'New Moon': A Hater's Guide

Can it really be just a year since, in my previous Hater’s Guide, I compared the then just-released Twilight to “the lamest episode of 90210 […] Read the full post.

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  • Jax

    I worked in a bookstore in 2008. I survived ‘The Host’, the ‘Breaking Dawn’ release party where I lost my voice and most of my sanity trying to talk to screaming tween TwiHards and the marketing campaign for ‘Twilight’. One night a group of women walked into the store with a life sized cutout of Rob Pattinson that they had taken to their eighth viewing of movie and stood up beside them while they watched. I am all Twilight-ed out, and there’s still two (maybe three) movies to go. I’m reaching for the scotch just thinking about the insanity yet to come.

  • miss us goodbar

    I enjoyed the books. but I refuse to see the movies. It seems like a cult groupie flick. The books drone on also about emotions and dramatize everything to the nth degree. I imagine the movies do the same.

  • Wenz

    SO like I went and watched the New Moon movie last night, because of all the hype and all and I tell you it was apalling. The hype looked better than the moveie itself. The acting was ameture stuff and the story line well BORING. It was certainly long and I was wondering when would we get to the good stuff, honestly.

  • edward

    oh please all of you just relax!!!!!

  • noname

    So someone at EW doesn’t like Twilight and all its offspring? Will this be printed in an issue, even on the cover? Or will EW manage to crap out a couple more covers devoted to this puke fest this year to earn their payoff from the studio? Better hurry – only what, six weeks left?

    • crispy

      Clark Collis has already cleared out his desk and been escorted from the building.

      • BilbrosB4Hos

        Not before he deleted my post. I guess the EW staff is diverse after all when it comes to their slant regarding the Twilight series.

    • Keith

      Don’t worry in 6 weeks “New Moon” promotion will end and then “Eclipse” promotion will begin!!! :(

  • B

    I would rather girls read these books, than not read at all. Lets put the situation into perspective, it is about VAMPIRES it is fictional, just like harry potter and lord of the rings is. Lets move on and find something else equally pointless to complain about.

    • Skip182

      Please tell me you didn’t just compare The Lord of the Rings to Twilight.

      • BilbrosB4Hos

        I smell a dork throwdown brewing…

    • JackBauerEnthusiast!

      Please tell me you didn’t just compare Harry Potter AND LOTR to twilight. Repulsive.

    • Lynn

      The difference is that Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings actually promote moral fortitude, friendship, bravery, sacrifice, “fighting the good fight” and the importance of free will and human imperative over some pre-determined “destiny.” Does Twilight have ANY of that? not to mention that HP and LOTR are actually well-written.
      Why do the two choices have to be “Girls read nothing” or “Girls read Twilight”? Why can’t there be a third option: “Girls read actual quality books”?

  • WTF

    The young girls who are crazy about these books will likely grow up to be even worse versions of the adult women who are crazy about them. Disappointed and empty that they haven’t found their soul mate, the love of their life. There’s no such thing. You have to work at love and relationships.

  • Heather2

    RFLMAO at almost every comment on here. You guys take this way too seriously.

    Twilight is supposed to be fun escapism. Nothing more. It is a guilty pleasure. And for some of you to read into it as much as you are, is laughable.

    I have a sense of humor about the whole thing. “Sparkly” vampires, even I laugh at that. “Shirtless” men, yeah, hilarious.

    But taking it to the extremes of bringing up anti feminist and sexist arguments is ridiculous.

    It’s Twilight. Do I need to repeat that? It’s Twilight. Fiction.

    Teenage girls need to learn morals and values from their parents, not from movies and books.

    We read the Bible, Paradise Lost, and Romeo and Juliet, but oh those are fine because they are considered art and untouchable.

    I will repeat: it is Twilight. Not even most of the fanbase take it this seriously.

    • Zoey

      It’s ROFLMAO. If you want to use slang, use it right. And even though it is fiction, it can still influence people. As silly as it sounds, some people get their notions of romance and relationships from fiction because there aren’t people around to set them straight. And these are TEEN GIRLS. They are insane. I would know, as I’m 17 myself. They worship this series like it’s some kind of romance Bible and if they just find their Edward then life will be perfect. I see it every day at school. Some people are just that deluded.

    • M

      Edward Cullen is controlling, and Bella is a perennial damsel in distress. When so many teenagers look up to this weak, pathetic girl, it’s an issue.

      Maybe for some it’s nothing more than a guilty pleasure, but as a teenage girl who is surrounded by the Twilight insanity, you must trust me when I say that a lot of girls take this series very seriously.

      The fact that the main character essentially can’t survive without her man is a really bad message to send to impressionable teenage girls.

    • dlk

      Heather, I agree with you here. People on both sides seem to be taking it WAY too seriously. “No talking about politics, religion, or Twilight at dinner!!” (More polarization on EW posts these days than other political sites etc. Kinda amusing when you think about it.)

      • Heather2

        Thanks, I’m glad that some got my point. :)

    • crispy

      I’m sorry Heather, but that is truly one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read about this whole Twilight debate. Since the dawn of the written word, fictional books have influenced people and shaped the world. To suggest that the misogynistic themes in Twilight have no impact on its readers is laughably naive.

    • @Heather2

      First off, for being someone who usually tells haters to go somewhere else on EW’s Twihard-friendly “articles,” just posting on this topic at all makes you a laughable hypocrite.
      Second, only an incredibly naive person would think that fiction has no influence. Uncle Tom’s Cabin? The Jungle? The Grapes of Wrath? Except those books promoted serious social awareness, while Twilight is basically telling idiot teenage girls that their lives should be secondary to a man’s.
      Third, I have an incredibly difficult time believing that the average Twihard has ever heard of John Milton, much less read him.

  • Sean S.

    I don’t want my vampires neutered. I liked the dark forbidden draw of the vampire culture pre-Twilight. The monster who’s sexuality/sensuality would lure his/her victims and who’s hunger would reveal him/her. Maybe someone should write a book about the misunderstood shark that sucks all the fear out of “Jaws” also. On second thought…don’t!! You’ve already sucked the drama and fear; and nearly killed one classic movie “monster”. Don’t ruin any others.

    • BilbrosB4Hos

      This is my favorite hater debate. That the vampires aren’t right, aren’t real enough, don’t meet my expectations for what a vampire is supposed to be.
      Your vampires are as ficticious as mine!

      • Heather2

        Did I mention that I love you? You and I are so on the same wavelength.

  • Megg

    I don’t really mind if people like Twilight and if they get enjoyment out of it, that’s great, but I know it’s not for me. I need a heroine who is not completely pathetic.

  • noam

    i’ve never read the books, but got stuck watching twilight on dvd with my stepsister the other night. having seen robert pattinson in harry potter and kristen stewart in into the wild, i assumed the complaints about the acting were total exaggerations, but found myself totally mistaken. the ten-year old bella who came trick-or-treating at my house this year was a thousand times more emotive…and the directing was god-awful, tons of pointless shots and illogical cuts. i’ve heard new moon is better, but that’s not really saying anything…

  • allabsnosubstance

    why do women hate angelina jolie so much? at least she kicks ass in her films. isn’t that empowering?

    • i’m a lady

      She steals other women’s husbands. Not exactly girl power.

      • so am i

        You can’t steal a husband. He has to want to go.

      • Heather2

        To so am i,
        Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!!

  • haterade

    You’re my new favorite person. Stay strong, because I’m with you. Twilight is weak.

  • Christy

    I watched the first movie and then read all the Twilight books. The movie was good but not great to me and I enjoyed the books. Bella may not be the strongest frmale character ever but we’ve seen worse. One point I’ve never seen any one else make is that maybe all the young girls who love Twilight like the fact that it is more romantic than sexual in the first few books because that is so different then most of what is in movies about people their age. We hear in the news and on Oprah about all the adult things 12 year old girls may be doing these days- maybe some of them like the idea that it doesn’t have to be that way. Just a thought.

    • allabsnosubstance

      girls like a lot of crap. why would women like it though? women in their mid 20’s, 30’s and 40’s? I can understand wanting to see some hugh grant love story but this?

      • BilbrosB4Hos

        I happen to think the series (let’s say the books) is more provoking that any Hugh Grant BS movie.

  • The First Twilight movie hater

    I loved the books of Twilight. Mainly Twilight. I hated the movie Twilight, terrible acting, terrible ‘special’ effects, terrible writing, etc. I was excited about Breaking Dawn too, but that book sucked. It was like once the movies came out and Twilight got popular it became the worst series ever. I thought the acting in New Moon was better than Twilight. But Robert Pattinson has no acting skills and Edward is supposed to look like an angel. I wanted them to make Twilight into a movie when I first read the book, but now I wish Twilight had never been put on the big screen.
    Now, I’m sorry to compare it to Twilight…but Harry Potter was a well written book in the first place, then came the movies which were lead by 12 year olds. Even they were better at acting then the whole cast of Twilight combined. I’m sorry to say this to people that made the film. But Rob!!! GET SOME ACTING LESSONS!

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