The Secret Life of the American Teenager returned to ABC Family for more crowd-pleasing teen-mom awkwardness, former teen star resurrections (and the Molly Ringwald Award goes to…Mayim Bialik!), and apparent continuing attempts to score a world record for “the most times any one television cast can use the word ‘sex’ in dialogue.” Here, a few things we learned upon the teen soap’s midseason premiere:
Ben may or may not be breaking up with Amy. With his Italian non-girlfriend on the way into town, he was freaking out. But his function was still, as usual, reduced to listening to a bunch of people tell him what to do all episode instead of actually doing anything himself. Um, who gave Madison and Lauren the authority to deem him unworthy to ditch Amy if he wants to? “The only way you are ever, ever getting out of this relationship is if she wants out,” Madison harangued him in the hallway. Why does this poor kid always get treated like he’s the one who knocked Amy up? Speaking of which…
We do just fine with minimum Amy. Sorry, but somehow the once-sweet, scared teen mom has become one of the most insufferable characters on television. (And I say this as a general fan of Shailene Woodley’s early portrayal of her.) All she did the last dozen or so episodes was whine and pout about her baby while nagging her saintly boyfriend. Sorry, sweetie, you messed up and got pregnant — deal with it already. I kinda liked having her and her mom at a safe distance in Palm Springs for most of this episode. (Her hair, however, looked fantastic.)
Moms must all have bangs. Not sure about Molly Ringwald’s, but unequivocally in favor of Josie Bissett’s. No wonder she’s got the dreamy younger boyfriend. (Where were you, My Boys‘ Reid Scott?)
The solution to both oral sex gone bad (condolences, Jack and Grace) and impending visits from Italian non-girlfriends is ditching school. Conveniently, this results in our entire cast of kids driving around town and gallavanting on the beach all day. Side note: Would Adrian not have gotten kicked out of school anyway for wearing those short shorts?
Blossom rocks the wacky Secret Life humor like no one else. This is not an easy feat, but as the new school counselor, Dr. Bink (nice nod to Mayim Bialik’s own real-life PhD), she pulled off the goofy, wordy, quippy dialogue with a wink. Upon being confronted with a kid’s heavily expository accusations that her husband left her for another guy, she got her doctorate on the internet, and she got fired from her last job for having sex with a student: “One, the other guy was his cousin. Two, there are some excellent schools on the internet. And three, the student to whom you are referring was 18 before we went to the prom and we did it as a political statement and there was no sex involved. I just like to dance. What’s your point?” Could’ve been dumb. Was actually funny. Get this lady her own show again. Maybe a show about Dr. Bink’s life before she got to this school, which sounds fascinating.
“Truant” does not mean “having a groin injury.” Oh, Jack.
It is a crime to have sex with a minor. And a minor is anyone under 18. The greater the difference in age, the greater the penalty. If the perp is more than three years older, it’s a felony. That is courtesy of Adrian. For no reason except the offhand suggestion that Grace go out with someone older than she is to prove a point to her mom, who’s dating someone much younger. Is it me, or is this show like a lawschool tutorial? I feel like I could pass the bar having watched just that one episode where Amy and Ben almost got married, with all the lawyery talk about witnesses and fake IDs. But this one is a close second with this “sex with a minor” lesson plus all the pontificating about Ricky’s paternal rights if Amy doesn’t come back from Palm Springs. Not to mention the clarification that there is not, in fact, an “exception for puttering” when it comes to the law about kids not riding in the car when a teen is driving on a permit.
You can say the word “sex” 10 times in one scene. For the record, the scene in the convertible. Impressive, but I think they’ve done better in prior episodes.
Jan. 17! Bring It On-athon! This was just a promo, but, wow, does that look like the best day of my life.
Ben’s Italian non-girlfriend is super cute. Sorry, Amy.
What did you think of the midseason premiere, PopWatchers? Are you psyched for the upcoming season?
Photo Credit: Randy Holmes/ABC
Um, can you change the “three years old” to “three years older”? Otherwise: ew(.com).
Hahaha
“Sex”, “sexual”, or “oral sex” were said 51 times last night, but that’s 19 fewer times than in the summer finale. The “sex” count for many episodes can be found at http://slotat.tripod.com/sexcount.html
I laugh every episode trying to keep up with the number of times they say “sex.” I had no idea there was an official count. How funny!
I thought the new counselor was HORRIBLE. Some of the kids act better than she does..and that is saying a lot. This show is even worse than it was before…I wish I could look away but I just can’t.
As a school counselor, I agree totally, she was terrible. If I dealt with students the way that she did, I’d probably be fired. Plus, it is generally an administrator’s job to suspend/disciple students. A counselor’s role is supposed to be as a student advocate, not a disciplinarian. But I also agree, I couldn’t stop watching…What does that say???
I feel the same way! Mayim Balik was terrible! But I just can’t stop watching. If I had teens, I wouldn’t let them watch this show. I’d rather they watch 90210. At least they leave something to the imagination. I was cringing the entire way through this episode.
Mayim Bialik successfully upped the awkward, but awesome quotient for me last night. This show is so ridiculous, but yea, I can’t look away. Love it.
I totally agree.
her acting was the worse i almost didnt noticed because i was telling everyone around me that blossom was on
I didn’t understand: was grace unable to perform oral or did she just not even try?
this show baffles me. brenda hampton has gone on record that she wants to show the way real teens (opposed to the super-rich, like 90210 and gossip girl) live, but then produces this? teenagers do not talk or act like this. can’t the actors (some of whom are pretty good and most of whom have appeared in at least slightly edgier fair) exert some influence? surely they know their show is a joke/monday night’s drinking game?
This show is relatively a major hit for ABC Family. As ridiculously craptastic as it is, why would they change something that’s working?
I’m waiting for the endearing Amy to return. I’d say she didn’t deserve Ben, but there’s the whole mystery of what he did in Italy. And I agree that Lauren and Madison have no right to address Ben like that.Even if they were best friends with Amy before high school, they sure as anything aren’t now.
Actually, legal age of consent for sex depends on the state. In California, I believe, a minor can sleep with an adult at age 16. In other states, it can be as low as 14. So, Adrian’s wrong.
It worries me a little bit that you think Ben is saintly. He is definitely creepy and borders on smothering stalker. It’s also weird that he went from thinking mast*rbating was disrespectful to Amy but now constantly pushes that she must have sex with him or he’ll have to get a hooker…I hate him as much if not more than I do Amy. At least she has a purpose on the show. Seriously, take off everyone but Ashley, Adrian, and Ricky and you’ve got an actual spinoff contender to BH 90210. But the rest of the cast makes this some bizarre mating ritual on the Discovery Channel meets Jersey Shore.
A minor can have sex at age 16, but it can only be with someone less than 3 years older or it is a crime. So if a 35 year old has sex with a 16 year old it is still statutory rape, but its usually the parents that get the guy arrested in cases like that.
That part I didn’t know. Thanks.
i love love love this show, but the first episode didnt interest me. dont get me wrong, i did like it……but is the whole season gonna be like this. i think amy and ricky should get together and ben should get together with that itallian girl. they would be soooooo cute!!! doesnt anyone agree??????
i totally agree gal
grace and jack should have sex and so should ben and amy. dr. bink should go back to jail and whats his face should stop making illegal things. just voicing my opinion!
This show is horrible i can’t imagine how many teens are watching this with the word sex beaten into their brain and least 50 times per episode if not more, and than Grace’s mom telling her she should masterbate! what are we trying to teach kids here!
that most teens hear the word sex amounst their friends more than the show the fact is a lot of teens have sex so much so that many are getting pregnant young
i think amy should leave stupid ben once and for all.and stop wasting time with him.and think about whats best for the baby………and get with the babys dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ben should leave Amy she’s too naggy
I will never understand why people like this show. This has got to be one of the worst shows on TV. Its about one thing and one thing only- sex. Literally. The characters’ entire lives revolve around it. There is more to teenage life than pregnancies and who did it with who. Ridiculous.
Can you smell the ocean from Palm Springs?
No, only chlorine and prunes.
Worst dialogue of my life. The actors have to know how terrible this show is, right? RIGHT?
yeah but i don’t think that really matters because they signed a contract that they have to keep.
the most likely do realize how awful the dialogue is.
stupid head they make a great couple