'30 Rock': The 10 best lines from 'Klaus and Greta' and 'Black Light Attack!'

Liz! Jack! Kenneth! Tracy! James Franco! Oh man, 30 Rockers, when it’s good it’s good, and we got two, two, two episodes for the price of one tonight. Let’s do the top 10 lines of each and then some general thoughts, shall we?

The 10 best lines from “Klaus and Greta” in chronological order:

++ “I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn’t find the Joey Russo button.” — Tracy, who’s about to go into too much detail

++ “…probably having beach sex, which is the third best sex after elevator and White House.” — Jack, who needs you to look something up on YouFace

++ “Objects are made by men, and used for many purposes… but we never… love… objects.” — James Franco, who’s just in a business relationship with the ottoman

++ “Kenneth, Jonathan, I need one of you to help me with a very special assignment.” — Jack, who’s about to go all Lorelai Gilmore on an answering-machine message

++ “I know it’s a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled ‘Susan B. Anthony’ at the moment of conception!” — Tracy, who’s going to name his daughter after the place she was conceived

++ “Having ice-cold diarrhea from drinking too much Jamba Juice? It’s everything I ever wanted!” — Jenna, who might be known as “James”

++ “Albino Monk!” — Kenneth, who’s just looking in a mirror

++ “Your hand feels like a pillow that’s been in the microwave.” — James Franco, who knows “paparazzo” is singular

++ “Did you not learn the nation’s airport codes in high school?” — Kenneth, who knows God can see him in the morning

++ “Before you got here, were you an air scientist? Because your ass blah blah blah, you get the point.” — Tracy, who doesn’t want women to be someone’s daughter

Good times, good times. And now the 10 best lines from “Black Light Attack!”

++ “You’ll have to ask the fella who whittled ‘em for me!” — Kenneth, whose teeth aren’t glowing under the black light

++ “But my biggest problem with quidditch is: If the snitch is 150 points, why does anyone bother with the with the quaffle?” — Twofer, who is so, so right

++ “That girl has a name, Jack. We call her ‘Skankovich.’” — Liz, who knows Tron jokes

++ “They’re called Spanx!” — Jack, who knows about weird underwear

++ “But those were my majors at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks!” — Jenna, who might want to cling to fame with her Gollum arms

++ “What is happening to me?!” — Kenneth, who can hear all kinds of frequencies

++ “…their Stars, both Wars and Trek….” — Jack, who is very angry and sleepy

++ “It’s funny — all my ‘aha!’ moments end with a mustache pushed against me!” — Jenna, who wants to be forever young

++ “My secret is, I’m in love with Liz Lemon.” — Jack, who knows the difference between secrets and lies

++ “I don’t care! I’m having a gooood time!” — Liz, which started out as a joke but is becoming real

On the whole, both these episodes were terrific. James Franco’s goofy appearance (the pillow-love is based on a real thing!) was the right balance of outlandishly stupid and still super entertaining, and Jenna’s self-absorption was funnier here than it usually is. Plus I’m loving Cheyenne Jackson, whose chemistry with Alec Baldwin was terrific. One thing that stood out was how much serialized plot these two eps covered: Jack’s crush, Tracy’s fatherhood plan, Danny’s acclimation to the series. For a show that’s usually so episodic, it was an interesting — and from where I sat, totally successful — change of pace.

Okay, PopWatchers, before I take you back to the Port Authority; What’d you think of 30 Rock?

Image credit: Ali Goldstein/NBC

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  • mjade27

    Two great episodes! Can someone post what Jack said on the message in German? It went by too fast for me to translate and my co-viewer did not want me to rewind the DVR. For some reason, I need to know what he said.

    • Leo Fung

      Aus unendlichen sehnsuchten, steigen endliche taten wie schwache fontanen:

      Out of infinite longings rise
      finite deeds like weak fountains.

      The line is from a poem by Rainier Maria Rilke.

  • heromommy

    Both episodes were really good..but I LOVED Black light attack! Finally Liz got some lovin’ from TWO fine men, even if one involved a giant pillow and the other wasn’t allowed to see her feet! I laughed out loud at the scene with Jack at the hockey game…I don’t know why but it was hilarious when the puck hit the glass and he screamed like a girl! I really enjoy the episodes that play off Jack and Liz and their relationship. And Kenneth crawling through the doggy door…there were too many great moments to name!

    • pop

      yeah! it was a GOOD night for liz lemon. if thats what it means when someone says “i lemoned it” then i’m all about lemoning.

    • mkaffeine

      Alec Baldwin’s facial expressions as it dawns on him that Cheyenne Jackson is describing Liz were priceless!!!!

  • Dory

    I love this show.

  • JLC

    How DID Kenneth get through that coat hanger so fast? Aside from dislocating his pelvis, I mean.
    That scene reminded me a bit of the Joker’s “tryouts” in Dark Knight.

    • Sara

      Best part of that show!!!

  • Ambient Lite

    “Having ice-cold diarrhea from drinking too much Jamba Juice” + “You’ll have to ask the fella who whittled ‘em for me!” = GOLD
    And apparently it IS possible to laugh so hard that wine comes out your nose!

    • Ambient Lite

      Oh, and I’m glad we’ll get at least another peek at the Hey Beantown lovahs Jack and Nancy…I cheated and looked up Julianne Moore on imdb and she is, in fact, slated for another future episode called “Winter Madness”. Just that one though.

  • GoMe!

    I loved the two episodes. The funniest part was Jenna still thinking she could play a teenager…and Tina’s mustache.

    • jb

      i loved when she read the lines three times and didn’t get it, then she was so genuinely shocked lol

      • kim in kentucky

        and the look on her face (esp her eyes!) when she realized SHE was the mother LOL

  • TorontoTom

    The black light hand prints on the back of Liz Lemon’s knees and the smear across her mouth and cheek made me howl! Liz, you Skankovich!

    • Dave

      That was great! And I loved the expression on Jack’s face when he saw it!

  • isembard

    Frankly, didn’t like the first ep at all: unfocused and unfunny. Loved the second ep. Nice to see Liz getting some loving. Especially loved Liz and Jack mocking the idea of their having a relationship – since I often hear people supporting that silly, awful idea. Love those guys.

  • Brian Cantor

    I enjoyed the episodes enough, but the show really showed how out of touch it is last night. Based most of the laughs around completely-weird, “trying too hard” humor…the show needs to start looking at “Modern Family,” which can do clever, witty and slapstick in a much more mainstream and appealing way.

    • Ambient Lite

      Aside from the fact that I think you’re smoking crack and both episodes of 30 Rock were fantastic last night, I don’t know why they’d need to look to Modern Family for anything.
      They’re both funny, successful comedies, but that’s ALL they share in common. Totally different shows. And thank goodness for that.
      If you’re wishing 30 Rock was “more mainstream”, you probably just don’t ‘get it’. And that’s okay. Stick to what you like.

      • Tom

        Chill, wipe. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even you.

      • Ambient Lite

        Wipe?!? Anyway, yes, of course he’s entitled to his opinion. I just think it’s bizarre to suggest that 30 Rock try to model itself after something else.

      • Brian Cantor

        Not saying it needs to model itself after “Modern Family.” It’s three-peated at the Emmys and has been the most reliably funny show on TV since premiering.

        But that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. If not for NBC’s low ratings bar, this show would have been cancelled a long time ago. It just seems illogical that a show involving Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan, three very different but very funny people, can’t seem to make itself more broadly appealing.

        Episodes like last night are why. They were so “off the deep end” in terms of content–the whole moustache scene at the end was just appalling. Tracy bringing that Russian girl into the entourage was also just the weirdest thing ever (“Forever Young”).

        My point was simply that Modern Family is proving you can be legitimately funny and still skew broadly. If 30 Rock wants to go down as a timeless classic, rather than a big deal for its era, it needs to stretch its boundaries.

      • Luddite

        Just out of curiousity, what exactly was so “appalling” about the mustache thing?

    • NiaQueen

      “out of touch”?? You can not be serious. 30 Rock reigns supreme. One does not have to compare it to new shows that are trying the 30 Rock formula. It is okay to like both.

      Gosh, these Modern Family whiners are killing me. The Office and 30 Rock built the foundation of their clever sense of humor and comedy. At least give them that.

    • cheryl

      Which is why Modern Family will never be a great comedy — it does not dare to step out of ‘safe’ boundaries. Its weekly mandated Disney-moment, the conservativeness of their portrayal of a gay couple, their deliberate attempts at making every character likable, using the completely unnecessary mockumentary style because The Office popularized it, the list goes on. It is hilarious but not groundbreaking.

      Arrested Development never shied away from being densely layered. Maybe that is why it had such a short life but if this focus on ratings and wide appeal intensifies, we are going to see the death of comedy soon (yes I know I am a drama queen).

      • Jay

        Arrested Development was the best. I miss it.

  • Via

    I had a great comment about the show, then I clicked on that link and found out pillow love is real and now I just want to crawl under my desk and stab my eyes out w/my letter opener. You can’t unring that bell… you just can’t.

  • NiaQueen

    Liz’s comment about Madonna’s Gollum arms made me laugh out loud!!! I had to rewind because I missed like 2 minutes of the show from laughing so hard.

    • Lynny

      Totally and the way she pinched her face when she said her name. I love Madonna and all, but she is getting WEIRD looking.

  • Nacho Girl

    The hot guy’s name is Cheyenne? That is so gay.
    Oh yeah, loved the episodes.

    • pj

      he actually is openly gay in real life.

      • Ambient Lite

        Oh, snap.

  • FLGrl

    James Franco was awesome!

  • Ceballos

    If nothing else, “30 Rock” made me pay extra attention to “The Today Show” this morning to listen out for travel tips.

    • Ambient Lite

      That WAS funny, love it when they ridicule the “news”. One of my favorites was when Kenneth had to clean up Brian Williams’ trashed dressing room, cleaning the ‘Katie Couric Sucks’ graffiti off the wall.

      • Ceballos

        Brian Williams’ Jersey wiseguy character from the “Audition Day” episode earlier this season was CLEARLY ahead of its time.

  • Madd

    Loved James Franco, and Danny. I also loved that Liz got not one, but TWO hot guys! I desperately want to play that Today Show drinking game. I love Matt Lauer. And no mention of Liz’s cousin?

    • mkaffeine

      You’re right — the omission of the cousin was glaring. The whole conversation on the pay phone outside Port Authority (“You have Amish here?” “That’s a serial killer. Get in a cab!”) was hilarious.

      • NiaQueen

        That reminds me of the club HomeButt line!!!

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