PopWatchers, clear your calendars on Valentine’s Day. Forget the romantic dinner, the slow jams, the ring-in-the-champange proposal. Stay home and watch TV. Specifically, Tyrannosaurus Sex, the Discovery Channel’s “new special that investigates dinosaur reproduction” and uses “ground-breaking CGI [to] bring new life to one of the last mysteries of these great beasts.” Excuse me while I go boil my brain in holy water and try to hang on to the last pure memories of Jurassic Park.
The press release for the show is a thing of both beauty and terror — not unlike a dinosaur, really. “Tyrannosaurus Sex doesn’t just answer the questions, it shows dinosaur sex in all its glory,” it says. Please god, no. “How did a ferocious T-Rex woo his lady? How did a female Titanosaur support the weight of a male who was as long as a four-story building is high? How did a Stegosaurus couple negotiate sex with all those deadly plates and spikes?”
Um, what about feelings, show? What about learning to incorporate healthy communication into a mutually fulfilling relationship? What about the dino equivalent of Sue Johanson? When will we get Tyrannosaurus Sex Rehab? The mind reels.
Hit me with your best dinosex puns, PopWatchers.
Image credits: Michael Goodman/Getty Images; Dr. Drew: VH1