PopWatchers, clear your calendars on Valentine’s Day. Forget the romantic dinner, the slow jams, the ring-in-the-champange proposal. Stay home and watch TV. Specifically, Tyrannosaurus Sex, the Discovery Channel’s “new special that investigates dinosaur reproduction” and uses “ground-breaking CGI [to] bring new life to one of the last mysteries of these great beasts.” Excuse me while I go boil my brain in holy water and try to hang on to the last pure memories of Jurassic Park.
The press release for the show is a thing of both beauty and terror — not unlike a dinosaur, really. “Tyrannosaurus Sex doesn’t just answer the questions, it shows dinosaur sex in all its glory,” it says. Please god, no. “How did a ferocious T-Rex woo his lady? How did a female Titanosaur support the weight of a male who was as long as a four-story building is high? How did a Stegosaurus couple negotiate sex with all those deadly plates and spikes?”
Um, what about feelings, show? What about learning to incorporate healthy communication into a mutually fulfilling relationship? What about the dino equivalent of Sue Johanson? When will we get Tyrannosaurus Sex Rehab? The mind reels.
Hit me with your best dinosex puns, PopWatchers.
Image credits: Michael Goodman/Getty Images; Dr. Drew: VH1
I misread the quote in the first paragraph as saying “mysteries of these great BREASTS.” Ooops. Not that the show sounds much better than that, actually.
Coming soon to a Blockbuster near you…DINO PORN!!!
Do they offer free mind bleach to all viewers who watch this? I’m not sure if watching Dinosaurs reproduce will be interesting or just plain scary to watch.
The only person I know who actually would be interested in watching this is Ross from the TV show Friends. I can easily imagine him having a box of popcorn with a bottle of wine watching this as it airs…and probably being turned on.
Discovery Channel fired the first shot, but now it’s time for Logo to respond with its own special:
“Triceratops and bottoms.”
Hmmm, is this scripted reality or a serial drama. I’m asking because I just might like to invest in the idea.
Since the last thing the world needs is another reality show, “Triceratops and bottoms” would be a serial drama.
I also just decided the dinosaurs would have Australian accents…just to mix things up.
(BTW, it’s good to hear from you again, BB)
Something about the La Brea tar pits…
…I keep picturing a Snookisaurus, an orange beast with big meaty thighs and short arms and a big poof on the top, making out with Guidosaurus Flex in the tar pits (a la hot tub).
I am truly scarred.
My kids have a big tub of dinosaurs and a few years ago, they stacked the dinosaurs in unusual positions that were remiscent of a swingers party. Perhaps this is what we will see on Sunday….
“Land of the Lust”
“the sex before time”
“Jurassic Pork(ing)”!
Takes place 65 million years Before Condoms. (Although I guess technically the Jurassic period ended 145 million years ago…whatever.)