'Melrose Place' recap: Auggie, David bring out the knives


Auggie, please pack your knives and go. Oh wait, this isn’t Top Chef? Then why are viewers of a nighttime soap being bored by talk about saffron and thyme beurre blanc!?

This episode of Melrose Place was one of the most dramatic for Auggie (not saying much) — the aspiring chef devised a brilliant dish, only to have his boss take credit for it (in front of Coal’s owner, inexplicably played by Rick Fox). Then Auggie threw punches at his boss Marcello (after Marcello disrespected Riley) and seemingly got fired. Of course resident stalker Violet came over to bring him his knives, ask about his sore hand, and finally jump his bones. I’m all for Melrose getting sexier, but this was like watching cardboard fornicating. (SPOILER ALERT As you can imagine from my past recaps, I am not weeping with the news that Violet and Auggie will soon be gone.)

There was a different Melrose kiss that stirred up a lot more issues. Jonah, still reeling after hearing about Riley and Auggie’s kiss, went out for drinks with hot development executive Kendra. They talked Tarantino and she swooned at his dumb stories about dog birthday parties (“Travis, just drop the chicken, man!” doesn’t seem like a surefire pickup line). After a few drinks, she planted a kiss on him, and it took Jonah a few moments to pull away and reveal that he was engaged.

Jonah carried his guilt heavily, finally confessing later the next day to Riley when she was helping him shoot a wedding video for a client. Let’s hope that doesn’t end up on the happy couple’s wedding tape.

Back poolside at the complex, Detective Rodriguez returned to question David about his alibi (being with Ella) on the night of Sydney’s murder. Cue flashbacks to an incredibly cheesy scene of David crying at his mother’s grave, when then-stranger Sydney magically appeared with sage advice, a cleavage-displaying black dress, and an invitation to breakfast. As we know already, that invitation eventually extended to more than breakfast, and David fell for Sydney. That was until he found out that she was also sleeping with his father. He confronted her about this the night Sydney was killed — he called her a “pathetic whore“ and she called him a “spoiled brat.” Unfortunately, he was so drunk that he later blacked out, waking up holding a bloody knife. (Don’t you hate it when that happens?) Later, the detectives found a bloody knife that was connected to the murder and sent it off for immediate analysis. (Again, SPOILER ALERT, but the news that Violet and Auggie are off the show after the murderer is caught kills the suspense that maybe David could have done it.)

Meanwhile, Ella was dealing with her tween heartthrob client Jesse, who ended up at Lauren’s hospital after a drug overdose. Ella tried to bribe Lauren (with a hefty $50,000) to change the hospital records, but Lauren didn’t want to jeopardize her medical career. Ella threatened Jesse to straighten up: “Otherwise you’re going to have a power lunch with River Phoenix.” Blank look from young Hollywood. “Who’s River Phoenix? Oh, God, kill me now.” The mistress of spin later re-spun her own plan into a plot to simultaneously tell the truth and build Jesse’s career post-rehab.

I was  taken aback by the Ella-Lauren revelations this week — maybe I pegged Ella wrong, but she seemed to be the kind of friend who would not want put on a Snuggie and watch Steel Magnolias after she found out her roommate’s darkest secret. Ella found envelopes of cash in Lauren’s closet (along with all that sexy new lingerie). Lauren caught her snooping red handed and lied that the money was from her dad. And that she was dressed like Belle de Jour in the middle of the day for “an intern special honors lunch.” Yeah, right. Why would Ella — so brilliantly ready with the biting Pretty Woman quip — let the matter drop so quickly? That didn’t ring true.

While Ella and Lauren ended up as besties again, Jonah and Riley ended the episode with a tough talk. She had told Auggie they couldn’t be friends any more, but Jonah wasn’t willing to give up his business relationship with Kendra. Riley said, crying: “What is happening to us? I feel like we are in two trains heading in two completely opposite directions. It’s bigger than Auggie or Kendra.” Yes, this pair can be boring, but I was genuinely sad to see Riley in such teary turmoil. I think deep down Jonah’s just too nice a guy to leave his college sweetheart. But we’ll have to see what happens in coming weeks — catch that Ella kiss in the teaser for next week?

Overall, a solid episode that could have been sparkier if Ella didn’t drop the Lauren prostitution business so quickly. I’m glad to see Sydney’s murder investigation moving forward again (so we can get it over with). What did you think of this episode? Any guesses how long Ella will keep Lauren’s secret? Anyone out there glad to see Violet and Auggie finally hook up?

Photo: Patrick Wilmore/The CW

Comments (31 total) Add your comment
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  • storm

    After watching this show and knowing that Violet and Auggie are getting the ax soon, I’m glad they will be leaving soon. Violet had very little air time in this episode. It looks like some of the continuity problems from one episode to the next, were a lot better in tonight’s show. I wish they would have flew with the villian story with Violet, but apparently thats been scraped.

  • david

    I thought tonite’s episode was not good at all. I don’t like the storytelling format. I miss the season long arcs that were compelling, over-the-top full of interesting twists and turns with interesting characters.

    I just don’t relate to these characters and their shallowness. I hate the light tone. I’m hoping Heather’s return will help but she can only do so much. She alone didn’t save the original. There were other great characters besides Amanda like Sydney and Kimberly. Plus that show had consistent writing.

    MP2.0 would have been better off leaving off appearances by the old guard like Jane, Sydney and Jo given how poorly their characters have been treated. Tonite felt like the writers are wanting to wrap up the murder mystery in a hurry. It feels rushed. We see nothing for weeks about it then it is to end in a few weeks.

    I simply don’t see MP as being a good fit to CW.

    • Dj

      I like the format of the show because it is not too soapy or camp. Melrose place delivers the drama in mystery and suspense. I am a fan of the original and I agree that all three of the women were interesting but if you watch the old episodes you have to admit they were pretty camp even in the early years.

      • david

        There is no suspense in MP 2.0.

        The one potentially interesting storyline the show had going was the murder of Sydney but that hasn’t been a consistent or well-developed thread. It has lacked intrigue and a nice build-up. We get a little here and a little there. It seems so unfocused and aimless.

        I was originally willing to give the writers a chance to see if bringing back Sydney and then killing her all over again could lead to a compelling storyline but with each passing episode it has become clearer and clearer that it was a bad idea. I would have preferred they never brought any of the old cast onto this show since they have been treated shabbily.

        The flashbacks lack any real interesting insight into Sydney, the missing 12 year gap of her life, or the characters she encountered.

        I’ll take multiple personalities, lobotomies, explosions, baby kidnapping etc from the old show than the *dull* stories we’ve been getting. Even when the original had uninteresting romance i.e. Billy/Allison they had more interesting threads to compensate. Not so much here.

        Maybe Locklear can help but it could go either way. As we have seen Josie, Daphne, Thomas, Laura all slipped effortlessly back into their old characters and made us remember why we loved them so much yet the writers’ material couldn’t match up. I’m sure the writers won’t treat Heather the way they did the other actors who reprised their roles but if the writing isn’t up to par I don’t see Amanda Woodward saving the day.

  • Dj

    This was a pretty good episode because the characters of Riley and Jonah are developing. Jonah is not such the nice guy we all think he is. I think Auggie and Violet storyline is getting hotter which is too bad because we all know there characters are leaving the complex soon. Lauren and Ella storyline was good and it shows that Ella is supportive of Lauren as she realizes she is just doing what she’s got do to pay tuition bills. Looking forward to the next episodes and hope the ratings are going up as well (I’m sure they will since Heather Locklear coming). This show has good writing, actors, and characters. I think people are under the misconception that it is bad because it airs on the CW. CW produces good shows such as 90210, Vampire Diaries, and Smallville. Never watched Gossip Girl but I hear that’s good too.

  • DW

    This episode was terrible. A plagiarized recipe scandal would have been too boring even for season 1 of the original Melrose Place. I thought the showrunners would have learned from the mistakes of the pre-Amanda incarnation of the original show, but apparently not. More scandal, less dull relationship drama!

  • Rebecca

    I don’t give a damn about this reviewer, I keep on asking why the hell do they have kick off Auggie!, take Violet but why Auggie!

    • Tarc

      Because both Colin and Ashlee are such bad actors that they make viewers change the channel. Just saying.

  • Danny

    I don’t know if Heather Locklear can even save this show. The characters are just so boring and unrealistic. David is a terrible actor, riley and jonah are boring and lauren is just so stupid–she had the chance to give up hooking but she chose a life of humiliation?! The problem is the Smallville goofballs running this trainwreck. They did not watch the original, they did not appreciate it so how are they supposed to understand what made Melrose good in the first place.

  • michelekamay

    Actually I LIKED this episode, really.
    *JONAH/RILEY: Those characters showed some relief. Actually a lot of people can relate to this story, “Should I marry the guy/girl I’ve been knowing forever and stay with him/her forever the ever ever?”. Jonah, as a geeky guy but committed to his work, is one of the most reliable characters of MP.
    **ELLA/LAURA: Of course, Ella is ploting revenge, it’s so obvious she won’t drop that “pretty woman” story. She will keep it in mind and will use it against Laura when necessary.
    ***AUGGIE/VIOLET: The showrunners did a stupid move by not keeping the dismissal of ASW and Colin undercover until next january. WTH? Now that I know they’re off, I scrutinize their acting and I can’t follow their storylines no more! Auggie is actually a character who could have been improved if given a decent plotline. And what about Violet and Dr Mancini story? Hello!
    ****DAVID/SYDNEY: This story needs to die. Sydney died on her wedding day a decade ago, that’s what I will always keep in my mind. Laura Leighton wears lavish outfits on the show nevertheless.
    I still septical about Amanda’s comeback, this show just need decent and coherent storylines. Unlike Supernatural or the Vampire Diaries or somewhat Gossip girl which are (loosely) based on books, Melrose Place 2.0 is a made-up story which needs more foundation.

    • michelekamay

      I forgot, Detective Rodriguez is fine too. I hope he’ll stay on the show after the Sydney story, he’s kind of, well, interesting!

  • Tarc

    While I like Jonah and Riley as characters, this ‘new tiff of the week’ format is really, really, REALLY tiresome. It’s hard to care one way or another when all they do is fight (which is a more convincing argument that they should not be a couple than anything they’ve shown otherwise).

    • Kim

      I have to agree on Riley and Jonah, it’s like either really work things out and stop arguing all the time or break up, but the drama every week is getting kind of annoying..

  • Vivi

    Where’s the “90210” recap? Last night’s episode was so freakin’ good.

  • Eric Henwood-Greer

    I think the show is on a holding pattern until Heather L comes–NOTHING really happened this week–a tleast nothing huge that advanced the plot from last week to next.

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  • Amy Leigh

    It was an ok episode. I like Jonah/Riley apart more than I like them together. Their relationship bores me. Auggie/Violet are so completely wooden that they’re hard to watch so I definitely won’t be sad to see them go. Ella was great but, like the recapper, I thought it was out of character for her to accept Lauren’s story so quickly. I’m looking forward to the Jonah/Ella story next week though.

  • Mike

    The whole Ella -Lauren thing was weird, especially as an episode end scene. Every episode to date has ended with some dramatic reveal, dramatic scene, drama – this ended with Ella and Lauren reaffirming their friendship and going to watch a movie. What? And that scene itself seemed truncated, like maybe it wasn’t the original ending for the episode. I wonder if they are already trying to bring in the new ‘lighter’ feel by editing existing episodes.

  • Valley Girl

    Thought the episode was alright, but it might be bc I’m relieved that we won’t have to see ASW for long. I think I can hang in there until at least Amanda is back on the scene to put the “B” back in beyotch, lol. Surely they won’t waste her scenes as they did with Jane’s and Jo’s.

  • tvtimepodcast’s Tim

    this ep was HORRIBLE. Auggie isn’t so bad to look at, but the storylines are just . . . lacking. this ep was so bad, I fell asleep. lol Heather come quick! STAT. But even she can go only go so far if the writers don’t get with it. If I wanted light and airy tv, I’d watch reruns of CBS. lol This is suppose to be camptastic, over the top, and let it all hang out. Bad stories, bad acting equal a bad show. I’m giving it 2 weeks notice.

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