Nov 5 2009 10:00 AM ET

'Modern Family': The five best lines from last night's episode, 'En Garde'

Categories: Modern Family, TV Recap

So I’m (technically) on vacation today, and my colleague Ken Tucker is handling recap duties for last night’s Manny-centric Modern Family. Click here to check out his take, but in the interim, I had to share my five favorite lines from “En Garde.” In descending order (drumroll please) they are:5) “I saw a ghost.” –Luke, failing to help Phil seal the deal on his real-estate sale

4) “Cam, no!” (needs no explanaysh)

3) “Haley is so pretty. So she can meet someone who’s the best at something.” –Phil, pondering his not-so-bright daughter’s future

2) Gloria explaining Manny’s natural aptitude for fencing: “It’s in his blood. His father was a master swordsman. He was an artist with his sword! I mean, the way he throws the sword, I mean, he was legendary.”

1) “I’m fairly confident that Dad’s proudest moment was when you finally took off the flame-red unitard.” –Claire, discussing the end of Mitchell’s skating career

What did you think of last night’s show? Did I miss anyone’s favorite quips? Then by all means, share below!

Comments (1-30) of 73 Add your comment

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  • Sue too

    “I didn’t have a trophy in my house…until THIS one!”

  • shonna

    Cameron to Mitchell: “you did it – you managed to make figure skating sound gayer”.

    • shonna

      And:

      Cameron to Mitchell: “hurtful and bubbly”

    • Dug

      Absolutely loved Cam’s … “Wow, you did it …..gayer” line… I had to stop tivo and laugh for a couple of minutes….

  • Anne

    “Who puts wheels on a crib?”

    • Via

      This was my fav too! Mainly because after he said he had some major ‘crazy eyes’ going on. Clearly a sore spot for poor Cam, lol

    • Anne

      We rewound it three times just to see the eye movement. Absolutely hilarious.

  • TheObserver

    Fire and Nice!
    oh…and Alex….I love that kid, reminds me of myself. Rub it on your hair……

    • Harry

      “I was ‘fire’, because of my red hair, and Claire was ‘nice’ because she wasn’t, and it was ironic” best line!

  • RK

    “I’m charging my IPod”

  • Rich

    Not lines, per se, but the whole build up to Manny’s fencing final was the funniest thing I’ve seen on a sitcom in ages. “Are you going to take her out for ice cream afterwards?” “We can’t; she’s diabetic.” “Of course she is.”

    • Rob Grizzly

      Lol, agreed!

      • Kisha

        All of those scenes were hilarious.I like when they were leaving and won the trophy.they were trying to hide Manny’s trophy.

  • alex

    “ALEX!”
    (in response to her static electricity/mouth recharging phone tips)

  • RPB

    The t-shirt that Jay made for Claire: “Claire and Present Danger”

    • Holly

      YES! It made me wonder if I’ve missed hidden gems like that in the past.

    • RK

      Speaking of hidden gems, make sure you go to abc.com for Dylan’s video/song.

  • Kristi

    http://www.orble.com/teevee-wednesday-comedy-on-abc-114/
    I LOVED the tee shirts JAY made. “Who’s da Manny?”

  • Lorie

    “That’s really as loud as I can go.”

  • Tom

    “I’m going to drink your milkshake.”

    • Ace

      I wondered last night if enough people had seen There Will Be Blood to get that line. I worried that more people would think of that awful song.

    • Harry

      I got it, and I was saying “I drink your milkshake!” all day, haha

    • Alexia

      Oh, by far the best line! I had to pause the DVR, I was laughing so hard. It was such an unexpected (and awesome) reference, and the way the guy who plays Phil delivered it…classic.

  • marc

    missed your recaps Michael opn this and Cougar Town

  • pgv417

    “that’s really as loud as I can go”

    HAHAHAHA

  • Verity

    Something like “Guilt fades, but hardware is forever.” Hee hee!

  • Andrea

    I think the “Claire and Present Danger” t-shirt was hilarious! I loved the fact that they kept it under the radar as well, they didn’t have Claire point out that she had her own special t-shirt and ruin the joke. Man, I wish I could have my own t-shirt but my name isn’t that easy to work with. *Sigh*

    • Another Andrea

      I hear you on that sister!

  • Angela

    I love this show!It is awesome. I love “The Middle” and “Cougar Town” as well.. Can’t stand “Hank”.

    • Alex

      I totally agree. Hank is such a waste of TV time, The Middle and Cougartown on the other hand are so funny. It’s like Wednesday is the day to show all the programs with old actors who were funny a long time ago…but when was Fraiser ever funny?

  • Jake

    I was Fire because of the red hair and Claire was Nice because it was ironic and she wasn’t.

  • TsuKata

    I think number 2 was “thrust the sword” not “throw the sword.”

    I wish we’d gotten to see one of Cam’s family films. Webisode material, perhaps?

    • Mike

      I was going to make this same comment. It was definitely “thrust,” which made it exponentially better.

  • RK

    I can’t remember what she said in Spanish exactly, on the phone, but she was talking about her ex being a great swordsman again…

    • Lorie

      She spoke so fast, so I had a hard time understanding her. I did, though, catch her say “You don’t even know. He’s better than his father.”

      • Regina

        She says in Spanish: “Ay, abuela, ¡es que lo que yo te diga es poco! Esto hubiera sido la locura en Barranquilla. No, es que tú no sabes. ¡Mejor que su padre! Bueno, hasta luego, porque ya llegó Jay, adiós.”

    • RK

      My Spanish is ok, but forget it when it comes to Columbian female Spanish.

      • fancypants

        *Colombian. and yea, when they teach Spanish in school they never tell you how fast native speakers speak it.

  • Erin

    I loved the build up at the end. Because at first I thought the whole hospital claim was a pysch out stategy. But then when her cheering section showed up and the comment about her being diabetic. It was that “oh no” funny moment.

    • tryst

      Doesn’t the nurse say the little girls parents died but then later she says she wishes her dad made it back from Afghanistan to see her compete? I wonder if she meant he was dead or that he was still over there?

  • cranky

    The sword master lines were hilarious, especially as you watched Ed O’Neill’s character imagine what else she might mean by her ex-husband’s ’sword’.

  • K

    “Alex, stop making yourself such an easy target.” :-)

    • Laura

      Am I allowed to tell people this in real life? Because I think I should be.

  • Sarah

    I loved when Cam was running down the sideline with the video camera during Manny’s first fight. And OF COURSE the Claire/Mitchell figure skating routine re-enactment in the parking lot! Also, Jay’s face when they left the fight and saw them.

  • Erin

    I also loved the end when Cam says it’s his turn and Mitchell says are you serious and then it fades to black. That was so funny.

  • Joe Ct

    “Don’t poke the bear!”

  • Idolbeat

    I love all the characters! I totally missed Claire & Present Danger but Who’s da Manny was so cute! Timing and eyes are hysterical!

  • Mike

    “Always Be Closing. Don’t Ever Forget Great Home Ideas Just Keep Lurking, Mostly Nearby. Often People Question Realtors’ Sincerity. Take Umbrage. Violators Will…” We need the last three words! “X-ray Your Zygote?” Hmmm….

    • Josh

      This one was my favorite too. I had to pause the DVR until I finished laughing.

    • BrandonK

      I totally didn’t get what he was doing until he was done, and then I had to go back and watch it so I could laugh properly! LOL

    • Greg

      That was hilarious…of course I automatically pictured Alec Baldwin’s character from Glengarry Glen Ross saying the same line!

  • Betty

    “Now the stair is acting like a natural shoe horn.” Phil getting his foot caught in the stairs while selling the house.

  • RK

    “You look like the sun.”

    • sherri

      THAT was the best one…I missed the next 5 lines I was laughing so HARD!

  • Patrick Murphy

    Am I the only one who thought Ed O’Neill’s “Dude…” to Manny when Gloria started chewing him out was hysterical? It was just his facial expression when he said it. Kind of like even he knew not to do that.

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