Nov 16 2009 07:01 AM ET

Réalité: Sex problems on 'SYTYCD,' robots on 'DWTS,' dolphins on 'Top Chef,' and canine poses on 'Top Model'

Another week of reality television, another week of out-of-control vomiting. Aaron Carter tasted bile on Dancing With the Stars, fabulous guest judge Nigella Lawson fought the urge to hurl on Top Chef, and poor Carol Hannah dropped to her knees and worshiped the porcelain goddess on Project Runway. And while there was no overt tossing of the cookies on So You Think You Can Dance and America’s Next Top Model, both shows left my stomach in questionable condition after Mollee and Nathan tried to bring teen sex to vivid, horrible life on the former, and Nicole wasn’t automatically declared the winner before the season finale on the latter. Press play below for our entire four-part rundown (Runway doesn’t get an entire segment this week, because we question its taste level), then share your opinions in the comments section below. We promise there’ll be talk of bull castration, homemade dog food, ’70s pornstaches, and congressional-intern scandals. (No, Réalité is not NC-17. Good thing the MPAA doesn’t recognize we exist.) Oh, and if you’d be so kind (and you’re into the whole reality TV thingie), do follow me on Twitter @EWMichaelSlezak. Thanks!

Comments (1-30) of 69 Add your comment

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  • Tim G. (@rural_juror)

    Woohoo! You’re back!

  • Ken

    2nd!

  • Terri

    I know! Where have you guys been? I totally wanted your take on SYTYCD last week. Don’t leave us again!! *S*

  • sara

    agreed! no more leaving us!

    • Daemen Williams Sr.

      no,no,no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Stacy

    I love the videos!!! But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE…nobody cares about Top Model. Anyway to do a different show??? Anything but that show. It’s painful!!

    • Julia

      It’s almost the season finale, so just hang on for one more week!

    • niki

      I love the Top Model segment! The show (Tyra) is so over the top, it needs a good smack back down to reality. These recaps are hilarious!

      • Jennifer

        Agreed! Keep Top Model! It’s the funniest bit in the espisodes.

    • Kyle

      I don’t watch Top Model, but the other segments are so good I stick around to watch the Top Model part. That show is awful. Beyond useless.

    • TOPMODELFANNN

      Ummm your wrong! plenty of ppl watch top model including me! sorry, that comment just got to my nerves!

  • bubba

    Hahaha! So funny! I don’t even watch all these shows, but watching you make fun of them always makes my night!

  • D

    The Cindy Brady as Molly snippets had me rolling! I was laughing out loud those comparisons were so funny!

  • HAH

    Thank you. Molle=Cindy Brady, genius. I can only hope Jen is tricking us and is going to make an awesome comeback. But if she doesn’t, then I would love for Kevin to win Top Chef. Thank you for giving us a new episode of Réalité.

    • D

      I think they were reading the comments in the recap-someone said Mollee was a combination of all three Brady girls and I said she was CINDY all the way. Love the clips they used to illustrate though!

  • heLLo

    I loveeed the nicole appreciation <3
    You guys should do survivor! :D

  • Wes

    Ok, who edits this show? Whoever you are, I freaking LOVE YOU for the Top Chef segment (since it’s the only reality show I watch).

    I really hope Jen makes a comeback. Really, really hope so.

    • sbwm

      I think it is Jason Averett – but not sure – he is a producer and also does the AI Slezak videos – Idolotry. But not sure. Deserved much credit whoever it is!

      • Cookie

        “Jennifer FTDCW!! :P Slezak!”
        I can’t wait for RealitE every week!

  • AK

    “She like learned her Spanish at Chile’s.”

    Oh my god, that was hilarious!

  • Alan of Montreal

    Jennifer was ripped off on Top Model, man! She won last week’s challenge for crying out loud! And what the hell were they thinking with comparing Laura to Rachel Hunter? People, get some glasses!

  • Alan of Montreal

    I’m also surprised they didn’t talk about Nigel’s outbursts on SYTYCD. I would’ve loved to hear their opinions!

  • Scott

    NICOLE MUST WIN TOP MODEL!!!!!!And I agree about that not being her best photo that was picked. If she does not win I am done with this show, because I am sick of the best girls never winning.

  • kat

    Too funny! Mollee as Cindy Brandy = laughing out loud! Love Realite !!

  • Terry

    So glad you are back and the Mollee as Cindy Brady…brilliant, just brilliant. I love it!!

  • sbwm

    Yay You’re Back!!!!

  • Cami

    Project Runway: we’ve heard Nina carry on about the issue of taste, then we actually see poor Carol Hannah vomiting into the toilet? Carol Hannah should have vomited all over that videographer. That was tasteless, rude, and unnecessary.

  • Renee

    I am resisting taking my dislike away from Ashlee and Ryan…they deserve it too much for pimping their marriage. Off the show with the both of them! And Karen is raunchy, not sexy, which is annoying.

  • Annie

    Love this – you rack me up. But also have to state who watches Top Model?? Stop covering it and give us more from the other shows!!

    • iluvmydvr

      I watch ANTM! And cheesy, terrible as it is, I love that Realitie covers this show! Thank you! Thank you!

  • Elsa

    Thank you for being back! Don’t leave us again!

    • D

      They should have covered last week as well.

  • LP

    Love, love the show but so bummed you didn’t even mention Legacy’s improvement on SYTYCD and the fear dance from last week!

  • Kerri

    Oh my goodness, Michael. How did I not pick up on the Mollee=Cindy Brady thing before now? That was so funny. Excellent comparison. Or should I say, “Muybueno!!!!”

  • Marilyn

    So funny. And Idol is coming soon, so that will be fun.

  • Julia

    I’m so glad you’re back, Realite, but all the segments seemed really short considering you were gone for 2 weeks!

  • Angelina

    tune in to gossip girl tonight to watch bad romance…

    most amazing music video ever:

  • CBB

    I heart Michael Slezak.

    • Mil0

      I agree! He’s my heart fave!! (And Jessica, too!)

  • coco

    OMG this was hilarious. I watch top chef ad top model and my favorite parts where:
    If kevin shaves his beard he will turn into Robin….and then the clip of them sitting right next to each other

    Also Lauren modeling compared to a dog peeing on a fire hydrant_ SO TRUE!

    Please keep making fun of shows. Now on a serious note I believe the they sabotage Nicole, that was not her best shot!
    And kevin for the win, love him!

  • pt

    Love Karen on SYTYCD!!!!! She is damn good but not arrogant. Mollee and Nathan are just way toooo childish/immature.

  • RubyBaby

    I don’t watch ATNM anymore – no need – as The Soup and Realite gives me all I need to know…but as soon as I spotted that “picture” that your Model segment opened on, I thought “bet this ‘deer caught in headlights’ shot gets compared to Rachel Hunter”…and it did. So sad I can sucked in that way to caring again.

    Keep up the good work, and if there is not going to be a Realite every week(heaven forbid) can you just let us know it’s coming back on and just not fading away…Ta.

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