As I mentally prepare for tonight’s penultimate performance episode of the 100,000th season of Dancing With the Stars, I can’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed. Sure, the flu bug that loves to infiltrate spray-tanned bodies did heighten the drama for some weeks, the costumes were as garish/awesome as ever, and Samantha Harris has hit every jewel tone in Aladdin’s cave, but the season has been lacking in important areas. I’ve narrowed it down to three: 1. Over-the-top desperation of Stars; 2. WOW! performances and/or total wipeouts; 3. Colossally inappropriate song/dance combos. We’ve seen some evidence of each (especially 3.), but now that Aaron Carter’s gone, Donny Osmond, Mya, Kelly Osbourne, and Joanna Krupa really need to ramp it up tonight. I have faith in Lord Mirrorballus that it’ll happen, especially since tonight is typically the episode in which Len Goodman’s DANCMSTR vanity plate makes its once-a-season appearance.
How would you rank season 9 on a scale of Merely Ridiculous (1) to Perfect 10 Stuffed Shells With Ridiculata Cheese (10)? I’d call it about a 3 or 4, or “mild pesto gouda.” Also, vote below for who will go home, and come back for my recap tomorrow morning or DANCMSTR will have his assistant have his limo driver take you out.