Sarah Palin on 'Oprah': Five best-case (or maybe worst-case?) scenarios

palin-oprah_lSo by now, you’ve probably heard the news that former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin is slated for a Nov. 16 appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show, presumably to promote her new book Going Rogue: An American Life (which is spawning the controversial spoofs Going Rouge: An American Nightmare and Going Rouge: The Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring & Activity Book). While I fully plan to activate my DVR for the showdown between the Obama-supporting daytime titan and the polarizing Republican politico, I’m not really sure how exactly it’ll all go down. Can we expect tough questions and terse responses about health-care reform, the economy, and foreign policy? Will Oprah delve more into the “Palin as celebrity” phenomenon by talking about dust-ups with Letterman and spoofing by SNL? Or will this be more of a warm and fuzzy, “who is Sarah Palin the woman?” kind of a party? In less than a month’s time, we’ll know for sure, but in the interim, here’s my take on the five best-/worst-case scenarios for this Very Special Episode:

1) Oprah bursts onto the stage with a shocking announcement: “From now on, the role of Oprah’s bestie will be played by Saaaar-aaaahhhh Paaaaayyyy-liiiinnnn!” Wacky road-trip segment ensues. Meanwhile, a tearful Gayle King gets demoted to “assistant to assistant of Oprah’s assistant.” Cue the sound of failure!

2) Oprah and Sarah’s Favorite Things! Audience worked into lather as they receive (in no particular order): Barack Obama’s The Audacity of Hope; Ann Coulter’s Treason; the Breville Ikon Panini Press; Moose jerky; a lifetime subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine; a lifetime subscription to all the newspapers that “have been in front of me all these years“; Whitney Houston’s I Look to You; David Letterman’s head on a platter.

3) Oprah goes into full-on attack-dog “let’s review your body of work and sniff out any inconsistencies/tall tales” mode, a la James Frey. Palin counters by arriving with her own film crew, subsequently releasing raw feed of interview to YouTube in an effort to expose liberal-media editing tricks designed to discredit her. Blogosphere and 24-hour news networks hungrily feed off weeks’ worth of post-showdown scraps in an effort to boost traffic/ratings. Everyone wins! (Except you.)

4) Winfrey-Palin 2012 ticket announced! Look under your seats, voters, and you’ll find the keys to your brand new Fords or GMs! Oh, and we hope you won’t mind writing out “Oprah Winfrey Presents: The United States of America” on your return addresses. It’s a small price to pay for having a rich lady singlehandedly bail out the global economy. Now hurry up and get back to “living your best life” before the positive-thoughts police come and take you away!

5) In a last-minute scheduling change, Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph step in and play the roles of Palin and Winfrey. Nobody particularly notices.

Image Credit: Palin: Reuters/Rick Wilking/Landov; Winfrey: UPI/Christine Chew/Landov

Comments (54 total) Add your comment
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  • crispy

    6) Naked jell-o wrestling match.

    • Shamrock

      Yeah, but that would involve Oprah getting naked…ummm…gross

  • Jasmine

    ROFLMAO. I can go with number 5 anyday.

  • Shamrock

    7. Sarah doing a pole dance

  • LisaMama

    I think Oprah will give her soft-ball questions and let Sarah the Failed Politician off the hook, instead focusing on Sarah the Hockey Mom.

    • Demented & Deluded Liberal

      Or Lisa the failed Mama will have to stop going online and go back to raising her children.

      • Erin

        What? Really?

      • DL

        Keep doing that- it doesn’t make you look like a douche at all…

      • topazbean

        Oh cute, your name is ironic. Did you think of that all by your selfy-welfy?

      • Shasta

        Demented & Deluded Liberal has been trolling the comments all week. Just ignore him.

  • madeline

    my prayers that god will use these twoto uplift each other in the area that god will use them

    • David

      With two wars going on… multiple countries in financial ruin… and a planet that may (or may not) be harmed due to global warming….I think “God” may have other things to worry about than uplifting Oprah and Sarah Palin.

      • Erin


  • Hotbro

    I think oprah is going to allow healing between the two, and basically make sarah look wonderful along with herself. Thats what I would do also to attract back what ever concervative audience was lost

  • Alan Srout

    You don’t know how hard I’ll be laughing on January 20, 2013 when President Sarah Palin, flanked by Vice President John Bolton, takes the oath of office. I will raise at least ONE MILLION DOLLARS to help her get there. What will you do to help save our country from the Obamanation?!

    • Chris

      I’d prefer Michael Palin and Michael Bolton.

      • Jessica

        That is HIGH-larious. Kudos to you.

      • Dr. Evil

        I will raise a miiiillion dollars for the Michael Palin Michael Bolton ticket! Of course now that Obama has paved the way by being born in Kenya, I don’t think Mr. Palin’s lack of citizenship should hold him back. ;)

    • Will

      If I ever hear the words “President Sarah Palin” I will know Armageddon has arrived.

      • an old person

        Oh, Will, you are so young. Many decades ago, we had an actor–he held some office (poorly) in California–make a run for president. I laughed! “Americans will never vote for Ronald Regan,” I said. We need someone smarter, someone with more credibility, more common sense. (His administration honestly thought the trickle-down theory would work.)
        Will, never underestimate America’s love of charismatic, photogenic, clueless leaders. Today’s joke, could be tomorrow’s president.

      • Jackie

        Will, check out the TV show “Supernatural,” season 5 (the current one), episode 4. They actually show a vision of an apocalyptic future where one newspaper headline states “President Palin Defends Bombing of Houston.” It was priceless!

      • GinaBallerina

        an old person: “charismatic, photogenic, clueless”

        sounds like our current pres!

    • thevette


  • Alan Srout

    I also believe Glenn Beck is the single most handsome man in the universe. The things I would do to him!

    • topazbean

      Is it that saccharine “I’m the father you’re glad you never had” grin he wears in all his promo shots that does it for you?

      • wsmithers

        So true. Oh, but it’s those dead eyes and that pallid, bloodless dry skin that makes him quite the dreamboat.

  • Gotcha’!

    Levi Palin, you are NOT the father!!!

  • Erin

    Oprah will ask easy, lazy questions.
    Nothing like:
    Why did you decide to quit your job as governor?
    You criticize Obama frequently, but what specifically would you do to improve our economy and reform health care?
    Why exactly are you in politics?

  • couchgrouch

    Palin will open fire on a boom mic thinking it’s a moose antler.

  • Pisces228

    The media does a fantastic job, to the detriment of the nation, of painting people as nothing like they truly are. My take:

    Palin is truly brilliant, and Obama is truly an idiot.

    Can’t wait for the 2012 election, no matter which conservative is running. Obama has got to GO.

    • topazbean

      No you are right. I mean, Palin DID work as a lobbyist for years, as well as editing the Harvard Law Journal and becoming a respected lecturer before gaining an impressive record in office. What did Obama do? Pfft, won a beauty pageant, shot some mooses, made some questionable decisions in office when he felt that his family had been affronted and completely disregarded the impact on the environment of drilling for oil. And really, when you put it like that, oh…wait…

      • wsmithers

        I love you topazbean.

      • Independent

        Great point. And for those non-lawyers, as someone who went to a lesser law school than Harvard, being the editor of the Harvard Law Journal is equivalent to being more book-smart than about 99.999% of people. Not only do you have to get into Harvard Law (a top 3 law school), you have to be near the top of the class to deserve being considered for the position.
        Palin can kill a Moose from a chopper.

      • RyanH

        Yep, because being a lobbyist is a noteworthy job…They just LOVE to help out the american people…they don’t have any hidden agenda, do they?? And I really respect a guy who can vote PRESENT more than he can vote YES or NO combined in congress…because that’s true leadership…and you’re absolutely right, we better not drill for oil! Oh NO! We can afford to run out!! Because if we drilled in Alaska, they’d only be taking up one percent of the Artic National Wildlife Reserve…but that’s too much!! And man, what a bang up job Obama’s doing in Office right now…What a great leader we have. He’s absolutely right to not make any decisions on Afghanistan, just letting hundreds more soldiers die..after all, he can blame Bush, right?? Give me a break….

        Topazbean, it sounds to me like you need to get your priorities in order on what makes an effective leader… ;) Much love, and GO SARAH!

      • fancypants

        Obama was never a lobbyist. He was a community organizer.

  • couchgrouch

    unless Katie Couric interviewed a Sarah Palin fembot designed by evil Hollywood elite Marxists and programmed to sound like an imbecile…Sarah Palin ain’t brilliant. she’s a complete idiot.

  • Penny Pingleton

    It will be a step forward in the return of the USA to voters who are not ashamed to be Americans. A President Palin wouldn’t require weeks of dithering to make a decision as Commander in Chief while a general with integrity kills his chances for further advancement by being reduced to begging for reinforcements in the press. Given her record in Alaska, we might find ourselves with a few billion dollars less of debt.

    • Erin

      So you are saying people who support Obama are not really Americans?

      And yes Palin would not take weeks to make a decision. She would make one careless with little to no thought at all.

      • vw

        she didn’t say you or anyone else aren’t Americans, she said ‘ASHAMED’ to be Americans, like the great apologizer that lives in the White House right now.There used to be a day where for better or worse people in America took pride in their country and never apologized for being American or for America’s actions. No one says we’ve been perfect but America and her people have done more good in this world than any other country on the planet.If you believe socialism or communism is a better way of life or that America should bow to the lowest common demonimater of mediocracy so no country is more exceptional than another maybe you should become an ex-patriot.

  • MikeW

    It’s a done deal; ie softball questions and answers worked out in advance to promote Sarah’s book. To those in the know (and that is a distinct minority) all of the Katie Couric questions were softball questions based on her stated positions. Katie Couric was stunned that Sarah Palin wouldn’t or couldn’t mention the Supreme Court decision that Sarah Palin as governor of Alaska had publicly condemned a few weeks previous, namely the reversal of the Exxon Valdez verdict in part. I wonder what will happen. You’d have to be really dumb to look bad on this one, but maybe she’ll turn out to be a birther.

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