'New Moon': A Hater's Guide

Can it really be just a year since, in my previous Hater’s Guide, I compared the then just-released Twilight to “the lamest episode of 90210 […] Read the full post.

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  • strickens_girl

    I read the first 4 chapters of the first book and nearly threw the thing away. I would have if I had purchased it. It was awful – like it had been written by a 12 year old girl. Then I watched the movie on youtube for the lulz because I refused to pay real money to see it, even on DVD. I won’t even bother with this tripe. You couldn’t pay me enough to go.

    • jrm

      How insulting to 12 year olds!

    • JackBauerEnthusiast!

      This is an honest story…when I first read the books I thought the author was 15 years old. That’s why I kept reading them despite the lame storyline and bad grammar, because I LITERALLY thought she was 15. I think somewhere along the way I got the twilight series mixed up with the Eragorn series (who’s author was about 17 when he wrote the books) and I thought Stephenie was a teenage girl. I didn’t find out that it was a 30 year old woman until Breaking Dawn was about to come out and all the hoopla started. That’s the ONLY reason I finished those books. I thought they had been written by a teenage girl and I wanted to give her the benefit of a doubt.

      • Rae

        But did you enjoy the story until you found out the author’s true age? I didn’t say did you like her writing, but did you like the story? Big difference. You most have liked the story to continue to read the books. So what the author is 30, stand up for what you like! Don’t bash it now!

      • JackBauerEnthusiast!

        “Enjoy” is not the term I would use to describe my experience. I was “amused.” I was literally thinking, “Is the author serious?” I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the Harry Potter fan fiction-“My Immortal,” but that’s what came to mind when I was reading twilight. The way the author goes on and on about unnecessary details like what Bella’s wearing. It’s okay to do it once to give us an idea of her style, but she does it every single time. The whole time I was reading the books I was just waiting for the author to get to the POINT! It was a whole lot of pointless nothing. It was such a waste of time and paper. She wrote 4 books and all that happened was they met, they broke up, they got engaged, and then they got married and had a little weird vamp baby. It was completely ridiculous. I actually enjoyed fanfic more because I got a good laugh out of it.

  • tvwatcher

    if you watch television how can you not be sick of this movie already. my favorite actor is daniel day lewis. if he were on every show all day everyday i would be annoyed. that would never happen though because he is a real actor. not a media hyped airbag.

  • crispy

    Dude! I appreciate the effort, but this “guide” was weak sauce! You gotta at least mention the misogynistic beat that runs throughout these books… all based on Stephanie Meyers’ Mormon upbringing. The far too coincidental comparisons to earlier books like Sookie Stackhouse and The Vampire Diaries. As well as the 4th grade reading level. The Duran Duran slam, however, was a nice touch.

    • AaronT

      Crispy, I have to agree with you. Literally everything about this series is derivative of something done better by someone else, and this is the weakest female heroine EVER in a genre typically dominated by strong women. Even Mina Harker could stand up for herself better than Bella.

      • Rae

        Why do people continue to call Bella a heroine? She didn’t become a heroine until the last book. She wasn’t meant to be a heroine. She’s in love for the first time in her life with someone that’s not human. She’s not meant to be so strong, assertive and aggressive like a girl who is not in love with a vampire. Quite honestly, if Bella would have behaved like a totally confident, self assured teenager with all of the right moves, the story would not have been beliveable at all. Real teenager girls know that real boys don’t act like this, because the characters are FICTIONAL!

  • lucky

    Twilight is auctually really good, if you give a chance to read the books, they are really good, true the twilight movie sucked… im a twi-hard… but new moon was absolutely amazing.. they couldent have done anything better…

  • Holly

    on newsarama.com they said the acting in the movie was so wooden it could float, in the acting department, which is funny. all my friends like twilight i don’t get it i mean anne rice is so much better. thats just me

  • Pisces228

    There is such a variety of entertainments in this world, it shouldn’t matter if someone else loves what you hate. Find something that YOU love, dive in, and leave the hating at the door. Life’s too short for such negative emotions.

    I love the Twilight series. And the Vampire Diaries . . . and Tru Blood . . . It’s all good fun, not to be taken as seriously as haters seem to take it. Just because something doesn’t appeal to you doesn’t mean you have to go on the attack. Take the high road and just let it go. Life’s a banquet.

    • 0dd1

      I respect that you feel that way. Now try telling that to the very vocal psychotic members of the fandom (e.g.: that one girl who threw acid into someone’s eyes because the person told her she didn’t like the series).

      • R


      • Samantha

        Odd..you actually believe the acid/stabbing with a protractor incident reported on Twilight Sucks? Can you produce a police report or a news clip on it? Until then I am calling that story what it is…a story.

    • Em

      I also respect your opinion, but I don’t think you’ve clicked on the right article. Whenever Twi-Haters (and I’m a diehard one) show up on the pro-Twilight threads they get told (rightfully so) to get the heck out and not read articles they’re obviously not interested in. The same should hold for Twi-hards who crash a thread called “New Moon: A Hater’s Guide”. Let us hate in peace, as oxymoronic as that sounds.

      • Jacquie

        Thank you. Not everyone likes Twilight although we certainly can’t avoid it. It doesn’t matter how the movie is reviewed because the Twi-lovers are subject to some sort of mass hysteria.

      • Devo22

        Ha! Very good grasshopper! I am a total Twilight fan and do very little blogging…I’d forgotten what site I happened upon. I feel the same way you do…about Harry Potter, the media killed it for me!

    • lisa

      Thank you for saying what alot of us our thinking. There has to be something about Twilight that people are interested in or they wouldn’t keep talking about it negative or not. Yes some of the acting was funny and some was great. But I ask you, If you were a vampire and fell in love with a human how would you act?

      • yahooserious

        are you serious? if so like bill on true blood.

      • Devo22

        I have read the Sookie Stackhouse books, as well as Anne Rice and Robin Mckinley’s “Sunshine”…While I enjoy them, I personally wouldn’t want thirteen year old girls to read about the relationship between Sookie and Bill…biting her every time he climaxes…talk about a weak female. She has to take iron pills to survive the frequency of his bites. Mind you, I love that series as well…but I am an adult (by law at least)! :)

    • Devo22

      Loved your post…as a high school English teacher with some students who don’t know “there” from “their”, or “father” from “farther”…I agree with the “life’s a banquet” comment. If you don’t like the broccoli don’t put it on our plate! My students, male and female, black/white/asian/hispanic, gay/straight, pessimists/optimists, are READING. And many of them typically choose urban novels that show “real life”: drug dealers, pimps, infidelity, promiscuous behavior and illegitimacy…Atleast Twilight has decently written high school level vocabulary and grammar and a better message than “THe Dopeman’s Wife” and “HOtlanta”! Has anyone read “Push” by Sapphire, of which the movie “Precious” was just released? Well,that is what my 16 year old students choose to read. Trust me, the Twilight series is far better for them (moral and value wise especially!

      • Devo22

        That last reply was for you. And I meant “your plate” as in everyone out there who hates the series :)

        Another thing…our Creative Writing club hosted a “New Moon” party after school and 192 students who barely have enough money to buy lunch, paid $1 or donated their time for a ticket to attend! If anything, the books offer plenty of room for discussion topics and largely deal with cultural (werewolf vs. vampire) tolerance!

        THanks again for your POV!

      • Pisces228

        Devo22, thank you for your comments. I am so glad to hear that your students are reading and enjoying it. Even if the material is questionable, the very fact that kids are engaged in such a vital activity is huge. I’m so thankful that authors like JK Rowling and Stephenie Meyer, and many others, have come along with stories to share that have grabbed our children’s imaginations enough to pick up book after book after book. My own daughter love’s the silly Wimpy Kid series, and has read the books several times. When she’s older, I’ll have no problem with her reading Twilight, et. al. Cheers!

      • Romantic Fool

        Many moms and teachers agree with you. My sister teaches in a diverse school…Armenian, Korean, Muslims, African-Americans, Christians, gays, emo etc. The beauty of the Twilight Saga is that it is showing what real relationships are about, the levels of love, commitment, consequences, immortality, intimacy without having sex, really knowing and valuing someone and the here-after. The books are being devoured by all ages and genders. There is something special about them that the jaded, “progressives” do not like. After decades of the “feel good do it” mantra, finally a new message is hitting an audience. What are they afraid of? Are the progressives afraid that women may start putting faith,love, marriage and family as a higher priority than career, multiple sex partners and thinking that winding up single and alone is a desirable goal?

        The haters of Twilight are the same ones that smoke joints with their kids and give their sons condoms with a wink. They are cynics and don’t believe that society can be better when its inhabitants are better. In the 50’s, youth was expected to be celibate. They were for the most part. Less shattered dreams and unwanted pregnancies were the result.

        Robert Pattinson has declared himself a celibate devout Catholic on two occasions in video interviews.I believe that this sweet and old-fashioned young man’s candidness may bring being old-fashioned, romantic, morals and celibacy back in style. Of course, the “progressives” will try to destroy him. Let’s not let them. They have gone after Taylor Lautner too ONLY after he stated that he has never been promiscuous and believes in commitment recently. The “progressives” have done enough damage. Enough is enough.

  • Holly

    Clark Collis rules! By the way, love when you write the What To Watch column in EW.

  • Shamrock

    If it was covered ad naseum by EW, I wouldn’t even care about the movie. Everybody has different tastes in movies, but the constant force feeding of two below average movies is ridiculous.

    • Shamrock

      If it wasn’t…

      • crispy

        I have to be honest… that fuels my hatred of it. I would rarely think about or be bothered by Twilight if it wasn’t being forcefed to us by this website, which I used to respect, every 20 minutes.

      • blah…

        Crispy, if you’re bothered by the amount of coverage that EW is giving the series, then why do you still look at it and post on it so regularly? I’m sure you can find something better to do with your time…

      • crispy

        For starters, I did cancel my EW subscription so I don’t waste my time looking at the printed crap anymore. As for the website, there is occasionally good stuff here to read… once you wade thru all the Twi-crap. And finally, if enough of us haters speak up about it, maybe Time Warner will finally realize that promoting an editor from People magazine to run EW was a massive blunder.

      • BilbrosB4Hos

        and crispy probably enjoys the recreational aspect of the banter, just like the rest of us.
        Ugh, I feel kinda dirty now, it’s tough to defend a hater…

    • Mike

      Yes, the Twilight series marked the first time in the magazine’s nearly 20 year history that I felt EW was trying to manufacture a pop culture phenomenon rather than report it . . .

      • Kelsey

        I don’t think it helps that most of the Twilight coverage is online and “reported” (I use the term loosely) on the blogs, which tend to skew younger, both in readership and in who writes them. There are several Twihards on this site (Bierly comes to mind) who may be blog queens but probably couldn’t cut it in actual reporting.

  • jordan b

    twilight is the worst thing that has come to this planet since jon and kate premirered 5 years ago.

    • Zoey

      Amen to that.

    • Julie


  • Al

    I’m sooooo sick of Twilight! And I’m glad to see that I’m not the only person in the world to feel like this.

    It’s over-advertised, I don’t like Stephanie Meyer and I don’t like any of the “stars” of the movie.
    They’re very obnoxious (yes I’m looking at your Kristen). They should be grateful that people are interested in their lives, but instead they go out and get offended when asked if they (Kristen and Pattison) are together or not. Or even worse, they walk out of interviews. What the…??? Who do you think you are? Meryl Streep????? Get some talent first, then you get to be a diva.

    P.S. EW, I would appreciate it if you could dedicate less cover stories to the movie.

    • 0dd1

      I’ll tell you one thing that’ll probably make you happy, though–Stewart and Pattinson don’t even like the series. They’re just doing it for the exposure and the paycheck. And (assumedly) the lulz.

      Although the reason that they probably get offended when asked if they’re dating is because they’re probably asked that at least 100 times on a daily basis. As for Kristen, from what i’ve heard, she values her privacy more than she values being a star. And I say good for her for that.

      • Al

        Hi 0dd1,
        I completely agree with the actors’ right to keep their private lives private WHEN they do mean it.
        What I don’t agree with is the teasing and messing with the media just to get exposure (see what they did at the MTV Movie awards). They know that keeping people guessing keeps them wanting more. Trust me, if the just said they are or they are not an item, people would stop asking.
        I also don’t like Kristen’s pseudo-emo attitude. If the spotlight makes gives her so much angst, just fade into obscurity!

      • Moi

        Agreed. I don’t really know much about their personalities or why they choose to keep everything private, but I really do get the sense that they think the books and movies are awful.

    • Ashlie

      Al-I TOTALLY agree with what you said. It’s OVERRATED!

  • vampires love pms

    lifes a banquet? people are tired of the over saturation of garbage like this on the market. i feel bad for the people who live in small towns with the two or three screen movie house. what they supposed to see paul blart? 2012? faster and furiouser? the misconception that some movies are popular because a subset of the movie going public watch them mutiple times is the problem people have

  • Cris

    I dunno … I saw the trailer for New Moon. I think it looks hilarious. Oh wait … it’s not a comedy?

    • Zoey

      Unfortunately, no.

  • Kisha

    I can’t take credit for this quote it comes from Steve Persall film critic for my local newspaper the St.Petersburg Times( he gave it a C):
    “But You have to admit that ‘New Moon’ is an improvrement over the first ‘Twilight’ flick,which is kind of like saying you pefer e.coli to swine flu.”

    • Zoey


    • Celia

      Love it! Best quote ever!!

  • Pat

    How sad that you have nothing better to do than write a “haters guide”.

    • 0dd1

      Gee, it’s not like he gets paid to write articles for this site or anything -_-

  • M

    I’m a 17 year old girl. I read the first two books because my friends wouldn’t stop raving. They were complete crap. Edward Cullen is a creeper and the fact that so many people think of him as the ideal man is very sad. Bella has no personality. At all. Maybe that’s why so many girls see themselves in her.

    So thank you, Clark. I love PopWatch and I love EW, but the Twilight mania around here and just in general seriously drives me crazy.

    • crispy

      Thank you! You make me feel like there’s hope for the next generation.

      • kp

        Thank god another teenage girl agrees with me i’m 16 and i read the books and hated them there ar3 much better vampire books like interview with a vampire, that book was good, edward is a stalker and way to controlling and the whole teenage angst thing gets really annoying

    • Romantic Fool

      You guys are missing the point of the books and movies. It is a metaphor and a tool to promote contemplation about immortality, souls, waiting for the right person, sexuality, traditional values and love conquering all barriers. Never has a book covered forbidden love, immortality, teen-aged angst and lust, romance and being to not only die for someone but separate yourself from God and your other loved ones. It is very unusual and maybe in a sexed up twisted world, just what is needed.

      • AaronT

        Actually, all these topics HAVE been covered, and better, by earlier writers. I don’t hate the concept of Twilight as much as I hate the execution. I have read/watched and loved nearly every vampire “romance” that exists, and Twilight is the absolute worst. The characters are totally one-dimensional with no development, hundreds of pages go by with nothing happening, and quite frankly the writing style itself is pretty poor. This is a book that might have made a good short story, but should never have grown into a series spanning thousands of pages.

      • crispy

        Oh, good grief! Never has a book covered forbidden love, immortality, teen-aged angst, blah blah blah? Puh-leeze! You need to get to the library ASAP. Those topics have been covered thousands and thousands of time. Hullo? Start with Romeo and Juliet.

      • Devo22

        The sad thing is that a large portion of today’s teenagers cannot understand the language of Romeo and Juliet and will not make the effort to pick up a dictionary. Schools are not the same as they were ten years ago. In a previous post I mentioned the book “Push” by Sapphire…this is they type of story my students “relate” to and I believe Twilight to be a much healthier alternative. The downfall of society comes from the inability of parents to pass on the values of their own generation, to the next. The values in the Twilight series could be a lot worse!

      • Lynn

        “The values in the Twilight series could be a lot worse!”
        I’m sorry, I think they’re plenty terrible enough. Bella has no individual identity outside of Edward. She puts aside her own ambitions for Edward. Edward watches her sleep and sabotages her car. Jacob forces him to kiss her and threatens to kill himself if she doesn’t return his affection. Edward withholds sex “for Bella’s own good.” (I’m not advocating teenage sex, but the message that sex = certain death isn’t healthy, either.) Bella carries a demon spawn at the risk of dying, which would be noble if Edward wasn’t asking Jacob to persuade her to abort (and letting Jacob have sexual access to Bella in return). This also includes Edward abandoning Bella “for her own good” and Bella engaging in risky, borderline suicidal behavior to get Edward’s disembodied voice in her head. Bella also isn’t above taking advantage of Jacob’s crush on her when she needs a shoulder to lean on, and then dumping him the second she has a chance to get Edward back.
        So given all that, what “values” does Twilight promote that are in any way beneficial, healthy or socially responsible?

    • Romantic Fool

      What is your idea of the ideal guy? The book simply points out and opens young people to think about responsibility, waiting for the right person, manners, immortality, putting one’s own desires aside for the sake of another, devotion, true love, how relationships are complicated enough without adding in sex, unexpected pregnancy, heartbreak, STD’s and the perils of becoming obsessed and depressed.

      There has not been a book (movie adaptation) that has caused so much attention and debate in a very, very long time. It is aimed at young people and yet appeals to all ages, horror and romantic genre enthusiasts. It has caused people to think about souls and immortality. Is it better to write about pregnant girls, clap, welfare moms and girls being emotionally and physically screwed over? Is that the message we want our young people to be thinking is ok?

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