I’m Kate Ward, and I’m not an actor — though I would love to be, if only to get the opportunity to stroke Jon Hamm’s luxurious beard. (Mmm.) After an unusually somber and sober Golden Globes ceremony last Sunday, things were decidedly cheerier at Saturday night’s Screen Actors Guild Awards. In fact, our actors were so happy to receive their awards, the show began running too long: Near the end of the program, during the commercial break, winners were asked to limit their acceptance speeches to 45 seconds. (Not that they listened — I’m looking at you Jeff Bridges.)

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet: With no host, the show began with an introduction that featured some great lines from a motley crew of actors. (The best in that introduction goes to Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s Jeff Garlin: “Wow, my IMDB star meter is up eight percent in popularity this week. I’m Jeff Garlin, and I’m an actor.”) And then, just as quickly as you can say “Justin Timberlake’s denim-blue shirt,” it was onto the awards! In the spirit of the season, I thought I would present my own awards, based on the show. (And some behind-the-scenes info from EW’s John Young, who was backstage during the ceremony.)  So, without further ado, here are my awards for the night! (And look here for a complete list of winners — we’re just touching on the show’s highlights here.)

Funniest acceptance speech: Really, is it any contest? The funniest acceptance speech goes to lifetime achievement award winner Betty White, who still can rile up a room after 88 years. After buddy Sandra Bullock lightly teased White during her introduction (said Bullock: “She starred in four different television shows called The Betty White Show. Four. Most people would stop naming shows after themselves after the third one.”), White approached the podium and thanked her pal: “Isn’t it heartening to see how far a girl as plain as she is can go?” But she was just getting started: “I am still to this day starstruck. I look out at this audience and I see so many famous faces. But what really boggles my mind is that I actually know many of you. And I’ve worked with quite a few. Maybe had a couple.” (Props to George Clooney, who, while presenting best performance by a cast in a motion picture, told the audience: “I think it was 1987, I did an episode of The Golden Girls, and I would like to thank Betty White for her discretion.”) And you have to respect White, if only for that high-slit dress. Backstage, she told reporters, “You got to use everything you possibly can!” READ FULL STORY »