Hubris was flying left and right last night. Tamra wanted to prove her eternal devotion to Simon so she got his name tattooed on her ring finger. “I just hope it’s not the kiss of death,” she giggled to the camera. (Cut to next season when she’s walking around with a jagged ”NeedS Money” on said finger.) Simon got all misty when she debuted her new ink — after a mean-spirited build-up where she led Simon and his bike-riding friends to believe that she about to announce news of an affair — and thanked his wife by telling her it was the first unselfish thing she’d done in ages. He probably should’ve just gone with a hug.
Jim chomped on some sliders, dropped $2,985 on a room with a view, and debuted more of his strange fashion sense. His style is Britches Great Outdoors Meets Ed Hardy, with lots of block-colored dress shirts and skull and crossboned hoodies. We learned that he is 15 years older than Alexis, they’ve both been married before, and he likes a woman who is elegant yet also sexy. Sexy elegance if you will. Jim and Alexis went on a weekend getaway to Palm Desert which is where the couple first met five years ago. Turns out his poolside pickup line was “I know you’re either hot or thirsty so which one is it?” (Um, hungry? No, you’re thirsty. But I really want nachos. No, you want to rub suntan lotion on my shaved, spray-tanned back and then you want me to order you a glass of vintage sauvignon that I guarantee will be your new favorite wine. But I’m starving. Nachos aren’t elegant.) At the end of the night Jim and Alexis adjourned to the presidential suite to watch a pay-per-view Left Behind movie. “And you know what comes with a movie,” she unconvincingly winked at the camera. Scantily-clad righteousness!
Lynne, who I definitely do not trust to be on the phone while also behind the wheel of a moving car, planned a dinner party to show off her and Frank’s new home. Simon and Tamra were the first to arrive. The four adults marveled over how nice they all were, too nice even. So honest! So down to earth! So transparent! Then Vicki had to go and show up and did that ever chap Simon’s hide. Tamra was drunk. (“I hear Tamra is kind of a closet drinker,” Gretchen suggested in the episode’s cattiest moment. “I hear she drinks often. But I hear that.”) Inevitably, Tamra tried to get her best buddies to kiss and make up and Simon, who I’m thinking was similarly soused, couldn’t resist telling Vicki to butt out of his marriage. Of course, Vicki went about fanning the flames while simultaneously swearing that she couldn’t give a rat’s a– about their busted relationship. All the while a poor college student bartender just stood there, resisting the urge to whack-a-mole everybody’s head with a Bitch wine bottle. At one point Simon stormed out of the house and Lynne sidled up to the crying blondes. “I’m just an innocent bystander,” she said in the chirpy slur of a drunken mouse. “Cheers? Party!”
Tamra ended up tossing Vicki over the balcony. She wept into Simon’s chest, telling him she wanted to be on his side. During the dinner party, where the producers cleverly arranged it so that Simon and Vicki sat next to each other, the women told stories about meeting their guys. Some were wearing tank tops. Others bikinis. One of them had baby oil on her legs. Vicki was right to be snoring on the inside, even digging her heel into Donn’s calf so that he would announce to the group that his appendix was bursting so they had to cut out early. But she couldn’t resist snoring loudly at the end of the table and bringing up the fact that she works for a living. That was all it took for the rest of the group to turn on her. Donn tried to keep the conversation light but eventually even he was saying he didn’t give a rat’s butt about these people. They left. Vicki cried in the car and told Donn she was so sad.
The very next morning, Frank and Lynne were served an eviction notice. Their daughter collected the papers through a cracked front door and why do I fear that the real drama of their household that day was not the humiliation of unpaid rent but that one of the girls appeared on camera without any makeup.
Next week: Frank declares his wife a space cadet! Alexis glares at Vicki!
What did you all think? Did Gretchen look like she’d been up the whole night crying before her business meeting with Vicki? Do you like Simon? Do you roll your eyes when Vicki cries or feel for her pain?
I have a feeling that by the next season there will be five new “housewives” in the O.C.. Vicki seems over the whole thing, Gretchen isn’t even a housewife nor does she have money, Tamara will be divorced and living in a condo with three kids, Lynne will be homeless or in rehab for her obvious drinking problem and Alexis will be forced to actually be a “mom of three small children” when both of her nannies are deported.
lol Remember what Alexis says…God first marriage second and kids third….at least the kids have nannies that care for them…Alexis gets stressed and can go to the spa….I have’nt seen any type of Christian behaviour yet in teir family… oohhhhhhh…I forgot Jim lays hands on them before he goes to work…DDDAAAHHH
this is so funny.
Your prediction is an excellent one!n LMAO!
Funny…you have to admit the christian couple are fun to laugh at!! SO FAKE
That is so funny! I still can’t get over her(Alexis) thinking her man is sooooo smart and that another woman “wanted” him at Gretchens party. Barf
He is so disgusting. I’d never give him a second look -No worries Alexis. He is allllllllll yours!
That was hilarious .. he is way too greasie looking …GAG
I agree. He doesn’t love Alexis he just wants a trophy wife… fake trophy wife.
You took the words right out of my mouth. Ditch them and get a new group. Get women who actually make a contribution to society.
Jim calling the Flamingos “swans” was classic.
I really enjoyed that. Idiot.
LOL! I watched this episode last night at 3 a.m. while I was up with my 8 month old who wouldn’t sleep. I caught the “swan” comment and thought I was just delirious with lack of sleep and had just heard it wrong. That Jim is a real tool!
How is that dude rich? He is such an inarticulate idiot!!!
That was my favorite moment! My second favorite was when Alexis started spewing about how important marriage was to them. Uhhh…didn’t she just say that they were both divorced once? Prioritites, smorities…who gives a rat’s ass!
What about the church Alexis and her husband go
to. oh man what a joke. Alexis looks like Alexis Arquette, Lynn looks like Steven Tyler, Vicky looks like fraggel rock and Gretchen looks like a horse. Tamera looks like Simon. Come on bravo at least get women that look good in HD.
It was nice to see Vicki taking what she is usually dishing out to others. I felt bad for Donn but definitely not for Vicki. Alexis talks about her perfect marriage way too much, I find her very annoying. For Alexis to say that she works is complete BS….she’s a full time mom with TWO nannies are you serious!??! Her only job as a wife is to look sexy at all times. Vicki’s sense of humor is usually meant to be hurtful I just wish the group were kicking Tamra too!
sexy AND elegant.
And she has to cut Jim’s food up for him. That just be very time consuming considering his ever growing belly!
Sexy, elegant, egg boiler, food cutter AND, I imagine, Back Waxer. I don’t see how she does it all.
and she butters his bread. and makes him plates. What a Wonder Woman she is!
I agree that it was good to see Vicki getting a dose of it. She is such a sanctimonius (and ugly) witch. Boo-hoo-hoo, nobody likes me.
I agree with Connie in every way. I think Vicki has no class, and is the most attention-seeking, loud-mouth I have seen on T.V.
While Vicki is some ANNOYING qualities, I do agree with her about the girls getaway and working for a living. I think the main problem is this show started with 4 realistic women (plus Jo) and has morphed into 4 women who have no clue (plus Vicki). I do agree with Tamra that when a person vents about their SO you shouldn’t then throw it in the SO face. Everyone knows that. However, I do think Vicki is a bit off mentally and needs some meds b/c she is hyper sensative and needs constant control and validation. You can see it with her kids. EVERYTHING hurts her feelings. I think she should exit the show after this season, unless Don and the kids also get paid, it’s not worth it for her to hang out with them. I think Gretchen is pretty but her skin in HD in gross so I’d rethink make-up as a career and change the name, it sucks. I give Alexis’ marriage 5 more years. They try WAY too hard for people only married 5 years. And I’m sorry but he doesn’t look 15 years older than her, she looks old for her age. I wish I knew about Tamra’s alleged affair, this show needs to get the real dirt. Lynn needs to kick those kids out, move to a condo and get her finances in order. BTW LOVED, LOVED, LOVED Ricki Lake and RuPaul on Watch What Happens.
I thought the same about the fifteen years. They look about the same age to me–he’s gross, but I don’t think he looks “old.” Someone should also tell Alexis that her huge knockers make her look fat in clothes without a defined waist.
Someone should also tell Alexis that flaunting it in a bikini on national television will eventually get Mr. creep – porn producer jealous. That’s when we will see the sparks fly from their household.
They all look stupid with their overinflated boobs, slutty clothes, and botoxed expressions.
Everything Helen said. Let’s face it- Kimberly, Jo, Lauri, Tammy, Quinn and even Jeana would never treat Vicki the way she was treated at that dinner. The show has just deteriorated in quality. All the original housewives worked or at least had an idea what working was like (not sure about Kimberly, but she was so sweet so who cares).
Lynn needs to take a lesson from Tammy and realize the show isn’t good for her teenage girls, and quit the show.
Tamra is better off without Simon who is looking for someone to blame for his marital problems. Ugh. Creep.
Vicki seems over it and quite frankly, she should be.
I totally agree with you. Simon was the ultimate creep last night — and crybaby at the party.
I think Vicki is just sort of over the whole show and stayed too long.I agree, Alexis’ story (as well as everything else about her) was cliche and boring, but you don’t snore at a dinner party unless you want some attention. That said, I did feel for her a bit when she was crying, but if she had just stayed low key, it wouldn’t have all blown up. Vick probably should have quit when Jeana did. Simon- not all bad, but definitely not shouldn’t belittle anyone else’s marriage. Glad it looks like Lynne’s hubby is going to get real with her next week.
They are all TOO judgemental. Last week Tamra had the nerve to talk about keeping Lynn’s kids in line when she has a criminal son herself. Simon says “stay out of my marriage” while saying Don and Vicki have a bad marriage. Everyone feeling they can talk about Slade. All the boob jobs talking about Alexis’ fake ones. At least the New york and Jersey sisters work hard. These women are getting annoying b/c they argue just for arguing’s sake. Now if they hate each other so much, go get a real job and quit relying on Bravo for your income.
yeah- the Jersey bickering was sort of entertaining. These OC women seem to really hate each other and that is no fun.
Right – too little, too late.
i think lynne needs to face reality and leave the dream land she in and i think alexis needs to stop lying about takin care of the kids and realize her husband controls her and tamara needs to focus on her family and not tryin to please vicki and vicki needs to leave because she has nothing in common with these women they don’t work all they do is look pretty. i wish they would bring the jersey house wives back they are real women and not fake..
I totally get the other’s being annoyed by Vicki always bringing up that she works and they dont (Alexis YOU DONT WORK..unless getting massages and eating half a salad counts as parenting??) I get annoyed by that. What I thought was major bitchy was the rest crying how Vicki was being so rude when they brought up the florida trip (again!) and then jumped on Vicki and Donn about Vicki taking her daughter and mother to Italy (or greece or whatever…) Even donn said he wouldnt want to go. Plus, I think when you start blaming another person for your marriage having problems you clearly need some type of help.
Also, that gretchen-for someone who cries about people talking about her and how unfair it is, she sure does her fair share of gossiping….
These ladies need to be introduced to a phrase-”Pot? This is Kettle. Kettle? This is pot.”
Simon not all bad? Um, he called a woman a “F***ing Bitch” and then went back out on the deck to get in her face. He is a pig.
Simon, can’t believed you called Vicki a piece of s—!…Sad…but True.
Simon is a jack ass lol
Simon is a pathetic jerk and Jim is sickening! I dont think that none of the men pay attention to there women and they are obviously seeking it elsewhere. I think Alexis is way younger than her husband and there is no trust in that relashionship…and the only reason she is married to him is because of the lifestyle. As for Vikki, well she is a case and def needs meds… I think she is just an unhappy woman….the show is pretty good over all and the clothes are fab!
Simon is a hateful little man with no redeeming qualities at all. I would have given him the old heave-ho years ago.
I HATE JIM!! Just watching that man makes my skin crawl. He looks like a raccoon with the white circles around his eyes from wearing sunglasses all day, he dresses like he is in his 20′s, he has to announce how much everything costs (“it’s a $2,985.00 a night suite”, “that’s a $1000.00″ dress you are wearing”), we get it, you have money. Every pore in his body exudes arrogance and I hate how condescending and controlling he is to Alexis. However, I don’t feel sorry for her because she sold her soul to the Devil. She wanted the nannies, the big house, the fake boobs and the jewelry so bad that she is willing to let that gross guy touch her and treat her that way, then she deserves it all.
I agree Jim is an ugly gross pig—how could someone sleep with him?
I agree–all the money in the world wouldn’t be enough. She’s no different from a high-end call girl (except she’s not really high-end).
OMG! WHERE DO I START. FIRST OF ALL ALEXIS IS NOT A MOTHER WHO WORKS SHE HAS A NANNY, A CLEANING LADY,AND IM SURE SHE DOESNT DO YARD WORK GIVE ME A BREAK I AM A MOM OF THREE,I WORK OUT OF THE HOME,TAKE CARE OF THE POOL AND THE YARD AND DO ALL THE HOUSEWORK. SHE DOESNT NOTHING ALL DAY BUT GET HER HAIR AND NAILS DONE AND LETS NOT FORGET HER 3 HR WORK OUTS,MUST BE NICE,HER HUSBAND LOOKS LIKE HE NEED TO WORK OUT WITH HER,DOES HE WORK? FROM WHAT I HEAR ITS NOT LEGIT. TAM
Their marriage has some serious problems. I actually think Jim is totally insecure and he tries to mask it with arrogance. He is not attractive (no matter how many times Alexis says he is) and the 15 year age difference makes sense to me. He talks to Alexis like she’s an idiot and she just eats it all up.
Sweet Jesus. I didn’t watch. I’m waiting for my jersey girls to come back. I can’t stomache these broads, but I like reading the recaps. What a nest of wasted skulls! When Vicki becomes my favorite, then the cast is truly rotten. I would like nothing better than to put Alexis and Jim in stocks and pelt their noggins green slime.
Haha! Love the stocks idea.
Vicki has only one club in her bag – the “I work” club. She starts off with little jabs here and there, and when it finally blows up she pulls out the club. Then she leaves.
You are right on, Lynne is probably more embarrassed that her kid was on tv looking like that than the fact they got evicted. I thought she had her nose done?
I’m very confused about the nose job. It doesn’t look any different!
I find it interesting to see all the weird crinkle lines on all the others who have also had nose jobs, especially when they fake laugh.
I know this group started the Housewives shows, but they’re the least interesting of all.
This show has jumped the shark. None of the women are friends anymore and ALL of the episodes are set-ups now. Really, Lynne throwing a party (paid for by Bravo) and being evicted the next day? Time to move on and find 5 more tramps that will whore themselves out for their 15 minutes of fame.
Bravo has already found more tramps LOL! Washington D.C. and Beverly Hills are going to be the next two installments.
If another season happens, it should be Vicki’s last. I’ve watched since season one where ALL the women worked! Even Jo wanted to work! I’m on team Vicki and always will be. Lynn yet again looked high and wasted. Alexis is giving Grecthen a run for her money in the “i’m the hottest o.c. housewife.” Grecthen needs to get rid of Slade, he use to be a good guy back on season 1, now he is the biggest loser on the show. Tamara is trash, and she proved it once again last night when she got that tattoo to show Simon she loves him…why does at tattoo need to show you love someone? doesn’t make sense to me at all. Can’t wait for next week when hopefully Lynn gets a reality check!
AMEN to that!!! Tamra is worst than garbage! and Lynne id delusional and a horrible parent…when Gretchen of all people gives u pertinent advice on how to parent ur kids….U know uve reached rock bottom
And the one thing that Tamra had going for her (her prettiness) is going–fast. It’s sad the way she’s desperately clinging to her youth. She’s starting to look like an old witch with that ridiculous long straw-like hair. Would love to see her with no make-up and a bald head–UGH.
Honestly if you think about it, with the exception of Vicki ALL of them are just white trash with money. I don’t believe any of them went to college, none of them have class. They lucked out on the So-Cal boom a few years back and bought everything they had with credit. I’ll never figure out how Simon & Tamra HONESTLY thought that a part time realtor and car salesman would be able to afford $3 million house. None of these woman have real marketable skills, save Vicki. Never thought she’d be my favorite but here we are.
Gretchen’s makeup line will be a flop. Save your money girl! What is going on with Vicki’s skin? Lots of craters seem to have popped up. Botched dermabrasion perhaps? Boy did Tamra ditch Vicki really fast. Well, in all fairness your spouse comes first regardless of who’s right or wrong. Vicki is wrong on that. Poor Donn following Vicki like a puppy. Vicki’s constant need to put herself on a pedestal is going to have her leading an isolated existence. I felt bad for her crying but not because of what happened but because you can tell something is just not right with her. There is a void that her job, family nor husband is filling. She just seems like an overall sad person to me. Those tears were about more than fighting with Simon.
“In all fairness your spouse comes first regardless of who’s right or wrong”–WHAT? Do you really believe that? I guess you’re one of those fools who’d stand by while your husband murdered somebody and then lie for him. You’re sad and pathetic.
This is what happens when you cast to death. This used to be about women who actually knew each other, not strangers. These people have no history and are trying to make one up. Tamra didn’t know a single person on the show before she joined. That’s why New Jersy/New York work — mainly a family and people who know each other for real. Cast some people who actually interact in real life, not just on the show. Where’s the quasi-reality?