'Real Housewives of O.C.' recap: The girls return

Oh God, Gretchen’s laugh is back. Why did I never realize how much she sounds like the pregnant Playmate before? But she wasn’t just laughing on last night’s season premiere. There were some tears as well, as she described her cycles of grief since her beloved fiance Jeff’s death six months ago. Clutching her exercise ball for comfort, counseling her mini-dogs through their own pain, she was a lost and broken woman. Garage sale, woot! And then there was Slade, sitting smugly atop the motorcycle Jeff gave her last season. “I truly think Jeff brought me Slade,” said Gretchen. This despite the fact that she’d earlier said that she’d met Slade, who well knows his way around the augmented O.C. population, eight years ago.

In other news: Simon and Tamra are possibly going broke. Lynne and whatever her husband’s name is are definitely going broke. Jeana is just broke broke. Vicki is still sitting on a pound of dough. Donn even bought her a pretty ring, which Vicki likes because it’s six carats. The two seem to have regained their marital footing which makes me genuinely happy. Donn has always struck me as a good egg. I dare say Vicki is my favorite Housewife, despite her ogre-like bossiness and constant smothering.

At the staged dinner party—under the guise of showcasing Lynne’s burgeoning cuff line—Tamra and Gretchen didn’t make it through the salad course before lacing into each other. This one’s a whore, that one’s a hooker. Jeana, the only Housewife who hadn’t yet gotten the memo that candy-colored ruched dresses were so O.C. season 2,  just wanted to eat y’all. As the blondes hurled mud across the table, she was sneaking her fork onto Gretchen’s plate. “Um, if you’re not going to eat your macaroni…”

I’d say the line of the evening went to Tamra when she was discussing some of Gretchen’s dopey pictures on the Internet: “Holy mother of gynecology, who has a vibrator with a chord?!” The only problem though is I’m guessing she’d been work-shopping that line all hiatus.

In scenes from the upcoming season Slade shows up more than I would like. (And by that I mean he shows up at all.) In one shot he calls the other ladies “jealous beeotches” (people still use that word?) while desperately sucking in his spray-tanned, shirtless stomach. That man is a walking Valtrex ad.

And for those who prefer to keep their Housewives intake to an hour a day, let me quickly recap the second hour of the Atlanta reunion for you: Dwight spread the message of penile implant acceptance, Lisa bragged about being friends with Tyler Perry, Kim rolled her eyes a few more times at Andy. Oh, and then this happened.

I love Andy Cohen’s expression around 2:00. He hates her so much.

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  • Rachel

    I’m glad Bravo and the housewives are admiting to financial difficulty. I’m sorry they are experiencing it but so is most of the country. I think if Tamara wants to save her marriage, she should stop the show. She is obviously acting like a child to compete with Gretchen who as Jeana mentioned is single with no kids and at least 10 years younger.

    • ccf815

      I totally agree about Tamra, I think her husband watched last season and is disgusted. I can’t help but like Gretchen, not sure why and I hope Jeana doesn’t leave, I really like her.

      • SLM from Orange, CA

        Jeana is only in about the first 3 eps, according to our local paper (and yes, they actually report on the house sale attempts, eviction notices, plastic surgery reports, in the OC Register. OK, the plastic surgery ‘report’ is a bit of an exxageration, lets just say there was an article where a PS rated and offered ‘suggestions’ to the OC Housewives. This is a regular weekly column that also once slammed Gretchen as a hypocrite for saying she didnt have implants while they hypothosized she may have facial or other enhancements.) The ‘new’ housewife (Alexis?) should appear next week…

    • tanika

      No Gretchen is 20 yrs younger than ALL of them! They don’t want to admit it but o well. And she’s all natural! They can’t stand that! LAY off the botox you plastic, manic-an, looking beoootches! OMG KIM is f’n horrible! I just had to throw that in. LOL! She is sooo not 30! unless she has horrible jeans! Just admit you’re a 40 yr old home wrecker!

  • Millie

    Wow! Wow! Wow! I have no expectations of these women; they’re not my friends, afterall. But my mouth was literally hanging open while I watched them at the staged dinner party. They hate each other. They must be in desperate need of money to put themselves through such an ongoing miserable experience. And apparently Jeana is leaving the show … ? That would be too bad, although she seems like a car-wreck waiting to happen. She’s stress-eating, and it’s showing.

  • Sarah T.

    Ick-not a Vicki fan at all. I’m glad her and her husband are making it work (seriously, my mouth was agape when I heard her admit that maybe it wasn’t all about her and her love tank) but can she be any cattier to the rest of the girls? Her and Jeana used to be good friends and now she just bad mouths her. She obviously doesn’t like Lynne or Gretchen so the only one she friends with (for now) is Tamra who also needs to learn to LET THINGS GO. Why the heck does she care what Gretchen does on her downtime? And it seems fairly obvious that Tamra is only friends with Lynne now so they can gain another one on their team against Gretchen. Seriously girls, grow up. And yet, I keep watching… :-)

    • Lynette

      I agree Tamra needs to let things go. It isn’t anybody’s business whom Gretchen chooses to date/sleep with. If she likes to date old men with money, that is her preference and her problem. I think that Tamra has distaste for Gretchen because Tamra’s father probably dated a young woman, etc. The stupid thing is that Tamra (and Vicki) thinks it is her mission to show the world how “bad” a person Gretchen is, and she is doing the opposite by picking on her for things that the audience does not see. Tamra, learn to let it go and let Gretchen’s actions speak for herself. We don’t need you to interpret or tell us what is going on behind the scenes because you are obviously not doing a good job at it. Focus on your husband and kids!

      • dani

        Co-sign! Tamara wants people to hate Gretchen, but I could care less who she sleeps with or what pictures are put on the internet. That broad is single now. She doesn’t want us to believe that she loved Jeff. Tamara, “whatacare?” Tamara hated Gretchen from the beginning – Gretchen could become a nun and Tamara would have a problem with it. And did she really bash her for having a cord on the vibrater? Come on. Focus on your controlling husband and your misguided older son. I feel sorry for Jeana though. Vicki just cut her loose to drown, I don’t think Vicki respects Jeanna because she was really kind of a doormat last season. The way she let her son and ex-husband disrespect her. And Jeanna’s friend, the “renter” in Vicki’s house. This year is going to be interesting.

  • Sanjay

    Vicki looks like a Who from the live action Grinch movie.

    • Lynny


      • Lynette

        I second that!

  • Patrick

    After that lame-ass reunion show, I’m starting to believe the rumor that, according to Kim’s ex-publicist’s Twitter account, the housewives were tight-lipped on purpose.

    The rumor goes that Real Housewives of Atlanta is going into syndication, but that the cast is not going to receive any extra compensation from syndicated airings of the show. So they’re pissed, and they sat at the reunion for eight hours and were mostly civil and reasonable, in order to punish King Gay Andy Cohen and the rest of the folks at Bravo.

    • Mara

      I was wondering why they were so subdued and cordial. Interesting rumor.

  • april- orlando fl

    i want my atl housewifes back

  • CanCan

    All of these housewives are pathetic!

  • hill

    It’s so funny that no one will say that these catty women are a disgrace to the the white community…oh hey….only African Americans and a wigged hooker bare the cross to represent the whole race when they’re on TV; anyways, the OC housewives are hard to relate to because they don’t really do anything. Maybe it’s because I live in the area, but they don’t really bring anything new to the table. There is so much to do in L.A./OC area and they only visit houses and go to local parties.

  • Kim

    Love the column, but please be superior to the housewives by using correct spelling–“cord” not “chord” (it had to be said)

  • Mrs Hannigan

    So glad to see other communities up in arms! I’m a south OC native, and while visiting other places was ashamed to say where I came from! Now that other communities have had “representatives” in a show, they understand that the people shown have absolutely no connection to “real” people that live in the area. The women shown on the OC Housewives have absolutely no class, which proves the old adage that you can’t buy class, you have to be raised with it.

  • Martyaz

    Tamara is going thru her getting old crisis and should leave Gretchen alone and concentrate on her own life. Vicki tries to act superior to the rest but she is only a control freak who also needs to let go of her adult kids. Jeana just looked plain sad and what did she do with all the money she made in? All of these people seemed to live in the now and forgot they had real responsibilites.

  • Classic

    In reading the blogs and message board on Bravo about the Real Housewives of Atlant, there was so much criticizm about them going broke and loosing their homes. They were discribe has having shady business dealings, being fake about how much money they have and people were constantly posting government website as proof of their going broke. However, the OC women seem to be just as broke and I don’t see them getting as much critizm as the black Atlanta houswives. How come I don’t see any government website posting of them loosing their houses. Jeana is going broke and loosing her house and so is Tamra and other housewives. It really bothered me because it seem like in order for black people to have money they need to have shady business dealings or be drug dealers. However, I always wondered were the OC Housewives got ther money. They didn’t seem like Donald Trump rich and most of them had regular job like Vickie who sales Life Insurance.

    • wendy12

      they did have something about Lynn on one site I read awhile ago but not Jeanna yet.

    • CHERI

      The OC Register reports often on the housewives financial and legal woes. They were all over Lynn losing her house and Jeana too.

      • SLM from Orange, CA

        yeah they actually went to Lynns house when they were supposed to be evicted (the NEWSPAPER, not the show!) and complained a little when nothing happened.

    • SLM from Orange, CA

      PS: except for Vicki (insurance) they all do real estate… Jeana Tamra and Gretchen all sell houses, and real estate is really having a bad time right now. Jo worked at Countrywide home loans (which had its own issues) which is I think how Jeana knew Jo & Slade. Real estate. So they are gonna run into money issues…

    • Sweetness

      There are many posts on Bravo Message Boards about the Housewives of OC similar to those you saw about Atlanta. They are just as detailed if not more than the postings about the Atlanta wives. You need to look at the postings from the end of last season. They were detailed and updated right until the new thread was opened last week for this season. There you will find the dated court house type links detailing the OC wives and families. There are also links to the OC register posted on those threads.

  • Deb

    Watched OC Housewives, Tamra needs to get off Gretchen’s case; who made her the morality police? Gretchen is single, who she see or whatever is not Tamara’s business and I thought it was in very bad taste for Bravo to show some of the pictures (with little stars covering anything of course). She seems to be very jealous of Gretchen because of her age and the fact that she isn’t going broke. I lived in Orange County for 18 years and never met women like these. They are not representative of real housewives; just as all the other show’s (don’t you have to be married to be a housewife?) At least these women are more honest about their money issues than other shows.

  • hannah

    Sad to be seeing Jeana go, she is the realest. She calms everyone down. Tamra has room to talk about trash, hello? Her son is a loser and she gets drunk w/ him and encouraged him to make Gretchen cheat. She probably used her body to land Simon and she’s just jealous a newer model is in the showroom. Even if Gretchen is the worst person in the world, Tamra’s mission is backfiring BIG time. Gretchen probably did date Jeff for the money but you have to understand that “sugar daddies” like this arrangement. He was smart enough to know he’s not going to land Gretchen w/o bringing something to the table. So as much as she’s a gold digger, he was a hot, blonde digger. He knew the score, so whatever, Tamra. Have fun visiting you’re son in jail. That’s so classy. I hope Simon and Gretchen get married. Besides Tamra is always the one talking about sex, showing off her body, etc. She’s so obvious.

  • Classic

    Lisa and NeNe have been honest about thier money issues. The show even show Lisa and her Husband thinking about moving to their old small house and she said because of his injury thier finances weren’t the same. Nene said in an interview that her husband were having financial problems and so did Sheree. The show started with Sheree talking about moving because her husband didn’t give her what they had agreed to in the divorce. They just got more critize for having financial issues then some of these other housewives seem to be getting.

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