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Michael Slezak will be back next week with his regular Modern Family recap. But for this week’s episode, “Run For Your Wife,” we couldn’t leave you hanging without at least celebrating the show’s most hilarious lines. As with every week, I feel like there are so many that I could just cut and paste the entire script. But short of that, here are some of my personal faves:
“June 21, found a stick. June 22, that’s it.”– Luke, reading from his journal
“That’s it?” — Claire
“It was a really cool stick.” — Luke
“He’s right, it looked like a snake.” — Phil
“Am I driving him to school or is he riding his burro?” — Jay, about Manny’s poncho
“Why is our daughter dressed like Donna Summer?” — Mitchell, remarking on Lily’s outfit for Cameron’s latest photo shoot
“She is not Donna Summer, clearly she is Diana Ross from the RCA years. (To Lily) How is Daddy not seeing that?” — Cameron
“Phil, put on some pants.” — Claire, to a boxers-clad Phil
“C’mon, this covers up more than my bathing suit.” — Phil
“Don’t remind me.” – Claire
“I am fun! Remember breakfast for dinner last week? My idea.” — Mitchell
“Oh boy, and I was hoping we still had a few good years before the mind started to go,” Gloria after Jay repeated himself
“The other day, Claire was like, ‘You have to move your car, there’s no space in the garage for both of our cars.’ What she’s saying, you know, is that I should probably get a sports car.” — Phil demonstrating his special understanding of women
“Batman doesn’t get picked on and he wears a cape. A poncho is just a cape that goes all the way around.” – Gloria, defending Manny’s clothing choices
“Batman doesn’t get picked on because he’s a muscular genius. Manny can’t make it to the top bunk.” – Jay
“I’m half scared.” — Phil, responding to Claire’s taunt that she ran a half marathon
“You thought ‘ghetto fabulous’ might be medically relevant?” Mitchell responding to Cameron’s over-share at the doctor’s office
“How long are you going to beat yourself up over one mistake? Is this like the blond highlights all over again?” — Cameron, to Mitchell
“I can’t hear you, I’m cranking one of my mash-ups,” Phil continues his peer-enting speak
What were your other favorite lines? GPS in the park? Eating through the chocolate pie? Phil’s shoes designed by a doctor? The whole Pho discussion?
Photo Credit: Richard Cartwright/ABC
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Without you, we wouldn’t even have a baby to injure!
Yes Yes Yes! I laughed forever at that one.
That was one of my favorites too !
“We’ve locked our baby in the car and people are judging us!”
Okay, reading this line again cracked me up–definitely one of the best lines last night (and one of the best scenes)
By far the funniest line!!!
My personal favorite. My husband declared that if I were any character on that show, I’m Mitchell.
AGREED!
Totally agree! I was shocked Wendy didn’t include it considering she pretty much quoted the entire episode.
OMG…I completely fell out when he said that. That and when the operator said “tell your wife to calm down” and Mitchell says, “no, that’s a man” and the operator says “seriously?!” I was dying laughing on that one
YES! Best line of the night
Cameron running with a trash can and screeching “I’m breaking the window” and the lady from On Star saying to Mitchell “Sir, please tell your wife to calm down”, Mitchell: That’s not my wife
(Or something to that effect, I was laughing so hard I had to rewind it twice)
ROFLMAO! Best scene of the night.
“That’s a man.”
“Really?”
I was laughing so hard at that scene we had to rewind and watch it again.
I think he said “that’s my boyfriend”. I loved Cameron’s sheer amazement of the doors unlocking “did they do that from space?” LOL.
Yes, that was great one.
I hollered at the “calm your wife down” line! Love this show! Watch out 30 Rock!
Me too! Rewound twice! I am laughing all over again when I see him running with the trash can and he trips on the curb!
Same! I was laughing soooo hard.
Totally paraphrasing here, but when Mitchell said he never gave off any gay cues as a child, and was rather very sporty. Cut to a few photos of Mitchell as a child that were anything-but-sporty. So cute.
I actually did a spit take at the photos… and then I laughed until my wife paused the show so we wouldn’t miss anything. Fantastic.
That’s why this show is so great. Most shows would just have dialogue, but the Modern Family writer’s show those awkward photos…hilarious.
I loved this scene, then he called himself a jock while picking lint off his light blue sweater..hilarious!
I also loved that scene! This show is definitely my new must see.
When Phil and his daughter were driving and he said that the GPS was acting up because it says there were driving in the park and then he yelled “Watch the Kids”, ”
Watch the Kids” or something that that effect.
When they were driving in the end credits and the daughter did not want to pull over and Phil said no “I did priors” or something to that effect. FUNNY
Phil said, “I have priors–that parking ticket from the mall that I never paid!”
Aim for the lake!
Johnny Skipole
I was in the park today and saw someone with trekking poles. I thought of this line and just cracked up. I love this show!
Paraphrasing: “The poncho I will support. But add the pan flute and the goofy dance and my son will die a virgin.”
And then Jay’s response: “Yeah, that’s right.” Hilarious! Reminded me of Putty from Seinfeld.
That whole scene was hilarious. Probably my favorite part of the episode.
“And now you stepped on it!”
Jay and Gloria together are perfection
I was convulsing with laugh with this one. The writers are geniuses and the actors… well, they are the best!!! Please, keep it up, no changes allowed!!!!
ahahahahah — “and now you stepped on it” was the best. oh gosh, i love this show.
also my favorite part of last night’s episode!
” I’m breaking the window!”
Basically everything that dude says is hilarious.
I’ll probably end up saying this about every single character on the show but right now – Cameron is my favorite. What delivery…what timing…
Funny episode, but weren’t those kids in school LAST WEEK getting into a fight? How was this the first day? Why must you torment me, continuity errors?!
I thought this was strange too. Maybe they aired the episodes in a different order than they were filmed for some reason?
P.S. I got priors!
Yes, this week’s ep should have aired last week and vice versa. I LOVE this show – hilarious, perfectly acted by everyone, and has a lot of heart too.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed the whole “how can this be the FIRST day of school if the parents were called to the principal’s office cuz Manny and Luke were fighting at school last week” thing…still one funny show and so glad I started watching this and it’s a hit!!!!!
small quible, but on that note as well from last week – it was college football game day, which is saturday. why were they in school at all on a saturday?!
college football plays on thursdays and fridays as well
Maybe it was Thursday – ESPN (?) has a Thursday night college football game.
Also, they showed the football game twice on TV. The second time, later in the game, the scores were lower than the first time. I think the humor outweighs continuity on this show. I love it!
I think the documentary format gives it a little flexibility on that front – like “this story is about everyone starting school” and “this one is about the day with the football game”. It bugged me too but I’ll use that as my excuse.
boom
well played john, that explains everything.. except for the score being lower later in the day. that was magic haha.
but the school thing can be explained through the “focus” of an episode, and honestly, this show is just too damn funny for me to want to nitpick to that degree.
I noticed that too. Not a major issue, but still something that bugged me. Oh well, the episodes are all so friggin’ hilarious it doesn’t matter!
Not sure of the exact wording – Mitchell calling Claire for advice:
Have you ever hit your kids’ head against the wall?
Claire: Well usually we just give timeouts…
Classic response! Loved it!
HILARIOUS episode. God…this show is great!!! Loved when Cameron was running with the trash can over his head and then fell. The conversation with the OnStar (I assume it was OnStar) person was also hilarious!!
When Cameron opens the car door, he goes from manic to amazed: “That is so cool! Did that come from space?” The show is so great!
one of my favorite lines too!
Okay, I finally caved in and starting watching this show. That part was very funny. Great writing on this show. They do not dumb it down.
The funniest part was the exchange with the Asian-American doctor. “I’m from Denver. We don’t eat a lot of Fa.” I nearly peed myself at it’s Michael Scott-esque awkwardness.
I get that with my hispanic husband. “Where was your husband born?” Tucson. “No, Where was your husband born?” Tucson. “No, WHAT country was your husband born in?” TUCSON MEDICAL CENTER!
yeah, cameron kept going on and on about pho! you’d think when he felt he had to explain what pho was to the doctor (“it’s a soup”) he’d get the point. hilarious!
I loved after all the uncomfortable Dr moments, then Mitchell bowed to her, and she said again Denver.
The bowing was the best!!!!
This moment just killed me. I am from rural New England, and worked for a time in a major urban ER, I can remember saying ‘Maine’ in exactly that tone.
Denver!
in trying to be racially sensitive, they got it completely wrong.
so this show.
loved it.
Being Black AND from Denver- That was my favorite!
Phil’s “OH NO!” before getting hit by the car almost had me lose control of bodily functions. I had to replay it like 5x.
I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard at Phil getting hit by his car. “You’re getting better, baby!”
I laughed so hard at that I almost puked.
every scene that Cameron is in.
this show is hilarious but last night i think the middle was funnier. IMO they could get rid of HAnk and Cougar town and this would be the funniest hour on tv…