'30 Rock' recap: Sharkfarts for all! The 10 best lines from 'Secret Santa'

What I wouldn’t give to see Alec Baldwin and Julianne Moore perform a full-on version of “Hey, Beantown!” This episode of 30 Rock had some awesome Liz/Jack moments, a nice little storyline for Pete and Danny, and the invention of a whole new pizza-loving religion. These are the 10 best lines from “Secret Santa.”

“Those sites are for horny married chicks with kids who want to exchange pervy e-mails with their high-school boyfriends.” Liz, whose haircut is, uh, growing out

“Would you get us some pens?” — Jack, who’s been fingertagged

“There are definitely faces here, but they are not being treated with respect.” — Liz, who’s putting a hyphen in it

“The healing power of root beer, that a man can have up to nine wives if two of them are male, and we always leave work to go to the movies on Merlinpeane.” — Twofer, Lutz, and Frank, who need to be punished by an angry god

“It’s like a shag carpet! I want to sit on it and play a board game!” — Nancy, who could have pointed out that Alec Baldwin’s hair looked kind of weird in this episode

“It’s definitely not a rage stroke.” — Jenna, who loves sharing the stage

“That’s what religion is, K-Fed! Just a bunch of made-up rules to manipulate people! Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s!” — Tracy, who has fallen into the intellectual deep end

“Weird in a good way. Like going to the gym drunk.” — Jack, whose “OMFG” is my new favorite sound

“Aww, sharkfarts!” — Liz, who’s planning on eating pasta with red sauce

“This is like watching Hemingway write. Mark Hemingway.” — Jack, who didn’t change his status to weirdsies

What’d I miss, PopWatchers?


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  • Christa

    Hearing Alec Baldwin say “OMFG” was an early Christmas present. I need nothing else.

    • Ambient Lite

      Reminds me of the “O.M.G. I thought he’d never leave!” from the ‘It’s Complicated’ trailer.
      Either one makes me tingle.

    • izikavazo

      That was the best. He can deliver those lines so well.

  • Brett

    The Pope owns long john silvers…OMFG, I’m still LMAO.

    • JT

      Don’t you mean you’re still lizzing?

    • Diggity

      its not that wrong:
      The real reason for this is NOT Biblical, nor does it have anything to do with God!!! The Pope lives in Rome, Italy, and a very long time ago, the fishing industry needed to make more money, so the religious leaders decided that they would make one day a week, a meatless day, thus being ok to eat fish that day…which then became a law. The fishermen were happier now, they had more money, and could support the church! That’s why!

      • Annie

        Huh. So Tracy was right!

      • Johnification

        I remember learning that, too! And thinking during the ep, “oh my God, is Tracy…right?”

    • Amy

      Brett, I agree that was my favorite line of the night with OMFG being a close second.

  • Katie

    I’m pretty sure it was ‘Merlinpeen’, and it’s ‘Hemingway’.

    • Ambient Lite

      Yes, you’re right, and it DOES matter – peen vs peane – not the same! Think wizard wank…

  • Nicole

    I lost it when Jenna’s nose began to bleed.

    • Whatever

      That was so unexpected !! “It’s totally not a rage stroke !”

    • tg

      Yes! Me too. I laughed out loud for at least two minutes. Hysterical.

    • Delon

      Ditto!!!

  • Arden

    “I don’t get sarcasm because Canada doesn’t have a very large Jewish population.”

    Best line of the season as far as I’m concerned.

    • Madd

      Exactly. All of his lines about sarcasm were the best- how are they not included here?!

    • queensgirl

      That was my favorite line in what was a really funny episode.

    • Delon

      Yea, a geat line!

    • Tamara

      Sooo funny. And his face at the end when he said “Well that went well” and realized that he finally GOT sarcasm!

  • Ambient Lite

    I am so hot for Jack Donaghy.
    I don’t have any issues with my father, and I realize he’s a raging repubulican – I can’t explain it.
    I would invite him to join me on M.I.L.F. island any day.

    • Ambient Lite

      and feeling fully satisfied basking in the glow of yet another perfect 30 Rock, I’m going to celebrate Jack and Liz’s perfect gifts to each other by going to the gym drunk now.

  • LUCY2

    I’m sorry, I don’t believe anything will top “Aww, sharkfarts!”

    New Guy: “I haven’t even been in the last two episodes!”

    Kenneth, after losing his faith: “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go buy some guitar music.”

  • JLC

    Loved Julianne Moore. I don’t think you can consider it stunt casting when the actress shows up to, you know, actually act.
    “And a picture of President Obama for the Muslims.”
    “I’m going to let that one go for now.”

    • Ambient Lite

      ah, yes – the delicious subtlety.

    • Cheese Head

      oh, “acting” – was that was it was?

    • Isembard

      I also liked it that she wasn’t heavily made up. Her pale coloring needs a lot of work to show up well on film, so I thought it was great that they kept it real. Made her look like a regular person rather than a glamourous movie star.

      • Bobby’s Robot

        I actually saw her once on the streets of NYC walikng with her family. She had no make-up on and looked stunning.

      • pop

        she is gorgeous!

    • LOL

      I like Moore but her overdone accent was hideous.

    • Steve

      Actually, Tracy said “Gonna let that one slide.” I only know because I watched that part about seven times–that was the line of the night.

  • Cheese Head

    Julianne Moore was a bad choice for that role – couldn’t stand the forced fake attempt at a Boston accent.

    • Mike

      I live in Boston and she sounded just like some of the people around here!

      • Josh

        AGREED!

      • Neal

        Agreed, I live in Boston and she both looks and sounds like a Southie or Dot chick.

    • Ambient Lite

      It’s a COMEDY show…they do exaggerate things for laughs, you know? And I personally loved it.

    • Whaaaaaaa….?

      She sounded GREAT and did a fantastic job.

    • Laura

      I think you missed the point. It was funny BECAUSE it was so overdone. As a Brookline girl, I adored it.

    • Alix

      It was awful! So bad that for the first half of the show I thought she was trying to do an IRISH accent. So bad it was distracting, actually.

    • Delon

      Yep! I’m not American and even i can tell that it was fake.

  • Bill

    Love Julianne Moore too, but thought she laid the Boston accent on a little thick. It sounded too forced. Also, she is very hot looking for someone who graduated HS in 1976. Lookin’ good at 51!

  • BuffyJunkie

    I thought Julianne Moore was great, very funny. I hope she returns for some more eps.

    • Ambient Lite

      So here’s an idea…I remember hearing Matt Damon wanted to do 30 Rock – couldn’t he be one of Nancy’s son? Bring her back and him back with her? We know he can rock a Boston accent!

      • orville

        Considering that she’s only 11 years older than him, I’d say no to the son, but maybe yes to a bratty younger brother.

      • Ambient Lite

        Wow, I thought there was more of an age difference. I was only thinking son because she mentioned traveling with her two sons in the episode.

      • Ambient Lite

        He looks so young, I think I’m still gonna hope they go for something like that.

      • tnsmoke

        Funny you mentioned Matt Damon because when Jack (in his Boston accent) told Nancy she was still a “Southie”, as far as what part of town she was living in, I thought it was a shout out to Alec being Matt Damon’s Irish boss in the very Irish Mob movie “The Departed. Exact accent and “Southies” was what they called some characters.

      • PJ

        Southie is what people call South Boston–it’s not a group of people. And her accent was great. Better than everyone’s in the Departed and Mystic River outside of Damon and Wahlberg.

  • Christi

    The “OMFG” made my night, I’m still laughing about it…as well as “Next you’re going to tell me you’re also blonde and have a urinary tract infection!”

  • Pete

    Julianne Moore was great
    thought she would be saying queer stuff like dressing on the side lol

    • Gustavo

      I think it was honestly blirliant. I didn’t know they were high school kids until Kylie told me. I am really impressed on what I saw because it looks like it was done professionally but it wasn’t. I really like the shots they used and stuff. Like when they were at the tree part that was really cute i guess. I just really enjoyed it and I like that song.Montana

  • orville

    “You know how hard it is to get teenagers up in the morning.”

    “Yes, but not in the way you think.”

    • sparkle the gym bag

      have same prob myself both sexes too…lol

    • Whatever

      That too was hilarious !!

  • Tim

    Stellar episode….

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