Jersey Shore celebrity The Situation went on The Jay Leno Show’s “10@10″ last night. Remember Snooki’s? As you’ll see below, my internal barometers for quality and intrigue in all areas of life have pretty much bottomed out. And yet I press on, letting a better version of myself slip away into an ether that reeks of TAG Signature Series body spray. It’s a new Annie in 2010. I am falling. I am so scared, you guys.
Top 10 Things That Make Me Die Inside on The Situation’s ’10@10′:
10. First thing he does in the morning is look in the mirror (though you could tell he wanted to be honest and say what he REALLY did in the morning, which maybe occurs in The Situation’s bed)
9. His nickname in high school was “Mikey Abs.” I can’t believe The Situation and Michael Slezak had the same nickname in high school!
8. I self-loathed for a few seconds after suffering a brief wave of shame for not knowing that “Jesus Piece” referred to jewelry.
7. The Situation’s other prize possession is the same as mine today: Chapstick. That’s hard to find.
6. The Situation once received $500 from a bride and her “best girl” who wanted to lick The Situation.
5. The Situation corrected The Situation later in the same sentence after accidentally referring to himself as “me.” Pronouns are for commoners!
4. I started to think The Situation might be kind of clever when he took the liberty of adding an option D: “All of the above.”
3. Oh, s—, I kind of love him again for quoting Kindergarten Cop.
2. IT GETS WORSE: I kind of agree with The Situation that people (not just women) shouldn’t misrepresent their physical appearances in online dating profiles. Why set yourself up for a disgusted look? Prospective daters should get to see how disgusting you are right off the bat.
1. I’m pretty confident that The Situation’s ability to name five Jack Nicholson movies in 15 seconds will likely be the most impressive thing I witness all day. American Idol tonight, guys!
Anything to add? Please say something to impress me more than The Situation so that I don’t actually die today.
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