'30 Rock' best lines: Climb into the darkness

The return of Will Arnett, the existence of a Porn Liz, and one deal breaker after another: “Into the Crevasse” had some killer lines, even if it didn’t come together in one big narrative. Here are the best, in chronological order:

“Blammo! Another successful interaction with a man!” — Liz

“This big brother isn’t affiliated with the mentoring program. It’s a organization that secretly watches people and makes sure they’re behaving properly.” — Kenneth, who I swear was in the black-and-white microwave song clip

“Liz Lemon! You booger face! I’m going to kill you with a bazooka!” — Tracy, who has a diamond necklace that says “open marriage”

“I grew up on a pig farm, sir, where all the animals — even the birds that cleaned our teeth — were workers, not pets. I never even had a dog, cause as my mom would say, ‘You can’t eat love.’ And as my mom’s friend Ron would say, ‘The donkey died. You’re the donkey now, Kenneth.'” — Kenneth

“You don’t tell me what kind of pizza to like!” — Banks, who could’ve been ambassador to the gayest country

“Vvvv, laser shield.” — Jack, thwarting Banks’ powerful laser gun

“Iceland appears to have a different sun than America, because this one is not setting. And you probably don’t know this, because you’ve never played a moon-ologist, but werewolves only come out at night.” — Jenna, who was awesomely unfazed by Tracy answering Liz’s landline

“I will take the top half, for that is the part with a face.” — Tracy

“I have mercury poisoning. From obsessively taking my rectal temperature.” — Jenna

“Barry Diller and I are working on a whole new approach to media, combining all the digital….gah!” — Jack, getting in a pretty good dig at former NBC head Ben Silverman

[ewbrightcove “44929937001”, “45983513001”, “525”, “365”]


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  • Babs

    EVERYONE was awesomely unfazed by Tracy answering Liz’s phone. I love this show.

    • Isembard

      That was brilliant.

      • I didn’t laugh once.

        I’ve tried to give this show a chance. It’s just not that funny!
        I guess it’s true that the Emmys are irrelevant.

  • K

    I could have sworn that Tracy called Liz a “Butterface” not a booger face. You know, like – “she’d be pretty, but her face”?

    • Elizabeth

      No, it was boogerface. “Butterface” seems a little too mature for Tracy, imo.

    • Kim

      I heard butterface also.

    • tubeuser

      I heard boogerface.

  • jy12443

    No mention of the best line – (paraphrasing) — I haven’t had this much trouble with a book since Where’s Waldo went to the barbershop pole factory” Classic!

    • Aprilcot26

      Yes! That was by far my favorite!

    • John

      I don’t know why, but I made weird howly monkey laughs over that line for like five minutes. It was sad. I love Tracy!

  • superluli

    i thought it was Kenneth too in the video. I replayed it and now i’m sure it was him!
    Brilliant episode!

    • jk

      Yeah it definitely was him, hilarious!

    • Laci

      My husband thought it was Kenneth as well. Hilarious!

    • pop

      definately him! that cracked me up. one day we’ll find out kenneth is really 102 and that his hill people milk kept him young

  • John

    “Laser Shield” may enter my day to day conversation.

    • RJ

      LOVED that!

  • Season

    My favorite line was when Tracy said, “Too soon!”, after Liz’s Thriller joke.

    • Anon

      Yes, thank you! That whole exchange was perfect.

  • Michelle

    I thought Kenneth was in the video too!

  • CH

    I mentioned this in another post, but I almost fell off the couch laughing at Liz’s response to the Big Brother group. “I was a Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.”

    • Louise

      I did too.


    Just keeping with tradition!

  • Andy G.

    My favorite was Jack wanting to take out the microwave of the new redesign of the microwave and add in an AM/FM radio. “And it’s a car. We’ve invented the Pontiac Aztek” Made me laugh for a solid minute. Also enjoyed “selling fake weed to NYU students”

  • pop

    whats for dinner? i want pierogies! & theres a reef shark in the garbage bag in the hallway. just put it in the tup with some salt and a reef

  • Too Much Hype…

    C’mon, EW! Can’t you just have a recap article? This show is hardly worth having a separate best lines article.
    This show is severely overrated! I think someone at EW went to college with Fey and are trying to help her dismal ratings out as a favor by cramming this mediocre show down everyone’s throats!

    • I can’t wait for the best lines from Survivor thread!



      “Throw it here!”

      “He’s got to be sent home!”

      “The tribe has spoken…”

    • 30 rocks..

      Then DON’T READ the “hype” you jags!!

      • If you can’t take the heat…

        ..stay out of the forum!
        You need to learn to live with criticism, @$$hole.

      • 30 rocks…..

        And you need to learn manners….I’m an a-hole because I don’t care for people to come on to a thread about a show that they DON’T LIKE and complain about how bad it is when the rest of us want to enjoy what we’re reading…..ummm ok…..I just personally don’t have the time to waste on reading articles about shows I don’t like, you apparently, do. So if I’m an a-hole for those reasons….I’m ok with that.

    • Alan

      Your comment doesn’t make sense. Having a recap article, which is normally 3 pages long, would give 30 Rock MORE expsoure and attention on Ew.com than simply a one-page article of the best lines. Go away! Who takes the time to slam a show on an article that reviews the show’s best lines?

  • couchgrouch

    all great lines. the fake books by Leo Spacemen(The Cigarette Diet!!) and |Jimmy Carter(From Peanut to Prez) were great, too. I also loved Tracy’s “She won’t refill the Brita!” about Liz. killer. needs to be rewatched to get it all.

  • pop

    arg i forgot “lutz try to stop mouth breathing for a minute” that with hornberger pushing liz – i couldnt stop laughing.

  • wendy12

    We invented the Pontiac Aztec. Holy Crap I lol at that one those are some ugly cars.

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