'Ugly Betty' Bites: 24 flair-filled lines from last night's episode, 'The Passion of the Betty'!

Did you catch Ugly Betty in its new Wednesday-night timeslot last night? Well, if you didn’t, catch up on Hulu (but first, read my catch-up post from yesterday) because it was yet another fantastic episode, featuring Wilhelmina’s triumphant return to Mode, a bunch of weird Betty-themed artwork by her boyfriend Matt, and Marc’s delectable new “boyfriend” (played by Becki Newton’s real-life brother, no less—how perfect!). Slam dunk, in my mind.

Also a slam dunk (seriously, what’s with my uncharacteristically and very un-Ugly Betty-esque fratty vernacular today?) last night were the hilarious one-liners. No surprise! There were actually 24 fantastic quips, by my count, and I’ve got them all here for you. Enjoy!

“I’m a professional. I don’t get grossed out by food caught in braces.” —Betty’s dentist Dr. Farkas, during an appointment with Betty

“You see, it’s the little things that’ll get you. One day Matt is saying ‘Miss you much,’ and the next day it’s ‘Pop! Pop!’ Murder-suicide.” —Hilda, about Matt’s growing obsession with Betty

“She actually thinks Emporio Armani and Georgio Armani are brothers! Ha!” —Marc, about Mode’s clueless new creative director

“You can’t miss ‘Puck Night’! C’mon someone around here will want to go to a hockey game. OK, maybe not….” —Betty, to Matt, after looking around the Mode office quickly and realizing that every other man who works there is gay

“Spooky! You’re trans-Mexifying right before our eyes.” —Amanda, to Marc, after a photo of Betty during a slide show of Marc-only photos

“Thank you so much for the ride, Bobby. It’s Elizabeth Taylor week on Lifetime, and I could not miss Butterfield 8. She plays a prostitute who has to pay for her sins.” —Justin, after Bobby gave him a ride home from school

“I didn’t think he’d be back so soon. His passport accidentally ended up in my bag. Completely innocent, fully deniable mistake. But now it’s like he’s some sort of stalker! I knew that was him at my gym and my bank and my backup gym…” —Marc, about his new “boyfriend” Troy

“I’m your first? Aren’t you like 40?” —Marc, after his “boyfriend” Troy tells him that he was the first guy he’d had sex with

“I don’t care if it’s Donna Karan or dog food—it’s just somethin’ to sell.” —New Mode creative director Denise Ludwig, digging herself into a fashion-filled hole

“Now that Suzuki, is he gay? Because I thought I saw him sneaking a peek at my Snookie.” —Denise Ludwig, after fashion correspondent Suzuki St. Pierre interviews her

“Oh my lover is good! At painting!” —Betty, to Frances, who insists on referring to Betty’s boyfriend Matt as her “lover”

“I give you one simple task. Why am I so surprised you frakked it up?!” —Wilhelmina, to Daniel

“It’s Dum-Dum. Uh, I mean, Daniel. Probably misplaced his beard comb again.” —Marc, when his boss Daniel calls

“How would I know what she was doing in South Dakota? I don’t even know where that country is!” —Amanda, trying to wiggle out of telling Wilhelmina why Claire went to South Dakota

“I could make that happen. Of course! I may not be in charge now, but I will be again, and I can make your dreams come true. Or I could keep you stuck behind that reception desk until your skin turns the texture of a weathered Louis Vuitton overnight bag!” —Wilhelmina, in her attempt to get Amanda to tell her why Claire went to South Dakota

“Did you get this from Betty? ‘Surprise showing of new work from emerging artist Matt Hartley.’ My lunch is emerging from my stomach!” —Marc, talking to Amanda about a message she got from Betty

“If I knew he was a ga-virgin, I never would have taken his delicate flower!” —Marc, to Amanda, about his new “boyfriend” Troy

“No! He is imprinted on you like a gay duckling. If you don’t wean him off you slowly, he’ll die.” —Amanda, warning Marc about what’ll happen if he just drops his new “boyfriend” Troy without notice

“Come. People are just dying to meet you. And not just people. Peeeeople!” —Frances, to Matt, at his art opening

“The real Matt? Or the Matt who’s a human sacrifice and you’re an Aztec warrior cutting out his heart?” —Marc, at Matt’s weird art opening, after Betty asks if he’s seen Matt

“Or the Matt who’s an astronaut and you’re an alien embryo bursting out of his chest?” —Amanda, at Matt’s weird art opening, after Betty asks if she’s seen Matt

“Those aren’t selling for as much. There’s a bidding war for the one of me climbing the Empire State Building holding you in my giant, hairy hand!” —Betty, after Matt says that he did paint some pictures of her that were actually flattering, unlike the majority of them

“Look at you, you’re an Adonis. You’re like a gay Hugh Jackman!” —Troy, to his new “boyfriend” Marc

“There are trends to be set, dreams to be trampled!” —Wilhelmina, in a hurry during her return to Mode

What’s your favorite line from last night’s episode, “The Passion of the Betty”? What’d I miss? Tell me in the comments below!

More ‘Ugly Betty’ Bites from EW.com:
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: The 11 quippiest gems from last night’s episode, ‘Be-Shure’!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: The 18 funniest lines from last night!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 10 genius lines from Friday night’s great episode!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: Enjoy the best 19 quips from the best episode of the season (so far)!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 18 Betty-ful clips from last night!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 19 hilarious lines from last night’s episode!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: 15 great lines from last night!
‘Ugly Betty’ Bites: The best lines from Betty’s makeover premiere episode!

Comments (52 total) Add your comment
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  • EWsMom

    It was good, but not great.
    It SHOULD have been great though, because they’d really want their new Wednesday audience to stick around week after week.
    Last night’s episode didn’t really seal the deal, IMO.

    • Ratings

      5 million
      1.7 in adults
      Significant drop from “Cougartown” lead-in

      STICK A FORK in Ugly Betty, she’s done.

      • Kunal

        someone’s a little negative…if you don’t like it then don’t watch it anymore? It’s better than talking negatively about a great show…

      • Ratings

        Just pointing out the facts.

      • chuppachi

        well, you’re only going to get complains against you because typically, almost all the people here are UB fans o_o

      • Diego Bejar

        hm rating how were ratings for betty on friday? were they good? just asking cause truth been said i was done with her too but after catching up with this season im back on board like season 1!!!

    • Rialf Dellif

      Not a line, but how about when after he kissed and dipped Betty, her head got caught in the elevator doors! LOL..hilarious!

      • Rialf Dellif

        After “MATT” kissed and dipped Betty I meant to say.

      • glammm gyrl

        Looooooooved it when Wilhemina left a trail of shoes and clothing to lure Amanda into the stairwell!!

  • Kacey

    I loved Amanda’s ‘Quaaaack’, reminding Marc to let Troy down easy.

    • Guy

      Me too!

    • Pretty Betty

      Loved it when Willie told Amanda, “Look at me”, and Amanda answers, “No, Marc told me never to look you directly in the eye”.

  • Mark

    my favourite part was when Betty’s head got stuck in the elevator!

  • Reena

    I didnt know Troy was Becki Newton’s brother I kinda like him and Marc together last night’s episode was very funny and sooo good I loved the HOT outfit Claire was wearing with the animal print!

    • ERIKA

      YES!!! Judith Light looked so hot in this episode

      • paige

        Seriously the makeup in the show is unfreakin real. Judith Light looked INCREDIBLE last night and Vanessa Williams can make a nun sweat in her habit

    • Belle

      You could tell they were brother & sister. They defintely have the same eyes & sly smile like the bird who just ate the canary.

      • led

        Allrigth allright UB we get it, Betty and he family are Hispanic right? We get it……could their kitchen be any more jam packed with color? It looks like a bomb went off in a paint factory.

  • Derby

    Not really a line, but the various shocked/horrified noises that Marc made when Troy surprised him throughout the episode absolutely killed me.

  • Ceballos

    “You’re hurting me” – Amanda
    “I’m not touching you” – Wilhemina

  • t.t

    love the frakked it up
    a bit of a battlestar galactica nod :P
    willie watches bsg :P loool

    • Ally

      agreed!!!

    • juna

      Love the BSG frak. How totally cool, really!

  • TAYENYC

    “Over my dead body!” -Claire
    “Yes Claire, that’s exactly how I would describe your body.” -Wilhelmina

  • Yan

    loooooooved the episode..

    trans-mexifying.. FAV LINE EVAH! haha

  • paige

    I Loooooved the Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf fantasy betty had. i think im paraphrasing but the line “maybe if you were dead, id MISS YOU MUCH” had me dying… 2 things i am sick of and the both involve hair- Matt’s weird high hawk thing and Daniels beard.

  • K

    Trans-Mexifying, and Amanda following the outfit trail – hilarious.

    • Pretty Betty

      Ha…Amanda gasping and Marc shouting “OH MY GOD!!!!!” when they came across Betty’s picture in the camera. (Right before the trans-mexifying comment).

  • Amber

    I wish it would have done better in ratings but what can you do? People just dont know good television anymore. I saw the whole comedy line up and The Middle and Cougar Town arnt even funny.

  • AnnR

    Betty rocks. Hope this is not the last season now that it is back on a much better night. Writing is soooo good.

  • Mandy

    I was so disappointed. The episode seemed to flail about without focus. Are they really going to write Matt out so quickly and unceremoneously b/c they want to make room for a Betty/Daniel (which is completely unrealistic) or Betty/Henry relationship (which smacks of “this is the end of the show”)? Matt and Betty are funny and smart and tender together. If the guy’s got to go, at least let it be with something more dramatic.

    And Wilhelmean’s return was flat and predictable.

    Betty, if you want audiences to stick around, you’d better up the ante.

    • Amber

      well, you must be the only fan to have hated it then haha
      I’ll admit it wasnt the best but it was still pretty great

  • Hilary

    Loved the episode! Hopefully it gets better ratings next week. I loved the line “Amanda…It is Amanda isnt it?”

    • gertrude

      I love this episode of Ugly Betty.It was perfect.I almost died laughing when I saw Matt’s paintings.
      I wish son who Claire gave for adoption just finds Claire. :)

      I don’t know what you people are talking about. Cougar Town is not funny or remotely interesting as Ugly Betty.

      I just loved that Betty balck & white fantasy,and that beginning of episode and that when Matt wanted to kiss her and her head was almost crushed my elevator doors.

      So funny and sometimes embarrassing and I hope it never get canceled.

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