to rag on Vanessa, but I honestly don’t get why she is featured so heavily on this show. Her presence would be less annoying if she appeared sporadically. Chuck’s sad little eyes during that sweet hug with Lily was so tender and could have only been made better by allowing Ed Westwick to use his real accent.. I probably would have swooned. And for all of Serena’s mush mouthed faults I am loving her wardrobe, and I’m pretty sure this was the first episode ever that didn’t feature her boobs as a supporting cast member.

    • BLM

      Ha! I thought the same thing about Vanessa–keep your fingers crossed for a fall internship! Dr. Van der Woodsen would have known all about Serena because she was in all the tabloids all summer, drinking and partying and dancing on tables. She’s so dumb to think that she could fool anyone into thinking she was into the “academics”, especially since she didn’t even go to college. I loved Serena’s gala dress though–she looked gorgeous. Chuck also looked very hot last night.

      • Lu

        I totally forgot that Serena didn’t go to college. What is she doing lately other than screwing Nate and wearing slutty dresses?

      • Julie

        @Lu ROFL. But really, what would you do? She has no other assets.

      • mary q contrary

        Julie, you’re spot on. Seriously, the girl is dumber than a box of silicon implants.

  • sparkle the gym bag

    this show has gone down faster than debbie diamond in a bad porn flick…

  • Liz

    Was i the only one that was shocked that Serena’s dress for the awards thing was not cut down to her n*pples? She was actually covered up and I about keeled over. Maybe they finally ealized how creepy it is to dress her like a prostitute when she is accompanying her father to events.

    • Doris

      Her dress may not have been low-cut but it was so tight I wondered how she could possibly breathe!

    • T

      It was ultra short! That should balance out the lack of cleavage.

    • mscisluv

      It was tight enough to see her belly button…so it still Serena.

  • carrie

    chuck and blair are really the only reason i watch.

  • Delilah

    Chuck/Lily moment made the entire episode for me. I also died a little bit. Chuck’s got a crusty exterior but he’s a softie true and true. Blair, I thought, was fantastic in this episode her comment to the new mean girls established her comeback. I also think that Chuck and Blair are on their way to the mend, these two just dont function without the other.

    I wouldn’t know about the Dan/Vanessa borefest since I haven’t watched a Vanessa scene since late Season 2, the show is better this way.

    And dont get me started on Serena and her endless string of issues. I just dont care anymore what happens to her, honestly and it’s sad because I used to love Serena but it’s just all too much.

  • Leader Beans

    Great recap as usual Sandra! I have to say, I’m loving the potential teaming up of Jenny and Chuck…even though he, you know, tried to date rape her back in episode one…AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS THAT???

    • mmmmmm

      You’re not the only one. I think it was a huge mistake of the show to start off with Chuck as such a deplorable human being. He could have been a jerk without the whole rape factor. And that everyone in the show pretends it didn’t happen (Dan, Jenny, Serena) – it’s so weird and false to me…

      • lefty

        Chuck is the date-raping kind of guy in the books. I think the creators were just trying to feel out which way his character should go…

      • Susan

        Chuck did apologize to Jenny last season. Not that that makes it okay, but he did acknowledge it.

      • Zoe

        The Chuck character is one of the most different from the books. Much better, IMO. I also think the writers had no firm idea how to approach Chuck in the pilot because the character in the book is very weird. (Would have loved to see that monkey, though!) Funnily enough, in the book series’ final installment (covering 4 years of college), Chuck basically becomes a nice guy; I couldn’t help thinking the author was trying to tie the TV Chuck into the book Chuck.

  • Doris

    I don’t mind Vanessa, so I don’t understand why there’s so much hate for her. And I loved the way Sandra wrote the column. You rock, girl!

    • Christie

      She’s soooo boring. And her character used to be such a self-righteous reverse snob. I’m still hoping Vanessa doesn’t come back from Haiti in the fall. At least she and Dan actually talk about college classes and finals and internships. I didn’t realize nate was even going to college until he talked about the lacrosse team or that Blair was still attending NYU. I’m hoping transferring to Columbia expands Blair’s horizons–much as I enjoy her and Chuck together I don’t want her character focusing her life on just him.

  • clanab

    Love your recapping style, Sandra! I agree, Chuck and Blair are absolutely the best thing about GG.

  • Annie

    Chuck and Blair were the highlights last night, but I did like Little J calling up Chuck about Lily’s meds. You can always count on Chuck to get to the truth about any situation.

  • Kaylie

    I’m kind of holding out for a Blair/Dan relationship. I love Blair/Chuck but I wouldn’t mind a a small Blair/Dan relationship before they get back together. It would be soooo much more interesting than Dan/Vanessa. Their scenes together are unbelievably boring!

    • Liz

      The scenes are boring because both Dan and Vanessa are boring. Blair is way better than Dan and now that she is going to be at Columbia I expect her to find some quality boys to pass time with.

  • Lucas

    Nice to see they added in the usual Nate/Serena romp at the beginning of the show.

    Last time I saw a character make so many poor choices, she was run off an Orange County road by her ex-boyfriend and died.

    • Susan

      That is an excellent parallel!

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